A/N: This is a fill for an anonymous prompt I got on tumblr.
It's not meant to be part of my 'Don't Say a Word' verse, but if you want to think of it that way, you can.
Hope you enjoy!
Jane: Guys, are you there? I'm in turbo!
Bucky: In what?
Jane: In table!
Jane: TROUBLE! Damn autocorrect…
Bucky: Did Darcy get a hold of your phone again?
Jane: Probably.
Steve: What's going on, Jane? Are you all right?
Jane: Define all right.
Bucky: Jane, did you try and open your prototype portal again?
Jane: What? No, nothing like that.
Steve: Where are you? We've been trying to reach you all day.
Jane: It's kind of a long story. I just need you guys to get here right now.
Bucky: Where are you?
Bucky: Are you hurt?
Bucky: I swear, if they touched one hair on your head…
Jane: James, sweetie, much as your overprotectiveness turns me on, I need you to stop and let me vape.
Bucky: ?
Jane: TYPE! Damn autocorrect...
Steve: Just tell us what's happening, doll.
Jane: I need you to come get me in London. I'm trapped in m
They re-read Jane's final message, hunched over Steve's phone, sitting on the massive four poster bed that all three of them had shared just this morning. It had been a beautiful start to the day, Jane awake before both of them and bringing them to consciousness with a soft kiss and a gentle touch. There had been little time for a quickie before Jane had to be up and on the plane to Europe. They'd had to settle for another quick kiss before her cab arrived.
Steve and Bucky never liked watching her go. Her work often took her out of the country at a moment's notice, not that either of them could talk when they'd spent the last week in Cambodia, Indonesia, and Chad. There was always this niggling fear in the back of their minds that someone as important as Jane, who was openly in a relationship with two Avengers, would be the target for all manner of kidnapping and assassination attempts.
Nothing like that had ever happened, but just knowing that it could…
And now, these text messages, right out of the blue after six hours of no communication, the last of which cut off as if she'd been stopped in the middle of writing it.
Stopped by what?
"We can't jump to conclusions," Steve said. He wanted to think he was speaking to Bucky, but it was his own reflection in the mirror that he looked at. "There could be any number of reasons why Jane would need us. It doesn't have to mean that she's in danger."
"Steve, literally the first thing she said was that she's in trouble," said Bucky. "I don't think she's asking for a walk in the park."
He stalked towards the closet, came back an inordinately short time later fully dressed for battle, sliding a knife into his boot and another gun into the holster on his thigh. He grabbed keys sitting on the kitchen counter. They were not the car keys.
"Bucky, hang on!" Steve rushed to get his uniform and the shield. Bucky didn't stop walking.
"I'm going to have the quinjet ready in two minutes," he said. "You'd better be there."
Steve made it to the hanger in one. Bucky was prepping for take off when Steve slipped into the cockpit with him. They got airborne just as Steve's phone buzzed, making the quinjet swerve dangerously as Bucky lost control of himself and tried to reach over Steve's lap to get it. Steve nearly fell out of his seat going for it himself.
Steve: Jane, is that you? Are you all right?
Jane: I'm fine, but I need you guys now.
Steve: We're on our way, honey. Buck and I are in the air and we'll be with you in just under an hour.
Jane: Okay, I think I can hold out until then.
Steve: What's going on, Jane? Who has you? It's not HYDRA, is it?
Jane: What? God, no! Nothing like that.
Jane: I'm just in kind of a jumbo.
Steve: Jumbo what?
Jane: JAM! Damn autocorrect…
Steve: If it's not HYDRA, who is it?
Steve: Jane?
Steve: Jane, are you there?
Steve: Answer me!
"She's not answering." Steve held the phone in his cold, trembling fingers. The screen was cracked from the strength of his grip, but he couldn't bring himself to let go.
Bucky cursed and sped up. They were going so fast that a normal human would probably crushed. Even as a super soldier, Steve felt the air constrict in his lungs. They were well beyond Mach 3 speed, possibly closer to 4. Steve didn't even know the quinjet could go that fast.
"She text back yet?" Bucky yelled over the noise.
Steve checked his phone.
"No! I'll try to call her."
