Down & Out

This is after the breakup obviously, there's not really much else to say. Song is legendary by Lou Barlow, this song reminds me of Alex and Marissa's relationship so I thought it'd be a good fit. Probably more than just one chapter, I have some ideas. Enjoy.

Part One: Legendary

I know I wanted more than you could give to me
I know there'll come a day I understand
until then I'll be trying to solve a mystery
wonder why I couldn't make you stay

Alex took another swing from the bottle as she made her way across the deserted beach. This beach was nothing like Newport Beach. Alex stumbled over getting lost in her thoughts, landing in a heap on the floor, laughing miserably as she sat up, realizing half her bottle's contents were already gone. Capping the bottle with her thumb she flipped it over and started making designs in the sand. The alcohol was starting to affect her, she could feel her body begin to warm.

Looking down at her design she realized what she had written, A + M. Taking her phone out of her pocket she looked at the familiar number, and deleted it. Finally after almost a year she had finally erased Marissa. Standing she kicked at the sand until all traces of the message were gone. This is what Marissa had wanted. Upon her arrival home she fell without a thought onto her couch and fell asleep almost instantly.

Heal, it takes time
And you gave me all you had
I know in time I will believe
That I loved you, did you love me?

Marissa looked over at the sleeping figure next to her, and knew that this was her fate. Being with a guy who insisted on being known as, "Volchok", and drinking almost all day, this was her fate because this is what she had let herself become. There had only been one real relationship that she had felt comfortable in, and had faith in. Except she had ruined it because she was Marissa. And she was selfish. The words echoed in her mind, Alex had meant more to her than anyone else had, except she was selfish and she lost her.

Often times she found herself thinking about Alex when all was quiet, she couldn't stop herself no matter how many times she tried to forget the blonde girl. There was something about her that just captivated Marissa, but for some odd reason she had given up on her. Whenever she thought about it, she never really understood why she did it either. Alex had been amazingly understanding and let Marissa go, even though it hurt her. Marissa had seen the heartbreak in Alex's eyes the last time they had seen each other, face to face.

There were precious memories that Marissa held dear to her heart, and most of them included Alex. She found herself thinking about her more and more these days, and couldn't understand why. Whenever she had been feeling lonely or just found herself too engrossed in memories she'd take her phone out and just look at Alex's picture, the picture that Alex had insisted on deleting. She wanted to call her, except whenever her confidence was high enough she'd lose her nerve.

Marissa knew she had no right to call Alex, not after all this time. She had been the one who had broken up with her, not the other way around. There was no right way to go about what she was feeling. It was too late, once again Marissa had fucked up.

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