Sheldon Swifties LXXIII: "The Trouble with Kurt…"

Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later.

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Note-Ever wondered what actually happened to the thuggish, abusive Kurt?

"So…Nice evening, huh?" Leonard, cautiously, closing apartment door.

"I don't know how you could say that…What you said at dinner." a tearful Penny glaring at Leonard in their living room.

"Penny, all I said was…" he tried, tossing keys in bowl.

"I don't wanna have kids because I don't love you as much as you love me?" she faced him, anger rising now.

"That is not what I said…" wave of hands in desperate frustration…

"Because I'm still thinking about an acting career, you said…Meaning you expect I'll dump you someday, the moment my agent calls with some great offer…"

"Well, I said if she called, you wouldn't want to not be able to take it…And I didn't say you'd 'dump' me."

"No, just that you got that that was the reason I didn't want kids…" she fumed, wiping cheeks.

"I said you wanted to keep your options open and I just meant…After what Mother said…I thought you wanted me to say something…" lamely.

"Yeah, thanks for the worst defense in marital history…I'm going to kill that bitch one day." Penny, coldly. "How dare she say that? That Dr. Mendle…About her own son…My husband?!"

"Mengele, I think you mean. And thanks, but…" he smiled.

"I am so going to kill her. I'm not kidding, Leonard. Her and her 'experiment'…Bitch. Frankenbitch Dr. Mengele." Grim tone.

"Well, thanks as I said…But I just meant that I knew you didn't agree with…"

"Yeah…" angry, tearful tone… "I'm just an ambitious bitch, not a Nazi. I didn't refuse you kids because I thought you wouldn't be Nazi fit enough. I just didn't want 'em in my way."

"You know I honestly think Mother was a little hurt…" he tried.

"Pull her head right off…I'll show her my 'physical genetic fitness'… 'It's a compliment, dear.' I'll compliment her ass into an early grave!" she fumed. "What?" she eyed him.

"I think she really wanted grandkids from us. You know my siblings' kids all kinda keep away from her. None of them came tonight and I don't believe the excuses. And my siblings sorta…Hate and fear her…Despite her making them what they are today."

"Obnoxious, arrogant arseholes?"

"Who kinda hate and fear the obnoxious, arrogant, controlling arsehole Frankenstein who created them…" he shrugged. "You know I really hadn't understood how much so till we had dinner with them all at once."

"Well, duh. Your brother has a whole plot cooked up to kill her and dissolve her bones with acid. He claimed he was just kidding to me but I think he was hoping I'd volunteer to help."

"Yeah…Mother's own version of tough love produced some weird side effects." He sighed. "But I think it was more along the lines of wishful thinking…She's a bit hard to take at times…Most…Times." Shaking head. "But she did raise them to be successful…If kinda obnoxious and arrogant. I'd say partly out of wanting to keep that success and partly outta…I dunno, there've gotta be a few nice memories…Somewhere, they really aren't serious. Not…All of them…"

"Leonard…Sweetie. Your siblings want Mama gone. And are not too particular about how she goes. Even if that jeopardizes that 'success' Mama bludgeoned them into, that I got the distinct impression at least some of them would've traded in a heartbeat for a mother who'd've just loved them or would trade now for stopping your Mom's heartbeat. Though your older sister was willing to see her jailed for crimes against Humanity…That was funny about Amy's grandma being her advisor and the one who had her up on charges years ago."

"Yeah…I wish I'd known Amy was Margaret Fowler-Horowitz's granddaughter. I told you how I had a shrine to her in my room for years after she tried to save us at that APA convention, denouncing Mother's methods with us as unethical and inhumane human experimentation." Leonard sighed.

"She's still alive in Maine, maybe we could go visit her sometime. If I haven't left you to do 'Serial Apeist V' by then." Renewed angry look.

"Honey…"

"Don't 'honey' me…" grimly narrow look… "You don't think I love you, period. After all this time…" she choked up, tears running, waving him off with glare as he tried to approach and comfort her.

"You've no idea, not a clue, how much I love you, Leonard Hofstadter."

