Chains of Memory: Part 1

There are some ChikaHime (?!) fics now so there's a pressure to bring something new to the table, but this is just a plain depiction of the lives of a psychotic lesbian stalker with erstwhile magical powers and her equally ex-magical crush (after their reincarnation). Please don't expect too much.

It's amazing how many yuri anime that line works on.

Waiting.

For a quiet and ordinary person like me, a quiet and ordinary place like Mahoroba is something natural. If you were to put it into words, it would be 'the place where I belong'.

That's what I should feel. When I was younger, I felt that way, and I felt that I would stay that way forever. In this country and in this world there are many more outstanding places, but Mahoroba would always be enough for me. It was a peaceful place and I relished that. Others complained- it was a boring, over-traditional place, they said- but when I was younger I didn't really understand that. Or rather, it isn't as if I didn't understand. I knew why people would feel that way, but for someone like me, who went to an outstanding school and had outstanding friends… it wasn't something I resented to know those things were coincidence, and I was altogether an ordinary person. So I thought I'd be happy to stay at my 'home' forever.

But it's not really possible for a teenage girl to sincerely wish for a merely ordinary life… or perhaps that's just how I feel. As time passed it felt like I was waiting for something, though it was never a sensation I could quite understand or rationalise. And the things I watched and the things I read, the world I tried to catch in my camera and the world I saw in my dreams, they were all about things that were a little more than ordinary and a little less than bizarre. A world I could imagine myself living in, if I closed my eyes and concentrated.

So you could certainly say that I had ordinary dreams.

Though it wasn't just anything extraordinary that I was looking for. If I'm honest, I've always experienced fortunate things, since I have wonderful friends. And there are plenty of teenage girls who would call me stupid for rejecting the kind of chance I rejected, and the more I read and think I wonder whether I've already received my fairy tale, and turned it down. It's not as if I don't understand that reasoning. But it would be foolish to do something like that half-heartedly just because it was a dream-like scenario. These things require conviction. And that may be why I turned him down. For someone like me, whose life is peaceful rather than passionate, who likes enjoyable things and can't really bear hard things and sad things, making a dream into reality is probably impossible. So rather than end up feeling disillusioned, it's best to hold onto the purity of that fantasy for it's own sake. That's what I began to tell myself. And when I moved to Tokyo, that was just what young people did, even if I was ordinary I could still experience fun and interesting things. Receiving an education and holding onto my friends without any apprehension of the future… I'm still a peacefully ordinary person.

And I was satisfied with my wordless, formless, wavering dream. Just holding onto that feeling was enough for me.

That's why I was astounded. It was just an ordinary day and ordinary people in this crowded place surrounded me. The sun beat down as I walked, and then I saw her. She was dressed all in white, an elegant dress, long and beautiful blue hair, it's natural she'd make people pay attention to her just by being. I felt a rush of admiration for her that I couldn't understand. She was beautiful, but it wasn't just for her beauty, there was some quality that stopped me, something I couldn't ignore. And it was then that I saw her pendant with a perfect clarity. It didn't make any sense, I was surely mistaken, but what a rush of emotion I felt then. It came from within, and I didn't really understand enough to put into words what I felt… exaltation, an admiration, a sorrow, and a fear… a painfully intense feeling that made my heart skip. It felt like a connection. A connection between this beautiful person and me isn't something that can exist to begin with. But it gave me that feeling and for a moment my dreams took form, gained an image, she was part of them and I could almost see it in my mind's eye… laughing, talking, smiling, a happy friendship… then why sadness? But that feeling faded almost as fast as it had come as I reigned in my fancies. It's altogether too weird to think that way about someone you've… never met…

She stopped.

It took me a moment to register the fact that she had stopped; she was looking at me. I had a mad impulse to look over my shoulder and check to make sure she wasn't waiting for someone else, but somehow her eyes caught me and held me. They were a deep, incredible blue. I don't normally notice eyes but hers were so vivid, so bright, yet so focused and intense it was impossible to ignore- I was babbling inside my head again, and with difficulty I remembered to be mortified. I should… I should… it was no good, I couldn't think, I couldn't see anything but those eyes, and the emotions I'd been holding back welled up again uncontrollably. I wasn't myself. I wasn't myself at all. All I knew was that I was more sad and more happy than I could even comprehend.

