Hello, Simply Hopeless here with my second attempt at a Kuroshitsuji fic. Don't worry I will terminate the story if it is found unsuccessful; I just wanted to assuage my curiosity by seeing what else I could come up with. Anyway I was texting my friend Kei-chan on my way home from work when I had this odd idea of what would happen if the Black Butler cast had a similar situation like the guys in the Hangover movies. I thought it was laughable and was ready to dismiss it because if I thought of it then someone else might have already; but it seems like they didn't. So with some persuasion, Kei-chan was ready and eagerly anticipating what I would come up with and frankly I'm excited by what my demented imagination comes up with too. =3 So long story short, don't own Black Butler or Hangover & Hangover 2 but I love both so let's get this party started!
"Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you." ~Sid Garner (The Hangover)
That Butler, Hung-over
The first weak rays of morning light, from the impressive floor to ceiling window on the west side of the penthouse suite, unmasked a scene of debauchery. The once pristine jewel of the biblically themed hotel in Vegas, 'The Garden of Eden', would never again represent the tropical safe haven for innocence and purity as it did in the Bible.
Before everything went to hell in a hand basket, there was a life-size, marble representation of Adam and Eve, resplendent in their nude innocence in the middle of the circular, sunken living room. Eve's figure crouched slightly to tentatively pet a baby deer, her face turned up in a tender smile towards her husband; all the while Adam stood proudly over his mate, one hand on her shoulder while the other served as a perch to a small dove. They were meant as greeters to the aptly named suite, as they stood amid the emerald green sofa that nearly encircled them like a hedge.
But it was hard to see the innocent wonder in Adam's sightless eyes or the look of adoration on Eve's when Adam's modesty leaf now supported an impressive, neon pink, 8-inch dildo and his torso was covered by a ripped fishnet tank top. Not to say that Eve was to be outdone by the smiley face pasties plastered to where her marble nipples would be; her pale lips were stained by siren red lipstick that veered clumsily off to her left cheek and ear. A biker's cap covered the crown of her flowing hair, and a studded dog collar was wrapped around her slender throat, whose leash end was looped around the hand that Adam supported the bird with.
The marble sinners had stayed there as silent bystanders to the further degradation of their forest themed paradise. The circular couch that encircled the inner rim of the sunken living room had smoke coming out of one of the middle seat cushion. It was also there that an impressive size hole revealed the inward springs of the furniture before a squealing teacup pig wiggled free from the edge burnt inside of the hole only to knock over a sofa pillow stained red with either blood or wine. Its' tiny hooves crunched quickly over the shattered remnants of a glass coffee table to escape down the hallway; all the while cotton stuffing leaked out from one end of the couch that seemed to be torn to shreds by some maniac or creature.
The state-of–the-art, in-room Jacuzzi, which had bubbled welcomingly to the temporary inhabitants of the suite prior to the incident, was now clogged and filled with lime and orange vodka Jell-O Shots. A half-emerged sleeping blonde male nearly dipped under into the Jell-O vodka sea as he shifted his head on the blowup doll he was currently using as a pillow. One of the champagne glasses along the Jacuzzi's rim fell over only to join the empty champagne and Smirnoff bottles, a few red plastic cups, a sleep drunken maid, and glitter stained carpet surrounding the Jacuzzi.
Baldroy, another blonde male, hung halfway off a baby grand piano like a dead corpse; his arms, head and torso, lay limply over the side, fingertips almost touching the floor. A cigarette dangled from his chapped lips, long since burned out, leaving cigarette burns on the carpet underneath.
The loudly snoring blonde shifted unconsciously trying to relieve the pressure of the blood rushing to his head before falling in a slurring, cursing heap on the floor. But even as he stirred temporarily awake, stumbling to his feet, he only managed a few half-hazard steps. His fingers clumsily unzipped his pants and relieved his package in order to piss into a potted plant. Half of the grizzly blonde's side and head leaned hard against a neighboring wall to steady his body as he relieved himself before he found himself nodding off again before the yellow stream had stopped.
It would be an hour before someone else would manage to stir out of their drug-induced slumber, long enough to take stock of their environment. The volley of different phones ringing one after the other in urgency didn't wake Sebastian up as his cell phone beeped importantly announcing a 'left message'. So the raven haired butler foggily wondered what possibly could have awakened him from his drunken stupor or why it was snowing indoors on this balmy, summer day in Sin City.