"Wait, if she's in hiding, the ringer might give away her position. Don't do it yet. We're almost there."
The clouds parted before them, and the skyline of London stretched out. There was still some damage left over from the Dark Elves' invasion, but the city remained as bustling and smoggy as Steve always knew it to be. They started to slow as they lost altitude. Bucky took them as low as he could, almost nicking the side of Big Ben in his haste.
As they neared an empty field with a long patch of grass suitable for landing, Steve grabbed his work phone, leaving the other ready in case Jane texted back.
"Natasha, do you have the coordinates I asked for?"
The other line was fuzzy, and the roar of the engines didn't help matters.
"We're honing in on Jane's location now," she said. Steve could hear her typing. "Just hang on, Cap. I've almost got it."
"Tell her to move faster," Bucky snapped.
Natasha chuckled. "Somebody's stressed out… okay, got it. Sending coordinates now."
The screen beeped and lit up. Steve tightened his seatbelt in preparation for landing and opened the attachment. His stomach dropped when he recognized the address. Bucky took a quick glance and turned a sickly shade of white.
"Natasha, are you sure this is where Jane is?"
"Positive. Her cell phone pinged the only tower in close proximity five minutes ago, and the SIM card is traceable to that address. She's there."
Steve and Bucky shared a grim look. Steve hung up, unable to even thank Natasha for her help. He knew she wouldn't mind, and his mind was elsewhere anyway. This mission had just become more dire than they ever could've imagined.
The quinjet slowed to a stop ten feet away from a group of trees. All wildlife had fled from the shadow of the massive aircraft ages ago. As the engines stopped, all was silent. The worst silence Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes had ever known.
Bucky grabbed his bag of weapons and Steve attached the shield to his back, and together they ran at top speed to Mrs. Johanna Foster's apartment complex.
Jane: Guys, where are you?
Steve: We're on our way, Jane. We're just passing Chancery Lane. We'll be there soon.
Jane: Please hurry. I don't know how much longer I can take this.
Bucky: How's your mom, Janie? Is she with you?
Jane: What? Mom's fine. That's not the prostate!
Jane: Not the polar bear.
Jane: POUND CAKE!
Jane: Damn autocorrect...
Steve: Did she get somewhere safe?
Jane: What are you guys talking about?
Bucky: Just tell us how many there are. Five? Ten?
Jane: You mean how many people are here?
Jane: Just three. Why does that matter?
Bucky: Do you have something you can use as a weapon?
Jane: …
Jane: Do you guys know where I am right now?
Steve: Yes! We had Natasha trace your phone. We're just outside the complex right now. Get somewhere safe in case we have to break down the door.
Jane: …
Jane: …
Jane: No, the door will be open. Just get up here. You guys clearly don't understand what's going on, but I need someone to fuck me right now.
Bucky: …
Steve: …
Jane: OH MY GOD H-E-L-P ME! DAMN AUTOCORRECT!
They waited outside the door. Inside, soft voices filtered through reinforced wood, too far away to make out. At least one was a female, and a deep voiced one at that. They were either on the older side or some kind of foreign. Either way, if she'd done anything to Jane and her mother, she would get exactly the same as her cohorts. They'd all be taken out of here in body bags. Steve didn't need to see the murder in Bucky's eyes to know that.
Bucky signaled at him to go in first. It was a strategy they had worked on, Steve acting as the buffer, taking most of the initial gunfire with his shield, while Bucky came in behind him, returning fire with superhuman precision and taking out as many as he could in the two seconds before Steve recovered and joined the fray. If it worked (and it always did) they'd be the last ones standing in less than a minute. The only problem was Jane. If they had her, they could use her as a human shield. They'd know that Steve and Bucky would rather die than bring any harm to her. Steve cursed that x-ray vision hadn't come with the super serum. That would've been useful right about now.
Someone inside laughed, a grotesque sound that burned their ears. Steve nodded at Bucky. This was it. They were going to save their girl and their hopefully future mother-in-law, and they would do it without shedding one drop of innocent blood.
A single kick split the door in two. Both halves flew off their hinges and hit the floor, creating chaos within the apartment as Bucky charged through, gun at the ready-
-aimed at a tiny woman of about sixty.