It felt like there were thoughts in my head that I can't recall, words to match that feeling. I don't remember them. But I did move forwards, and I did raise my arms, and-

I only came to myself after that and something cool and soft was pressed against my cheek, and my arms were wrapped round her back and it was comfortable and my god I had just hugged her in the middle of the street! Without so much as saying a word! What the hell was wrong with me?

I pulled myself away, brushing furiously and trying to find my tongue so I could apologise. But nothing seemed to be working.

Her hands also slid to her sides, and I was almost sure I still felt the shadows of her arms around me. That was impossible. Or had she just gone along with it out of bewilderment? When I looked at her face she was completely stunned and bemused, and she raised a hand as if to say something before stopping. If anything, I felt even more mortified.

I knew what I had to do. Bow down and apologise straight away. But somehow I couldn't do that. I think I was still numb from some kind of shock.

In the end, she was the one who found her voice first. "Ah… I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't quite recall…" she trailed off abruptly, and her face slid into a kind of concentration. "Ah… Kawakami-san, is it?" she asked speculatively.

I blinked, finally finding my voice. "Yes?"

"Yuina Kawakami, from my thirteenth birthday party," she said, sounding a little more certain. Then she glanced at me. "Or… am I mistaken?" Amazingly, she wasn't blushing, but she didn't look very composed.

"Uh…" Apologise! "That's right," I said inanely. "I was just surprised you remembered."

"Ah," the girl gave me a strange look. "Not at all. I'm very sorry that I almost forgot." She bowed her head again. "It's a pleasure to meet you again."

"No, not at all," I said, waving my hand vaguely. "I'm sorry I startled you. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

What the hell am I doing, weak-willed me? I can hear Mako-chan laughing at me already.

"It has," she said, straightening up. She actually smiled, which made me feel even more foolish. "You've grown up so much, so you'll have to forgive me. You look very healthy."

But somehow there's no way I want this person to think of me as a freak. If it's just a chance encounter, I only have to keep this up for long enough… no, rather, I should be looking to escape at the next possible moment, right?

"Thank you very much," I said, smiling. She complimented me… is not something to be happy about in this situation! "You also look beautiful and, uh… mature, you've matured a lot, haven't you?"

"That's what I'd like to think, but I'm told I have a long way to go," she said amicably. "Thank you for your kindness, all the same."

"Not at all," I said blankly. Getting away should be what she wants too, so why do I have this feeling of hesitation?

"So what brings you here?" she asked politely, shifting the strap of her back up her shoulder as she began to walk towards the sidewalk. "It's best if we don't stand in the middle of the road…"

"Me? I'm just going for a walk right now," I said, rubbing my hair nervously with my right hand as I followed her. Which doesn't sound very convincing. "And yes, of course. I just got here so it feels like getting to know the area is important, right?"

I watched her expression carefully. If this… Yuina lives here I'm completely screwed. Why am I doing this again?

"I can understand that feeling," she said. "Since I'm new here, I have a similar purpose. I'm going to meet with Sugiyama-san."

"I see," I said, lying through my teeth. "Is it a long walk?"

"About ten minutes from here," she said calmly. "Of course, he's particular with his appointments, though… it's a little troublesome."

I took the hint, then decided to stuff. If this was a dream, I'd go with my intuition rather than normal standards. Besides, I'm not even Himeko right now. I'm Yuina something, and that's giving me a strange courage. "Ah. Do you mind if I tag along that far? I've got nothing else to do, and it's good to see a friendly face."

Yes, this isn't like me at all. But in a surreal situation like this the less like my normal self I am, the better. Wherever this reckless boldness comes from, I'll go with it and smile as hard as I can. All so I can talk to this girl whose name I don't know…

"Of course," the girl said, her tone rather more neutral than her words. "That would be fine."

"I'm glad," I said, following her as she started to walk down the road. I looked sidelong at her as I tried to work out what to say. She really was beautiful… "Ah. Have you noticed?" I said suddenly. "We have the same kind of pendant."