Several fluffy white something or others fell down, one brushing his immobilized hand as he continued to stare up with dazed, crimson eyes at the hotel's depiction of the Garden of Eden on the mosaic ceiling. Could it have been the hardness of the marble floor underneath him despite the plethora of throw pillows that supported his bare frame? Or maybe it was the red-haired prostitute drooling into his navel as they slept obliviously while holding tightly onto his naked torso? Or maybe… just maybe, and he could be wrong here, it could have been the chirruping Capuchin monkey throwing fistful after tiny fistful of fluffy, white feathers from a torn pillowcase before jumping up and down in excitement on the hotel's chandelier.
The crystal chandelier, which was probably worth more than he made in a single month, began to sway in drunken figure eights as the agitated monkey rocked it with its' small body. He or maybe it was a she, seemed displeased with just throwing fistfuls of feathers and began, instead, to bash the already gutted pillow against the crystals as it squeaked louder, enjoying itself immensely.
Just as Sebastian Michaelis was prepared to lift up slightly in order to toss one of his pillows at the demented monkey, he felt a sharp pain radiating down his spine and ending at his tailbone. It was a sharp kind of soreness that ground his teeth together even as he let out a sharp hiss of pain. The raven haired male tried to keep his eyes from watering as he shifted uneasily to his side, dragging the clingy prostitute with him to his left in order to relieve the pressure on his affected area.
A sigh of relief flowed pass kiss-swollen lips as he brushed back his sweaty bangs with one hand. He was slightly relieved not only by the throbbing pain decreasing but also by the knowledge that the dull ache didn't quite stem from someone violating his 'backdoor.' His agile fingers would have moved behind him to perhaps explore and prod in order to discover which place the sore ache was coming from but it was then that he noticed the shiny glint on his usually ring finger.
"Fuck," he snarled out. His eyes were fastened on a simple, silver ring that looked suspiciously like a wedding band. The raven quickly snatched up the hand of the clingy hooker, who was sleepily nuzzling their drool-stained face against his naked abdomen, while he was having his anxiety attack. He looked quickly to see if there were any signs that he had possibly married the whore on the floor but sighed in relief when both hands didn't bare any signs of a matching wedding band.
'Then who did I marry?' he thought, frowning at his inability to recall.
But before he could even attempt the Herculean task of sifting through his foggy memories, his thoughts were soon interrupted by the prostitute by his side, drawing their face up to clumsily kiss his chin while he was unawares. Derision curled his lips back into a near snarl as he frowned down at the human leech, who pouted slightly at note quite reaching his lips. He tried to gently push his red-haired sleeping companion away from him now that he knew that they were awake but they threw a well-toned leg over his own to further anchor them to his person.
"Don't be like that lover," the prostitute fairly purred out. The stranger hastily tried to put their hairs to right by combing fingers through the crimson strands before preening once Sebastian's eyes were focused on them again.
If it wasn't for Sebastian's irritation at this stranger invading his personal space, his headache, and his less than stellar memory of the night prior, he would have grudgingly admitted that the probably well-paid whore was indeed a pretty specimen. The long-haired prostitute was wearing a red, nightie that covered just as much as it revealed. The butler could see the outline of two already hardened nipples as the prostitute thrust their chest forward, eager for him to touch. He could also see that his sleeping companion was wearing a lacy thong that barely covered the pale, ample globes of the prostitute's bottom. And upon closer inspection Sebastian observed that both cheeks had received loving abuse with hot pink splotches here and there for what might have been a spanking.
This prostitute could have probably fooled his slightly fogged mind except for the fact that the matching red, lace choker barely hid the fact that the whore had an Adam's apple and the morning wood pressed eagerly against his thigh proclaiming the pretty, little red-head one-hundred percent male. It was a credit to his station and discipline that he didn't freak out and immediately push the prostitute off of him; but his patience was growing thin as the red-head dared to map out his side with skilled fingers.
"How unladylike of me to drool all on you while I was sleeping, although admittedly you are very drool worthy," the red-head admitted in a sultry timbre. The agile male then quickly pushed Sebastian onto his back before he could protest the attack, then effectively straddled him, manicured fingertips teasingly stroking the 'demon' trapped inside tight, black briefs.
