It was a typical moment in the life of Roy Mustang.

So there he was, the narcissistically gorgeous Roy Mustang, fleeing for his life on a hot summer day.

Putting one foot in front of the other, he sped down the street past houses and trees and everything in between. Roy let out harsh huffs of air while he ran for safety; they increased in frequency as he approached a stop sign down the road. And then he was suddenly faced with a life-saving question: should he turn left or right?

While he pondered the next route, Mustang chanced a peek over his shoulder. Behind him were a gaggle of women hot on his trail, each and every one vying for his attention; their shrieks and cries of undying love reached the heavens and were scattered in the wind. He allowed his chest to swell with pride for a moment before facing forward and continuing on ahead.

The hot commodity of a man swerved off to the left and rounded the corner onto a new street. Roy had made it only a few feet before he tripped over something awfully, awfully small, and landed face-first onto the pavement with a loud grunt, specks of dirt rising from the collision.

"What the hell—you sonofabitch!" came the muffled shout of a young person buried beneath his body.

Groaning in pain—as well in horror at the possibility of his beauty being marred—Roy rolled off of the struggling body, which apparently thought he was some sort of punching bag.

"I apologize," coughed Roy. He propped himself up on his elbows and took in a long drag of air. He placed a hand over his face and began rubbing the dirt from his eyes.

"Well, you better fuckin' be sorry," the irate voice chided him.

Accompanied by the noise of broken pebbles scraping against the cement, Mustang could hear his victim rising to their feet. The sounds were followed by the thumps of uneven footsteps slowly approaching him. He leaned to his side and cracked an eye open. Roy peeped up at the form looming above him, but thanks to the bright, beautiful sun shining in the nearly cloudless sky, he was unable to make out what the person looked like. It didn't stop him from ogling himself by proxy, though. He could only imagine the stunning sight of him covered by dirt and donned with a few scratches. Roguishly handsome, perhaps? He'd like to think so. A small smile curved the corner of his lips.

The shift in the shadow cast over him gave Roy the impression that whoever was shielding him from the late afternoon sun was tilting their head to the side. "What the fuck are you staring at?"

Roy opened his mouth to answer, but all of his pending remarks were drowned out by the tell-tale screeches of his lovestruck pursuers. He shot up to his feet, then whirled around to face the direction of the oncoming storm; the women were rounding the corner and in mere seconds, they would be headed their way. Thus, in an act of pure desperation, he swiveled toward the mystery person and grabbed onto them before haphazardly flinging them into the green hedges where he joined them seconds later.

He swiftly sat upright next to his kidnapping victim and a soft sigh of relief escaped him. Thankfully, they were both hidden beneath the shade of a giant oak tree; the rustling green leaves of the bush only added to their protection. Mustang believed that he may just survive the situation relatively unscathed—this time. That thought blew up in smoke when the person sitting next to him, whom he had yet to look at, made a move to leave their safe haven and thereby give away his location. Roy didn't hesitate to wrap his arm around the other's shoulder and snatch them backward and flush against his side. The struggling form did put up quite the fight, though.

"Will you get your f—mmph!" Roy quickly silenced that fearsome tirade by placing his hand over the stranger's mouth.

"Shh!" he hissed into the other's ear. "If you insist on causing a scene and give away our location, not only will they find me, they'll find you. I'm highly doubtful that you would want to endure the fawning of numerous women."

The man winced when their reply came in the form of a warm, wet tongue licking the palm of his hand.

Then suddenly, the hoard of women—and now a few men—stampeded by, kicking up dust and debris as they did so; their shadows glided across the tops of the bushes in a cadence of their shrieks and calls of Roy's name. Moments later, the sounds of their trampling footsteps disappeared into the horizon.

After the coast was clear, Roy released his captive. And as soon as they were free, they sprung out from within the hedges, snapping thin branches and loosening green leaves as they made their escape. Standing up, Mustang brushed the dirt from his dark blue jeans, then proceeded to step through the bushes into the sunlight.

"Y'know, it's pretty fucking rude to run someone over, then throw them into the bushes like some damn creeper."

Upon hearing the person's voice, Roy's gaze snapped up to find a relatively short young man standing before him with his arms crossed over his chest while he furiously tapped one foot.

