Insurgent: If Tobias didn't go to Erudite
Pain is a strange thing
I really wish that I had a watch. It is incredible how hard it is to manage when you are so bored and you can't even tell how long you have been bored. I began to guess roughly because I got to Erudite at night, but my estimations were most likely way off.
I had found that the corner of the room was extremely comforting. However my comfort is always restricted knowing that Peter was going to walk in to take me to another one of Jeanine's experiments. They haven't been painful yet, but it is clear that soon enough, I will be put through it.
As if on cue, Peter walks through the door.
"Come on Stiff, I'm taking you for a quick shower," His words sounded calming; too calming. He grabbed me by my injured arm, and pushed me out the door. I was glad that he let go. I have been transported out of this room so many times he has seen that I really will do what he says.
I had been taken to these showers before, but each one feels more incredible. But the water was cold, so I found it incredibly hard to enjoy it. The aftermath though was worth the cold. Peter respected my privacy throughout. His back turned facing the wall. Whether this was out of petty or embarrassment I don't know, but I can guess it is through a bit of both. It was a change in attitude from his behaviour during initiation. I get dressed and he leads me out. But we walk past my room.
"Where are we going?"
"I thought Stiff's were taught not to be so nosey,"
"If I was a Stiff, I doubt I would be here." He looks at me with a snide glare. Then he sighs, clearly trying to make it seem like I have inconvenienced him.
"Jeanine has something that she wants to test on you. But it isn't because of you being Divergent and all." Those words take me by surprise.
"Then what does she want?"
"How do I know? I just know that I am taking you to a different room, and that she seemed excited about this one. Some guard of hers told me that this was a new kind of general test, but you are the first she is testing it on," I slowed my walk down. I knew that this couldn't be good. Normally Jeanine would conduct a new experiment on numerous people to get exact results. But by conducting it on one person could only mean that this wasn't the type of experiment she was telling people it was.
We turned a corner and walked to a huge white door. Peter then grabbed my shoulder and opened the door. I knew that he was told to hold me when I walk around, but it was clear that he didn't need to, and only did so in the presence of authority.
The room was small. It has a metal chair in the middle with straps around the wrists and the ankles, and next to it was a metal table. It had some form of needle on it with a small glass tube containing a purple liquid. On the left wall there was a glass window. On the other side was Jeanine. She looked at me with a smile on her face; yet her eyes were red and tired. Next to her was Caleb and some woman who I had never seen before. I look at Caleb. His eyes are blood shot and his hair is messy. He looked at me with sympathy. It felt like he wanted to smash the glass and run away with me. It felt like I wanted him to do it. But his worry began to make me panic. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my pulse beat on my neck. My palms began to sweat, and my hands began to shake. Stay strong. You are Dauntless remember. I shove Peter's hands off me, and walk over to the chairs. I strap my feet in and wait for my hands to be done by Peter.
"I am highly impressed by your participation Beatrice. Normally our subjects are more, resistant." Her voice was sounded by a microphone. But she was speaking through the glass.
"Most of your subjects don't come her on their own will though, so they?" my voice was stern, and my eyes gripped onto hers.
"No, I guess they don't," she smiled at my remark, more so than she did before. "Now I am sure you questioned Peter about the little experiment we are about to run on you. As you know, a lot of the serums that we make are good as punishments, however not good for those who have committed greater crimes. I have decided to invent a serum that will be used only if the person or persons have committed a crime that is worse than death. You, Beatrice, will be the first person to experience this serum. Now before you tell me that you can resist this serum, I will have you know that it doesn't work like that. This effects the body, and is not in any way affiliated with the brains mental condition."
"So what does it do?" she looks over to Caleb, who looks like he was preparing himself to be the one having to tell me.
"It induces pain over the entire body. It can be switched on and off whenever the controller feels it is necessary within the 24 hour period. They can also control the level of pain that is passed through the body. 1 being low pain, usually a warning. 5 being excruciatingly painful," his words began to stumble near the end. His eyes started to look red. He knows as well as I do that Jeanine is doing this to watch both of us suffer. It is cruel to make Caleb watch me in the state I will become.
"Well done Caleb. It is a shame you didn't join Erudite, Beatrice. I would have been honoured to have two very intelligent siblings amongst us. Now I know that you like to administer injections yourself, so I have left it up to you to administer it." I look to my right and glare at the needle. My palm had been sweating a lot while she and Caleb spoke, so I wiped my hands before I picked up the needle. My hands were shaking, so I steadied myself before I placed the needle in my neck. Normally I feel some form of pinch from the injections, but my body felt numb. I pushed the injection leaver down, and pulled it out of my neck. I glanced at Caleb, then at Jeanine.
