A/N: This does not paint Mary Winchester in a good light, so if that bothers you please leave. For those of you who decided to stay, hi!
I wrote this after seeing In The Beginning, I got to thinking that it's possible that the boys could hate (or possibly resent) their mother, Sam more than Dean, mostly because Sam doesn't remember his mother, and how she had been, among other things. Dean would while not hating Mary, would probably resent her for not trying more to protect her family.
Anywho this fic I guess is a What If, a look into the possibility and nothing to do with hating Mary, so no Flames!
The Woman
He called her The Woman because that's what she was to him. She wasn't Mom, or even Mary…at least not anymore, no she was just The Woman.
He suppose it started when he was about five, when he started asking questions.
"Why does Daddy have to leave?"
"How come we always have to move?"
"Daddy, where's Mommy?"
"Why don't we have a Mom?"
And he was always met with sad looks or
"Quit asking Sammy!"
By the time he was six, he learned to only think about his Mom in his head, sometimes he would even make secret plans to go find his mother, so both his brother and Dad wouldn't be sad anymore, he never did. (Once he made it to the door, only to be caught by his Dad who asked where he was going, he didn't say anything wanting it to be a surprise)
When he was eight, he saw a picture of her for the first time, it was hidden in his Dad's journal, one of those items he wasn't supposed to touch, but he did and he found it.
She was so beautiful.
Dad caught him looking at it, and instead of getting scolded, his Dad took him in his arms, sat down and started telling stories about her.
It was one and only time his Dad willingly talked about her.
He turned twelve when he learned the truth, learned why his Dad was always gone, why his Dad drunk more than he should and why he cried for his wife at night.
By the time he fourteen, he stopped thinking of her as Mom (As far as he was concern, Dean was his mother, father, best friend, teacher, just about everything) and started thinking of her as Mary, he also started to resent her.
After all if she hadn't died then his Dad wouldn't have to always be gone, and he wouldn't be fighting for a woman he only knew by name, a picture, and stories.
His brother wouldn't get this longing look in his eyes whenever he saw a mother and child walking down the street.
They wouldn't have to move from place to place.
They could have a normal life.
His Dad wouldn't be crying some nights, when he thought he children were sleeping.
They wouldn't be lying to people.
They would have a home.
A life.
True he probably should blame the demon that killed her, and at that time he did, along with her, and contrary to what others believed, he didn't blame his Dad. Yes he argued with the man, but not because he hated the Hunting Life, but because he wanted Dad, who he loved, to stop, make him see that this was really a lost cause, that killing the Demon that killed her wasn't going to make anything better, wasn't going to change the fact that she was gone, that she was the cause of everything.
That he kept dreaming of coming home one day to find him and Dean dead, mauled by something they couldn't kill.
When he was eighteen, he told his Dad that he had no Mother, and got backhanded.
He also decided it was time to leave.
Truth be told he wasn't really going to leave for Stanford, he only applied because the Counselor at the school he was currently attending pushed him to apply, and was surprised he not only got in, but with a full ride.
No, he was content to stay with his Dad and Dean, until that night, where he finally saw that his Dad wasn't going to stop, and Dean as loyal as he was, and maybe because he too saw her died, and knew who she had been, was going right along with him.
He refused to watch them burn to the ground.
So he left.
Three days into the Semester and he found a picture of her and Dad, Dean probably snuck it in there, he wanted to rip it and burn it. He didn't, instead he framed it and placed it close, so every time he looked at it he wouldn't forget.
He was twenty-two when he saw her again, and she told him she was sorry.
He was more curious then forgiving.
She became The Woman when he was twenty-six, she was still Mary and the resentment, anger, and hate wasn't so strong then.
Then Dean went to the past.
When his brother told how Mary had made the deal that she was the reason for everything that happens to him and his family that she sold him. He had so many questions, but the most important one was
Why didn't she find a way to better protect herself and her family?
Why didn't she protect him better?
After all she was hunter, she knew the dangers that were out there, she knew about Deals.
Sure he could blame Heaven and Hell for this, after all they had planned this, but he and his brother had done the impossible, they stopped something that was written.
So why couldn't she?
After that there was nothing but anger towards her, anger, hate, and…. heartbreak.
Dean and his Dad always told him that she loved him, that she died for him. It was one of the reasons why he didn't full on hate her, but now that was it.
He has no more love for her.
The one who broke his family.
The Woman.
Any questions?
Review Please!