Roy checked an exasperated breath. "Once again, I apologize for disturbing and possibility hurting you, Mr…?"

"It's Edward Elric," he offered. "But I prefer 'Ed'."

Flashing a dazzling smile, Mustang held out his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Ed. My name is Roy Mustang."

Elric placed his hand in the other's, taking in quiet satisfaction at the sound of the man's knuckles cracking beneath his grip. "Hey," he replied, his cheeks warming a bright pink.

Even though their handshake lasted much longer than the 'bro-code' recommended, Roy seized the opportunity to check the boy out. He did nothing to hide the slow glide of his obsidian eyes roving down the other's body, and he nearly whistled appreciatively. The kid had the most luminous, silky blond hair he had ever seen; his eyes—which were currently simmering with fury—were a molten gold color; his smooth skin was graced with a sun-kissed glow. In short, Edward was gorgeous. Plain and simple. And his red zip-up hoodie and tight black leather pants only accentuated his beauty.

Once Mustang looked up, he caught the slightest movement of Ed's eyes caressing his own body. And when the blond finally realized that he had been caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar, his cheeks immediately burst into a scarlet red. Roy smirked, wondering if Elric liked what he saw. He made a mental note to find out.

Edward dropped the man's hand like he's been burned and took a step back. He glared up at Roy, whose smirk grew into a shark-toothed grin as they stood in silence. Man was the old fucker hot. Smokin' hot. He had the random urge to bite his bottom lip and twirl a lock of hair around his finger. Wait—fuck that!

"Anyway," he grumbled stubbornly, "you need to watch where you're going. You're lucky I didn't kick your ass for being a jerk."

Roy waved a hand in the air, gesturing at nothing in particular. "And you shouldn't have been on the ground," he countered, running his free hand through his untidy black hair. "What were you doing, anyway?"

Ed scowled. "Not like it's any of your fucking business, but I was looking for Julie Andrews."

"The Queen of Genovia?"

"Nah, my brother's cat," the blond clarified, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. "He has a thing for musicals."

"Ah, I see."

An awkward silence settled between them. The light breeze picked up, blowing through the trees and carrying their jostled leaves with it; birds chirped and flew overhead; the slowly fading sunlight flickered behind the low-hanging, puffy, white clouds flooding the sky. Roy glanced from Edward (who was refusing to look at him) to the house standing off to their respective sides. It was a one-story structure with a cheerful canary yellow gracing its sides and was enclosed within well-kept hedges. The open windows were framed with green shutters; the wind fluttering through their hair rustled the cream-colored curtains hanging in the windows. Mustang found it quite homey...and convenient.

Roy nonchalantly picked at his now ruined white t-shirt. "So…" he hummed, casting a sidelong glance at the blond.

Edward stuffed his hands into the front pockets of black leather pants—which were way too tight if Roy's libido had any say in the matter—and cocked his head to the side. "So…"

"Nice place," remarked Mustang.

Elric swiveled on his heel toward the house. "Yep," he agreed, emphasizing the 'p' with a pop of his lips.

"Is it yours?"

Narrowing his golden eyes, Edward shot the prick a suspicious look. "Why?" He received a casual shrug of the shoulders in response.

Before Ed could figure out why he felt the need to share any sort of information with the smokin' hot bastard, his mouth babbled of its own accord.

"Well, I live here with my little brother, our childhood friend, and a bum who can't get a date to save his life."

"Have an extra room?"

The blond's mouth dropped open, and he gaped at Mustang with wide, disbelieving eyes. "W-what?" he sputtered.

"Do you have—"

Roy's reiterated question, which should've came with an automatic 'yes', was cut off by the sudden sound of chatter and laughter floating their way. He peered over the other's head and saw two people approaching them; their long shadows shrinking as they closed the distance.

Turning his back to the other man, Edward pulled his hands out of his pockets then cupped them around his mouth. "Al! Winry!" he called.

"Hey, Ed!" shouted Winry, waving her arm in the air.

Alphonse, who was a step or two behind the young woman, waved in greeting as well before he picked up the pace and turned his casual walk into a light jog with Winry in tow.

