Them, Again
"Kill me now," Daria groaned as she banged her head against the steering wheel of her sedan. After spending so many years away from the one place she tried to get away from, she had returned—and for what? Her vow with her long-term best friend Jane to suffer through this event together? She had better show up, the brunette thought darkly. She unbuckled her seatbelt and exited the vehicle, straightening her slim glasses and surveying her surroundings. Even after all this time, not much had changed about Lawndale High. The only obvious differences were the tacky paint job and the even tackier sign hanging above the gym, advertising a class reunion. The parking lot was full of cars already—most of the attendees must have arrived early.
Daria head a car door slam behind her. Turning around, she saw the one person who had convinced her to come back, who was getting out of her convertible. Tattoos lined up the side of her leg, and another one was visible on her neck. Her hair was still mostly jet black, but with a few red highlights in it. Jane had a crafty smile on her face as she walked towards Daria. "So you did make it after all."
Her friend replied in a drone, "Let's just get this over with."
"Aw, don't you miss our fellow classmates?" teased the artist, pulling out her camera from her sling bag.
Daria scowled. "Oh, don't tell me you're thinking of taking pictures."
Jane snapped a quick picture, much to her friend's displeasure. "Just think, those years were supposed to be the best of our life," she said, pointing to the high school. "And we always enjoyed degrading it then, why not now? Don't you wonder how the others turned out?"
"That's what the internet is for."
"Oh, but that isn't the same," argued Jane as they starting walking towards the gym. "You get to see the horror in person."
Daria mused, "Well, maybe this will make great material for my next book then."
"As if your other six books weren't successful enough," remarked Jane as she adjusted the lens on her camera. "How's the paper going by the way?"
"Well enough," replied the brunette. "Surprisingly enough, people appreciate my point of view. Between being a critic and reporter, I almost don't have enough time to write my books."
"And yet you still manage it, while I'm lucky to get one art piece out a month, not counting the honorary visits at the tattoo parlor."
Daria smirked. "Don't you have a show next week?"
"Yeah. Guess I'll have to up it to one piece a week. I need something to complete the 'Devil's pottery' collection I've been working on."
"Going to make horns and flames as the designs?"
Jane shook her head. "No, no, nothing that old-fashioned. It's all abstract—it only has to be labeled with the name, not necessarily look like it."
"Sounds like you're being lazy again."
"Nah, it's conceptual, don't you know that? I've gotta give that art school credit—they taught me that I could get away with anything."
"Good to know that paying to learn art wasn't a complete waste of time."
"It's really more like a business school," Jane replied. By this point, they had reached the front of the gym. She turned to Daria and asked, "Well, are you ready to go in?"
"As long as I can still make it out in time."
"In time for what?"
"In time to keep my sanity."
Jane muttered, "Too late for that." Daria glared at her and pushed on the gym doors.
Inside, many of their former classmates had already gathered, some with people they had never seen. Daria assumed they must be family and spouses. Tables with refreshments were located at the center of the gym, and a holographic slideshow of their yearbook pictures were displayed on a screen on the stage, along with music from the year they graduated. She quickly made sure the exits were exactly where they had been twenty years ago before proceeding with her friend to the registration table.
Mr. O' Neill, who looked the same, aside from an entire head of white hair, was there to greet them. "Ah, Daria and Jane! Good to see you two!" He coughed a little and pulled out a hankerchief. "Sorry, guess my age is catching up with my enthusiasm. Just check off your name on the list and grab a name tag!"
Daria said cynically, "Because I'm sure all of our classmates forgot us by now."
"Who are you again?" Jane asked her. As they were signing the list, Jane inquired, "Where's Mrs. O'Neill?" It was public knowledge that he had proposed to Mrs. Barch the year after they graduated.
"Well, uh, you see," Mr. O'Neill stammered, wiping a tear from his eye, "she, uh, couldn't make it."
Jane explaimed, "Oh no! What happened?" Daria stared at her. "What? I can care sometimes."