She looked down at mine, narrowing her eyes with a surprising intensity, then raised her left hand and lifted up her own. "That's true, isn't it? It's quite a coincidence… my father had this made for me, so I didn't think there were others."

"Ah! Me too!" I said over-enthusiastically. She gave me a strange look again, but I fought back a blush. "I mean, this was also made by my father. Since I found a pretty shell on the beach when I was young, he said he'd make a pendant out of it." I picked it up myself, smiling and looking down at it. "It's a little simple, but it's an important possession of mine."

"I suppose… my feelings are similar," she said. "But, it really is a coincidence, isn't it? Not just the concept, but the shells themselves." She looked thoughtfully at me. "Could I borrow that for a moment?"

"Uh, sure," I said hesitantly. I reached back, untying it. When I looked sideways again she was doing the same thing. Hers was different from mine, though. Mine was so plain, but she had a beautiful silver chain, bright against her pale skin. That really felt like a metaphor.

"Thank you for humouring me." She took it with her left hand, and adjusted it carefully, before bringing both hands together.

Since she was looking down with such concentration I had a chance to steal another glance at her face. She had a white headband, too, and her skin was almost flawless. She really was a beautiful person. It was a little intimidating, realising that.

When she pulled her right hand away, they were balanced against each other, fitting beautifully. "Ah…" She looked startled again. "This is... an amazing coincidence."

I wonder what her boyfriend looks like. He must be really handsome and probably rich as well. She doesn't look like someone just anyone could go out with… or is she so kind she doesn't discriminate like that? She doesn't seem like a cold or arrogant person.

"This just goes to show strange chances do happen in this world… Kawakami-san?"

I blinked out of my speculative trance. "Yes, you're right," I said automatically, looking down at the shells. They were beautifully aligned, and for some reason I felt my heart lurch again. Yes, this was the connection. The dream's connection. "It's really rare. Oh, and calling me Yuina is fine."

"Really?" She gave me another strange look before smiling. "I see. If that's the case, then please call me Chikane."

Yes! I found out her name! Go me! "Chikane-chan," I said, testing the sound. She looked at me as if I'd hugged her again, making me flush slightly. That wasn't strange, was it? I guess just saying it at random is strange, after all.

"Ah. But you've shown me something quite unique," Chikane said, staring at the shells again. I tried to suppress the thought that they were more interesting than I was being right now. After a moment she pulled them apart, pushing my shell into my hands. "Thank you."

"Not at all," I said, feeling slightly puzzled. I mean, it's an amazing coincidence, but… no, it's best to go with this feeling. It's better for me, right? "But it really is surprising, isn't it?"

"Yes." Chikane looked down at her pendant for a moment, before tying it around her neck. She reached into her bag and pulled out her phone, deftly flicking it open. "Ah… if we don't hurry I'm going to be late."

"That would be bad, wouldn't it?" I asked nervously. "Shall we run?"

"I won't go as far as that. We'll just have to pick up the pace a little." Chikane set off, walking very fast.

I hurried after her, briefly jogging to catch up. Even if she says that, I can't keep up with her fast walk without running a little. "I'm sorry," I said. "It's because I've been distracting you too much."

"Don't worry about it," Chikane said calmly. "It's my own fault for stopping to examine the shells. Even so, I'll still be on time."

"That's good." Her face was very composed. She looks my age, but it's hard to imagine that she really is… I've only just met her, but Chikane's different from normal people. I can tell that already.

"Ah."

I shook my head. No, I can't afford to be overawed all the time. I need to be interesting and impress Chikane, and then… then what? I'm still Yuina, aren't I?

"How is your family doing?" Chikane asked, glancing briefly at me. "Your mother is prone to sickness, if I recall… I hope she's as well as can be expected."

Yep. Still Yuina. I smiled vaguely. "We're all fine, thank you. How about your family?"

"They're fine. Father says he misses me, but it can't be helped," Chikane said. "That's the most trouble they're having, as usual."

