Salvage (Based off the Season 6 episode when I still had hopes for my couple) One-shot

Jax couldn't stop the increase in his heart rate at the sight of Tara's name on his cell phone caller id even if he wanted to. She wasn't the one calling him too often these days. Their disconnect was by far one of the worst things he had experienced. He wasn't an idiot, he knew it was primarily his fault but he had no idea how to fix it.

He answered the phone with a typical, "Hey babe." Quickly ending his conversation with Juice.

"Hey." Came Tara's reply. She hated this distance between them. Usually they could say so much anytime there was quiet between them, but these days, the quiet was filled with a tension so thick, so palpable you could cut it with a knife. She guessed that was the result of betraying your soul mate. And unfortunately, that sin was all on her.

"How was the ultrasound?" He asked. He would never forgive himself if something happened to the tiny life he and Tara created inside her. He pushed down the feeling that something wasn't quite right, chalking it up to the disconnect that he had to find a way to fix. Losing Tara wasn't an option. He waited too long to get her back, too long to put a ring on her finger officially making her his in the eyes of the law. He ignored the hurt that she didn't mention the ultrasound earlier so he could find a way to be there, to see that tiny heartbeat move like they did with Thomas.

"Everything is fine." The lie actually physically hurt. She was thankful they were on the phone because there was no way Jax wouldn't see the lie if he was looking at her, distance or not. She hated that this is what they had become. She swore to herself the day that she put his kutte on him at Donna's funeral that they would weather any storm, she would not lose him and Abel.

"Thank God." Jax released an immediate sigh, feeling so much better automatically. This was what he needed all day. He didn't know how to handle something happening to Tara or the family they created. They were everything to him. He knew he messed up by not talking the guardianship shit out with Tara and by banging the madam, but he was determined she'd never find out about that and it would never happen again. And the guardianship thing wouldn't matter because there was no way Tara would go to jail or that something would happen to her. He'd kill anyone who even thought about hurting her. "You know this one is a girl right?" He couldn't contain the smile at the image that popped into his head of a mini Tara. "She's gonna be strong and beautiful just like her mom."

The smile was automatic, the thought of another baby with Jax hitting her directly in the heart. God, she wanted to give him that one day. She just knew his whole mindset would be altered by looking into the eyes of a little girl he created with her. "Why do you say that?" Tara couldn't help but ask and hated herself for feeding into the lie even more.

"I just got a feeling." He shrugged.

"Hmm….maybe." She had to close her eyes. The words were so reminiscent of a happier time. A time when she was in fact carrying a life they created together. He had been right then of course, Thomas was a boy. Needing to stop all the noise in her head she forced herself to ask, "How are things there?"

"Good!" She could hear the happiness in his voice. "All charters are on board. We are getting out of guns, babe." He swore he'd make this life safe for their family. Shit like the clubhouse blowing up would never happen again. That danger was too close. He could feel the panic all over again as he ran from the clubhouse carrying Abel just in time.

She could hear the excitement in his voice and was happy for him. He woke up with so much pain everyday. She wanted him to have as much happiness as he possibly could. She knew inevitably that she would be destroying that happiness and peace soon. But she had to. Mothers had to protect their children at all costs, even if she had to run her other half over in doing so. She would save Abel and Thomas from their father's fate, just like JT should have done. She knew that if Jax ever found out the truth, it would destroy him. He'd never hurt her, she was certain of that, but he would never recover. But maybe she could make him understand once she was serving time for his club and their boys were far away with Wendy. Tara glanced at Wendy with Abel and pushed down the tiny voice that screamed this wasn't the right thing either.
"How's Abel?" Jax asked. His poor son has been through so much shit since his premature birth. Shit that was so easy to lay at his junkie ex-wife's feet but he clubhouse bombing that could have killed him was all on him. Him and his beef with the Irish.

"Better." Tara sighed, watching Abel as he ate some potato chips with Wendy. "His appetite is back."

"Good." He felt that relief as well. He hated that his sins, his mistakes, trickled down to the three people he loved most.

