13:57
A/N: Just a weird little idea that popped into my head. Kurt is pissed at Blaine, and loves drama. Rachel also loves drama. Blaine and Finn don't. Hmmmm. . .
Kurt slammed the door shut. On second thought, he opened it again, not surprised to see that his boyfriend was still standing in the same spot in front of the door, a shocked expression on his face. Kurt leaned forward, just a little bit, and saw Blaine's eyes open in anticipation.
"I hope I never see you again, Blaine," Kurt hissed. "Don't bother calling me."
He slammed the door shut a second time, with a sense of intense satisfactiong. The second slam had been even more powerful than the first. Additionally, when he turned around, he saw that he had an audience. Finn and his dad were both leaning their heads out of the kitchen.
"Dude. . ." Finn breathed. "That was kind of harsh."
Burt, however, had a different take on the situation. He walked into the hallway, an unidentifiable expression on his face, as he rolled up his shirtsleeves. He clamped one hand on his son's shoulder, and leaned over a little so they were eye to eye.
"Kurt," he said, his tone flat and solemn. "What did that boy do to you?"
A thrill of excitement shot down Kurt's spine. This was exactly what he'd been hoping to accomplish. A little sense of drama injected into his life. Because, while he loved Blaine, sometimes he missed the excitement of his life pre-Dalton. Everyone in Glee Club had settled down, and there were no new love pentagrams. He needed a little drama in his life, even if he had to provide it himself.
Of course, he couldn't tell his dad that. Burt Hummel would hardly understand the necessity of a tearful breakup in an otherwise perfect relationship.
"I don't want to talk about it," Kurt said. He lifted his chin, squared his shoulders, and stomped upstairs. He considered whether to slam his bedroom door as well, but ultimately decided not to. He didn't want to overdo it.
He immediately flopped on his bed and pulled out his phone, trying to decide who to call. If Blaine actually done something wrong, and actually reduced Kurt to tears, he would have called Mercedes in a heartbeat. She'd be over with ice cream and movies faster than he could say "girls night." It all sounded perfect. But Kurt also knew what would happen at school the next day. Blaine would be shoved into a locker and yelled at with all the fury of a 17 year old diva. While Kurt was excited for the drama, he definitely didn't want to risk losing Blaine indefinitely.
So instead of called his second best gal pal, wondering as he punched in the numbers what had happened to make Rachel Berry one of his besties.
She answered on the first ring. "Rachel Berry, future star speaking!"
"Really?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow. "This is Kurt, by the way."
"I knew that, of course," Rachel said, and Kurt could just imagine her flipping her hair over one shoulder. "Did you need help with the most recent Glee assignment? I'd be more than willing to help you and Blaine pick out a duet that expresses the confusion and angst that two teenage boys undoubtedly feel regarding their romantic intentions."
"No," Kurt said. Darn, he'd forgotten about the Glee assignment. Now he'd have to find a new partner. . .and he wouldn't have the joy of staring into Blaine's hazel eyes the entire time. Then again, the longing gazes that would surely be directed his way would more than make up for it. "Actually I called because. . .um. . .Kurt and I broke up."
There was a long moment of silence, during which Kurt tried to imagine what Rachel was doing. Possibly her mouth was hanging open in shock. She might have dropped her hairbrush on the ground. Potentially she was wiping a tear away.
"What?" her voice was high and strident when she finally spoke. "Kurt are you. . .are you serious?"
Kurt nodded, forgetting for a moment that she couldn't' see him.
"Did you call Mercedes yet?"
"No," Kurt said. "You were the first one I wanted to call."
Another scream from the phone, and Kurt needed to hold it a little away from his ear to avoid being deafened. "I knew that you would eventually recognize that my two gay dads make me the ideal confidante for a homosexual teenager! I am truly, deeply touched that you wish to cry your heart out to me."
"Actually. . ." Kurt bit at his lower lip. "I need you to help me with something. Blaine and I. . .that is. . ."
"Did he do something awful to you? Do you need us to shun him?"
"No! No," Kurt said hurriedly, because he could just imagine Rachel sitting at a computer, typing out a facebook message to anyone. "That's. ..uh. . .that's kind of the problem. Blaine didn't really do anything."
"Oh. Then. . .did. . .you?"
