Things I learnt from/notice in/ suggest for/ Artemis Fowl Fanfictions:

1- Holly's in love with Artemis but is always in denial until:

a)she apprehends him for something (' really matter what.)

b)He gets mind-wipe. they are both a moment away from death.

c)Or have a disturbing conversation with herself (See 2).

2-Holly's inner conflicts alwayss takes the of a conversation with herself in her head. Honestly, this is not how denial works.

3-The only thing Opale thinks about is to: take over the world or to get revenge (does seem a little stupid that she only have two thoughts).

4- You should never put Foaly in a rated M story. Its sort of odd.

5-Artemis doesn't sleep with a doll that looks like Holly! Its disturbing on so many levels !

6- Taking a deep breath...Lily Frond loves Trouble, who himself is in love with Holly, who's falling for Artemis. Artemis, is torn between Holly and Minerva, but he doesn't know that Butler's in love with him. Even if he's sleeping with Root, whose dating Vinyaya... (If you don't mind, I'm gonna stop. I starting to have a headache.) Please this is worst than fanfics written by twilight fangirls ! Stop the fucking love decagon !

7- It doesn't matter if Artemis's children are 20, 10 or 5 years/months old... they will always read understand and enjoy Marcus Aurelius/ Mozart/ Beethoven not the dog, the musician-

8-Artemis is about to die, he is dancing in the fine line between life and death, but Holly, his dear Captain Short saves him... AND THEN SHE KILLS HIM. WTF? If you are going to save someone, don't kill him afterwards !..

9- Lily Frond is only there to:

a) say something dumb.

b)trie to fuck every male/female/things on Mr Colfer minds.

c) Say something bitchy.

10-Don't say you suck at summaries, in the summary in question. It looks bad and it doesn't really encourage me to read the story.

11-Artemis and Mulch aren't gonna fall in love and have sex. Its gross.

12- Whats the big obsession with dressing Artemis casual ? He don't want to, let him. Plus every girls crazy about sharp dressed man!

13- Artemis isnt gonna wear khaki Bermudas. Are we clear ?

14- I say stop to every fanfic where Arty goes to a dance. Hes not gonna do that! If you want to do that type of writing you have option Twilight, a Cinderella story, etc.

15- Artemis would never, ever send this to a girl: rose are red sugar is sweet and so are you

Its just sad and pathetic.

16- If you want to write about Artemis and Holly having sex its great just don't set it during EC or any previous book. Lets face it a woman having sex with a 13 years old his borderline.

17- Never lock a Holly's fan with a Minerva's fan in the same room to see who'll get out alive (doesn't mean you cant watch and enjoy...)

18- Artemis lives with is parents, but the are never home except to:

a) walk on Artemis having sex with Holly/ Minerva/ Juliet/ Butler/ My grand-mother/ Sarah Palin b)get kidnap/ in I life threatening situation.

19-Whats the point of Mind-wiping Artemis for a second time ? We know he's gonna get his memories back !

20- Briar Cudgeon and Ark Sool are asses and they'll always get killed ( by Opale, Root, Holly, a troll, UFOs , a flying piano, Hannibal Lecter, Richard Nixon...)