"Hey!" She noticed her lawyer come in the cafeteria. "Lowen's here."

"Okay." He didn't want this conversation to end. It was the most they've talked since she was released from Stockton. He missed her so goddamn much. "I love you."

The words were on the tip of her tongue, she longed to say them, but couldn't. Uttering the words back felt like a bigger betrayal then the other ones she was working on committing. "Me too." She muttered instead. "Get home safe." She had to add. She never knew when their last conversation would be and selfishly she had to make sure he knew she still gave a crap about what happened to him, even if she couldn't say the words he longed to hear.
+++++++++++++++++

Tara was pissed. The whole meeting was bullshit. Another person trying to get her to rat on her husband and the club. Lowen saying she knew how much she loved Jax. Bullshit, all of it. No one understood the love she shared with Jax. How many times did they hear that it was first love bullshit? She laughed sarcastically. How many times did she try to convince herself of that when she was in San Diego and Chicago. Jax was so much more than her lover, her soul mate, her best friend. She didn't think there was a word to encompass what they were to each other. She hated living this lie. She hated betraying him this way. But she had to save their sons. The two innocent lives that were born into this mess by their choices. But she would not sacrifice Jax's freedom along the way. He could have been killed in Stockton when he was stabbed. She lived with that fear daily, of him not making it home. She would not be the person who sent the father of her children to his death, she was willing to sacrifice her freedom for his. THAT was the kind of love they shared, damnit. No one understood that.

"Mommy?" Abel asks from the backseat, interrupting her thoughts.

Her smile is instant. She may not have birthed him but she fell in love with him the minute she lifted him from Wendy's womb and saw Jax's face. "Yes baby?" She eyed him from the rearview mirror.

"Are we going home? Is Daddy there?" He asked before sucking from his straw cup.

His innocent questions brought tears to her eyes and made her throat thick. She pulled off to the shoulder. "Mommy's hungry." She pulled her cell phone from her purse on the passenger door. "Are you?"
+++++++++++++++++++

Jax was sitting around the table, shooting the shit with the guys. He was still amped up from Tara's phone call, Bobby's recruitment, and the charter's support. This was what SAMCRO was about, this was JT's vision. For so long, he had been disillusioned by the things he had to do as VP and President, knew from the instant Tara stepped back into his orbit by saving Abel that he had to find a way to change it. Finding JT's manuscript was fate. The future he promised his old lady was right in his grip. All he had to do was find a way to get her out of these ridiculous conspiracy to commit murder charges. Damn Otto Delany, just the thought of him made Jax want to destroy something. He envied the guards who got to kill him. He was so lost in thought, he almost missed the chirp of his cell, indicating a text. The instant grin on his face was enough to light up the darkest of tunnels. He opened the icon as soon as Tara's name appeared.

Tara: You still up at the cabin?
Jax: Yeah. Why, what's up?
Tara: Mind if me and the boys stop up?
Jax: Not at all. (Things could not get better, Jax thinks to himself. This is the second time today Tara reached out to him. She must be eager to reconnect as well).
Tara: Be there in about 30!

Samcro's president is quick to tell Juice to take the blunt he's rolling outside, far away from the cabin and smoke it.

Sure enough about 30 minutes later, Jax hears doors slam and the pitter patter of Abel feet running up the ramp to the cabin entrance. "Dad!" He shouts, opening the screen door, "We're here!" His jubilance turns to confusion at the sheer number of people sitting around, all wearing kuttes like his daddy. Some he recognizes, others not so much.

Tara comes behind him and gently pushes him all the way in. She's carrying Thomas on her hip and multiple bags from Wal-Mart in the other hand. "I brought food." She smiles when she meets Jax's gaze before placing Thomas on the floor to crawl. "But I need help carrying it in."

"Juice, Ratboy!" Jax nods, "You heard my old lady." He grins.

"Uncle Jury!" Tara's grin and excitement is heartfelt. She has always had a soft spot for the Las Vegas charter member since Jax took her on his first run there. He was the first person in the MC to not chalk Tara and Jax's love up to high school first love bullshit, "You don't invite me to meet the newest prince" He nods towards Thomas, "or to the wedding…."