"Oh dear!" The woman cried out, throwing up her hands as her floppy summer hat fell askew. "Is this a robbery? I'm afraid I only have three pounds in my purse, and maybe a few shillings."
Bucky and Steve stared at her, blinking stupidly.
There were three other similarly dressed women seated around a circular table in the dining room, one of whom they recognized instantly as Mrs. Foster. She was back against the wall, hand over her mouth and face blanched. Steve would think her reaction was related to being kidnapped in her own home, but that didn't appear to be the case anymore.
Plus, they were standing in what was left of her door pointing guns at her friends.
"Steve! James!" Jane stepped out of the kitchen, a giant fake grin plastered over her face. "You finally made it."
Jane was in a dress. A purple, frilly Easter dress. With a matching hat.
She even had gloves and stockings.
She grabbed them both by the wrists and pulled them away from the wreckage. She didn't lose the happy face, but her eyes were cold as ice.
"I see you guys decided to make a big entrance," she said. She reached up on her tiptoes to hug them, whispering in their ears: "I'm going to kill you, and you are going to pay for that."
"Jane." Mrs. Foster said, "are these the gentlemen you told me about?"
"They sure are, Mom," Jane said. "Sorry about the mess. I think they just got a little carried away."
She shoved down the barrel of Bucky's gun. He snapped back to reality and hastily put it back in his bag, which he then kicked out of sight.
"Mrs. Foster, I'm really sorry about this," Steve said, walking over to her. "When Jane called… there's been a bit of a mix-up."
"I did tell them this morning that I would be visiting for a tea party," Jane said, glaring daggers at them, "but I guess they didn't hear me."
"Well, no harm done, I suppose," said Mrs. Foster, brushing off her dress. "I've been meaning to do some redecorating."
"We'd be happy to help with that," said Bucky. "We're good at heavy lifting."
"Oh, I bet you are," said the woman with the deep voice. She sidled up to Bucky's side and very unsubtly placed her hands on his biceps. "I see little Jane choose her lovers quite well."
"Oh yes," said the woman in the floppy hat with an ugly giggle. "Such fine, strapping young men you two are."
Steve and Bucky backed up a step, caught in the lustful gazes of the three women. One of them grabbed Jane by the arm, pulling her close.
"Do you like Jane's new dress? I made it for her myself. Doesn't she just look darling?"
'Help me,' Jane mouthed desperately, but given the turn this rescue mission had taken, Steve wasn't sure if they weren't the ones that needed saving.
Steve: It was really nice meeting you, Mrs. Foster. I know I've already said it, but I'm really sorry about the door.
Johanna: Don't worry about it, dear. The new one you and James put up is much better, and the fresh paint job and new furniture were a nice touch.
Bucky: Anything for our girl and her mother.
Johanna: Oh, you darling things...
Johanna: Jane, hold on to these two. They're much better than the last boy you brought home.
Jane: Mom, my last boyfriend was Thor.
Johanna: Yes, and he kept bringing that horrible pound cake from Asgard. It tasted like a rock!
Johanna: I hope you boys plan to make an honest woman of my Jane.
Jane: MOM!
Steve: We sure do, Ma'am.
Bucky: Absolutely!
Jane: GUYS! KNOCK IT OFF!
Bucky: *hugs and kisses*
Steve: *hugs and kisses*
Johanna: Oh, how romantic. I hope neither of you were too bothered by my friends. Unfortunately, they don't always know when to keep their hands to themselves.
Bucky: It's fine, Mrs. Foster. I didn't mind.
Steve: Even when Mrs. Baker kept groping your ass?
Bucky: What about when Mrs. Harley pretended to trip over you and tried to get her hands up your shirt?
Steve: Shut up, jerk.
Jane: Behave, children.
Johanna: Oh dear, I see what you mean when you said they were rowdy.
Johanna: Regardless, I am sorry for their behavior. When I knew you'd be coming, I did tell them to control themselves, but I suppose you can't stop some women from ovulating.
Bucky: …
Steve: …
Jane: …
Johanna: OOGLING! Damn autocorrect…
Bucky: Like mother, like daughter.