Hello everyone! I didn't get much sleep last night and so I started to write up this story that I thought up a few months ago. You may have to bear with me for updates as this story is literally being written as it is being posted; I hope you don't mind a short wait too much but I do have the first three chapters pretty much written up already.
Ethan isn't coping very well with his newly discovered diagnosis, that is until he has an idea; he'll write a book. This book allows him to escape his nightmare life for his dream life, but Cal, being Cal, can't help but be concerned for his brother. It's all going to end in tears, right?
I've taken a few bits from the show which I'm sure you'll recognise. I really hope you enjoy and please keep letting me know your thoughts on each chapter I love hearing what you think and more often than not your comments trigger something to add to my stories and so please keep them coming in. Here is "The life I'll never have", happy reading, Kayxxx :)
The life I'll never have – Chapter One
It had been two weeks since the death of Emilie which also meant it had been two weeks since Ethan had found out he carries the Huntington's gene. He'd spent this time locked away in his bedroom, only coming out to go to work and that's it. Even when he was at work he wasn't fully there, it was like he'd created a bubble, an 'antiseptic Ethan bubble' as Cal would call it, but as time went by Cal was getting more and more concerned for the wellbeing of his brother; him missing the funeral of their mother being the first trigger. He hadn't had a proper conversation with him since the day their mother died. His brother wasn't okay and he had to do something about it.
"Ethan?" Cal called as he knocked on his bedroom door. He got no reply but he's gotten used to that over the past two weeks.
"Ethan I'm going out with Max and Jez and some others from work, do you want to come?" He asked enthusiastically but he already knew the reply he would get...nothing. Cal sighed deeply and opened up his brother's door to find him slam his laptop shut suddenly.
"Caleb!" Ethan barked with fright.
"Woah what's going on here then" Cal smirked knowingly, Ethan looked at him confused, "don't mind me you seem to be enjoying yourself enough already tonight, I'll leave you to it" he held his hands up and head for the door.
"Leave me to what?" Ethan asked obliviously.
"Come on we're not fifth-teen years old" Cal told him as he folded his arms and watched him amused but his brother still continued to look on confused, "you don't have to be embarrassed, watching porn is completely normal-" Ethan cut his brother's smug explanation off.
"What? No no no Caleb, don't be so ridiculous!" Ethan snapped as he grabbed his laptop and opened it up, "look" Ethan told him.
"Are you sure? I mean...this stuff is private-" Cal teased but Ethan cut him off again.
"Just look" he urged as he rolled his eyes at his brother's immaturity.
Cal took a seat on the edge of Ethan's bed and looked at his laptop screen, "a word document?" He stated confused, "some type of dirty online novel?" He asked warily.
"No Cal, why are you so set on the fact I'm on porn?!" Ethan snapped.
"Well I'm just saying you slammed your laptop shut pretty fast as I came in and the only reason I could think of doing that is, well..." Cal smirked.
Ethan sighed deeply, "You just startled me that's all" he told him.
"So what's this then?" Cal asked as he grabbed hold of his laptop, he thought changing the subject would be for the best as his brotherly teasing was getting on Ethan's nerves and that's the last thing he needed.
"I'm writing a book if you must know" Ethan told him sheepishly.
Cal looked at him warily for a moment, wondering whether he was being serious or not, "a book?" He asked, "You're writing a book?" He asked again but this time with a smirk.
"Yes yes I know, to you it's ridiculous but, I don't know it's helping me cope, with, things..." Ethan trailed off awkwardly.
Cal nodded, "so what's it about then?" He asked as he scrolled through the pages, he scrolled to the top and read the title, "'the life I'll never have'?" Cal asked as he raised his eyebrows.
"The story isn't as depressing as the title" Ethan smiled, "but it's pretty self explanatory, it's about what my life could be in years to come, if I didn't have...well, you know" he trailed off once more, "Emilie inspired it actually, when she asked me about the story of me and Kate, it got my mind wondering of what could be" he stated.
"Ethan you could still have that life, your Huntington's couldn't kick in for God, another twenty years!" Cal tried to break through to him, "don't give up now" he told him sincerely. Ethan just nodded slowly, it was going to take more than that to break through to him, he'd just been told he's going to have a terminal illness obviously it's going to take a while to get used to. "Look, come out for a drink with us?" Cal asked hopefully.
