This was something I wrote a while back that I posted on livejournal as looniebeaver, after I stopped using my lj account under ushimooshroom and before I switched to rainbowseagull. It was written a really long time ago, and I've edited it a little to make it sound better, but it's not a very serious fic anyway, so I left most of it as is.
Once upon a time there was a girly-looking guy named Snowy Canada. Just kidding, that's just what some people called him because he lived in a snowy area of town. Yes, you heard correctly. There was one section of the town that was snowy.
So there was this guy and his name was Poland, right? He was, like, totally the most fabulous guy around like, ever. In the whole land. And he still is, by the way. Always has been. But one day, his magical talking plastic pony malfunctioned.
"Magic Pony, most stylish pony not on my wall, who is the most fabulous of them all?" Poland asked.
"BZZT- Snowy Canada BZZT," the magical pony said. Of course, it was malfunctioning, but Poland didn't realize that until later.
"What!" Poland exclaimed. "That's, like, sooooo not true! I'm like, the most fabulous of them all! Like, totally to the max! If that canuck is more fabulous than me, then I'll, like, have to change that," he said. Poland devised a plan. He hired a man named Russia to get rid of Canada.
"So just, like, get rid of Snowy Canada for me, kay?"
"How would you like me to do it?" Russia asked.
"Like, I dunno, get him to move somewhere else. Like Australia. Far away. Yeah. Just get rid of him. Like now please," Poland said. So Russia set off with a one way ticket to Australia and a gift card to an Australian Wal Mart.
Russia traveled all around the town, but could not find Snowy Canada. He even tried the forest around the town. He thought that he heard someone singing 'The Maple Leaf Forever', but when he found the source of the sound, all he saw was a bunch of birds sitting on the air. Deciding that he must be going even more insane, Russia gave up and gave the ticket and gift card to some guy playing the piano in the middle of a lake. He told Poland that he gave it to Snowy Canada because he forgot that he didn't.
Canada, sensing that someone was trying to send him to Australia, ran away to the woods. He met some people, including a sleepy man named Greece and a grumpy man named England. There was also an overly happy guy called Italy, and he forgot everyone else's name. They're not important anyhow. So he went to go live in a little hut with his new friends.
The next day, Poland asked his magical talking plastic pony the same question. It was still malfunctioning, so it told him the same thing.
"Ugh! Gee, I think I'm, like, going to have to do this myself." So Poland dressed up as a girl, grabbed a bottle from the counter, and headed off to the north. Eventually, he found the little hut where Canada was living. He poured the contents of the bottle on a cookie, and knocked on the door.
"Like, hello? Girl scouts cookies for sale, like totally," Poland sang. Canada opened the door.
"Do you have maple flavoured, eh?" he asked.
"Like totally. Here, have a free sample. They're the best cookies around, like to the max," Poland said, handing Canada the cookie. Canada ate the cookie and collapsed.
"Like, omigod!" Poland exclaimed. "Holy cow, did I like, accidentally grab the sleeping potion? Like, I thought it was the de-fabulousizing potion!" Poland panicked and tried to run away. However, when he turned around and tried to run he ran straight into a shortish-but-not-really-that-short blond guy.
"Is zere somzing wrong?" the man asked.
"Like, I accidently gave that dude the potion that makes you sleep instead of the de-fabulousizing potion! Omigod, whatdoIdo? Like, the only way he'll wake up is if, like, his true love kisses him or whatever. Why is it always like that?" Poland wailed.
"A kiss? From 'er true love? Relax, I will take care of zis," the man said. He approached Canada.
"W-wait! Like, Canada isn't a she, he's a he!" Poland said. Too late. The Frenchman had already awoken Canada.
"Like, oh well. I guess they're like, meant for each other," Poland said. He shrugged, and walked away.
And they lived happily ever after.