He stod in front of the mirror, staring at his own reflection. The door in the back. The blue door. He turned arround, staring at the door, his hand at the button. After a few seconds he let it go, and pulled up his sleeves, his wrist was covered with wounds, red, long, bloody wounds.. Some new, some older. He hissed slightly when he touched the wounds, but still staring at them. His life.. It was horrible. How could he life in such an horrible situation...? He sighed deep, and pulled his sleeves down, opened the door, and stepped into the corredor, to show the world that he still was there, to show the world his real face. His mood wasn't very good, he felt bad for a few months, or, a better word was depressed. He sighed, and locked his room...
Hizumi stood in front of Tsukasa. ''What's the matter, mate..?'' he asked. He felt that his friend was depressed for a few weeks. That this was going on longer, he never noticed... He stared into Tsukasa's eyes, trying to find the answer in there. He softly taked one of Tsukasa's hands, and was shocked when Tsukasa pulled it back. Hizumi layed his hand on Tsukasa's shoulder, and a by that touch, a tear rolled down Tsukasa's face. ''No... nothing... Just leave me please..'' After that words, Tsukasa's turned arround, and ran away... ''TSUKASA...!'' Ruki looked at his friend.. ''What is wrong with you...'' he whispered for himself... He saw his friend disappear in his dressing room, and stared as a statue at the bleu door...
''I'm really worried about him... '' Hizumi whispered. He stood beside Zero, wachting at the blue door, Tsukasa's door. ''He is so silent for the last weeks.. He used to be very hyper.. But now.. he is just another person...'' Zero nodded. ''I noticed, and i was shocked that he didn't tell you anything... In fact, you are best friends... So it must be something serious, i guess.''
He locked the door, a knife in his hand. He wouldn't hurt his friends, but there was no other way out. He sighed, while leaning against the door. ''How can i live with this..'' He whispered for himself. He walked at the chair, in which he usually sat, and once he sat down, he pressed the knife in the tender flesh of his wrist, next to the other wounds. ''Die...Die you fool...'' He didn't stop before it bleed very heavy. He really hates himself, his live... He hates just Everything.. Except his friends of course... But even they, wouldn't miss him, once he was gone...
''... Fighting against his feelings...'' Hizumi repeated what he just heared. ''That is possible.. But he always told me when there was something wrong... We're best friends since years.. why couldn't he...'' he said, more for himself, thant for the others. ''I don't know what's wrong yet, but i will find out... '' He said, to the other bandmembers, which he told a few minutes ago that he was worried about Tsukasa. He stood up from his chair, and walked out of the room...
''Tsukasa...?'' Hizumi asked, carefully. He knocked at the blue door of Tsukasa's dressing room. ''Are you inside...?'' he asked. ''Yes... come in...'' he heard a weak voice from behind the door. He opened the door, and when he spotted Tsukasa in a corner of the deepblue room, he closed the door, and almost ran at his friend. ''Tsukasa..'' Hizumi whispered, shocked, that he found his friend like this. He knew that there was something wrong...
''What's wrong...?'' He softly whispered, when he sat down next to his friend, a hand on Tsukasa's shoulder. Tsukasa shaked his head, and layed it against Hizumi's chest. Hizumi shuddered, when he noticed that Tsukasa started to cry. ''Tsukasa...'' Tsukasa shaked his head again. ''I...i don't want to talk about it...'' Hizumi taked one of Tsukasa's hands, and stared at the deepblue wall. ''Neh, Tsukasa... '' he said. ''Since when.. Why you won't talk about it...'' he softly stroked with a hand over Tsukasa's back. ''You know you can tell me everything... Tell me what's wrong.. i can help you...'' Tsukasa shaked his head again. ''You... you can't...'' he shuddered. ''I... can't.. I'm... I won't...' Tsukasa strumbled over his words. ''Shhhhht...'' Hizumi hissed. ''Calm down, buddy...'' When Tsukasa calmed down, he stared into Hizumi's eyes. Hizumi moved by an accident Tsukasa's sleeves up, and stared shocked at the wounds at Tsukasa's wrist.. ''Tsukas...'' Hizumi called, shocked. ''Why are you doing this... You are just such a great person... '' he looked into Tsukasa's eyes. ''What maked you so desperate that you are doing things like this...'' He noticed that Tsukasa's holded a knife in his other hand. Hizumi softly taked it out of Tsukasa's hand, and noticed the stained blood at the blade. This was... Tsukasa tried to kill himself with this knife... Hizumi blamed himself that he didn't noticed earlier that there was something wrong with Tsukasa. ''Gomennasai.. for everything...'' Tsukasa whispered.
That night, he was figting against tears. The tears won the battle, and once the roll down his face, his hands started to shudder. Staring at his door, closed, locked. It looks like the door walked at him, but he realized that it was a shadow, moved by the wind outside. ''...Sense of time will keep your memory...'' he softly sung for himself. ''...with love...'' The song of another band, he really liked that one. Still staring at his door, he thought about everything, his life, his friends... Even about his family, who he'd lost all. His mum, his dad, his younger brother. Both his parents died, a few years ago, and after that, he and his brother lost contact. He really doesn't like that at all, he and his brother were best friends, and now... He'd lost everyone... Everything. He didn't know the rest of his family, granddad and grandmum wheren't both alive, and he knew that there were somewhere some aunts and unkle's... But where...? He'd never seen them, and they'd never seen him. He missed them. His parents, but his little brother the most. More tears rolled down his face, thinking about his brother. ''...why... why happened this...?'' he asked himself. That was a question, he was asking it himself for a few months. He couldn't answer this, and he knew he never could. But is was so rare, he even didn't knew of his brother was still alive or not...
''I wouldn't hurt you...'' Tsukasa said. ''I wish that you never finded out.. It ...'' he stopped halfway his sentence, and shaked his head. ''I...'' he bowed his head, staring at his shoes, crying. ''It.. it is so difficult...'' Hizumi, who was still sitting next to Tsukasa, layed his and at Tsukasa's knee. ''What is difficult..?'' he asked, didn't understanding his friend. ''N...nothing...'' Tsukasa shuddered. ''I... i wont talk about it. Just... go...'' Hizumi was shocked by Tsukasa's last words. ''I wont.'' He said, ''I stay here, with you, i can't leave you...'' He layed his head at Tsukasa's shoulder. ''What's wrong with you boy...'' He asked. ''I really worrie about you..'' Tsukasa looked at Hizumi. ''You haven't to... I work this out alone. You know Hizumi, that sometimes there are things, that you have to do alone.. And this is one of that things...'' Hizumi nodded. ''But.. at least you can tell me... You're hurting yourself... I know that you're doing that, i feel it. And you know... My feeling never lied to me...And you too...'' Hizumi's shoulders moved when he started to cry. ''Why... Tsukasa... why...Can't you tell me...'' Tsukasa sighed deeply, before he explained. ''Like i said.. I have to figure this out alone, it are some things out of the past... They taring me, i have to work this out alone.. and i can't talk about it.. I'm sorry... Sorry if you become more worried about me.. But i can't... You have to know that.'' Hizumi stood up, the knife still in his hands. ''Then... i leave... But if you want to talk.. Just say.. 'right? I'll be always there for you...'' He walked out of the room, taking the knife with him, and when he closed the door, he walked straight to his room, where he started to cry. ''Tsukasa... why couldn't you tell...'' He shivered. ''Why are you doing things like this... You hurt yourself... You don't deserve that...'' He whispered for himself.