Beannachtam na Feile Padraig!
Translation: Happy Saint Patricks Day!
Summary: I like Jin. I like the Irish Jin. So I'm writing a short story on Irish Jin and St. Patrick's Day with the beginning of my Irish speaking understanding. Crap, humor, satire, Jin and guinness! What's not to love? Even if it's not St. Patty's day no more!
Pairings: KeikoxYusuke, one-sided TouyaxYusuke and hinted ShishixSuzuki
Warnings: If homosexuality offends you, you really need to look elsewhere 'cause that's my standard usually. Some language, but nothing terrible, honest.
Chapter 1
"Blackgaurd! Dammit all ta hell! Where is my bastard sock?" Jin growled furiously, loud enough for Touya to hear through the door anyway. Now, normally, Jin was a morning person, so it was strange to hear him cussing around this early. Sipping his tea Touya looked at the calendar and almost chocked. It was Saturday, March 17, St. Patrick's day. Shit!
Touya wasn't aware that he had spilt his tea as he was too busy running for his room. He needed to put something green on, and no his hair didn't exclude him from the pinching. Especially when Jin pinches really hard. Chuu, hung over, gave the ice apparition a funny look but ignored it after a shrug of a shoulder. His head hurt too much to bother with rationlizing the queer scene. It was kind of amazing he was up so early after a night of binge drinking, he usually clambered awake around 10 for a quick brunch and then hard fighting. Rinku stumbled out of his own room, hair looking like a bomb went off with it's burns and wild locks. He was still wearing his green pajamas Kurama had gotten him for his birthday last month.
Once inside his room, Touya put on a pair of green pants, a white tee with a shamrock on the front and for good measure a stripped green and white scarf with shamrocks also. He was very glad that he caught the date just in the nick of time. The others, excluding Rinku, were not so lucky as to be aware of the Irish tradition. As they would soon find out with one very rampant Irish demon flying about.
"Where is everyone, eh? Em, Touya probably is wearing green an' hidin'. Rinku still in his knickers, which are also green. Except Chuu..." the Irish demon grinned mischieviously as he snuck up on the alchemist. When he was a little closer than an armspand away, Jin struck. One clawed hand shot out, pinched a bit of flesh and twisted.
"EEEEEOOOOOWWWW! Jin! What the bloody hell was that for?" Chuu bellowed out, jumping out of his seat, the back of his neck and head now in considerable pain. The Australian turned around, but the culprit was already zooming away with a little giggle. Rinku watched this and was busy surpressing a giggle of his own."What'chu laughin' at, eh?"
"Nothin', Chuu! Honest!"
"Beannachtam na feile Padraig!" Jin yelled after them as he disappeared around the corner. The two stared after him and his very peculiar outfit. After all, Jin could be mistaken for a leprechaun if not for the height difference. Grumbling obsceneties under his breath, Chuu lurched off up the stairs to go to bed. Today really wasn't worth it, especially with his killer hang over. He grumbled a goodnight to Shishiwakamaru as they passed one another on the stairs, one large sun burnt hand rubbing the bruising neck. The samurai raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.
In the kitchen Suzuki was about to become the biggest target of all. He was wearing orange, a lot of orange and that really pissed Jin off. Glaring daggers he stealthily mad his way over to the vain scientist. An arms length away, his hands shoot out and he pinched really hard right over the nerve that ran up the back of the neck. Suzuki screeched in shock and jumped very high, but Jin wouldn't cease his assault.
"Why, ya fecken' blackgaurd! It's St. Paddy's day an ya wearin' orange? Who the feck wears ORANGE on St. Paddy's day, except for the feckin' Brits? Ya feckin' blackguard!" Jin shrieked, eyes glowing red and ears extremely pointy. Even the wind current that usually surrounded the wind master had turned rather ominous instead of it's usually gentle, cheery self. Suzuki growled, eyes lowering dangerously as he tried to dodge all the pinching. To no avail, Jin wasn't about to cease any time soon until the vain scientist changed, right now! Touya, cautiously poked his head around the corner and was worried a fight would break out, which it would.
"Dammit Jin! Stop fucking pinching me! Hey, hey! Leave the face alone!"
"Go change outta them clothes, right feckin' now!"
"Or you'll what? Ow, ow,ow! That's IT!"
Touya looked at Shishi, at least he had gone with his green hakama's this morning. Maybe he even knew about St. Patrick's, maybe it was pure luck or chance or whatever. Still, the two would have to seperate the wind master and vain scientist. They were currently exchanging blow for blow only, but that would quickly change. They made eye contact and nodded their heads, preparing for the intervention.
"ENOUGH! What he hell is going on in here?" Shishi screamed as he used his sheathed sword to seperate the two who were by now panting from anger than any actual pain or lethargy, it was just pinching versus fist fights. Touya and Shishi moved into position to physically seperate the two, Touya facing Suzuki and Shishi facing Jin. Both were ignored by the angry demons.
"HE just started pinching the hell out of me and screaming something about orange, my favorite color. Then the asshole pinched my face. My FACE!" Suzuki screamed pointing at Jin. Snorting the windmaster sat on the air, one arm going through the slow motion that lead to one of his tornados. The other arm was busy flipping Suzuki off who kindly reciprocated the jesture. Touya tried not to wince at the mention of one of Jin's pinches, having been on the reciprocating end many a times before he learned better.
"Well, Suzuki-"
"Beatiful Suzuki!"
"Sorry, beautiful Suzuki, today is March 17, St. Patrick's day. The Irish have a very long standing tradition where if you're not wearing green, you'll get pinched. Except you're wearing an awfully lot of orange and it is only the British who wear orange. It dates back from the battle of Orange in the eleventh century, which the British won. So instead of wearing green the British wear orange as a sign of disrespect to the Irish. So, well, you kind of really pissed Jin off with your outfit," Touya explained quickly, Suzuki gave Jin a long thoughtful look. Jin, for his part, stopped the pretense of an attack and simply sat back, arms crossed and eyes no longer red. The ears were still very pointy, though.