"It was last minute." She defends with a laugh. "But you'd have loved it…" She teases back, "it was in a brothel."

Jax laughs when Jury shoots him an offended look. "Well I better get a visit from you two with this newest baby." He touches her stomach lightly. Jury kneels down and picks Thomas up. While Abel is ambivalent about strangers (he gets that from Tara), Thomas loves everyone, old and new alike.

Jax notices Tara stiffen at the mention of their baby. Her smile isn't anywhere near genuine, as she mutters an "Of course." And kisses him on the cheek. "And you!" She smirks at Bobby before stepping into his embrace, "I'm so glad your back." She whispers for his ears only.

"Me too, doc." He smiles. "Me too." Tara watches as the guys carry in all the platters she bought at Wal-Mart's Supercenter on her way to the cabin. She picks up her bags and takes Abel's hand, leading them both into the kitchen. She sets to work immediately on making plates her the boys and Jax. She has no idea that her husband watches her intently, pride filling his chest. This was the life she was meant to lead by his side. His wife, the surgeon, owning her place as the Queen of SAMCRO.

She shouts, "Come eat!" For the guys, bringing three plates out with her. She sits Abel in the chair next to Jax and then places a plate for Jax in front of him. "Sorry, nothing is homemade." She sighs. "But I was in meetings all day." The guys all laugh that food is food and they'll eat anything. Jax knows that is her insecurity creeping in. Gemma would slave for days for any type of event but she also had a flock of crow eaters at her beck and call. On a whim, he grabs her and pulls her to his lap, loving her shriek of surprise. He hasn't had her this close in weeks. He loves the grin that lights up her face that was in place before she pulls her guard back up. He places his hand on her belly, "I'm sorry." He whispers.

Tears fill her eyes and clog her throat before she can help it. She grips his fingers with hers, clears her throat, and asks, "What for?" It was so easy to get lost in this moment, to imagine their baby, conceived out of love, growing inside of her was real.

Jax nods to Jury, "I didn't know we weren't telling people yet."

Tara realizes he had picked up on her discomfort at Jury's mention of the baby she was supposedly carrying. "It's no big deal." She shrugs and attempts to move off his lap but he holds her there.

"Stay." He commands. "Let me feed you." He was determined to get his wife back wholeheartedly.

She can't help but roll her eyes and grin. "I have to feed Thomas." She insists, attempting to get up again.

Jax nods at Happy, feed Thomas, "Already taken care of babe." He assures her, grabbing some cold slaw with his fork, "Open up." When she realizes he won't stop until he gets what he wants, she opens her mouth and lets him feed her. She laughs at the simultaneous "Aww's" and gagging noises from the guys.

Two hours later, he's standing at her SUV door while she starts it up. "I shouldn't be too long."

She gives him the look that tells him she knows he's full of shit. "Be safe."

He laughs at how well she knows him. He and the guys are going to get justice on the assholes from earlier. "Always babe." He leans in for a kiss and pretends not to be offended when she moves her face so his kiss lands on her cheek. "Text me when you get home." His words come out as a plea.

"Sure." She graces him with that fake ass smile. "See you at home."
++++++++++++++++

And as shit always went when it involved his club, Jax took more than a little bit coming home. He did manage to snag an apology and a new bike for his guys though, Not too bad, all in a days work. He glanced down at his cell and saw the time to be 11:35pm. He sighed, knowing that Tara was probably already asleep. He missed his chance to talk to her again. He wanted to start chipping at the iceberg around her heart and make her let him back in.

He used his key to enter and locked the door behind him. He quickly walked down the hall and checked on his boys, giving them a kiss and tiptoeing out of their room as to not disturb them. He stood in the doorway to the master bedroom and watched Tara's back move steady with deep breaths. She was definitely sound asleep, no doubt about it. He quickly takes a shower, washing the grime off before slipping a pair of boxers on. He always preferred to sleep in the nude but Abel had a habit of sneaking in during the night and after having to explain why he was naked one time to his four year old while trying to put him back to bed, Jax decided it would just be easier to wear underwear. He can't help himself as he gets into bed, he spoons Tara from behind and kisses her neck, "I love you babe."