I scratched my cheek nervously. "I guess this is what you get with people our age, right? Leaving the nest, or something…"

"Ah. I can understand father's feelings, but I'm an adult now. It isn't as if I haven't been away for long periods before, either."

I nodded. "Are you going to a university here?"

"Yes. The University of Tokyo for Economics." Chikane glanced at me. "And you?"

I winced slightly. That definitely suits my image of Chikane-chan. "I'm studying History at Tokyo Metropolitan…"

"Ah," Chikane said thoughtfully. "That sounds very interesting. I take it you like the subject?"

I nodded. "I suppose so. I didn't really have a strong idea of what I wanted to do, so I just went with something that seemed interesting. It makes me feel a little bad, though."

"Hmm," Chikane hummed, glancing at me again. "I see. In my case, of course, I was expected to take a path like this… though I don't object to it either."

"I see. That sounds like you." I rubbed my nose bashfully, trying to think of something to say. "A friend of mine is going to the University of Tokyo this year… he's Ogami-kun, Soma Ogami. He's doing Law. Maybe you'll meet him."

"I see." Chikane closed her eyes. "Have I heard that name before? Well, never mind. What is he like?"

"Uhm… dark hair, brown eyes, handsome, good at everything," I said. "He's great at tests and sports and rides a bike. But he's not arrogant at all; he's a kind and good person. And he can be a little shy, too, but he was really popular at school."

"He sounds like a very good person," Chikane said. "I'm sure it will be hard to miss someone like that. Where did he go to school?"

"Ototachibana Academy," I said. "We went together."

"Ototachibana, Mahoroba?" Chikane asked sharply.

I nodded.

"I see… that's why I'd know." Chikane walked on ahead slightly, turning a corner into a street with several high-rise buildings. "Perhaps you know the manor up on the hill? The family who live there?"

"The Himemiya," I said, nodding. "They're said to own most of Mahoroba, but they're very kind people. When the school gym burnt down in a fire, they funded its replacement just by themselves. And Isato Himemiya was the school's idol. He's an amazing person. From an incredibly rich and successful business family, right?"

"Thank you for that," Chikane said coolly. "That family is of my family, Uncle Takuma and Aunt Shima Himemiya and Isato."

"So then you're a Himemiya?" I said abruptly, glancing at her in surprise. I stopped dead as I realised what I'd just done.

"Yes. My name is Chikane Himemiya," she said, turning her head and staring at me. "Though you wouldn't know that, since I know for absolute fact that Yuina Kawakami studied at a school far away from Mahoroba."

"Oh…" I blushed furiously. "I see."

"Good day." She turned and walked away.

I blinked rapidly, raising a hand. "Wait! I want to apologise!"

She ignored me.

"Chikane-chan!" She stopped suddenly as I ran towards her. "At least let me apologise and explain, first!"

"I'm in a hurry," Chikane said, glancing back at me with cold eyes.

"Please just let me say something first," I said boldly, stopping right in front of her. I wasn't sure why I was suddenly talking so loudly instead of rolling into a ball and wishing I was dead. I guess I didn't want to be despised. "Are you angry?"

Chikane frowned at me. "I'm not angry, since it was my mistake… I am a little annoyed, though."

"Of course you'd be annoyed." I bowed my head. "I'm really, really sorry! I'm not going to ask for forgiveness or anything like that, but could you please just listen to me before you go?"

Chikane sighed, smiling slightly. "Please be concise, at least…"

"Well, there's not much to say, if I think about it," I admitted, rubbing the back of my head. "I, when I first saw you, I… I think I thought I recognised you from somewhere, I'm not sure. But I felt a really nostalgic and happy feeling, so I couldn't control myself…" I flushed. "I thought you were someone else. A childhood friend, or something?"

"It's not utterly impossible that we've seen each other before," Chikane said. She turned to face forwards again. "But it is more likely you're mistaken. Shall we keep walking?"

"Okay." I hurried to catch up with her again. "And after I'd done that, I was so embarrassed, I didn't know what to do. So when you said that… I guess I just took the line of least resistance." I looked down at my feet. "I'm a really weak person."

