AN: This fic is about two adults in a healthy relationship communicating and healing and all about emotional support, but there are indirect references to past abuse and trauma, so I'm putting a bit of a trigger warning here for this fic about two sweethearts that's full of emotional support for past experiences (and filled with warm and fuzzy feelings)
When they started adding in the sexual aspect, he knew enough to be cautious. Slow, careful, supportive.
Gamora never really talked about her past, especially not specifics, but he knew enough that this was something very important.
They talk about it a lot before bringing that specific aspect of physical intimacy into their relationship.
This is another night where they were just talking- still in the broaching the subject phase of their romantic relationship. They still haven't started yet.
But these quiet talks they have are nice.
"I have had some… unpleasant experiences," Gamora told him, and even those words were hard to get out.
She felt he had a right to know, though. As her partner, they were going to be doing this together, and people shared feelings and stuff when they were in a relationship together.
She felt he should know beforehand, since she didn't even know if she would have any trouble with it, but it seemed like something that would ostensibly affect an individual engaging in sexual relations.
Since this was all new to her, she didn't know if any issues would come up as they explored the aspect further. She didn't know if she would have any problems, since this was her first time by choice.
But she wanted to, she really did. Wanted to join with him in this way too, and she wanted to enjoy it with someone she loved.
But there's the nervousness of the unknown mixed with anxiety of the known.
It wasn't like she was dreading it or anything. She was looking forward to it- to actually starting, because kissing Peter felt good, and she wanted more and more and more.
The only thing she was even close to dreading was this conversation. But she felt he should know beforehand.
So yes, she was sharing. Because sharing is what you do in a relationship.
And even though she didn't like talking about it, she felt it was better that he knew.
It was clear to see by the look in his eyes at her words that Peter comprehended the deeper meaning- he realized the significance of her words. Knew what she was trying to say without actually saying it.
She could tell by the look in his eye that he understood the seriousness behind those words, and she let out a little sigh of relief that she didn't have to spell it out any further for him.
"Yeah, me too," he nodded in something like solidarity, and just like that all her relief was gone.
Gamora whipped her head back up to glare at him, snarling, and actually considered pulling a knife on him, thinking he was mocking her.
She saw in his eyes that he understood what she meant, so comparing that to his conquests that didn't end well and resulted in his injury because he had already moved onto another woman- that was intentional, and cruel.
Here she was being vulnerable, and he was belittling her experiences. Gamora felt like stabbing him. She refrained, though.
"Peter," she growled, and he held up his hands in defense.
"Woah, woah, woah!" He looked truly alarmed by her reaction. Good. He should be.
"You know I didn't mean it like that." She sounded like she was issuing a threat.
She was pissed as hell, all her walls slamming back up and going back to anger and lashing out as a defense mechanism.
His eyebrows pulled together, and comprehension dawned on his face.
"I didn't mean it like that, either," Peter said quietly. The sincerity and vulnerability in that statement had all the residual anger slipping away from her in a second.
Gamora's eyes widened, her expression softening as the defensiveness left her and the reactive anger faded away.
Till she was just staring at him with big eyes, filled with a mix of caution, surprise, and concern.
"Really? That- too?" She asked him, her voice small.
He shrugged, avoiding her eyes.
And she knew what that answer meant.
She grabbed his hand, interlacing their fingers together. She knew how much her touch reassured him.
"Sorry for, for doing that just now," she apologized, quite penitent, feeling guilty for misinterpreting his honest statement as something malicious and overreacting and lashing out when he was opening up to her. "I thought you were joking," she explained, feeling very, very guilty about her reaction just now.
"It'd be a pretty shitty thing to joke about."
Now she felt even worse, because it was clear that he felt bad that she thought he'd make fun of her or joke about that. When of course he wouldn't. This was Peter.
She really screwed this up, and she wanted to make it right.
Gamora moved closer so she was snuggling right up against him, laying her head on his shoulder.
"I know you wouldn't," she told him softly. "I got kind of worked up about telling you tonight. I don't exactly like talking about it. Don't like thinking about it. Sorry, I was just, I don't know… sorry…" She exhaled deeply, pausing a moment before taking an even deeper breath in, letting his calming scent center her.
Peter wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer, and kissed the top of her head.
"S'okay. I know this stuff is hard for you. Thanks for trusting me with that."
Her heart swelled at that. There was a little ache at how he said that like it wasn't clearly just as hard for him, but mostly her heart felt warm and full.
"Thank you for being the kind of person I know I can trust," she replied, and that earned her a chuckle.
They stayed like that for a bit in a relaxed silence, nice and comfortable.
Gamora was tracing soft circles on his hip when she spoke again, "I didn't know that. You are so comfortable, and on good and familiar terms with sex, unlike me. And you have- a lot of sex. And actually have fun doing it. I didn't think you…" she trailed off.
"Yeah, well, doing stuff you wanna do can help with the stuff you didn't wanna do sometimes," he offered with a soft and knowing smile.
"Thank you for telling me, Peter. I appreciate it. Thank you for trusting me. I value that very much. Thank you for your trust," she told him, veritably burrowing into the crook of his neck, and reveling in the breath of his smile. She was feeling better about talking about it already.
Good idea, past Gamora. She thought maybe she was getting the hang of this whole sharing thing. And maybe she was getting the hang of this whole relationship thing too. Or at least starting to.
Besides. There's no one she'd rather learn how to share herself with than Peter Quill. He already had all her love.
There was no one else she'd rather grow with.