"She got sick…" sniffed the aged teacher. "I'm afraid she won't be joining us." He went into full hysteria, sobbing uncontrollably.
Jane and Daria looked at each other awkwardly. "I'm, uh, sorry to hear that," Daria told him.
"It's okay," he cried. "Just go enjoy being young! Enjoy your youth! Wahh!" He put his head down and continued crying.
As the girls walked away, Jane piped up, "I guess this would be a bad time to tell him we're almost 40."
"You're the one who started that conversation," accused Daria.
"Like I knew the answer to my question. Guess I should remember to check the obituaries before coming to class reunions."
"Well, well, well," a familiar voice said. "And who do we have here?" They turned around to see Charles Ruttheimer III standing behind them.
"Oh, come on Upchuck, surely you haven't forgotten us," remarked Jane.
The red-haired man crossed his arms. "I'll have you know, I do not go by that name anymore. I am a self-made man."
Daria turned her head. "How did you manage making your organs?"
"Ha! I see you haven't lost your wit, Ms. Morgendorffer. I've read a few of your books, actually. They're quite fascinating. As for me, I run a few businesses around town. My father sent me to business college, and helped me with my first by giving me one of his. No one has been more supportive than my wife, however. Andrea!"
The girl whom they had known in school as a chubby goth chick was now a rather attractive woman—who had not, however, lost her taste in black. Her outfit was complete with black nails, black eyeliner, black dress, and black heels. Daria could not help but think of what her fashion-crazed sister would say at the sight. "Hello, Daria and Jane."
"Hey," they replied.
"Yep, things are just going spiffy. How are things going for you?"
Daria and Jane both updated him on what was going on in their lives. After a few minutes, Charles looked down at his watch. "Ah! It is time for me to make some announcements! I must go now, but I am pleased to have met you again. I hope you girls enjoy the reunion." He waved as he walked away with Andrea on his arm.
"That was short," Jane commented.
Daria shrugged. "Fine with me." Charles's voice echoed throughout the gym, giving reminders to those who attended to sign in.
"You really don't like being here, do you?"
"Do I have to answer that?"
Jane sighed. Some things just never changed, even if their classmates did. "How about getting a drink?" she suggested, nudging her friend towards the refreshments.
Daria replied dryly, "Only if it's a stiff one."
"Hey, loosen up. If it makes you feel better, I did bring a flask…."
"And you're just telling me this now?" Jane reached inside her jacket, but Daria shook her head. "Better not. I've got to drive home tonight."
"But aren't you staying with your parents tonight?"
Daria blinked. "On second thought, hand it over." She reached for the hidden drink.
At that precise moment, Mrs. Li came up to them. Both of the women hid their hands behind them. "Well, hello there. Good to see our former students come to these events! And what successes the two of you have made. Daria, you're an established writer and, uh,"—Mrs. Li looked at the nametag on the artist—"Jane…what do you do again?"
"I sell art and stuff."
"Right. Well, that's still successful! And if you, say, feel compelled to donate to the school that gave you your starts, then by all means! No pressure from me," stated the high school principal, even as she leaned in their faces.
Daria lied, "We'll think about it."
"That's the spirit! And now, if you'll excuse me, I must go meet our other donors—I mean—former students!" She power-walked away, striking up a conversation another set of what Daria considered unfortunate souls.
"I could see why you didn't want to bring Jack," remarked Daria.
"Yeah. He totally would have decked her. Besides, he's not a spouse, and he's not family. He's just my fiancé, which is good enough for him. He's a bit like you, not accustomed to all these crowds. He wasn't really keen on meeting people he didn't know anyway." Jane looked sideways at her brunette friend. "So is there any reason that you haven't settled down?"
"Oh, not this again." She began making her way towards the refreshments again.
Jane commented, "Well, you always avoid the subject."
"Maybe I just don't want to talk about it."
"Hey, girls!" a familiar squeaky voice called out. Brittany, the former cheerleader of their class, approached them, with another girl at her side.
"Hey, Brittany! How are you doing?" Jane inquired.