Seconds later, Alphonse was standing in front of Ed, worrying his bottom lip. "Did you find her, brother?"

Frowning, Edward rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry, Al," he said. "The last place I looked was in the hedges before this jackass," he paused to jab his thumb over his shoulder in Roy's direction, "ran over me."

Mustang scoffed. "I've already apologized for not seeing you twice."

After the words left his mouth, Ed whipped around so quickly, Roy was quite frankly surprised he didn't continue spinning like a top. He nearly shrank back at the glower pointed at him.

"What. The. Hell," seethed Ed, his face heating with fury while lightning sparked behind his darkening glare, "Did. You. Just. Call. Me?" His hands fisted at his sides, their knuckles cracking beneath the pressure. He didn't care how hot the mouth-gaping guy was—Edward was gonna knock his lights out.

Ed made a move to lunge at the bastard, but before he could lift his fightin' arm and give Mustang the ass-whooping he oh-so desperately deserved, two firm arms wrapped around his torso and yanked him backward.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Alphonse, dragging his struggling and fuming older sibling a fair distance away. "You can't go around beating people up, brother; we've talked about this! Gosh!"

"C'mon, Al!" hissed Ed. "Let go, will—"

"—Oh. My. God!" interjected Winry, her voice squealing in delight. Her hands shot up to her pinkened cheeks and cradled them while she excitedly wiggled her hips. "Roy!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Mustang saw Ed and the taller boy who resembled him skid to a halt. They each took their turns gazing from Winry to him, and then back again.

"Hello, Miss Rockbell," greeted Roy. "It's a pleasure to see you again." He flashed a wicked smile that widened when the girl practically melted on the spot. Still got it.

"Wait, what?" Al and Ed said in unison.

Winry peeked over her shoulder at the two boys, both of whom wore masks of confusion. With a sigh, she turned on her heel and trotted over to them.

"You know this creeper?" asked Edward.

"You've never told us about him, Winry," noted Alphonse, who was hovering over the other two.

Rockbell rolled her blue eyes. "He's the guy I've been telling you about, you big dummies!"

"Not gonna lie, Win; I probably wasn't paying attention," confessed Ed. That earned him a hard slap to the back of his head. "Ow!" he mumbled beneath his breath.

"Gee, thanks, Ed," muttered the young woman. "Anyways, I've been trying to drag you down to his job so you can meet him and talk to him!"

Alphonse's eyes lit up in an angelic sort of way after seeing the abuse inflicted upon the older Elric. "Oh! That Roy," he piped up, lying through his teeth.

"See! At least someone pays attention." Winry graced Al with a beautiful smile before dropping it as soon as she stared at the other boy. "You should be more like your brother when it comes to other people, Edward Elric!" she chided, slapping his head again.

Ed wanted to smack that innocent expression off of his traitorous sibling's face.

"So where does the dumbass work, exactly?" he wondered aloud as he rubbed the rapidly growing bump on the back of his head. "And why would I wanna talk to him anyway?"

Winry ignored his first question. "Well, Ed...you're kinda single, so…"

"So?"

"I-wanted-you-to-meet-someone-so-you-wouldn't end-up-all-alone-because-I'm-really-worried-that-you-won't-find-somebody-to-make-you-happy!" the girl blurted out faster than the speed of sound. "And somebody needs to take care of you before you end up dead—or worse, in jail!"

"I don't need anyone," grumbled Ed. He put a hand on his hip and lifted the other, flicking up his index finger. "And that was one fucking time. The jerk shouldn't have called me short—and it wasn't even jail! But that fool behind me just might be my ticket there."

Winry shot him an annoyed look. She put her fists on her hips and began tapping one foot. "Well, I think you'd like him if you'd stop being such a stubborn idiot for five whole minutes!" she argued. "Don't you think he's cute, at least?"

"No," Ed retorted. He crossed his arms over his chest, and a hard scowl etched itself into his forehead. That scowl sharpened when he heard a faint "liar" muttered between Alphonse and Winry; they blinked at him sweetly.

Huffing, Ed blew his blond bangs from his forehead. "Just so ya guys know," he began in an effort to switch topics, "he asked if we had a spare room."