"It's okay, I suppose. I'm not offended." Chikane glanced at me. "Besides which, weak? You're still talking to me, aren't you? Isn't that persistence something?"

"I'm bothering you when you're in a hurry," I said, scratching my nose and glancing apologetically at her. "But I don't want you to hate me, so I don't have a choice."

"I don't hate you." Chikane looked away again, her expression thoughtful. "And I also experienced a sense of familiarity when I first met you… I suppose it's conceivable we really did meet at some point. I don't remember, though."

"It feels like I should remember better," I said weakly. "But I don't."

"Hm. What is your name, then?" Chikane asked.

I blushed again. "Himeko. Himeko Kurusugawa."

Chikane closed her eyes. "I pride myself at being good with names, but I don't remember you at all."

"I'm sorry for that." I glanced at her, feeling a little bold. "And, I'm not sure if this is possible now, but if it is, I'd like it if we could start again… if you call me Himeko, and I'll call you Chikane…"

Chikane looked me in the eyes, her expression thoughtful. "I don't know about weak, you're the boldest person I've met in a while."

I flushed, looking down. "This isn't really the normal me, though… maybe this is my way of apologising…"

Chikane frowned for a moment, then turned away. "Well, if you think about it, lying a little is normal when you're making acquaintances. It's inappropriate to be offended just by that."

I blinked. "So you'll forgive me?"

"You're leaving me no choice, Kurusugawa-san," Chikane said, giving me an amused smile.

"Himeko!" I said suddenly. "If it's Chikane-chan, it has to be Himeko."

Chikane blinked slowly. "Himeko, then."

"That's right," I said, looking ahead again. "But I'm relieved. I was sure you were going to hate me."

"If I was honest, I didn't really understand the entire situation from start to finish," Chikane said. "If that's the case, hating someone is really quite hard."

"That's not really something that makes me happy, you know," I said, pouting.

Chikane giggled. "I'm sorry for that. But it wasn't all bad. The shells are amazing, and you've given me an interesting time."

"I hope you're not laughing at me," I said mournfully, before blinking. "Ah, you're going to be late, aren't you?"

"A little," Chikane said, turning on her feet and walking backwards while smiling at me. "But 'could me please just listen to me before you go' is what you said, so I don't have a choice. Besides, if I tell Sugiyama-san I'm sure he'll understand instantly."

"Please don't do that. I've been embarrassed enough already," I said weakly.

"Oh, really? I'll have to see what I can do." Chikane gave me a light-hearted smile before turning and walking forwards again.

Even though she's so beautiful and together, she has this side to her as well. She really does seem like a good person. I followed after her, feeling my tension ease for the first time in what felt like a week. "I'm sorry I lied to you, but most of what I said was true… well, if I think about it, that's what got me in trouble in the first place."

"I was wondering earlier than that," Chikane said. "Yuina Kawakami only looked a little like you, and though I don't know her older self at all, I'm sure she'd address me in a different way."

"Am I being too formal, then?" I asked. "If I think about it, you're one of the amazing Himemiya… is Himemiya-san better?"

"No, it has to be Chikane-chan," Chikane mimicked. I giggled despite myself. "But I think it's best if you do what you're comfortable with," Chikane said, looking ahead again. "Besides, you began by hugging me. There's not much point in trying to step back, is there?"

I smiled weakly. "I suppose it's a little hard to take that back."

"It certainly is," Chikane said. She stopped at the base of a tall office building at some point. "This is where I'm going. So I imagine I'll be parting with you here."

I nodded, my face falling slightly. "I… see."

"Yes." Chikane gave me a slightly embarrassed look. "Well, good-bye."

"Bye-bye," I said, trying not to sound disappointed. The sight of her back was enough to move me again. "Uhm… Chikane-chan, could I see you again?"

Chikane stopped, glancing back at me in surprise.

I flushed slightly. "I mean, I made such a fool of myself today, so if it's possible I'd like to find a way to make it up to you… or something like that…" My heart fell at her blank face. "I guess it's impossible, though."

"I'd," Chikane said, pausing for a moment. "I think I'd like that very much- Himeko." I wasn't sure whether she was guarded or just nervous, but she sounded like that. It was rather sincere.