"I'm great! I want you to meet my girlfriend, Lucy," Brittany said, motioning to a tall girl with short brown hair next to her. "Lucy, this is Jane and Daria." She leaned into Lucy's ear and whispered, though it was loud enough for Daria and Jane to hear. "They were the brains at our school." Lucy gasped a little, but composed herself and smiled generously.
"Me? A brain?" muttered Jane. "Perhaps her memory is a little faulty."
"It's nice to meet you," greeted Lucy.
Daria asked, "So how did you two meet?"
The couple giggled. "Well," Brittany replied, "I was actually working through college as an entertainer—"
"A stripper?" interrupted Jane.
Brittany stomped her foot and corrected her. "An entertainer!"
"Anyways, I was there auditioning and met Brittany—" Lucy continued.
"And we just hit it off!" finished Brittany. The two women giggled again.
Lucy declared, "We're getting married as soon as the bill passes in this state!"
"Yep, she even got me a ring!" Brittany announced, showing off a heart-shaped pink diamond on her hand.
"Wow, congratulations!" Jane said.
Daria added, "I hope you two do get to be married one day."
"You do?" Brittany asked in shock. "I thought you would be one of those old-fashioned conventional people—not that there's anything wrong with that."
"Nah. I think you should be just as miserable as any other married couple." Jane elbowed her.
"Wow, uh, thanks!" squeaked the peppy blonde. "Come on Lucy, let's go say hi to some other people!" They walked away, almost skipping together.
"That was almost nice of you, to a point," remarked Jane.
Daria shrugged. "I just don't like how unfair things are. Gay people can't get married, but straight people can get divorced. Go figure."
"Yeah. It sure has taken a while for the playing field to level out."
"So much for forward thinking."
They finally made their way to the refreshments. The people they met there either completely ignored them or just nodded in acknowledgment. "It's good to know we're just as popular now as we were back then," Jane observed.
"You don't want to be popular, do you?"
"Nah. Too much pressure. And heck, as an adult, popularity doesn't even really matter. Even in the real world, it's just politics. Nothing about popularity whatsoever."
Daria pointed out, "So high school was a lie."
"I thought we established this."
As they sipped the punch, they watched the slideshow. "Hey, I keep seeing Kevin in these pictures, but he's not here," stated Jane.
Daria reminded her, "No, he got held back, remember? That's how he ended up dating my sister."
"Oh yeah, that's right. I'm sorry."
"Are you apologizing for forgetting or for me having Kevin as a brother-in-law?"
"Both," answered Jane. "But mostly the latter." After a moment's thought, she said, "So much for Brittany and him having an 'eternal' love."
"Eh. We knew it would never work out. Besides, it looks like Brittany is quite happy right now."
Jane mused, "Wonder what Kevin would think if he found out."
"I think he knows. Quinn mentioned something about him being her best man in the wedding or something."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jane asked. "It would have saved me the trouble of asking."
"Didn't seem that important." Daria sipped her punch. "Mind passing over the flask now?" Jane passed over the silver bottle to her friend, who added a generous amount to her half-empty cup. "Thanks."
"No problem. I'm always prepared for emergencies."
"Please tell me I didn't see that," a woman's voice groaned. When Jane and Daria turned, they saw the voice belonged to Jodie. She had not changed much, though her braids were much longer now. She also had a pile of papers in her left hand—almost a familiar scene from high school.
Jane remarked, "I see you are staying busy. Where's Michael?"
"He'll be here in a minute. He was calling home to check on the kids. Since I was the former class president, I have to greet everyone with one of these papers, asking you for your contact information in case you want to keep in touch."
"I feel your pain," Daria sympathized.
Jane remarked, "With all the technology we have now, if I haven't decided to stalk anyone on the internet or keep up with them, I'm not likely to do that anytime soon."
"Which is why I'm not pressuring you two. Hey Daria, I saw your latest book made it to the bestseller list. Congrats," Jodie said.
The writer shrugged off the compliment. "Thanks. It's good to know what I lacked in popularity in high school I can make up for in the literary world."