"Oh, and one last thing Beatrice. If you survive this, we have decided that we will let you go," her words suddenly sent me into panic, "however, you must answer some questions for us first." As she said those words, a group of Dauntless Traitors walked into the room. I didn't recognise any of them. But before I could even make out their faces, one slapped me round the face. Interrogation. When I lifted my head up, I saw that is was three men. All huge with tattoos running up their arms and necks. They had smiles on their faces too.
"Beatrice. My aim from today is to find out how many Divergent's are left. I want you to tell me everything you know." Her voice became sharp and cruel, yet with a slight elm of joy that she was about to see me in pain.
"Why don't you just put me under truth serum?" my voice sounded cracked. My words just fell out my mouth.
"Like I said, I get to test my new serum. I might as well kill two birds with one stone Beatrice. So tell me, how does this fee?" As she spoke, a wave of pain through itself onto my body. It was a simple throbbing pain, similar to that on my cheek. It wasn't unbearable, but it was still horrible. I look at her in the eyes and stare with a look of pain, anger and exhaustion.
"I see. Now, first question. Were either of your parents Divergent?" I keep on looking at her. Refusing to say a word, "Now come on Beatrice. Don't be shy."
"I am not shy, I just don't feel the need to tell you anything." Then I suddenly feel a fist hit me in the face. It hit my jaw, causing the pain in my face to increase. I still don't say a word. I feel another hit on my face, this time above my eye. "Okay, okay. As far as I am aware, neither was Divergent. I know that my mother was a transfer, but that's it." My words sounded heavy, and my breathing was increasing in pace.
"Good. Where did your mother transfer from?"
"Dauntless."
"Interesting. Did you know this Caleb?" I see him shake his head. But his eyes are looking at the floor. I doubt he is in much less pain than I am right now. "Even more interesting. Okay, next question. Prior to your transfer, did you know any Divergent's?"
"No. I didn't even know that we existed." I start to remember the moment Tori told me that I was Divergent. I still struggle to fully understand what it is today.
"Okay. Now who was the person who told you that you were Divergent?" Tori's name fell straight to my mouth, but I kept it closed. If they found her, they would kill her for sure. It is her duty to tell her supervisor of anyone who is abnormal. I decide not to tell. "Beatrice, who was the person who took your test?" her voice began to get angry. I could see a fist begin to lift next to my face, but instead of hit me, it fell back down. "Okay Beatrice, but you brought it on yourself." Pain. My body tensed up, and a wave of pain fell through me. I shrieked out, forgetting that there were people around me. I felt like someone had stabbed me, but my entire body was effected. A band of sweat fell from my forehead. My hands began to shake. "This is what 3 feels like. I am excited to see what 5 feels like. Now tell me, who administered your test?" I couldn't keep it in much longer. Her name burst from my mouth.
"Tori. Her name is Tori." A feeling worse than pain fell on me after that; guilt.
"Good. Now, how many Divergent's are in the dauntless compound right now?" Despite the pain, I knew that I couldn't speak this one. I closed my eyes and allowed my body to fidget with the pain. It also allowed me to miss the punch that hit my jaw again. I felt it split my lip this time. Surprisingly, it was a nice distraction from the body pain. "Are you sure you want to keep this in? I am sure that 4 will be pretty painful Beatrice."
"You can beat me, fill me with pain, and starve me if you want, I won't speak."
"If that is what you want," I began to regret my words, because I suddenly felt an intensified version of level 3 pain. My body began to fidget uncontrollably. I yelped out in pain, screaming until my lungs were empty. Over my screams I faintly hear Jeanine speak: "for the last time, how many Divergent's do you know living in the Dauntless compound?"
"One. I know of one! You know who I know of, don't make me say his name! I am sure there are more, but I honestly don't know who they are," I screamed again, unable to control my body. I knew that I would be faced with a new question in a minute, and it would be one I couldn't answer.
"Okay. Last question. If you answer this, you are free to go. We won't hold you back, follow you, or try and stop you. But only if you answer this question. Understand?" I could feel tears roll down my face, and sweat beam on my neck.
"Yes I understand, now please hurry up!"
"Beatrice, what do you know about Tobias Eaton and his involvement with the Factionless?" I couldn't believe it. How was I going to answer this question? I can't be honest with her, it will get Tobias killed. But I just want to go. I cannot take the pain.
"I don't know," my words sound like a cry for help. I suddenly feel a sharp slash on my forehead. I open my eyes to see one of the Dauntless traitors holding a knife. He cut my forehead.
"Don't lie to me Beatrice. You are the closest person to him. Do you want me to turn up the pain? Because you know I will." I carried on lying. I was not going to break. My life is not as important at the factionless and Tobias's.
"I am telling you, I don't know. He was planning on explaining it to me the morning before I left. I didn't think that information would be any good to a dead person." I screamed again. Only to feel a pain like no other. 5.