"No," Kurt said, with a little bit of a sigh. "I mean, I"ll grant you that today he did wear black shoes with a brown belt. And he ordered my a regular mocha instead of a nonfat. And he told me that he would absolutely not, under any conditions, permit me to tweeze or wax his eyebrows. But other than that, today he was perfect."
"So why. . ."
"Everything's just a little too perfect, don't you think?" Kurt sighed. "I mean. . .you and Finn are back together, and Quinn and Sam, and I'm kind of surprised that Tina and Mike haven't had some kind of bizarre Asian marriage by this time. Brittany's back to wheeling Artie around with her pinkie locked with Santana and I have Blaine, and Pizes has finally happened. . .isn't everything just a little boring?"
Another long pause.
"Kurt. . .are you telling me that you broke up with Blaine because you were bored?"
Well, when she put it that way it sounded absolutely awful.
"Not. . .bored. Just. . .Blaine and I have never had to go through anything really awful. We've never had our relationship tested, and I thought it was time to see how we dealt with a real trial."
"What about all of the bullying? What about what happened at Prom? What about the fact that you're sending in college applications and might not be anywhere near each other next year? What about the fact that he plays soccer and you cheer? What about his dad, and your dad's heart attack? What about. . ."
"Those things weren't about us," Kurt tried to explain. "Those were external factors. This is purely about us."
Another long pause. Kurt sighed, because obviously she wasn't going to let him off that easily. And there was absolutely no way he was telling Rachel the real reason that he was putting the brakes on Blaine. There was no way he was telling anyone what it was that Blaine had really done.
"Okay, I was bored," Kurt finally admitted. He heard a little squeal on the other end of the phone. He was really beginning to get a headache now, and was wondering if maybe he would've been better off calling Mercedes after all.
"I knew it! I was so right. Though you do have a point. Our boyfriends are both frighteningly attentive, but I'm not sure they really recognize what fantastic stars they have on their arms."
Kurt raised one eyebrow. At times Rachel's mind moved frighteningly on track with his own, and he was beginning to think this was one of those moments.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Thirty minutes and a minor plan later, Kurt sat down at his computer and logged onto facebook. With a few quick clicks it was finished.
Kurt Hummel is in a relationship with Blaine Anderson was changed to Kurt Hummel is single.
Ten minutes later his bedroom door was thrown open, and an irate Finn was standing there, his phone in one hand.
"What is going on?" Finn asked. "You and Blaine are broken up now? He just called me to ask what's up with you."
Kurt arched on (perfectly tweezed) eyebrow. "Really? He called you?"
"We're friends, too," Finn said, crossing his arms. "Now, you want to explain why you broke up with your boyfriend after what he thought was a perfectly nice date?"
Kurt shrugged. "I just needed some space," he said. Before Finn had a chance to respond, his phone rang. Ever oblivious to proper manners, Finn answered, right in front of Kurt.
"Hey, Rachel. . .no, I'm just at home. . .but. . .wait, why. . .what. . .um, okay. Bye?"
He hung up the phone, and pushed it into his pocket, a confused and lost expression on his face. Kurt tried very hard not to smirk, because he knew what was coming. Sure enough, about a minute later, Finn looked up again.
"Rachel just broke up with me."
Xoxo
Nothing much seemed different the next day at school. Mercedes seemed surprised when Kurt stopped by her locker, instead of going to Blaine's. Evidently it was a pleasant surprise, however, because she just smiled instead of mentioning the inconsistency. Tina was more confused when Kurt sat next to her in biology.
"Um. . .Mike usually sits there," she said. Kurt just flipped the book open to page 302, which had a massive graph of a frog's insides printed on it. His stomach lurched a bit uncomfortably, and he looked up in panic for a minute. Was today the dissections? Without his volition, his eyes flew over to Blaine. Perfect, beautiful Blaine who had promised to do all of the nasty cutting and sawing and poking and prodding. . .
"Wouldn't you rather sit next to Blaine?" Tina asked. Mike had arrived in class by this time, and was standing a little uncomfortably next to Kurt.
"We. . .um. . .we broke up," Kurt said softly.
Tina glanced up at Mike and squinted her eyes. He cocked his head. She nodded. He shrugged and ambled off. As Kurt watched, he asked Blaine a question, and then sat down beside the other boy.
"What was that?" Kurt asked. Tina just pat his hand.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," Kurt sighed. "Not really." He looked distastefully at the dissection tray that their teacher placed in front of them. "I don't suppose that you want to cut up Mr. Ribbit?"