Ethan looked down and shook his head, "I think I'll give it a miss" he told him.
Cal debated trying to twist him arm but his figured if he was up for coming, he'd come. He stood up to leave and stopped at the door.
"Thanks for the invite though, I really appreciate it" Ethan forced out a smile.
Cal nodded in reply, "how about I bring a pizza in for us? We can have a few beers and talk?" He suggested.
Ethan thought about it for a moment, "actually, that sounds great" he replied.
Cal looked at his little brother for a moment, sat in his pyjamas in bed; he'd never seen someone look so lost and so broken. He'd treated many patients over the years but he'd never seen someone so physically shattered. Maybe it was because he knew his brother, he was used to that natural twinkle he had in his kind warm eyes, but that twinkle was now gone; he'd lost it. His eyes looked like tunnels, deep, dark tunnels that only saw one outcome in life which made him lose any will power to smile, to try...to live. This wasn't like his brother at all, but he couldn't make a big thing out of it, that would only set him back. He could only hope this book his brother said was 'helping him cope' was actually doing its job, although he didn't look like he was coping very well. Cal took in a deep breath and smiled at him.
"Okay" He told him before he left.
Cal was determined to get through the night so he could get home to Ethan and talk. It was a big step Ethan agreeing to talk with him and Cal was very much looking forward to it, though every time he tried to call it a night someone would persuade him into staying out a bit longer, "just one more drink" Max would plead, but that one more drink turned into five more drinks and 12am turned into 2am very quickly...he stumbled through the door at half two in the morning with a pizza and some beers as he'd promised his brother. He wasn't surprised when he found the apartment in complete darkness, it always was these days.
"Oh Nibbles!" Cal called as he placed the pizza and beers down in the kitchen, "I'm home, we can talk now!" He called as he made his way to his brother's bedroom once more, "Ethan?" He spoke from outside the door, "I'm going to come in so if you're on porn this is your warning" Cal slurred drunkenly as he laughed to himself. He opened up his brother's bedroom door to find he was fast asleep huddled up in his duvet, "what?" Cal spat out disappointedly, "what happened to our talk? Eh? Our pizza and beers bonding session?" Cal sighed as he made his way over to his brother who stirred in his sleep, "Shh no no, don't wake up...you need to sleep. Forget about the pizza, it's always best the next day anyway" He spoke softly as he took a seat on his bed beside his sleeping brother. He sat there for a moment, in the darkness of his room and listened to the sound of Ethan breathing as he slept; it was so soothing to hear.
"You know, I'm just glad you're finally getting some sleep" Cal whispered, "You haven't been sleeping lately have you?" He asked, "You can tell just by the bags under your eyes" he stated sadly, "maybe that book you're writing is helping you out eh?" He asked as he looked at the laptop that had been placed on the other side of Ethan's bed. He made his way around and took a seat, "let's see what's in here shall we?" He spoke as he opened up the laptop, the light from the screen gave the room enough lighting for him to see his brother's face, "you look so peaceful" Cal sighed, "I suppose everyone does when they sleep though don't they? Well maybe not Uncle Pat, remember him? He'd fall asleep on the couch every time we'd visit and we'd sit there and hope for flies to fly into his mouth it'd be open that wide" he smiled to himself as he reminisced, "they never did though, unfortunately" he added, "no, but sleep is peaceful, it's the one way you can escape life for a few hours right? That's got to be peaceful, especially when you're going through what you're going through" he shook his head and looked back up at the laptop screen and skimmed over Ethan's book, "Café girl Kate's name keeps popping up" Cal spoke teasingly, "you really liked her didn't you?" He grinned as he continued to read, "Oh, there's me..." His voice trailed off as he read into what his brother had written about him, it brought a tear to his eye but not for any good reason, "'at times I wish it was him who'd been cursed with this awful disease...but he's fine, Caleb is just perfect as he always has been. He goes wherever he wants, he gets everything he wants; career, women, everything comes so easy to him. I work hard, I'm the good one. I've always been the good one and I don't deserve this...maybe he does'-" Cal cut himself off there as he could feel himself chocking up. He looked down at his brother but he could no longer see him through the blur of tears in his eyes, he shook his head and closed the laptop.
"I'm so sorry Ethan" he whimpered, "I wish it was me who had it too if it meant you didn't" he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand before he left.