"Mmmmm…me too." She mumbles sleepily.

He sighs in frustration, she can't even say the words in her sleep.

It's about an hour later, when he's woken up by a whimpering noise. He awakens with a start and tries to gather his bearings. He instinctively tries to pull Tara closer to his side and his arms are empty. He looks over to his left and sees her clutching the side of the bed. It is then that he sees her shaking slightly and realizes she's whimpering. "Tara?" His voice is thick with sleep. "Babe, what's wrong?" He shakes her gently.

"No, no, they have to come out." She sniffles. "I can't lose them. Jax? Abel?" Please, no."

Jax places his hand on her thigh, forcing her to lie on her back. Her eyes are closed, tears escaping from the corners. "Tara, babe. It's me." As always the sight of her tears are a direct hit to his gut. "You're having a bad dream, babe. Wake up."

"Jax?" Her eyes open immediately. The wild, scared look making him crazy, making him want to hurt something, someone. She's looking at him, unseeingly.

"Right here, babe." He wasn't sure what to do. She had never done this before, not even after he killed Kohn.

"Abel?" She asks, heart racing, eyes still not focused.

"He's fine too babe." Jax moves some hair off her forehead, it's damp from the sweat. "I just checked on him and Thomas."

"Really?" She's out of breath and still not awake, lost somewhere between the hellish nightmare of Jax and Abel not making it from the clubhouse in time before it blew to smithereens to the sanctuary of Jax's arms. "Promise?"

"I promise." He soothes. He places a kiss at her temple but before he can pull back her right hand comes up and grips his scalp through his hair. Her lips run open mouth, wet kisses all over his neck. God, he hasn't felt her like this in weeks. "Tara?"

"You're really ok?" She whispers, pulling away on slightly.

Her eyes are still unseeing. He knows she's not fully awake. "Yes." He tries to calm her down. He can still feel her heart racing against his chest. "We should talk…."

"About what?" She whispers in a husky voice he knows he hasn't heard in weeks.

"About anything….everything." He pleads. "About why you can't tell me you lo…"

She cuts him off with a desperate kiss, pulling him tighter to her with her hand that is still in his hair. Before he can think, her tongue is tangling with his. His cock doesn't care what his mind is saying, that this is probably not the right thing to do. That they should talk and settle shit before getting lost in each other. Hell, she wasn't even fully awake. His mind knew all this. His cock, however, just wanted her. And when she took her left hand and went in his boxers and palmed his ass, all thinking was done. And when she took that left hand and moved it to the front of his boxers and grabbed his cock all bets were off. He missed her touch so goddamn much. Her right hand finally left his hair and came down to assist in getting his boxers removed. He lifted her camisole as high as possible before she raised her arms to help him out. His mouth immediately went to one breast, to run his tongue over her hard nipple and suddenly her hand was back in his hair, directing him to the other breast. She was grinding her damn hips against him in an excruciating rhythm. Not having the time to remove her panties the right way, he tugged at the thin straps on both sides of her thighs and ripped it right off. Tara gripped his cock and ran her fist from base to tip once, before lining it up at her entrance and making it slick with her own juices, teasing him in only a way she was capable of.

Unable to stand her teasing, Jax rocks his hips forward and fills her up. They both moan at the feeling of rightness, of being home. He pounds into her, trying to drive out the image of the last time they made love, of both their tears. She meets him thrust for thrust, getting more wet by the second. Her pace looses all semblance of rhythm and he knows she's chasing her orgasm. He pounds into her steadily as well, determined to come with her. To feel that connection he's only ever felt with her. And quickly he finally does reach it with her. They both gasp at the same time. He buries his face in her neck, "I love you so goddamn much Tara." He whispers.

"I….I…." She tries to catch her breath and think of something to say back. Relief runs through her as the sounds of Thomas' cry comes through the baby monitor.