Author's Notes

I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE! Not only was I really busy, but I was suffering horribly from writer's block. I hope it was worth the wait! Don't guest review, please!

Notice Me

How do I get Priscilla to notice me?

Guy has been pondering this question for weeks. He knows that Priscilla is adopted into royalty, which is a strike against him because of his Sacaen heritage. He also knows how prim and pristine and polite she is in comparison to his awkwardness, which is another strike against him. And lastly, the fact that he knows Heath is basically superior to him in every way in terms of physicality and social skills pretty much strikes Guy out as a worthy contender for Priscilla.

But he doesn't want to give up, despite the fact that he is completely out of her league.

And so, he makes the logical choice to consult the love expert of the army, Sain, for advice.

"If you really want to make an impression on Priscilla, constantly injure yourself and have her heal you! Eventually, she'll never stop thinking about you, simply because she'll never get the chance to think about anything else!"

Guy assumes this to be a good idea, so he purposely gives himself paper cuts, slivers, and other variously unimportant injuries and uses these as excuses to talk to Priscilla. It works out nicely for a few minutes, until he eventually trips and accidentally breaks both of his arms. On this particular day, Priscilla is unfortunately out of staves, and nobody else seems to have any healing items, so Hector has to forcibly crack, break, and reposition Guy's arm bones back into place so he can hopefully heal properly. It is after this occasion that Priscilla and Heath leave alone to the nearest town to buy more healing items.

Needless to say, after the pain and suffering of two improperly healed arms, Guy decides to abandon the plan and try another method instead.

"EVERY girl loves flowers! Find some red roses and watch her cheeks grow rosy with appreciation and happiness!"

Searching for a vendor who actually sells roses in the cold mountains of Bern is an extremely expensive pursuit, but eventually, a single red rose is added to Guy's inventory. As he finds Priscilla and waves her over in the blizzard, a single wyvern lands on top of Guy and squashes him into the ground. An unknowing Heath then exits the wyvern and hands Priscilla a bouquet of roses he hand-picked from a distant land, just for her. It isn't until a few days later that an annoyed Hector finds Guy and rips him out of the ground before chastising him for playing in the snow when they have to get going.

Needless to say, after needing assistance to relieve himself for the next few weeks, Guy decides to never look at another flower again.

"Here's the most foolproof method of gaining a woman into your life! Buy the biggest box of chocolates you can, write a love letter on it, and watch her swoon into your arms when she reads your heartfelt words and eats your delicious sweets!"

After stopping at the local gift shop a few cities away, Guy finds what he is looking for: a big box of heart-shaped chocolates. Returning back to their camp with his gift in tow, he runs towards Priscilla's tent and leaves the goods there before hiding in the bush. Within a few minutes, Heath happens to walk by the tent and picks up Guy's perfectly position present in curiosity, and at that precise moment, Priscilla exits her tent. Smiling in glee at the gift, she kisses Heath on the cheek and scampers off to the healer's tent to tell the other clerics about it, with Heath in pursuit. And now is the unfortunate moment when Guy remembers that he forgot to write his name on the card.

Needless to say, after witnessing this event, Guy decides that at this rate, he will never be able to win over Priscilla's heart.

"I feel bad for you, but in the end, we are all destined to be with one specific person. You know I flirted with every single girl in this army, but in the end, only one of them actually responded positively to it. She was the last one I ever attempted to flirt with and for good reason, but after falling in love with her and marrying her, I realized my futility in attempting to woo the others. When you find that special someone, you'll understand..."

Sain's advice encourages Guy to start looking for his special someone within the rest of the unmarried girls in the army to try and ease his newfound loneliness. Perhaps the one he is destined to be with by the Holy Wind and Earth is right in front of him and he doesn't know it!

However, after compiling a list of who's still available, he deduces that either his special someone is not in this army... or the Wind and Earth is playing a very mean prank on him. Regardless, he decides to press on and talk to them anyway.

The only women left are Vaida, the overly-commanding Bern deserter; Serra, the abnormally self-centered cleric; and Lucius, the inexplicably female monk. The first attempts at conversation do not go very far; Vaida instantly threatens to feed Guy to her wyvern before he can even speak, and Serra forces Guy to carry her to her tent the moment he says hello. The only meaningful and enjoyable conversation he has is with Lucius... until Hector shows up and jokingly asks Guy if he's so desperate for female attention that he has to flirt with a man like Lucius to get it.

