Tigger: So, I've got Harry Potter fever. I loved the series for many years now, and with the final movie coming up, I decided to write a little fic. This idea suddenly bounced into my head. With romance and passion high, it's a wonder J.K. Rowling never drifted anywhere near sex during any of her novels. The reason for this was the rating of the book, but I thought let's give her a better reason. Maybe sex never came up because all of the Harry Potter characters had been mentally scarred by the sex talk and decided fighting Voldemort was the lesser of two evils. Also I just thought it would be hilarous to see a "magical" version of the sex talk. Anyway I have absolutely no idea where this story is going or how long it will be, but hey that's hald the fun.
(Sorry if someone came up with idea for this story already, but I've personally never seen one and I thought it would be funny. Also I highly doubt our stories will end up the same. On a similiar note, I don't own Harry Potter. If I did there would be more Fred and George.)
Dumbledore sighed as he looked down at the piece of parchment in front of him. He absolutely dreaded this time of year, each and every year. With all the wisdom he supposedly had, or at least most of the wizarding population claimed he had, one would figure he would have easily escaped this torture years ago. Alas, it was not to be. Every year he tied to wiggle his way out in the most dignified manner possible and every year he failed. It was time for Dumbledore to plan the sex talk.
Hogwarts was a school for witchcraft and wizardry, and that was what was primarily taught. It was a school for spells, charms, potions, and once a year, the infamous Unicorn and Troll talk. After all 99% of the magical children in the United Kingdom depended on Hogwarts to teach them all the skills they needed to go out into the wizarding world, sex talk included. Years ago, shortly after the foundation of Hogwarts, the Ministry of Magic passed a law that sexual education must be included in the Hogwarts curriculum. So every year, on the first Saturday of October, the students were divided by age and gender and given lectures about the scientific aspect of sexual conjugation.
Besides just sex, the students were also taught about different methods of birth control. It was a little known fact that Hogwarts had a prevention spell worked into every stone. The founders had figured that sticking a bunch of hormone crazed teens into close quarters might result in one or two unwanted pregnancies simply because said teenagers might mess up a birth control potion or spell or not use one at all. Therefore, Hogwarts had essentially been made 'baby-proof' to the relief of many parents.
This year was worse than ever for Dumbledore. Usually Dumbledore relied on the Muggle Studies Professor and the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher. However, the little old witch who ran Muggle Studies retired at the end of last year after a bad incident with a bewitched toaster; and the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor had quit suddenly last winter break and had been replaced with the ever-stuttering Professor Quirrell. Therefore Dumbledore had to find new Professors to break in the students to the ever dreaded talk. Not to mention, Harry Potter was joining Hogwarts this year and it was ever-so-important that the famous Potter never soil his reputation with sex scandals. Essentially, Dumbledore had to keep Harry from ever having sex until he was married, or risk the wrath of the entire wizarding world.
Dumbledore rubbed his head tiredly. He was really much too old for this. With all the pressure from the Ministry, the Sorcerer's Stone, and Harry's arrival there was too much on his plate already. He briefly thought about retirement, only to dismiss the thought, Harry would need Dumbledore in the future, especially if Dumbledore's theories about Voldemort were right. Suddenly an idea struck Dumbledore. It was too much effort and way too ineffective to try to persuade the students not to have sex, but Dumbledore could always scare them into not having sex. With that idea in mind Dumbledore quickly scheduled the first Saturday of October. He briefly wondered if his method would later affect the students mentally, but he decided his method was worth the risk, after all it was for the greater good. With that thought in mind, Dumbledore finalized his plan.
Tigger: Well that was the prolouge. I'm just setting up the background for the story. If any of you have ideas on who should help giving the talk, pm me.