Author: Hello fellow writers, readers, and critics. This FanFiction is to be considered my first ever to be posted for all the world to see. Let me just give you a quick intro before you read, and you can decide if this just might satisfy your awkward obsessions between an alien invader and a purple-haired human. Hope you like it!
Zim is an alien invader from planet Irk, who was sent from his leaders to prepare our planet Earth for the Armada's arrival. A few years have passed and his attempts were always backfired by Dib, the un-official defender of Earth. When the sibling of the earth-defender, Gaz, has something taken away by Zim, she takes plans into her own hand, but what happens when those plan backfire and everything changes, all because of a disease. Will Zim loose his invader-ship or will he gain something much more.
Chapter revised / updated: 17 September 2013
*Notice for current Kootyitis readers at bottom of chapter.
CHAPTER ONE
His Master Plan
Hi-skol's eleventh grade was more remedial than ever today for the Irken invader. Not only was the mathematics curriculum stooping down to child's play, but the flab of meat, the earthling students called a teacher, actually claimed that an equation was unsolvable. Idiot. Though the alien tried to show how it worked, the teacher still claimed it as wrong and accused Zim of being just as dumb as the rest of the breed of humans.
Even the walk back home was more grueling. That Dib-stink had grown in height as to be more annoying in foiling his latest scheme. Zim, who had grown as well, was well shy over five foot six inches the human still managed to put a stop to his latest scheme.
Turning the cafeteria slop into monster creations that only Zim could control.
But alas, before he could fire his monster-maker ray at the line of meats and other earth foods, Dib had managed to fiddle with the gun's power level before fire. Upon struggle for the device, Zim and Dib were firing wildly. Where ever the ray-blast hit, the victim exploded. Luckily, it was only food and the occasion roach-beetle. In the end principal Toesweat walked in to see the cafeteria a mess and ordered him and Dib to stay and clean up.
After the mental strain of dealing with educationally-challenged dung-brains, Zim headed home to find his minion, Gir, watching 'The Scary Monkey Show', yet again. "I can't believe anyone could watch this despicable human television programming." Zim said as he stared at the panting primate on TV. His eyes shifted back to Gir, who was plopped down on the couch with his tough hung out of his mouth.
"Did you hear me, Gir?" he asked as he waved a gloved hand in front his robot minion's face. "Hellloo?"
All Gir did was quickly glance to his master and put one of his metal fingers to his mouth to let out a 'sshhh', then shifted his attention back to the hideous hairy beast.
That's when the television set blared for a moment, "…and that concludes this episode of The Scary Monkey Show! Don't change that channel because now it's time for commercials. If you change it, the world will end! Now watch for the sake of humanity!" The tv hissed and commercials started playing. "We demand you eat at Bloaties! Stuff your gut till you feel bad about yourself…. like I do now…" The commercial continued.
As the commercial continued, Zim's peripherals caught a glimpse of something intriguing outside of his window. Walking up to the glass pane, he looked outside and could see through most of his neighbors' windows. Though his mind trailed off a bit, about how so hideous these creatures were that they seriously needed curtains to block out their hideous forms from public view, but then he noticed something that the creatures were doing within the privacy of their own homes. The lot of them were all attentive to their television sets. One human was even mimicking actions done by another human on the set by doing some bizarre dance moves. How strange it was to see such things for the invader.
"Hmmm," Zim pondered to himself. "I think have an idea!" Then as the plan start to settle in his evil green head, he started to laugh maniacally. "Yes. YES! YEEAASSSS! AAH-HA-HA-HA AAAAAHH-HA-HA-HA!" He laughed this way all the way down to his underground layer, using the kitchen toilet of course.
Later that evening…
It took him the majority of the day to finish up his plan, as this was by-far the best plan ever (as he believed). "GIR!" he shouted loud enough for Gir to hear him. The alien startled at the sudden appearance of Gir already there next to him, red eyed, saluting, and alert. "Yes, master!"
"I have just finished laying out the foundation for my next e-vil plan, so I need you to listen up, Gir."
Gir's eyes and attitude abruptly changed back to his dunce, cyan-eyed, version. "Can we get tacos, Master?"
"Not now, Gir, now pay attention!" He demanded. "The first thing I'm going to do is hack into this PATHETIC planets inferior satellites that project idiotic television programming so humans ALL OVER THE THIS DISGUSTING PLANET CAN SEE ME, AND ONLY ME! Then I will use the power of Irkin hypnosis to control all who watch, TO OBEY ME!" raising his gloved fist and laughing maniacally again. Gir laughed with him for a while and responded, "and then can we get tacos, master?"
Zim stopped laughing and looked at Gir with an eyebrow raised. "Yes, Gir, and then we get tacos."
"YAY!" Gir screeched, "IMMA SING THE TACO SONG!" He sings with a melody about eating tacos and runs upstairs to watch TV.