Needless to say, Hector and Lucius laugh at the (supposed to be) un-insulting joke while Guy resists the urge to bang a rock against his head.

Having run out of options, Guy decides not to think about companionship anymore; he's been unattached his whole life, so what's the problem with staying that way? The problem is, Priscilla still dominates his mind... and yet, there is nothing he can do about it.

All he can do is mope as Priscilla emerges from the healer's tent. All he can do is sigh in disappointment as Priscilla sits down next to him. All he can do is groan in anguish as she kisses his cheek. All of these horrible things happening to him, and...

"Huh?"

Wait, what? Priscilla kissed me?

"What... what was that about?" Guy stutters, his awkwardness manifesting itself in his body as he speaks. "I thought..."

"It was from Sain that I found out that you... wanted me to notice you," she says, blushing slightly. "And, everything you did... I did notice. Healing all those little injuries on you increased my healing abilities enough to save a friend's life a few days ago. I found the... flattened rose in your tent, and I attached it to my tome as decoration," she explains, holding up a Fire tome with the squashed rose pressed onto it. "And finally, when I read the card that came with the chocolates... I saw the proof of purchase seal with your signature inside the box."

She chuckles into her hand. "It wasn't until Sain... told me everything that I put the pieces together."

By now, Guy is still confused. "But... what about Heath? Wasn't he trying to... grab your attention, too?"

Priscilla frowns in puzzlement. "Heath? Oh... the bundle of roses was actually a gift for my adoptive parents to be sent to their home. And I thought that he had bought the chocolates... but he explained that they weren't his immediately after I undeservingly kissed him." Another chuckle. "But I'm so glad I found out it was you... because you were right, and I just didn't notice it before; I am curious... about you."

A dumbfounded Guy somehow gets through the rest of the conversation before Priscilla is informed that she has to tend to a patient, but she does give him a kiss on his other cheek before she leaves. Perhaps the Wind and Earth has heard his pleas, and guided today's events to his benefit.

Needless to say, he immediately puts away the heartwarming thought when Hector shows up and claps Guy's back in greeting... and dislocates it.

Right after Priscilla uses the last stave to heal one of Sain's paper cuts.

"Darn, it happened again," Hector groans. "That sucks. Well, guess I have to fix that, too..."

THE END

Author's Notes

Glad to be back in the world of Fanfiction! Poor Guy. He got destroyed in this fic. At least everything turned out okay!

This fic is for Cormag Ravenstaff! I KNEW I had to write a humour fic for him, but for the life of me, I just COULD NOT come up with an idea. The only reason I kept trying to come up with one was because I promised him his request would be next. It wasn't until I stopped thinking about it for a week until I finally got an idea to work with. THIS is why I almost never write requests in a predetermined order!

The flower scenario took place sometime in chapter 25 (chapter 27 Hector mode) in-game, which is the only chapter in a snowy environment. I just wanted to make it even more ridiculous than it already was. :D

Priscilla's last line is based on her A support with Guy, where Guy says she's... "curious," even though I'm assuming he wanted to say "cute." The fact she took it seriously (in the fic, anyway) makes it a bit cuter in my eyes.

I'm not entirely sure why, but I always need something bad to happen to Guy right after thinking that the Holy Wind and Earth are helping him. I used that reasoning in the Kissing Booth sequel too. Again, not sure why, but if people think it's funny, then it doesn't matter. :p

FINALLY beat the first five chapters (not counting the premonition chapter) of Lunatic+ for FE13. IT'S PAINFUL. Now that I've unlocked the DLC gate, I can actually get somewhere. If anyone wants to attempt this hell-mode, shadowofchaos725 has a few videos on YouTube that are quite helpful. You can't do it exactly like he did, but the guidelines are there for you to do it your own way. If you want a PURE Fire Emblem challenge, I still highly recommend FE5, (which you should play after beating FE4!) even though it is the most frustrating Fire Emblem game created. It's an amazing game, it's just TOO DAMN HARD. Alright, I'm done ranting now. PLAY THESE GAMES!

Well, after a long delay in writing, let's try to get back on track. See you guys at Faithful!