"Absolutely not," Tina said, crossing her arms and sitting back from the table. "Mike promised that he would do all the gross stuff."
Kurt sighed. "Yeah. . .so did Blaine."
They ended up not having to do the dissection, after Kurt made one, tiny incision. As clear liquid seeped out of the frogs midsection, he couldn't help the teensy, not girly at all, scream that escaped. Tina fainted. Although Mike looked concerned, and offered to take Tina to the nurses, Blaine looked like he was trying to cover up his laughter behind his hand. Kurt shot his (ex) boyfriend a glare, before looping an arm around Tina's waist and walking out the door.
At lunch he sat with Rachel, which was perfect, because it gave them a chance to compare notes.
"Finn is completely lost," Rachel said triumphantly. "He keeps looking at me with these lost, puppydog eyes. Of course, that just means that I want to wrap him up in a huge hug, but that's not part of the plan, is it?"
"No," Kurt said morosely, poking at his salad. Normally Blaine would pack him some baked tofu to add, or maybe some sunflower seeds. He glanced over at Blaine, who was sitting with all the jocks. He looked entirely too happy as he watched Mike and Puck throwing Cheezeballs back and forth, trying to catch them in their mouths. He grabbed one himself after a moment, and chucked it at Sam. Unsurpisingly, Sam caught it (it would be hard to miss, with a mouth his side, Kurt thought). Only Finn looked at all upset, staring at Rachel with the look of a kicked toddler on his face.
"How's it going for you?" Rachel asked. Kurt sighed, and put a limp piece of lettuce in his mouth.
"Well, I was thinking of Phase Two," Rachel said, leaning forward conspiratorially. I was thinking that we could start today, at Glee."
Kurt considered. On the one hand, he'd really hoped that they wouldn't have to put Phase Two into action. He'd hoped that Blaine would come to his senses by this time, that all of the girls would have swooped in and told Kurt how sorry they were, that rumors would be sweeping the school. . .instead he'd had to go to the nurse's office, and was stuck eating disgusting salad. He sighed.
"Sounds good. Phase Two."
Xoxo
Mr. Schue's theme of the week was Duets. Again. This time, however, he'd asked the students to dig deep and find a source of anxiety and pain within them. No random lyrics. They had to be dramatic, and theatrical.
Before Mr. Schuester even had the chance to say good afternoon, Rachel's hand was in the air, waving around. He sighed, and pointed to her.
"Yes, Rachel?"
"If you don't mind," Rachel said. "Kurt and I have been working on something that I feel evokes both the spirit of the assignment, and our emotional resilience following our recent breakups."
"Wait. . .what?" Mr. Schuester looked sincerely confused, and Kurt felt a brief moment of sympathy for their poor director. "Wait. . .Finn, you and Rachel broke up? Again? Blaine?"
Both boys just shrugged, and Mr. Schue sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"All right, Rachel, that's fine. Sometimes I just don't understand teenagers. . ."
"Thank you," Rachel said, grabbing Kurt's hand and dragging him up to stand in front of everyone. "Now then, this is a song from the recent, Tony-award winning musical Spring Awakening."
For all of Rachel's bravado, however, it's Kurt who has to start the song. First he seeks out Blaines' eyes. His boyfriend is sitting in the front row, lounging against the back of the chair, his legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle. He's wearing a simple black sweater and a pair of jeans that are impossibly tight. Kurt thinks he looks beautiful.
"Awful sweet to be a little butterfly
Just swinging over things and nothing deep inside
Nothing going, going wild in you, you know
You're slowing by the riverside, a-floating high and low"
Blaine leaned forward at his, apparently interested in Kurt's singing. Kurt, for his part, can't help it. He takes a half-step forward, and would probably have begun serenading Blaine if it weren't for Rachels' hand, insistently tugging him back by his wrist.
"Or maybe cool to be a little summer wind
Like once through everything and then away again
With the taste of dust in your mouth all day
But no need to know
Like sadness you just sail away"
The next part was incredibly distasteful to Kurt, and honestly, if the circumstances were any different, he wouldn't have done it. But Blaine was still just sitting there, an inscrutable expression on his face. He wasn't jumping up and begging for Kurt to take him back, he wasn't stomping angrily away, he wasn't even breaking down in tears.
So, really, Kurt had no choice. He glared at Blaine for the next two verses, before turning to smile at Rachel.