"He did?" questioned Alphonse.

"Yeah, so; first the the bastard tried to kill me—"

"—you're being overly dramatic—" interrupted Winry.

"—then kidnaps me, calls me short, and now he wants a place to stay!" scoffed Edward. "He's lucky I haven't kicked his ass, yet."

"Must you always resort to violence, brother?" sighed Al.

"Well...he woulda had it comin' to him if you guys hadn't showed up when you did," sniffed Ed.

"It's a darn good thing we did, then. Right, Winry?" Alphonse peered over at the young woman, who was staring at the other boy with a hint of conspiracy behind her eyes. He tapped her shoulder. "Winry?"

Suddenly, what Edward could only describe as a light bulb clicked on above Rockbell's head. She hopped up on one foot and screeched so loudly, he could've sworn the windows of their house cracked and shattered. Both he and Alphonse slapped their hands over their ears. "What the hell is wrong with you, Win!"

"Oh, Al~" the girl sang, twirling to peek up at him.

"Uh...hello, Winry…"

Smiling the most manipulative of smiles, Rockbell clasped her hands together and placed them beneath her chin. She popped up one leg behind her. "Roy needs a place to stay and Ed needs a boyfriend. Don't you think Roy moving in with us would be the perfect opportunity?!"

"Umm, well…" Alphonse's words trailed off. Upon seeing his brother's murderous glare and his childhood friend's pleading, puppy-dog eyes, he swallowed thickly. "She's right, brother."

"Uh-uh," hummed Ed, taking a step back. He waved his hands in front of him while shaking his head. "No! We don't even know this guy!"

"Winry does. He's the hot Roy she always begging you to see," Al reminded his sibling. "And it would be very rude to not help someone in need!"

In his peripheral vision, Edward could see Winry eagerly nodding her head in agreement while stars and sparkles practically burst from her eyes.

He shuffled from one foot to the other, caught between his own thoughts and the need to give the little twerp whatever he wants. Ed gave them a small frown—which intensified when he saw the grins that conveyed the knowledge of their victory. Sighing, Elric spun around and trudged over to Roy, who was nonchalantly posing in such a way that the blond thought was pretty damn hot.

Standing in front of the man, he glared. "If you can answer my three questions, your old ass can stay."

Roy scowled at the offensive slight to his age; he thought he pretty good-looking for a man of his...maturity, if he could say so himself. "Go on," he urged.

"Tell me why you were running," demanded Edward, holding up one finger.

"Because all the women want me."

Winry shrieked in the background, thereby confirming his statement. Mustang smirked.

"Uh…'kay, second question." The blond held up another finger. "No idea where he is right now, but will you take Havoc out on a date? 'Cause he seriously needs one and he's starting to piss me off about it."

"Are you my pimp now?" muttered Roy. Catching sight of the other's expectant, golden stare, he nodded.

"Good enough. Last one," he added, and held up a final digit, which was conveniently the middle one. "You need to have a dream."

Mustang shrugged; the motion was flawlessly fluid and oddly seductive. "I have ones that are quite pleasant every night," he replied with a suggestive wink. He grinned at the color dusting Edward's ears.

"If you think about it, he does have a point, brother," Alphonse chimed in.

Ed quickly looked over his right shoulder, his pony tail whipping across his left cheek. "I hate you," he mouthed. A halo popped up over Al's angelic form.

"Fine," he snapped, focusing on Roy. "If you can find Julie Andrews, then you can stay for a week. Then your ass is outta here."

At that precise—and for Ed, unfortunate—moment, a loud meow sounded above them; the orange tabby cat was sitting on a low-hanging branch of the tree looming above the group.

"Julie!" exclaimed Al. He scrambled over to the tree and held up his arms. "Come on, girl," he cooed.

Raising his eyebrows, Roy pointed upward at the feline. And when she noticed him, her agitated meowing transformed into a content and loving pur.

Edward found that fucking creepy beyond belief.

Alphonse beamed up at Julie Andrews, eager to be reunited with his adorable fur ball.

Winry exhaled an eardrum-popping squeal in regard to their new roommate.

And the victorious, no-longer-homeless Roy Mustang grinned simply because he was sexy.