"Hm...really? You know what? After you PINCHED my FACE! I'm not going to change clothes just to piss you off!" Suzuki declaired, still miffed over the whole 'pinched the face' ordeal. Touya groaned while Shishi turned around and gave a critical eye to his outfit.
"Whatever, you look like a child though. I suppose it's to accompany the attitude," Shishi shrugged a shoulder and turned to walk away from the scene. He'd perfected the art to conning the blond to see things his way. Touya caught onto this act while Jin was still seething and partially regreting pinching the cheek. Not really though.
"I see what you mean. Jin do you have guinness?" Touya said it in a way that obviously meant he needed it for a drink.
"Why would I not?"
"What do you mean I look like a child? I am not a child!" Suzuki squawked indignantly, enraged at being compared to a child."Riku is the child, not I, the beautiful Suzuki! Do you know how old I am?"
"Well you look like a child and are acting like one. No I don't know how old you are, aren't you really anal about keeping that one a secret? And it's Rinku, not Riku."
"No I'm not, what am I a ningen? I am a demon, age doesn't bother me. And I don't give a damn about the brat's name!"
"Make mine a double, would you?" Touya asked Jin when he brought a bottle over and two glasses. Jin nodded his head, poured the drinks and passed Touya his.
"Well, whatever. I don't know your age, but if you continue to wear that ridiculous outfit everyone's going to think you're Rinku's younger brother," Suzuki said offhandedly. Touya and Jin clinked their glasses together.
"Slainté!" And tipped their heads backwards and swallowed the alcohol in one go. Suzuki glared at them both, upset they weren't paying attention to the fact that Shishiwakamaru was slandering his greatness by comparing him to a child. As they began to chat about what to do today, Suzuki lost it. They should, after all, be paying attention to him. Not that ridiculous holiday of Jin's! Wasn't that a human holiday though? Why would Jin, a demon, give two shits about a human tradition?
"You know that outfit you wore last week, Thursday I think it was, that looked really good. Bonus points because you didn't look like any definable age," Shishiwakamaru commented off handedly as he grabbed a glass and held it out to Jin."I want to try that, if you wouldn't mind."
"Not t'all!" Jin cheerily ignored Suzuki, who was once again contemplating his wardrobe. He had finally caught on to what the two blue haired demons were going on about. Jin wasn't stupid mind you, he just acted that way in his callow antics. With a grin Jin filled it up to the same height as he had his and Touya's a moment ago. Which he refilled while he was at it.
"Isn't it early for hard drinking?"
"What's the word?" Shishi asked ignoring Suzuki perfectly, hiding his amusement expertly as well.
"It is not too early, besides it's a human drink. An' the word is 'Slainté' an' it means 'health' in aul' gaelic. Ready?" The three toasted and gave the appropriate cheers, even if Shishi had a little funny accent and stumbled over the word. Suzuki was going apoplictic over the fact that he was once again being ignored in favor of the damn drinks. Holiday or whatever, they weren't paying him one bit of attention. Especially Shishi. Oh well, they were demons and it was a human drink so it didn't really give either three much of a buzz. It might as well have been water they were downing.
All four briefly looked at the door leading to the livingroom when they heard Rinku making odd, joyful or angry noises. Obviously he had awoken enough to start playing his precious video games, which meant the others would do best to avoid the livingroom for awhile. Suzuki grabbed the collar of Shishi's jacket and proceeded to drag him up the stairs, all the while Shishi was showing his appreciation by cussing and stumbling after him. Jin let out a hearty laugh as his ears rounded out and the little current turned joyful as it normally was.
"Do ya think they will get together finally?" Jin asked, his voice rolling meerily in it's lilting way. Touya smirked and shook his head and held his glass out for a refill.
"Not today. So how are you?" Touya inquired as the cool liquid pooled into his cup before sipping it. Jin poured his own again and copied Touya even as he nodded his head. They listened a bit to Rinku's 'Ha take that sucker's and 'Damn you to hell's as he played his game. Both were wondering why Chuu had been up this morning and wondering how he hadn't found the guinness. The man was like a blood hound when it came to drinks. They simply didn't last long in that house.
"Grand, an' ya?" Jin responded after a little while. He sat himself on the counter, which irked Touya some but he didn't say anything, it wouldn't be a new fight and he had given up hope on curing the Irish demon of that habit. Touya chose his battles well and fought them valiantly, much to Jin's amusement.
"Hm...Grand, I suppose," Touya muttered over the rim as he swallowed the rest of his in one go. Not that there had been much left regardless. The ice master put his glass in the sink, Suzuki had dishes tonight, and besides Touya hated the warm water. Truth be told, the ice master really wasn't 'grand' at all. He simply couldn't get the delinquent's face out of his mind.
"Really, anythin' I can help ya with?" Touya pondered the question carefully. Jin and Yusuke were getting to be close friends. Shaking his head in a negative, Touya leaned back and crossed his arms. The conversation was ended and Jin understood that because his long time friend hadn't opened his eyes. The Irishman felt bad for him, after all he knew Touya's infatuation with Yusuke, yet still Yusuke chased some other skirt. /Not that that is hard ta understand. Keiko is a queer bit of skirt!/ Jin thought as he reflected on the lovely girl.
This is the first chapter, there will be a second and even more hilarity, hopefully. I've been told I have a wicked sense of humor, but then again I am also called humorless by some. So, maybe it's funny, maybe it isn't. Either way there will be a second chapter containing more stupid-ly goodness!
Question: Should this be a two-shot or a short mini-fic?