"I don't do sadness
Not even a little bit
Just don't need it in my life
Don't want any part of it
I don't do sadness
I've done my time
Looking back on it all, man, it blows my mind
I don't do sadness
So been there
Don't do sadness
Just don't care"
And then there was a nice little piano interlude. Kurt tried to stare into Rachel's eyes, he really did. IT was just. . .weird. Her eyes were a dull brown, without the green and gold specks he was used to. Her eyebrows were thin and wispy, nothing like the thick dark triangles that he suddenly wanted to run his fingers over. Her eyelashes weren't long enough. She was a little too short. Her nose was too big. Her lips weren't big enough.
For half a second Kurt wanted to call it all off. But then he remembered what Blaine had done, and decided that a little revenge really was in order. He snuck a peek at Finn as Rachel began to sing.
"Spring and summer
Every other day
Blue wind gets so sad
Blowing through the thick corn
Through the bales of hay
Through the open books on the grass
Spring and Summer"
Blaine was nodding his head appreciatively, but Finn just looked confused. He was staring at the ground, but his cocked head told Kurt that he was listening. Mercedes, meanwhile, was staring at both Kurt and Rachel as though they had spouted second heads. Santana, Brittany, and Artie were all scrunched together on Artie's wheelchair.
Probably a good thing that Artie couldn't feel his legs.
"Sure it's autumn
Wind always wants to
Creep up and haunt you
When silence got you
If it's heartache, well, it's sorrow
Winter wind sings under cries"
Then it was time for the duet. Kurt had forgotten that Rachel actually took acting classes. It was a little creepy having her sing to him with googly eyes. He almost loset track of the melody when she walked up and threaded their fingers together. And his voice definitely cracked when she finished the song with a gentle kiss on his cheek.
Everybody clapped at the end, even Blaine and Finn, though Finn looked like he wants to cry. Mr. Schuester wall all smiles.
"Well, I admit that I was confused when you two started, but that was a really fantastic rendition!" he said. "I hope the rest of you are ready for some competition, because Kurt and Rachel have set the bar pretty high!"
Everybody was quick to congratulate Kurt and Rachel after their performance, except, of course, for Finn and Blaine. Those two were deep in conversation, and after a moment or two, went to talk to Mr. Schuester. Although their director nodded his head, he was more confused looking than ever.
Kurt held his breath a little when Blaine walked up to him.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" the shorter boy asked. Kurt took a deep breath before nodding. Blaine grabbed his hand and tugged him to the side.
"I'm on to you," Blaine said. "You and Rachel. . .you're bored, and thought it would be a fun game to break up with us."
Kurt's mouth fell open. Blaine's mouth quirked up in a smile.
"Yeah, I'm on to you," Blaine said. "And it's not going to work. It's going to backfire on you. Because it's not okay to mess with someone's heart."
"That's not what this is about," Kurt protested.
"Don't lie to me," Blaine said, and this time he did show some emotion. For just a moment his face crumpled. "We've always been completely honest with one another. If this is for real. . .if you're upset at me. . .you need to tell me what I did. I can't fix it if you don't talk to me."
Kurt just shook his head. "I can't tell you," he almost whispered. "Because then it won't count."
Blaine nodded. Kurt watched, his heart breaking a little, as he watched his boyfriend put up his mask, those Dalton walls being rebuilt in front of his eyes. Between one blink and the next Blaine had transformed from being a scared, high school boy into a dapper young man.
"Okay then," Blaine said. "If this is a game, you'd better be prepared for a little competition."
Kurt didn't have a chance to say anything before Blaine turned away. He grabbed Finn by the elbow, and the two walked out, whispering to one another. It should have been a funny picture, with Finn bent halfway double to whisper in Blaine's ear. It should have been funny, but it really wasn't.
Kurt wandered over to Rachel's side.
"That was fantastic!" Rachel bubbled. "Finn was absolutely devastated, did you see that? He'll be crawling back to me in no time, prepared to be perfect arm candy for the rest of my life. And we sounded fantastic together. . .do you think Mr. Schuester would let us do that as a duet for Sectionals? I really think the judges would appreciate the incorporation of a recent Broadway success story into our repetoire."
Kurt lifted a hand to cut her off. "Um. . .Rachel. . .they're on to us."
A/N: Wow. Thought this was going to be a one-shot, but it kind of ran away from me. So. . .fiveshot?
Reviews are love! Song is "Don't Do Sadness / Blue Wind" from Spring Awakening.