To say excruciating would be an understatement. My lungs felt like they were burning. My head felt like it was going to explode. My body felt life it was being stabbed and shot all over. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it only seemed to make it worse. I found it impossible to keep myself still.
"Now Beatrice. Be honest with me. What is his involvement with the factionless?" I felt the truth in my throat, but I love Tobias too much to tell her. I keep on lying.
"I promise, I don't know! Please! I beg you, make it stop! I am being honest! I don't know anything!" For those brief moments after I spoke, I hear no words. My body begins to heat up, and the pain gets worse and worse. Then, almost as quickly as it started, it stopped. My body felt empty. Every muscle relaxes, and I slump in my chair.
"Fine. I believe you. And you are free to go. Thank you for coming in Beatrice. You were extremely brave." I am panting heavily, but I find the energy to get a few words out.
"Why won't you just kill me?"
"Because, Beatrice, as much as I am trying to eliminate Divergents like yourself, you are a valuable specimen that would be a waste to destroy. So for the time being, I am willing to keep you alive. But when I am finished with you, you won't be so lucky. Goodbye for now." I look up and see her walk out a door in her glass room. The other woman follows her. But Caleb stays. He stares into my eyes for a few moments.
"I am sorry Tris," then he follows the two women out the door.
Home
Peter walked me to the lift where he stood inside with me. We were on a pretty high floor, so it took a while to get down.
"I am impressed Stiff. I thought you were going to break," his voice is extremely calm. He doesn't speak for the rest of the journey until we get to the bottom floor. As much as he knows I am allowed to go free, he keeps hold of my shoulder. It is clear to him that I will struggle to walk back to Dauntless. "I have told the train driver to wait, he is over on the tracks over there," he points to the train not too far from Erudite. "But he won't slow down near Dauntless. You will still need to jump."
"Thank you Peter." My voice sounds dry and broken. It pained me to say those words to Peter, but I meant them. I turn around, and walk out the door. The air is warm, and the light blinds me for a moment.
"Oh and Stiff?" I turn around as I am on the top step, "It is 3:30". I smile and turn around. I wobble my way down the steps. It takes me a while to get to the train, but that time made me realise that by Peter telling me the time, it was in fact a small act of defiance. But that wasn't the thing that kept me going, it was that I was going home.
I get on the train and before I can get comfortable, I see Dauntless. I stumble over to the door, and with the last drop of energy left in me, I jump. For those brief few seconds, it felt incredible to have the weight off my feet. But when I landed, I couldn't find the energy or strength to stand up. I lay there for a few seconds, catching my breath. Never had I felt so weak. I put my hands on my face, only to feel the open cut wound on my forehead. It was still bleeding, and I knew I needed to get it cleaned up. I tried to stand, only to be unsuccessful. My legs just gave way. After several attempts, I finally stood up, and slowly walked to the door. I opened it, taking in a huge breath of relief. I was confronted by four Dauntless soldiers. They were guarding the door when they saw me walk in.
I was expecting them to start talking to me, question how I was and why I looked like I did. Instead, they just watched me walk past. None of them said a single word, and that's when I knew that something here must have happened that caused a lot of people to talk about what happened. I carried on walking until I got to Tobias's door. It was closed. I didn't know whether to knock or to just walk in. I lifted my hand to knock, but I couldn't find the energy to tap the door. Instead, I turned the handle. As I did, my weight fell into the door, and I collapsed onto the floor. I made a lot of noise on my fall, and the door hit something behind it. I didn't look up, but I knew that what I was hoping to see was there.
"Tris?" The sound of Tobias's voice sent a wave of relief through my body. I lifted my head to look up at his eyes. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept in many nights. He also looked slightly thin. It seemed his appearance was the only thing keeping me going.
"You don't look good, Tobias. You look tired." My Abnegation instincts had crept in. I hadn't spoken to him in weeks and my first words are: you don't look good.
"Tris. Oh my God Tris," he began lifting me up gently, he carried me over to his bed and laid me down. He then put his hands on my cheeks and gently kissed my forehead. His lips felt like a well needed drug. "Tris, I can't believe that you comment on the way I look when you have clearly been beaten up. What happened to you?" His voice was like music to my ears. I closed my eyes, I felt like if I closed my eyes, he wouldn't see how much off a mess I was.
"Well, so sum it up. Jeanine experimented on me over the past few weeks. Today however, she tested a pain serum. It sends different levels of pain through your body. It was pretty rubbish. But anyway, I am here now. That is all that matters." I could hear him begin to say something else, but his words were lost in my ears. I felt too exhausted to listen. I could however feel the warmth of his hands on my face. I then found the strength to lift my arm and place it on his chest. With that, I fell into a long, peaceful night's sleep.