"I know you love me, Penny. I was just trying to get Mother off your back. She was saying all that out of hurt, I really think that."

Penny, eyeing him.

"I think…She hoped we'd have kids. And they might actually find her tolerable…" he shrugged. "That's why she said those things, trying to get your goat. She was hurt and blaming you and me was easier than admitting she'd driven her own children to keep their children away from her."

"She caught my goat, skinned it, cut some steaks off it and threw them on the grill. 'I can understand your reluctance to bear Leonard's children, Penny…With your physique, and clear genetic resistance to disease, it would be evolutionary reversal.' What does that mean, anyway? Don't you dare answer that!" she fumed at his startled face as he began to speak. "I know, sorta, what it means."

"And she also said… 'It's a shame though I'm sure they'd be very sweet children…' I mean before you broke that glass in your hand and told me you were sick and had to go." He noted, pausing. "I really think that was what she really meant, buried in there. She was hoping we'd give her the grandkids who might just be able to love her."

"Sweet because of you…" Penny sighed. "Able to love her, because in spite of all she did to…And I'm back to wanting to kill her, right here, right now."

"I only said that about your work so Mom would back off. And no, because of both of us. Sheldon would agree. He says no one can 'Soft Kitty' like you, not even Amy. Though…" he gave nervous look…

"Amy never hears that, I know. What kind of a bestie do you think I am?" frown, sigh. "Same as the kind of wife you think I am. 'I do hope he's sufficient compensation, dear.' She said. Oh, I could kill her."

"She was going for the throat there…" he shrugged.

"And you, who oughta damned well know…" she bent over, weeping.

"Oh, Penny…"

"It's true. Mother knows best. You best, I mean. You think I'm 'compensating' for my career in acting going down the tubes…" she shook head. "I settled for a nice guy and a decent job but give me one decent role and…Hasta la vista, baby."

"I didn't mean it that way…"

"You think my heart didn't break everytime we broke up? That I didn't care when you went right on to Stephanie, nearly married Lesley, and Prya…Oh I wanted that bitch's head so bad. Only Wil Wheaton and Kurt I ever hated more. And your mom, sorry."

"No offense. Wait, you hated Wil…And your old boyfriend?"

"Of course I hated Wil. He broke us up deliberately. If Sheldon had come and asked me to help him take Wheaton out then, Mr. Crusher would be off the bridge permanently…And you might take note of my increasing use of Star Trek references." She noted, proudly. "And I haven't fully stopped 'hating' him, he's on probation."

"Really?" beam.

"Yeah. Though you probably think it's cause he stayed on Serial Apeist III when I was replaced. Heck all I did there was take out an ad in Variety praising his return to the sorta big screen…scream. Which kinda backfired since everyone thought it was that Patrick Stewart guy having fun with him."

"That really was you?" Leonard blinked. "You know Sheldon thought it was, from the grammar but…"

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for love of you, Leonard." She shook head. "Ever since Kurt…"

"Ah, Kurt, yeah…" Leonard shrugged. "I wasn't much there, was I?"

"What?! You went over and confronted him when you knew he'd…Mistreated me. I knew you knew, Leonard." She eyed him. "You knew it wasn't just the money…"

"One look at your face that night at your party…" he sighed. "But I didn't exactly…"

"I never expected you to beat him up. You went over…Hell, not one of the hunks I'd been with except maybe Zac would ever have even... And he hurt you. He hurt you, Leonard. He might have killed you, that bastard if the other guys, bless 'em, hadn't gone with you." Penny, grimly. "I knew after that…And all through every break-up we had…There'd never be anyone who loved me so much. I just had to be sure it wasn't just you felt sorry for me…You're such a good man, you might have done it just because it was the right thing to do. And I had to be sure you really wanted me, that I could make you happy. Leonard…I'm not kidding when I say I'd kill for you." Solemn stare.

He blinked…

Wow…

"That's…Sweet, I guess…But Mother really…"

"She'd be number two." Penny, calmly.

He blinked…

What…?