Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They are property of Ryan Murphy and Fox Broadcasting.
Thank you to my Beta, Lyric Dalton.
It'd been three weeks since Rachel came to break up with me on the bleachers.
Sure none of my relationships I have had in the past have lasted all that long. Most of the time it is because I decide that I am done and ready for a new and exciting model. Well, with the exceptions of Santana and Rachel.
When Santana broke up with me, I wasn't all that upset. Sure, I was pissed off at first. I mean, she'd didn't need to do it in front of everyone. I think what pissed me off the most was that she was even shallower than me. She couldn't honestly believe we would stay together long enough for my credit score to make any difference. Once I had gone to lunch that day, I was over it and moving on to the next Cheerio, who practically threw herself at me.
Never in my life did I think I would say this but, when Rachel broke it off, I actually felt like I might be losing something good. In those few days that we dated I felt like there was someone who actually cared about me. Rachel was someone who saw through my badass exterior, past my slushie throwing and house egging. Someone who believed that I could be more than just a "Lima Loser". I guess that's why I reverted to my asshole self when she told me she didn't see us working out but hoped we could still be friends. It is a hell of a lot easier to protect myself from actually putting myself out there and possibly getting hurt if she decided I wasn't good enough.
The truth is that losing Rachel made me realize that at some point between finding out Quinn was pregnant and dating Rachel I had changed, and probably for the better. The Noah Puckerman before glee and Rachel wouldn't have thought twice about how his actions affected others or cared about anyone but himself. But now it seemed like all I did was feel. Mostly, though, what I felt was hate towards myself. I hated the way Rachel would cringe when I walked by with a slushie, afraid I was going to throw it at her. I hated how much I actually missed her using more words than she needs to whenever she would describe something she cared about so passionately to me. I hated that every time she looked at me during glee she would still give me a genuine smile, even though I'd done nothing to deserve it. I hated that I could see how hurt she really was despite her best efforts to hide it when Finn turned her down even after he found out I was the father of Quinn's baby. I hated how stupid I was for not fighting for her or even taking her up on her offer of friendship.
While driving home, I zoned out. I paid no attention to anything going on around me. I was more focused on all of my thoughts of frustration and regret. Then I heard a song playing on the radio that caught my attention. It felt like someone had looked inside my head and wrote down everything I felt. It was at that moment that I realized maybe, just maybe, it wasn't too late. Maybe I could still fight for her. I knew I had to at least try. I would never be able to forgive myself if I didn't. I'd never regretted any decisions I made in the past and I sure as hell wasn't going to start living with them now. I had a plan. Now I just had to work out all the details. But first, I had to find that song.
As soon as I got home, I headed straight for my room to get on my computer. I pulled up the web browser and started typing in the lyrics. I'd never had a knack for remembering lyrics after only hearing a song but it was like these lyrics were permanently etched in my memory. "Perfect," I said to myself. Printing out the lyrics and chords, I sat down on my bed with my old acoustic guitar and started teaching myself the song.
I, Noah Puckerman, was going to show Rachel Marie Berry that we could make this work.