"Don't forget to keep reading this summer! Make it productive. You won't be in high school forever. Be safe and have fun. See you all in a few months!"
My teachers words echoed through the hallway with the final bell, signaling the end of my freshman year of high school. As much as I loved school, I was ready for summer. All that uninterrupted time I could spend in the pool... I couldn't wait.
"Hey Em!" I turned to see my best friend, Hanna Marin, practically running towards me from the end of the hallway. "You ready to rock this summer? I'm seeing weeks upon weeks of shopping, working on our tans, and searching for the perfect guy to have a summer fling with. What do you think?"
"It sounds great, Han, but..."
"I know, I know. You're not ready to date anyone yet. Look, I get that what Ben did to you was awful, but you can't let it ruin the rest of your life. You have to let yourself move past that."
"And I will. I just need more time. I have to go. If I'm late to swim practice, coach will kill me."
"Why do you have practice over the summer again?"
"I told you. I have to stay in shape if I want to make varsity again this year, and this is the way to do it. Text me later?" As much as I loved her, there were a lot of things that Hanna and I would never agree upon. She didn't like commitment, and I hated the idea of flings. She was all about fashion, and I was into sports. She was boy crazy and I...
Ben had been a great boyfriend. He really had been. He was a gentleman and sweet, and was always there when I needed him. Then he got kicked off the swim team because he liked alcohol more than he liked swimming. After that, his hands always wondered, there was always alcohol on his breath, and when he was really drunk, he would take out his frustration on me. The worst part is, I started to think I deserved it. I was too vocal about my success on the team, and failed to realize how hurt he was about his removal from it. It was like, when he couldn't have swimming anymore, I became the thing he had to master. Eventually, he stopped taking no for an answer.
I know now that what he had done to me those last few months we were together was called abuse. I know that when he became frustrated and dragged me up to his room it was called rape. I know all that because that's what everyone has told me: My parents, my coaches, my therapists, Hanna... But I don't want to believe it. If I did, that would mean all the pity I had been getting was understandable, and I hated all of it. I didn't want to be treated like a paper doll. I was tired of being treated like one poorly timed joke would tear me in half. I understand that everyone is just trying to help, but it's really hard to forget that something terrible happened to you when it's all you can see in someone's eyes when they look at you.
I stayed a few hours after practice until coach told me I had to leave so she could lock up. I pulled my aching body begrudgingly out of the water, changed, and prepared myself for the walk home. Don't get me wrong, I loved walking home, it's just this tiny little fear I had. Hanna always made fun of me for being afraid of the dark, but it was more about what was lurking amongst the dark that scared me.
Using my phone to illuminate my path, I began to head home, feeling safe, at least, in the tiny space I was able to see. I was starting to get lost in my thoughts, which is never a good thing, when the light abruptly vanished. I stopped, terrified. I knew I should have worked harder to break the habit of forgetting to charge my phone. Knowing I couldn't stay in the dark forever, I began to inch my way in the direction I believed my house was. Every minute had me more terrified than the last, as every passing moment lead to an even greater feeling that I was being watched. Obviously, I was mistaken. Nothing bad ever happened in Rosewood. As I kept walking, I saw a distant light, and recognized it as the one outside my house. Breathing a sigh of relief, I began to walk more quickly towards my sanctuary. Then, I heard a twig snap behind me and I froze. I tried telling myself it was just a rabbit, but I still couldn't make my legs move. I held my breath for what seemed like hours before finally deciding whatever it was had gone. I turned my head back toward the light, and was met only with darkness and a very strong smelling cloth being pressed into my face. The darkness engulfed me and I felt myself falling backwards.