XxXxXxXx
Meanwhile, down the street, in the Membrain household…
Dib and his sister were lounging on the living room couch. Dib was watching TV and Gaz playing a game. After a Bloaty's commercial, another commercial came on that dragged Gaz's attention away from her game. "NEW GAME! AWSOME GRAPHICS! HARD LEVELS! YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT! BUY NOW! SOLD ONLY AT ONE LOCATION IN THE ENTIRE PLANET! LIMITED AMOUNT LEFT! GET IT BEFORE IT'S GONE! WE'RE LOCATED AT FIFTY-TH…" The signal cut.
Gaz's interest suddenly turned to anger when the static stopped and Zim was now on their TV. Dibs jaw dropped as he pointed aggressively to the TV. Before the alien could announce his purpose, Gaz muttered in an ominous tone to herself. "He. Will. Pay!" with fist clenched, she headed outside straight to Zims layer.
Dib couldn't stare away from the TV as he heard Zim speak words of hypnosis.
XxXxXxXx
Back in Zim's underground layer…
"Greeting, filthy humans, I am ZIM, and I will be your supreme leader for the rest of your miserable disgusting lives! Now look into the center of this spiral thingy and OBEY YOUR MASTER, WHO IS ZIM!"
Zim displayed his invention which featured many wires tightly wound around the base, and a spinning wheel with an Irken insignia in the middle. It also had a looped recording of Zim's voice, which stated, "obey Zim your leader" to broadcast to all who watched. Just then he heard "PARIMETER ALERT, PARIMETER ALERT" from his computer. "Who dares bothers the great and powerful Zim? Computer!" he yelled. The computer then showed Zim the master screen a video feed of the decoy home entrance.
It was Gaz.
"Why is she here and why haven't my attack gnomes attacked her!"
"It seems that the human destroyed them," the computer answered.
Zim headed up using the fridge and headed for the door. Opening it up, he could see Gaz standing at his front steps, panting like the television ape, with her game in one hand and a broken gnomes head in the other. "You. Will. PAY!"
"I have no idea what you are talking about sister of Dib, now go home and watch some TV, you disgusting earth monkey." Zim was about to slam the door in her face, but she blocked the door with the gnomes head and hard kicked it open, knocking Zim back and onto to the floor.
"The location of the best game ever known to this planet is now gone because of you and your stupid, stupid little ideas!" She said with an evil tone in her voice as she stomped closer to Zim, who was scooting back towards a wall. When he got to the wall, he stood up.
Once Gaz was in Zims face, she yelled "YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE WILL BE LIKE A PRESCHOOL PLAYGROUND ONCE I'M DONE WITH YOU!" One of her eyes was twitching and she was panting in anger. He could feel the hot breath of the human on his face.
Zim maneuvers his way out of her rage and walks casually to the front door, to see Gaz out. "Pfft. Nothing you do to Zim will hurt, now go home and watch TV, 'little Gaz', before I-" He was cut off when Gaz threw the gnomes head at Zim, knocking him down, once again. "I will KILL YOU!" She yelled as she charged towards Zim with such anger and ferocity.
Gir then came and ran into the room while he screamed, "YOU PROMISED ME TACOS, MASTER! I WANT TACOS!" With eyes full of tears, the little android failed to see the human in his path and bumped into Gaz, which then in turned made her trip. She ended up falling, instead of charging, ONTO Zim, who had his mouth agape for a yell of terror. She tried to balance out her fall, but in the end of the crash her lips ended up pushed against Zims.
There was a brief second of silence in shock and then Zim pushed her off to the side. "YOU IDIOT!" His eyes widened with fear and his mind raced with horrors.
Gaz gaged out the words. "Forget the game, I just want this taste out of my mouth!"
In a panic, Zim jumped up and sneered at the girl, "Do you not know what you have just done to me!?"
"Master and human, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, First comes kiss, then comes…" Gir pauses for a bit. "Wait, what comes next?" he paused again. "TACOS!" Once his song was over, he let out a smile with his tongue sticking out. "Gir go down to layer now!" and off he went.
After that Gir episode, she looked back at Zim with confusion.
Zim Sighs, "Well the Irken have this thing where if our saliva comes into contact with another, our coding changes…"
Gaz stands up. "Get to the point."
"NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!" Pointing aggressively to her, He proceeds to clear his throat. "As I was saying, once the Irkens switch saliva, they become infatuated with each other. I saw it once before. I was a horrible, HORRIBLE I SAY!"
Zim flashbacks to his days at invader training. Lined up amongst his classmates, he sees a pair of his classmates playing and they end up kissing. Alarms rang and security picked them up and tossed them in a ship. Unknowing of what happened to them at the time, he later found out that they were exiled to 'Irkin Produce Planet' where Irkens babies are made, and all who were exiled were forced to kiss forever (as so he heard).
