Disclaimer: Own Invader Zim? Me? ... Have you the brainworms?!

AN: One night while I was watching my old Zim episodes again, as I have no life and nothing better to do, I noticed there are a lot of hilarious things that Dib has been mentioned doing, but that are never elaborated on in the series. So, I decided, "Hey, why not write a bunch of drabbles about those little exploits and mini-adventures Dib gets into?"

So, I did. And now you have to suffer with it. Enjoy!

An Insult From Beyond the Grave

It all started innocently enough. A series of random splashes and flushing from the toilet bowl, when no one was in the bathroom. The occasional disembodied snatches of Japanese Dib started to hear as he brushed his teeth at the sink. Motion and sound, two signs of an emerging poltergeist, but nothing that much out of the ordinary for the Membrane household. It wasn't until a few weeks later that things started to get... Horrible.

-- -- -- -- --

Dib stood outside the bathroom door, his ghost-catching kit in one hand and a plunger in the other, staring down his foe. Whatever it was that was lurking in that, that bowl of evil- Seriously, there was something in there! Something awful! (And not the normal kind of awful you find in a toilet...) Whatever that thing was, it ignored Gaz and his dad, but it hated him. Dib guessed that a few days ago when an ectoplasmic arm wielding a wickedly sharp sword shot out of the toilet as he tried to take care of business.

He had wanted to get rid of the ghost then, run to his room to get his equipment and be done with it; but Gaz said she wanted to take a shower and promised him horrible suffering if he did anything to interfere. Horrible, horrible suffering... So he decided to wait.

But now, now Gaz wasn't around. He had the house to himself and, even though he didn't have the FBI support he requested (forty-two calls and they ignored him each time, jerks...), it was exorcism time.

Moving as cautiously as he could, plunger held out in front of him like a spear, Dib stepped closer to the haunted toilet and asked "Uh... Hey, ghost, why're you here?"

No answer. Dib set down his ghost catching kit and crept even nearer to the dread commode. When in range, he quickly reached out with the plunger and knocked as hard as he could on the closed toilet lid. For a moment nothing seemed to happen as the hollow 'thok thok thok' of plastic on plastic faded from the room, but as the muted noise quit reverberating off the tiled walls, Dib noticed a peculiar rumbling.

The entire room began to shake as the lid and seat of the toilet flapped wildly on their hinges, spewing foul toilet water over everything and throwing Dib to the slippery tile floor. It hurt, but Dib was glad he fell when he looked up and beheld the steady stream of ectoplasm shuriken that just narrowly missed his head. Turning his gaze back to the toilet just in time to catch the last of the geysers and possessed antics, Dib watched, amazed, as an ectoplasmic form leapt out of the u-bend and landed with a supernatural grace on the lowered toilet seat. It was just as he suspected. This thing was no normal ghost, it was a ninja!

Dib leapt to his feet brandishing the plunger dramatically, fully confident despite the fact he was soaking wet after being drenched with who-knows-what.

"You! What're you doing in my toilet?!"

The ninja rattled off an incomprehensible string of aggravated Japanese, a tormented cry that meant 'Your head, it is too large! It keeps me from my eternal rest!' Though he didn't speak the language, Dib had heard similar sentiments often enough to understand what it meant no matter how it was said.

"My head's not big!"

The ninja, enraged by Dib's denial, lunged from its perch on the rim of the toilet seat, its sword poised to run the boy through- Only to get a face full of plunger. He liked to keep it a secret, but Dib had one heck of a throwing arm and he never hesitated to use his secret weapon when the situation warranted it.

The force behind Dib's plunger-turned-javelin knocked his otherworldly foe back into the toilet hard enough to slam the lid shut. Seeing his opportunity to get rid of the apparition once and for all, Dib raced across the room and flushed the toilet once, twice, three times. He didn't stop flushing until the ninja ghost's crazed howls ceased.

When he lifted the lid to make sure it was gone, no water shot out at him and nothing of ghostly origin tried to kill him. Everything was normal again. It was nice to be able to stand in his bathroom and not fear for his life for a change, and he had done it himself. He, Dib, got rid of the ghost all on his own. Who needs the FBI anyway? (It would be tough explaining to dad why he and the bathroom were drenched in sewer water though...)

AN: Mentioned in 'Zim Eats Waffles'

FBI Agent Greg: Hey, wait. You're... Dib, right? Did you ever get that ninja ghost out of your toilet?
Dib: Yes, no thanks to you!