I don't know how long I was asleep for, but it definitely did the job. I woke up feeling far more awake than I did during the time I was at Erudite. I knew I should get up, but I enjoyed lying in Tobias's bed, not moving my painful muscles.
"Morning," Tobias walked through the door and headed straight for the bed. He sat next me and kissed me hard. "I am surprised you are up, I told people you were going to be asleep all day. And before you ask, no I didn't tell them you were gone. The guards spread the news pretty quickly."
"I have missed you so much. I promise I won't ever do that again. I know I promised before, but this time I mean it. Please don't leave me Tobias." My words sounded panicked and rushed. I began to sit up, but my muscles wouldn't let me.
"Listen Tris, I am never going to forgive you for what you put me through. But I am also so overwhelmed that you are here. I honestly thought that I was never going to see you again. I didn't sleep, I only ate when Christina forced me. I couldn't even begin to think about how much pain they put you through. Now, come with me. I have made a luke-warm bath for you. Let me help clean you up," he lifted me out of bed and placed my feet on the ground. They began to sting, and I realised that I hadn't worn shoes the entire journey back. I tiptoed to the bathroom, leaning against Tobias.
He lifted me into the bath. It felt so incredible. The water stung my cuts, but it was so refreshing. My blood turned the water red. Tobias started to clean my feet. It stung, but I will never say anything was as painful as the serum. The thought of it sent pain through my body. "Why did they slice your head open Tris?" His words were quiet and calm. I knew that if I tell him, I would need to tell him the questions they asked me. But I was too weak to come up with a lie.
"Jeanine interrogated me. She wanted to find out how many Divergents were in this compound. I refused to tell her, so the Dauntless traitors beat my face in. But it isn't as bad as it looks."
"Not that bad? Your face looks like it is agony."
"Listen Tobias, I was sat through a pain serum which made me feel pain worse than being shot over my entire body, I would know whether-"I couldn't speak. I broke down in tears. I didn't want to appear weak in front of him, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't control it. I felt so hungry and weak, that I almost didn't care. He put my feet down and came over to my face. He put my head between his hands, and gently kissed my lips. It calmed me down quickly. We sat there for a few minutes in silence. Tobias gently kissing me to calm me down.
"Tris, I'm sorry. I just can't imagine the thought of you in so much pain. I love you, you brave lunatic. I want you to know that."
"I love you too Tobias." He then kissed me one more time, and started cleaning the slice on my face.
When we walk out of the bathroom, there are clothes waiting for me. I have missed Dauntless clothes. Erudite clothes do get uncomfortable. The boots where the best part though. It felt incredible to be able to walk around in shoes. Tobias helped me get dressed, and led me down to the dining room. It was Breakfast, and I was in so much pain that I forgot I hadn't eaten in three days. We sat on a table in the corner in an attempt to draw as little attention our way as possible, but it didn't achieve much. Everyone has heard that I am back. A hundred pairs of eyes lay fixated on my bruised face. But within a few minutes of staring they go back to eating breakfast. Tobias went to go get us some food. I was sat taking in the freedom when I hear Uriah's and Christina's voices behind me.
"Tris?" Christina sounded extremely fragile at that moment. It was a strange thing to hear from her.
"Tris, is that you?" Uriah sounded far more nervous to talk to me. It sounded like they had been anticipating this moment in their dreams. I turn around and face the two with a half-hearted smile. They both drop their food and run straight to me. Uriah cradles me in his arms, followed by Christina cradling the two of us in hers.
"I cannot express how worried I was about you Tris," Christina sounded emotional, like she was crying.
"Tris you lunatic, what were you thinking? We would have sorted something out! Four has been worried sick for you. The guy didn't say a word to anyone after you left. He just spend time in the control room. He even went to go look for you."
"He what?" the thought of him coming to Erudite made my heart skip a beat.
"He went to Erudite, I joined him, along with a few others. We walked in, guns at the ready, preparing for a fight, only to find Jeanine. She told us that, well," he went silent. He looked at Christina, who was sat next to me, holding my hand tight.
"She told us that we were too late. That you were too weak, and you were dead." My heart fell into my stomach. She told them I was dead? I couldn't believe it. I struggled to find the words. The people I loved believed that I was dead. Why did Jeanine release me then? If she killed me, people wouldn't have been so shocked. Why change that I am alive? Tobias walks over with two plates in his hand. He puts mine down and shoves Uriah out the way and sits in his place. Before he can say anything I wrap my arms around him and kiss him hard. It takes him by surprise, and I whisper into his ear: "I am so sorry." He then whispers into mine: "Once a stiff, always a Stiff".
I knew at that moment that something big was going to happen. Jeanine was going to have some explaining to do. But until then, all I will concentrate on is Christina, Tobias, and this muffin that is sat on my plate.
Georgina Phillips