"Are you up for another round, lover? I want charge you this time. My treat." He offered this in a husky voice, trying for his best bedroom voice. He was determined to regain his customer's attention and worship that mouth-watering piece of eye candy underneath him as he began to seductive grind against Sebastian.
"I'll pass," Sebastian answered blandly, with a slight grimace. Without another thought Sebastian shoved the man-whore to the side, standing and turning away before the red-head could see him grimace once more, this time from the pain shooting down his spine. He wondered what his bocchan would possibly think of him in his dishevelment.
"That's not the proper way to treat a lady. You probably already forgotten that my name is Grell and… Oh my…. It seems you've already been claimed. How did I miss that?" Grell asked himself in disappointed bewilderment as he tapped his finger to his chin. He had already known that tall, dark, and scary had lost interested in him, way before re-remembering that he was a guy. 'Such a shame since he was the best fuck I every—' he thought before his thoughts were interrupted.
"What do you mean, 'already been claimed'?" growled out Sebastian. He frantically scanned the filthy floor for his dress slacks from yesterday if only to keep hungry eyes from looking at places they goddamn shouldn't be looking. But the only things he could see on the ground were garbage, a stack of hotel plates and someone's teacup pig, running down the opposite side of the hall.
Feeling snubbed, Grell wasn't sure he wanted to say anything as he stood up in order to search for his trench coat and red stilettos. But he admittedly stopped his search, letting out a delicious shiver at that cold look of contempt fastened on him. 'Grell, seriously, when did you become such a glutton for punishment?' he thought in wonder. But even as he thought that, he couldn't help smiling knowingly as he sashayed over to Sebastian better than any runway model he'd seen anywhere before draping himself over the irritated butler.
"There is a tattoo on your back," he breathed out huskily. His hands were unable to stop themselves from tracing along the letters before trying to dip lower to squeeze his ass. "It's fairly recent but it says 'Property of Ciel Phantomhive'," Grell breathed out. His voice hitched at the end when Sebastian held his wrist in a bone-crushing grip before he cradled it once released.
"Thank you; your services are no longer needed here," Sebastian announced in dismissal. He had already begun to disengage himself from Grell, his narrowed eyes daring the needy prostitute to protest when someone behind them guffawed before making their presence known.
"Whoa man, want to tell me something or are you dead set on staying in the closest?" Baldroy mumbled around his cigarette as he eyed the new ink. Recharged and ready for action even with a massive hangover, the blonde American couldn't resist his nicotine fix as he paused to blow out the smoke. He waggled his eyebrows suggestively before his fellow co-worker glowered down at him before making a hasty retreat to the bathroom to investigate.
Sebastian would have successfully closed the door on Baldroy's face and borrowed himself temporary peace except the dumb blonde managed to wedge his foot in the closing gap just in time. Elegant eyebrow twitched in irritation. Sebastian was most definitely annoyed by both the blonde and red-haired nuisances but tried to dismiss them so he can turn on the light and see this new pain in the butt tattoo. And there it was, like a fucking tramp stamp, his boss and secret crush's name scrawled in gothic letters just above his briefs. 'Property of Ciel Phantomhive'
"It's nothing," Sebastian dismissed quickly. He said that but his heart couldn't help but quicken at the idea of truly being owned by the young man, who would be married later that evening. The raven knew that someone of his station, despite Ciel treating him more as a best friend than a servant, shouldn't overreach his servitude to his Lord. And it was with that thought in mind that he was preparing himself to quickly dress and summon his master from the bedchambers so they could quickly dress and leave for Britain. That was until he suddenly noticed something exotic staring back at him from the corner of the bathroom mirror. It was more than mouth-watering to the butler as he looked with complete longing and adoration at the enchanting creature in the tub.
"I never dreamed it could be so… magnificent."
A/N: I hadn't meant to put it up this late but I'm glad I finished this chapter. Doubtful what might happen to this story but if you really do want to see it continued then don't just fav, review. Every fan fiction writer likes to see welcoming comments on their stories and I hope to get some too. If I do update it will be on the 28th of each month, if it's not updated then, then it's probably been dropped. Oh well, bye, bye now and I really do hope you enjoyed. =P