This story just came to me one day when a few of my internet friends and I were talking on Skype. It went kind of like this.
Chalkie: HIK, HEY, HIK, I'm cold... you know why?
Hik/Iggy: Because I'm British?
Chalkie: YES! XD
Me: Iggy is British. He should be the next Doctor. .3.
Hik/Iggy: Wait, wut q^p
Chalkie: YES! DO IT!
Me: I shall make a fanfiction of this!
So yes, we decided to make our British friend the next Doctor. And his companion is another friend on mine, Jess, but I call her Yuki. So she's Yuki in this.
WARNING: Ehh, there's a lot of inside jokes in here, and it's mainly just a parody of Doctor Who. Yeah. Nothing serious. A lot of crack pairings, so there's no serious romance either. Just to tease~
A young girl was on her bed, laying on her tummy, swinging her feet and eating Pocky like a lazy teenager. She was searching the web, looking at funny cat pictures and just being a regular teen enjoying life.
AND THEN A GIANT BIRD BROKE THROUGH HER WINDOW, SCOOPED HER UP AND ATE HER IN ONE BITE.
Heh, no, that didn't happen.
Damn kids and their wild imaginations.
INSTEAD, a loud whooshing noise was heard outside her window. It was like, "WHOOOOOOSHOWOOOHWOHOHWOHSOHOOOS"
Having never heard such a noise before, she rolled off her bed, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turdle style, and peeked out her window.
She scanned the streets, seeing nothing but cars, mailboxes, some little boy getting raped, and a giant blue telephone box in the middle of the road.
Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, she got back on her bed, and reached for another Pocky.
Just as she put the stick in her mouth (Kappa), her door broke down and in walked a man carrying a giant tub of popcorn.
"You!" He pointed dramatically at her.
The girl blinked, looking behind her to see if there was a chance that he could be talking to someone else, but saw no one and turned back to the Popcorn Man.
"Me?"
"No, your lamp- YES you!" He flicked a single popcorn at her.
The girl flaised, almost falling off her bed from the attack.
"CUM WITH ME!" He grabbed her arm and ran out the room, running down the stairs and out into the streets. They passed by the little kid getting raped, ignoring him as he reached out his hand for help, and went straight towards the telephone box.
"UNHAND ME, YOU FILTHY PEASANT!" The girl screamed, but not really, because this is 2013.
"What are you doing?" She questioned calmly, because she's pretty sure there are other teenage girls who are taken out of their house by a strange man carrying popcorn and into a blue telephone box.
"Thinking of where we should go." The man replied, shoving the giant tub of popcorn into his pants before opening the door and walking inside.
The door shut and the girl just stood there for a minute, confused. Soon, the man stuck his head out, "GET IN HERE!" and pulled her in.
Nearly tripping and falling flat on her face, the girl was pulled in, not taking in her surroundings as she grabbed for something to steady herself. She found a nearby railing, and briefly wondered if telephone boxes would even have such a thing.
And then, of course, she looked up, and saw that she was most likely not in a telephone box.
"IT'S BIGGER ON THE INSIDE!" Came the cliché line that kind of sounds like an innuendo.
The man nearly waved it off, pressing various buttons and pulling various levers.
"WHAT!" The girl yelled, spinning in circles and looking at the ceiling.
There was a moment of silence where the man didn't bother to explain anything, instead continuing to press buttons.
"WHAT!" She yelled again.
More lever pulling.
"WHAT!"
"Can you please stop that, it's getting annoying."
"Sorry." She paused, blinking, before getting angry, "NO! I'M NOT SORRY, WHERE THE FUCK AM I!"
"You're in a Tardis." He said, as if it was obvious.
"Oh ok." The girl sat down on a chair that was there for some reason. Do not question a chair's existence. "What the fuck is a Tardis?"
The man glared at her, looking as if she was stupid for not knowing such a thing, and simply stated, "A time machine."
"A… time machine? Seriously?"
"No. There's a more complex way of describing it, but a time machine will do for now."
The girl stood up dramatically, pointing her finger at him, "YOU CALLING ME STUPID? HUH? YOU WANNA GO? BITCH, DO YOU EVEN LIFT?"
The man brought out a clipboard, "Name."
"…Huh?" She dropped her arm, blinking a few times.
"Your name, what's your name?"
The girl squinted, "Just… call me Yuki."
The man raised an eyebrow but said nothing, merely writing down this information. Yuki tried to peek at the board, but the man quickly hid it, not wanting her to see that it was actually just a companion audition sheet.
"Well, now that you know my name, what's yours?"
"Well, since you didn't even give me your real name-"
"BITCH, ANSWER ME!"
"Just call me the Doctor." The Doctor fixed his coat collar, pretending to not look intimidated by the young girl.
"No."
"…Excuse me?"
"I'm calling you Iggy. Fits better."
"No… that's a terrible name." The Doctor looked offended.
"YOU SHALL BE IGGY AND YOU WILL ACCEPT IT YOU LITTLE BITCH!" Again, The Docto- err, Iggy, flinched and turned away, trying to act brave.
"…Fine then. But don't try to rope other people into calling me that."
"So I take it where gonna see other people?" Yuki sat back down in her chair, which she has now claimed as hers. "Where are we going?"
Iggy squinted at the controls, thinking, before finally deciding, "ENGLAND!"
Yuki thought that made perfect sense, considering that the Doctor had a British accent.
AND SO, OUR TWO FELLOW ADVENTURERS MADE THEIR WAY TO THE UK WITH THEIR TIME MACHINE THAT WAS NOT GOING TO BE QUESTIONED BY YUKI BECAUSE SHE'LL JUST ROLL WITH IT LIKE IT'S ALL GUUD MANG. IT'S ALL GUUD.
EXPECT MORE CHAPTERS. THIS IDEA WAS GUUD. I LIKE EET. IT MAKES ME LAUGH. I ENJOY IT. THERE. JUST... BE HAPPY~