falling

by the color is blinding

"...you are merely humpty-dumpty on the terrifying brink of insanity, and once you fall the pieces will never be able to be put together..." Sam-centric, one-shot.

the color is blinding presents an experiment, from the raw truth. as usual. enjoy~

|falling|

"I hope that you catch me, cause I'm already falling" ~Christina Perri

you wake up to a blinding darkness and—

you find the courage to breathe.

And then the subtle almost vacant agony returns slowly yet reassuringly, reminding you that yes, you still can feel.

It has been almost a month since that overwhelming day where you were filled with a strange euphoria and a slight anguish that you can seem to shake off, no matter how hard you try telling yourself that you wanted this, in a sort of strange twisted manner that tears you apart brick by brick. Until you are merely humpty-dumpty on the terrifying brink of insanity, and once you fall the pieces will never be able to be put together. No matter how many princes and kings come. The only prince that could put you back together was the one who could have caught you, but didn't.

you open your eyes to a new day and—

you find the courage to stand.

And then you walk the lonely colorless corridor that has housed this pitiful echo of greatness, this shell of a person.

For a while there you were afraid you'd never be able to move on, to find some sort of joy ever again, that you'd be stuck, neither miserably nor joyfully, in this wretched numbness for all eternity. Lost in an endless serene sea that displays nothing of the turmoil that goes on just beneath the surface. The only time when the water breaks is when no one will be able to feel the tsunami, to hear the thunder, to drown in the water. When it is safe.

you look around yourself hesitantly and—

you find the courage to laugh.

And then you realize how pathetic your voice sounds, weak from blatant lack of use, making you laugh even harder.

The sound fills the normally empty kitchen, bringing the colors back into their vibrancy, the shapes back into their sharpness, the world suddenly snapping back into place, the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together. And that utter moment—that simple blissful beautiful moment—is when you finally realize that you're over him.

His actions then do not define who you are now. You move on. The tide has turned. The sun has set and risen on a new day. The bitter end that destroyed you for days on end has simply been a transformation into a sweet beginning that will build you for even more.

You fell. Those weeks without gravity left you frail and bruised. But you found your feet. You found your strength. You found the courage to reassemble your pieces and move on from the devastation of the past and begin anew. You didn't have to wait for someone to try to fix you. You just saw the color and you saw the life you were missing, as you lay overcome with grief in dust, so why wait. You caught yourself, and that has made all the difference.