I just wanted to try this out! This is what happens if the dreaded article was written after all, and the pig women (thats what I always called her) published it. Read and tell me what you think, I might continue, I might not, we'll see.
"Just read it Theo. Let's get it over with. I can't stand not knowing what the rest of the world now knows about me," said Lulu, looking at the paper with pure disdain.
"I'm not sure I'm quite ready to know what the rest of the world now knows about me," said Madeline, who looked a little green.
"Schmidty can read it. I don't think I can," said Theo.
"Just read it Theo," Garrison said.
Theo sighed and slowly pulled the paper to him from its place by Grace, the turtle on the dining room table.
He slowly held it up, and then slammed it back down, "Macaroni can do it."
"Macaroni can't read!" Lulu said.
"We'll teach him. He can be the world's first reading dog. Sure, it might take some time and we won't be able to read the article for a while, but really, by the time we make a dog learn to read, no one will care about the School of Fear anymore."
"Theo, read."
"Have I ever mentioned I have an allergy to newspaper?"
"No you don't! You always discuss articles in the New York Times!" Lulu argued.
"Fine, I'll read it!" said Theo, grabbing the paper. His eyes scanned the article, grew wide, and turning to Lulu in shock. "You did what to my hall monitor sash?"
"Out loud Theo!" said Garrison.
"I want to know what Lulu did to your sash!" Hyacinth said.
But Theo kept the article to himself. "No one in this room is allowed to read this about me. It's not happening. I'm cutting it out."
"You can't do that! It's not fair that you get to read our secrets and we don't read yours!" Lulu said.
"If you don't read mine, I won't read yours," he said.
"Maybe that's… maybe that's fair. We can each cut out our section of the article," Madison said, worrying about what the others might read about her.
"I agree with Madeline," said Theo," however I see no reason why we shouldn't all see the history of Mrs. Wellington and Schmidty."
"Theo! Everyone needs their privacy," Madeline chided.
"Well since we obviously don't have any anymore, I think its fine!" he said.
Garrison, however, had already found a pair of scissors, taken the paper from Theo, found a lengthy paragraph with which his name frequented, and cut it out, and was stuffing it in his pocket.
The others looked at him. Then at the scissors. Then at the article. Then they all dove for them.
"GAH! Hyacinth, that's my arm! Stop ripping it out of its socket!"
"Theo get your bum off of me!"
"Lulu that's my eye! Get the scissors away from it!"
"Garrison let go of my leg!"
"OW! Madeline, you just bit me!"
"No I didn't!"
"Celery stop! You'll get stepped on! I can't lose you!"
"What are you children doing?" demanded Schmidty from the doorway.
They all froze where they were, Madeline turning red as she realized Garrison was holding onto her hand.
They jumped away from each other. "Well," Madeline began, "Secrets are secrets. And just because the whole world knows are secrets doesn't mean we have to know each other's secrets so we were going to cut out our parts of the article that we were in."
"Here!" said Hyacinth, handing each of them their paper, but keeping hers tucked close to her chest.
"I cut them out! You're welcome!" she said.
"Why do you have two?" Lulu demanded.
"One is Celery's. Duh."
"Are Abernathy and Mrs. Wellington still…?" Garrison let the question drift off.
"Still… catching up, yes," Schmidty answered.
"Oh."
"Go wash up for dinner and read your secrets. I don't think they will be joining us tonight."
The children ran off, into different corners reading their secrets to themselves, mortified the world knew these things about them. How many people had read this? But, while they should have been thinking about there own secrets, all they could think about was the others parts of the article said.
Dun dun dun! That's right! You will actually get to read peices of the article in this story. Fun, right?