Why You Should Not Trust Emmet as a Babysitter
Chapter I
Written by: AllApologies451994
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, any of its characters, or any of the MCR songs/people I mention. The only thing I own is the plot. By the way, if you think you have seen this before; you may have. I have the same story posted on , if you find this sort of familiar. I'm AllApologies451994 on there, also. So don't freak out if you think you've seen this before. And by the way... Happy Thanksgiving!
It was a normal day. The wind was blowing, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the flowers were doing whatever flowers are supposed to do. It was so nice outside, the Cullens decided to go hunting. Since it was scheduled to rain all week, the figured to go outside today while it was pretty outside.
As the Cullens were getting ready and all that crap, Bella suddenly came to a realization: Renesmee was only just little, and probably shouldn't come with them.
"Edward, honey, what are we supposed to do with Renesmee? She's only just been born, and she really shouldn't come with us."
Edward pondered this for a while. Jasper just sorta popped out of nowhere and shouted "I know what to do with her! Let's let Jacob come and watch her!" Edward glared at him and came close to slapping him. Then Alice popped up and said "Maybe we should just take her with us anyways. She should be fine." Edward almost slapped her. "Why in the world would I take her with us and let those animals tear her limb from limb? She's half human, and doesn't have a lot of strength. She would be ripped to shreds! And besides, she's only a baby."
Emmet, growing impatient, shouted "Crap on the kid! Let's just go and let her get ripped apart! She almost killed Bella anyways, she needs the favor returned." He glanced over at Bella, who glared at him in such a fashion that Emmet began to think she was trying to burn him with laser vision. Even though she was angry, she said rather calmly "You will stay here and watch her until we get back. You are not allowed to leave this house, and if I find out that you did, I'll rip all your limbs off, beat your torso into a bloody pulp, and drop it somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Are we clear?" Her gaze never left him.
Emmet, frightened, gulped. "F-f-fine. I'll s-st-stay here and watch her." "That's more like it."
And with that, the Cullens left.
He turned a glare at Renesmee. "Well, you got me into this mess, and I'm blaming you for it all the way. Now what do you want, you stupid baby?"
Renesmee walked over to Emmet and just slapped him across the face. He was slightly taken aback by that action, and stepped back, Then he slapped her. And she slapped him back. And it went like that for almost 20 minutes; just them two slapping each other. Finally, the got tired, and sat down on the couch. Emmet looked at Renesmee funny, and she looked at Emmet funny. Finally, Emmet said "You wanna watch uncle Emmet play a round of Guitar Hero?" She nodded and smiled, and they made up as if nothing ever happened.
So Emmet went to his room and grabbed his 360, his Guitar Hero II disc, and his guitar controller. He came back and hooked the 360 up to the TV. He flipped through all his songs until he found one he liked. He picked it and started singing along. And for some odd reason, Renesmee knew the song, too.
"They're gonna clean up your looks with all the lies in the books
To make a citizen out of you
Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you son
So they can watch all the things you do
Because the drugs never work
They're gonna give you a smirk
'Cause they've got methods of keeping you clean
They're gonna rip up your heads
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the murder machine..."
Luckily, it was the censored version of the song, and didn't say that one word in the chorus. You know, the word that means crap? Yea, that one. So Renesmee didn't have to suffer from any foul language. After that song (which was Teenagers by My Chemical Romance for those of you who didn't recognize it), Emmet played Heart Shaped Box and Monkey Wrench. But then they grew tired of the game, so they tried to figure out what else to do....
END OF CHAPTER
A/N: Well, there you have it; the first chapter to Why You Should Not Trust Emmet as a Babysitter. Although this story may not seem all that funny at first, I will include more humor in the later chapters. I hope you enjoyed this little thing. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!! :D