"But it was really good. I can't wait to see your next book."
"Who says there will be a next one?"
"Your last chapter did," Jodie stated with a smile.
Daria rolled her eyes. "That was supposed to be an artistic cliffhanger."
"Taking after me, now are we?" asked Jane.
"Only when I start inking my words on skin."
"True. Maybe my next tat will be a quote from you, right along my back."
"Because nothing is as immortal as your flesh. Other than pages." Daria turned back to Jodie. "So how have things been going for you?"
"I've been a legal representative for those who are less fortunate than others. My parents don't approve of all the pro bono cases I work on, but it gives me great satisfaction to help others out."
"And Mac? I mean, Michael?" inquired Jane.
Jodie answered, "Well, when he's not busy spoiling the kids, he's a football coach for the university."
"If I actually kept up with football, I would know that, I guess."
Jodie chuckled. "Well, if nothing else, I wouldn't mind catching up with you two sometime. If you don't mind, that is."
Daria replied, "Of course. You're the only sane one around here."
"Other than us, of course," added Jane quickly.
Michael came up from behind Jodie and hugged her. "Hey there."
"Hey sweetie." She handed him a sheet from her pile. "Do you want one?" she asked with a wink.
"Aww, do I have to?"
Jane said with a serious face and tone, "Yes. It's mandatory. So we can stalk you and your little children."
Michael looked confused until Jodie assured him she was just teasing. Laughing, he said, "Well, at least I know I'm not the only one who doesn't want to take this seriously."
Jane pulled out her cell phone. "Well, would you look at the time. Speaking of serious, we should seriously go. Right, Daria?"
"Right. It was good to see you again," said Daria.
Jodie lamented, "I wish I could leave with you."
"You could…" offered Jane.
"As tempting as it sounds, I have to finish this. But perhaps later. Here's my number." Jodie took out a sticky note and scribbled on it. "Feel free to talk anytime."
"Thanks," said Daria. She and Jane said their goodbyes—with Jane taking a picture, of course—and headed towards the closest exit. Daria remarked as they exited the gym, "Well, I'm glad that's over."
"That wasn't so bad. I feel pretty satisfied with myself as compared to some of them."
Daria smirked at her friend. "Get enough pictures?"
"Enough for my new collage project. I think I'm going to call it, 'Those People I Didn't Care About'."
Daria shook her head. "Too honest."
"You make it sound like a horror movie."
""Damnit. You and your criticism," the artist growled. "What about 'Reunion/Torture.'?"
"Maybe." As they continued walking, Daria commented, "I do have to say, I miss a few of the old teachers. I wish Mr. DeMartino hadn't had that heart attack all those years ago."
"It was coming, we all knew it. You have Kevin Thompson in your class for two years in a row, you're bound to blow a heart valve," remarked Jane.
An awkward silence fell upon the two as they made their way back to their cars.
"So…." Daria said.
"So….feel like pizza?" Jane asked.
"Like old times?"
"Like old times."
Daria smirked. "Okay. But you're paying."
Jane feigned a mock horror. "But, but, I'm a starving artist."
Her friend raised an eyebrow. "Uh huh. And those tattoos are only stickers and your engagement ring came from a dollar machine," she stated sardonically.
"Aren't you a sharp one," remarked Jane.
As they drove back to their old favorite haunt, Daria thought about the reunion. It was short and bittersweet, but in a way, she was at peace with herself. Some things would never change, and others would. That was the way that life worked.
She thought about the project Jane would be working on. Maybe she should call it, Them, Again. Sounds cryptic enough. Cut all the pictures diagonally. Make them look like zombies. Daria smiled, deciding she would suggest it over their favorite food.
THE END
Note 1: This is obviously set in the future. The little hints about holographic projectors and whatnot were my way of saying that. Being that Daria ended in 2002, I'm guessing this is about 2022.
Note 2: I do not support drinking and driving. Daria was just having one drink. I'm guessing the flask did not have a heavy amount of alcohol in it.