I'm tainted...
When I first entered the WWF I was
so innocent, I was truly "daddy's little girl", there was no doubt
about that... I could do no wrong in daddy's eyes and it was the truth
but then something happened...
Hunter happened.
Hunter changed who I was, he made
me into the person all the fans hate, he turned me into this screeching
brat.
Before I had been someone, I had
been sweet and I had been worthy of someone's love...
Not just someone... not just anybody...
I had been worthy of Andrew's love.
I at one time had been worthy of
his loving gazes, I at one time had been the person he thought about all
the time, I at one time had been the person he wanted to spend the rest
of his life with... but I'm not that person anymore.
I bet all of you are pretty shocked
by now, I bet all of you are surprised that the billion dollar princess
is moping over Andrew.
I had and still have all of you fools
fooled... no pun intended.
I even at one time had myself fooled,
I fooled myself that Andrew was nothing to me, but it was just another
lie I told. I'm good at telling the lies, I tousle my hair back, cover
my face with all sorts of make-up, I put on the skimpy clothes, and then
I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I don't love Andrew.
I tell myself that he never meant anything to me, that the love we shared
was NOTHING... that the love never existed, I tell myself that I
love Hunter, but I don't.
I DON'T love Hunter, how could
I love someone who is so cruel and cold hearted? Sure I had all of you
fooled, but sitting in my dressing room alone and looking at my reflection
in my vanity room, I finally realize that I could have been someone's everything
instead of someone's trophy wife.
Andrew LOVED me more then
Hunter could ever even try to love me; Andrew would look at me and I knew
with just that one glance that he loved me with all the fiber in his body,
and that he would continue loving me until the day he died. Andrew's love
was the sort of love that I had been searching for all my life, and the
minute I got that love... I ran to Hunter.
I didn't want to need Hunter, but
I did. I wanted to get back at my father for the way he enlisted me into
his conflict with Stone Cold Steve Austin, I wanted to get back at my brother
for helping The Undertaker kidnap me, I wanted to get revenge at the two
most loved people in my life: Shane and my daddy, for the horror and pain
they made me endure... and to do that, I had to let go of Andrew.
I went to Hunter with my plan, and
Hunter jumped at the opportunity to get back at, as what Hunter called
him "The Big Man", and then the McMahon-Helmsley era was started.
The look on Andrew's face had been
almost unbearable to look at, and then the way my father wrapped his arms
around me protecting me from who was supposedly the bad man trying to hurt
his baby girl, made me want to endow the marriage and marry Andrew and
stay with my daddy and not to start up this damn era, but it was too late.
My daddy had been crushed... Shane
had been crushed! The two people I wanted to crush were hurt, mission complete!
But then the unexpected thing happened... Andrew had been crushed. I had
never meant to hurt him, I loved him, I really did! I just needed that
revenge so badly, that I looked past love, looked past Andrew.
And now Andrew hates me. Why wouldn't
he? Even if he did have the ability to forgive me before, he doesn't anymore.
Hunter has beaten the living hell out of Test, and at my father's orders
and mine.
Things are SO crazy lately,
I pretend that I love what is going on in the federation but I don't like
it one bit, I hate it!
The alliance between Stone Cold Steve
Austin and my "husband" Hunter is sickening, the way they are destroying
Kane and The Undertaker makes me sick to my stomach, and the way Hunter
nearly killed Andrew because of Andrew's involvement in the last man standing
match between Shane and The Big Show made me want to cry, but instead I
stood tall and I cheered my "husband" on.
I stand by Hunter and stand tall
and proud, but I'm not proud of the sort of carnage he is doing... I don't
want to be with Hunter, but I have NO choice. If I even try to leave
Hunter, I'll be kicked out of the family just like my mom and Shane. I
won't be daddy's little girl anymore, I won't be the billion dollar princess
anymore... and I just can't see me not being that... that is all I have
ever known. If I left Hunter, where would I go? I have nowhere to go, I
don't have Andrew anymore.
I'll be just like Shane. Shane had
one time been the billion dollar prince, he was just like me but then one
little mistake sent him kicking and screaming out of the family. Shane
protected mom's honor, he's more then I could ever be. Shane knew the consequences
of his choices, and he still did them. Sure I hated Shane before, and some
part of me still does for his involvement with what happened between The
Undertaker and I, but Shane is my brother.
One time I had been the sort of person
Shane was proud to call his little sister, he used to call me "Stephy"
and he would look at me with love in his eyes, but not anymore. He hates
the person I have become, there is disgust in his eyes when he looks at
me and as much as I say it doesn't hurt... it does.
Shane had always loved me no matter
what, no matter what I did... I was always Shane's Stephy. I had always
been Shane's little sister, but not anymore. What did I expect? The choices
I have made have affected EVERYONE! And the decisions I have made
have caused me to lose the people I loved the most...
Andrew and Shane.
They have so many similarities...
they both loved me with everything they had, and I betrayed them both.
I said I loved them one day and then the next day I stabbed them in the
back; I looked them in the eye and told them I was disgusted with them
and slapped them in the face. I said things and done things to them that
can't be taken back, and now when I want to take them back, they are unforgiving.
"10 minutes Stephanie."
I look away from my vanity mirror
and nod at one of the crewmen... 10 minutes until I go skipping into that
ring, 10 minutes until that "slut" chant starts up, until that damn
"slut" chant ring in my ears.
I am NOT a slut! Doesn't anyone
see that? Can't anyone see past the hairspray and the make-up? Can't anyone
see past the skimpy clothes and all the lies? Can't anybody see that I'm
still Shane's Stephy? Can't anyone see that I am still in love with Andrew?
Of course not, I'm too good of a liar for them to see past my act.
"Ready babe?"
I look up and paste on a fake smile,
as Hunter smiles at me from the doorway. Okay I had been wrong... Hunter
does love me. He has to love me, he fought Rikishi for me on Smackdown,
and he's stayed faithful to me this whole time... yes Hunter loves me...
it just doesn't go around. I want to love Hunter, because maybe if I do
love him then I can stop loving Andrew, but no I don't love Hunter.
"Yep, just putting the finishing
touches on my make-up. How do I look?"
Hunter smiles at me, flashing me
that handsome smile of his.
"Beautiful, as usual, now come on.
Steve is waiting for us."
I get up and stroll over to Hunter,
I grab his hand and we walk down the hall, smiles on our faces. We are
the WWF's model couple, like me and Andrew had been a while back. Even
though I hate Hunter, I admit we look good together...
"Looks like Testicle wants some more..."
I roll my eyes at Hunter's little
nickname for Andrew, but I laugh at it just to show I'm not pissed... which
I am. I look up at and see Andrew walking past us; His ribs still taped
up, he glares at Hunter and me, and then for a split second, I see his
eyes soften up when we look at each other.
*Please Test I love you, don't
you ever forget that.*
For a second it's just Andrew and
me, and I stare into his eyes, hoping he can hear my subliminal message.
Andrew doesn't say a word, but he
just stares. His eyes drilling into mine, not a word, just a gaze. It's
not a gaze full of hate, but it's not a gaze full of love either... it's
just Andrew looking at me, and then he looks over at Hunter, finally glaring.
"Yeah Triple H, you're damn right
I want some! Me and you tonight, in a hardcore match, you up to that?"
I watch them with an intense look
in my eyes.
