Tongue Tied
Summary: Jack finds out that there is one time and place where it really doesn't do well to be tongue tied. S/J.
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or its characters, or any kitchen appliances or a cat or a pair of pink gumboots. It's sad, really.
My dear Sammie
Scrap that. Scrap it right now. Seriously. Can you imagine calling her that and living to tell the tale? I can see it now; me lying on the floor with a broken nose, her looking hot with a fist full of BAM! Yep. Scrap the Sammie.
To Carter
To Carter? That's the best you've got? Now is not the right time to masculinize a woman. Even Carter – queen of gung ho. Sam, I mean. Even Sam – queen of gung ho.
Damn it! This shouldn't be that hard. I've done this before. It should be easy. Simple. It would be simple if Daniel had actually helped me when I'd asked. For crying out loud; the one time I ask for his help and he scrams. Usually it's "In case you were wondering, Jack…" or "If you need me, Jack…" but today? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I should have replaced him with Teal'c. He'd have been be far more willing to participate in this Earth tradition.
"Speak from your heart, Jack."
That's the only advice he gave me. I swear he was more useful when he was a glowing ball of crap. Speak from your heart? If I could speak from my heart, Daniel, I wouldn't need your help! Believe me, after god knows how many years of keeping it in, it's a little hard to let it all out now. Particularly seeing as Hammond's only ten feet away.
Why didn't I do this weeks ago? She did hers weeks ago. I know because I caught her writing them when she thought I wasn't looking. She should know better by now. I'm always looking.
Well, now she's looking at me. And I don't have a single damned thing to say to her because I've been too stupid to realize that she wasn't going to change her mind and leave me in last minute. Daniel said she wouldn't. Great – so now I know the space monkey does know everything.
Speak from your heart.
I can do that, right? I mean, I have got one. In there…somewhere.
Why did I have to go first? If she went first I could at least get some good ideas. She's full of them. She's got nuclear reactor ideas, base upgrade ideas, life-changing stuff. And I can't even give her a few words about what why we're here. Come on, O'Neill. Wedding vows can't be as hard as nuclear physics.
And she's looking at me with those eyes. She's looking at me and she knows. Ah, crap, she knows. But she's smiling. Why is she smiling? Her grumpy old fiancée is about to make mistake number seventy seven and disappointment number infinity!
Is infinity a number? Maybe I should ask. No, Jack – wait till this is all over. No point in going into math at a wedding. Particularly yours.
She's got my hand. A squeeze! She gave my hand a squeeze! I swear this woman is a goddess. She knows I have nothing to say and she's smiling and squeezing! I'm a lucky son of a bitch.
Not that I have nothing to say. There's a heap of it in there somewhere. About how smart she is, how loving. How warm and tender and sexy and…ok, so maybe this isn't the right setting to talk about how sexy she is, but still. She is! Even in white!
Right, O'Neill. She's holding your hand. She's smiling. She's waiting. This is it.
"Sam."
Yep – good start. No fists in the nasal vicinity.
Crap. What comes next? I'm sure a one syllable name doesn't constitute a life long promise. Well, it might for the Shavadai, but I'm fairly sure Sam would leave me if I took our relationship in that direction. I'm surprised she hasn't left me at all.
Right. Wedding vows.
"I…I'm not very good at this…speaking thing…"
That's it. Let them know it's going to suck before it does. As it does. After it does. If this damned ordeal ever ends, that is.
"You…"
Go with it, you old buffoon!
"You…you never really know what's going to happen when you meet someone. Uh…I mean, we've been tripped up a lot from people playing that whole genuine act. But…what I'm trying to say is…"
Oh brother.
"From the moment I met you, I knew that you were going to make me the happiest man alive."
Yes! Stick with that!
"Every day I have known you, you have made me happy. And I hope that I can do the same for you for as long as we both shall…"
Uh! Cliché territory. Back away slowly.
"Well, I mean, some days you've made me feel terrible. But that's mostly when you've been sick or dying or…grumpy…"
She's laughing now. Great. Fantastic. This wasn't supposed to make her laugh. This was supposed to make her happy and blushing and maybe a little teary.
But no. She's laughing. That's it. Just get it over with so that this thing can be over.
"I love you, Sam. I can't remember when I haven't. I…I love you…that's all I've got."
That was horrible. You screwed up your wedding vows and she's going to leave you before it even begins. You idiotic, old…
Wait a minute. She's still smiling. And…there are tears. The happy ones. No way. There is no way in hell she didn't hate that.
But she's smiling. And she's holding my hand. And she loves me.
Maybe this wedding thing isn't so bad after all.