"Okay!" I fumbled through my bag, trying to locate my mobile. Of course, Chikane had already pulled hers out in a flash and was ready to type. "Trade numbers, and I'll phone you at some point. Though I don't know when Chikane is free, it seems like you're a busy person."

"We can discuss that easily enough," Chikane assured me. "I'll be more than happy to talk to you."

"Thanks," I said. I'm not sure how, but it seems like I managed to make a good impression despite everything I messed up. No, it's too early to say that. Chikane-chan's really polite, so perhaps she's going to give me a wrong number or something like that, rather than telling me directly. It's hard to be sure.

She gave me what seemed like her number happily enough, though, and took my own. "Then… I'll see you later," she said, flushing slightly.

"Okay," I said weakly. "I'll definitely call." She doesn't look very confident. Maybe despite that aura, Chikane isn't very good at these things either. Or maybe I'm just embarrassing her. I bowed to hide my face. "See you later."

"Goodbye, Himeko." Chikane paused for a moment. "It was nice meeting you."

I watched her back as she walked into that tall, scary building with something approaching awe. I don't know whether it's Chikane's politeness or Chikane's sense of a good meeting… but there's something very wrong with what she just said compared to what I just did. It makes me a little happy, though.

I turned on my heel, walking back down the street in a daze. I wasn't acting like myself at all. With all the things I'd done, you'd think I was drunk, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't. I flushed. I'd hugged her so randomly. No, right now, I felt like I needed to be drunk to try and forget everything. But in-between all the stupid mistakes I managed to get this far, even though I'm usually timid and don't really meet new people at all. Is this the first step on that road? Am I going to get better at this? Because it feels like if every new friend is going to be this nerve-wracking I'll die before I have more then fifteen of them.

No, if it's anyone else, they'd have called me weird, or a stalker, or something. It's because Chikane's so kind that I managed to get this far. Maybe she just took pity on me. But I don't think I mind. Somehow, a small and rather shameless part of me says that anything she thinks is fine, just so long as I have a chance to get to know her. That way, I'll have a chance to show off my better points to her. Whatever they are. But if she didn't ever see me again, she'd never know me at all. And if you compare the embarrassment I'm currently feeling to that, it seems like I've come out okay.

I mustn't think that Chikane-chan's anything like me, though. Someone as beautiful and kind and cool as that must have dozens of friends. There's no need to get happy just yet. Or-

I slapped my forehead, sighing deeply. This was going to drive me round in circles. I'd been given way too much to think about, and the more I did that, the more embarrassed and scared and upset I was going to get. I wish I was like Mako-chan. She just goes on a run when she gets like this, and pushes everything out of her head.

Mako-chan.

I checked my watch, wincing at the time. Oh. I broke into a run, hurriedly rooting through my bag to locate my mobile again. I hurriedly rang her number and pressed it to my ear. "Mako-chan?"

"We've been waiting ten minutes, Himeko! Where are you?"

"Uhm…" I looked around. "I'm… not sure…"

"You're not sure?" Mako-chan sighed in exasperation. "What have you managed to do now?"

"I'm sorry, Mako-chan, it's my fault," I said hurriedly, running down the road. "I forgot-"

"You forgot? How the hell did you forget? You were talking about this this morning!"

"Not that," I panted. "But I met this person and that totally drove it out of my mind…"

"Just because you met someone? I feel so loved!"

"I'm sorry," I repeated hastily. "It was an accident. But you see, they were really smart and kind and cool, so I kinda lost track of time a little. We'd just met but it was like I didn't want to leave…"

"You mean you've finally found a guy you're attracted to?" Mako-chan asked. "You're a woman at last. I won't tell Souma, though, okay? It'll be a secret."

"That's not it," I began weakly. Just how was I going to explain anyway?

"What's a secret? I'm right here, you know!" Souma said, his voice muffled by distance.

"Oh, right. Sorry about that, Himeko. But don't worry, we'll both support your romance. Right, Souma?"

"You've got it all wrong, Mako-chan," I said as loudly as I dared. She didn't seem to be listening.