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not Irken, and I don't feel anything." Gaz pointed out.
"True… you filthy humans could not possibly have any effect on almighty Zim. NOW BE GONE WITH YOU!" He pointed to the door eagerly for her to leave. "Gladly," she said as she walked out, "and you still will pay for making me miss that game."
She walked out and he slammed the door after her. He peered through the window to make sure she was leaving. "Foolish human" he muttered under his breath.
Gaz walked straight home seeing that Dib was still standing in the same place, watching the TV. She never glanced at the TV, instead walked right passed the living room and headed straight to her room. "Nobody bother me" and slammed the door and started doing her homework till she fell asleep.
XxXxXxXx
Suddenly, right after Gaz departed, Zim started to feel a bit of a painful tingle in his stomach. At first he thought it was probably because he hasn't ate so he announced to his robot, "GIR! Time to eat some tacos!" Gir jumped up in excitement as though hearing the word taco kicked him out of his dream. "YAY, MASTER GONNA GET SOME TACOS!"
On the way to the store, the alien noticed the humans acted weird, but brushed it off as if it was normal for them. Once they arrived at the ordering booth, Zim took out some earth monies and laid them on the counter. "I wish to buy some of your tacos in exchange for this earth monies." The employee that manned the register had drool that hung from his mouth all the way down to the counter. "Ugg, my leader, master Zim, must obey, Uggg" the employee responded as he gave Zim three buckets of tacos without even a touch to the money.
"Um, O-Kaay…" Zims said while he took the buckets. Gir immediately scarfs them down.
Zim ponders for a moment, while he walked down the street back to his layer, and as he looked at the zombified humans that chanted "Must Obey", something clicked in his head, "Oh yeah. Must have forgotten the hypnosis."
Upon arrival to down to his layer with snacks of his own, he turned to the live feed that was still in a loop playback. Zim turned the loop off and he appeared in front of the camera for the world to see. Though he was tired, he didn't know what his slaves should do at the time, and decided to think about it tomorrow.
"Greetings, I am you master Zim, and when I turn this hypno-thingy off, you will still obey Zim. When you hear Zim, you will believe, obey, and never question your great master ZIM! That is all for now."
And so then he cut the transmission back to regular programing, and started to munch on his snacks to try to get rid of the painful tingle in his stomach. What he thought was hunger, he will soon realize what it truly was.
After his meal, Zim headed up using the trashcan to check on Gir, who had the human gameslave device that belonged to the purple-haired human female.
"GIR! Where did you get that, that thing?"
"Over there" While he continued to play on the device, Gir pointed to where Gaz fell on Zim earlier.
"That is a human toy and we do not-" Zim was cut off by the pain in his stomach that had developed worse since it began. "Wha-what is going on with Zim? Computer, run a diagnostic!"
"It seems you have contracted Kootyitist," the computer quickly responded.
"What is this 'kootyi-whatever, and how does Zim get rid of it! Tell me NOW!"
As the computer showed detailed graphics, it proceeded to diction. "Kootyitist happens when an Irkin digest saliva of another and changes the coding of the Irks, making them develop the need for….err, well…" The computer stumbles.
"The need for what, computer?" the Irken asked with frustration, holding his abdomen.
"The images I am about to show you may be a bit more graphic."
"Nothing can scare Zim, do your worst!" he dared.
"Okay….If you say so," the computer resumed, "The symptoms will last until the lifespan of the Irken ends, but can only be calmed down through the act of… intercourse."
The aliens eyes widened in rejection of the idea of this act, as the computer continues.
"The symptoms can only be calmed if the act is with the salvias source. Any others will prove useless."
"And if Zim does NOT do this disgusting act?"
"No data" the computer responds.
"Wha?"
"No data."
"A cure?"
"No data."
"Well then I guess that means we'll wait and see," Zims headed off towards his sleeping quarters while he held onto his stomach.
Zim couldn't sleep that night and the pain in his abdomen kept on growing, though he tried his best to get some rest.
Author: So I have taken some of my reviewers constructive criticism into effect and revised this chapter as best I could, as I will do the same for the others soon. Hope this revision is up to par for my critics as a note to let you all know, that I appreciate each and every review with rainbows and cupcakes, no matter how depressed it gets me. What can I say, I'm a people pleaser.
For my current readers: I know, I know, some of you are saying 'HURRY UP AND POST THE NEXT (maybe last) CHAPTER ALREADY!' I am sorry, but I want my beginning to be good before I post the end, and change the status of this story to 'complete'. I'm Sorry, I'm Sorry, I'm... Sorry. I have the final chapter(s) on my Doc Manager, and I keep putting tid-bits every 30-minute lunch I get from work. Let me just revise some of the previous chapters and I'll get it done with.
To my new followers after this revision: Welcome to the Kootyitis Club! Hope you enjoy reading and don't forget to review, favorite, stalk- I mean follow.