Dean Winchester did not believe in fate, especially when it entailed a less than pleasurable experience. For instance, his car breaking down; which also happened to be his pride and joy.
Dean had only popped into the diner for a moment - leaving his Chevy Impala parked on the street - to pick up his order to go. When he returned he placed the key in the ignition and the car appeared to give a solemn wheeze before falling silent.
"Oh, c'mon!" Dean groaned as he slammed his palm against the steering wheel; he instantly regretted it. "Sorry, baby" he murmured as he ran his fingers gently across the area he had struck; she was getting up there in years and needed a tune every now and again, but she was still loyal.
Dean got out of the car and went to prop the hood open. It was not the need for a repair which irked Dean as he was a mechanic, but rather that his pizza was growing colder by the second.
After fiddling around for a few moments Dean straightened from his hunkered over position and wiped the back of his hand across his brow.
In that minute moment of chance Dean saw someone he knew a long time ago enter the restaurant. Dean's breath caught and his eyes widened as he stood rigid in a state of shock.
He thought that he would never see Castiel again.
Castiel Novak was the love of his life.
3 Years Ago...
Dean did not go to the Roadhouse that evening with the intention of finding his soulmate, but it seemed that the universe had other plans. He stowed himself away in a dark corner of the bar and brooded over the news he had received that morning; the garage he worked at had just lost a wealthy client and he feared that he only had himself to blame. Dean knew that a resolution would not be found at the bottom of a whiskey glass, but perhaps simply forgetting his problems would suffice.
He looked over at the bar when he heard a loud cheer erupt from a group of ten or so men. It looked like a bachelor party with one of the men clearly being forced into wearing a veil. They were certainly a rowdy bunch, but one of them did not seem to be joining in.
He was sat at the bar clutching onto his bottle of beer so tightly Dean was surprised it did not shatter. His posture was very rigid and his shoulders tense. It was then Dean spotted the book next to the man with a cross shaped marker carefully placed inside and he concluded that man was not a member of the party.
One of the drunken men next to him suddenly stumbled back and nearly knocked the poor guy off his seat. He turned to look at the man who had pushed him with wide and somewhat scared looking eyes - Dean could not help but be struck by the piercing blue shine they emitted.
"Oops, sorry, man" the drunk guy slurred, clapping the nervous man on the back before turning back to his friends.
After that Dean could see just how much the poor guy was shaking and it looked like he didn't know whether to faint or runaway. Well, Dean could no longer allow himself to be a silent observer if the guy was really in that much distress.
He cautiously walked over and leaned on the bar next to the guy to make it look like he was just waiting to be served. He glimpsed down at the front cover of the book.
"The Picture of Dorian Gray? Man, I haven't read that since high-school."
The guy nearly jumped off his seat and turned to Dean with the same overwhelmed expression.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" Dean said with a soft smile in the hope of proving he was not intimidating. "It's a good book, though. I'm really into that monster stuff."
"I-It's my favourite" the man replied shakily. "I must have read it nearly a hundred times. It's sad, I know-"
"Not at all, everyone is a nerd about something, even if they think they're being secretive about it" Dean said. "Me? I can pretty much recite any script from Doctor Sexy."
The man laughed lightly. "That's very impressive."
Dean smiled back. "You wanna join me over there?" He said, indicating to the table he had previously occupied. "You know, away from the crowd. Kinda struggling to hear you." That was somewhat of a lie but Dean did not want the guy to feel awkward.
"Yes, I would like to" the man said, already seeming more at ease. "My name is Castiel."
"I'm Dean."
Castiel grabbed his beer and book and followed Dean over to the table.
"I wouldn't think this was the sort of place you can get any reading done" Dean tentatively pried.
"No, I kind of just brought it as a safety blanket" Castiel confessed. "I have rather crippling social anxiety so I've been trying to force myself into these situations more. But everyone is just so...loud. Drunk and loud."
"Well, you're doing fine" Dean assured him.
"You're different" Castiel said with a slightly curious frown. "You seem...soft? No, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean...that's n-not the right word-"
"No, that's me alright" Dean laughed. "A soft nerd, but don't blow my cover."
Castiel was blushing furiously but he offered Dean a small smile.
"I won't, but don't worry; I'm sure that I'm a bigger nerd than you are."
"Is that a challenge?" Dean teased. "I'm a mechanic who can name every single part and take a car to pieces and put it back together precisely. I can speak Latin, I love reading about mythical lore, and I can perform every Led Zeppelin song solo on my air guitar."
Dean was expecting Castiel to start laughing but instead he simply looked awestruck.
"That's all very spectacular" he claimed.
"Thanks" Dean said with an amused huff. "What about you?"
"Well, I keep my own hive of bees, I spend most Saturdays in the library, and I can read many dead languages including Latin and Enochian because I have the nerdiest job I the world."
"What's that?" Dean asked curiously.
"Well I'm a curator at the museum, but I'm also an archaeologist who specialises in religious artefacts."
Dean's mouth fell ajar. "Are you kidding me? That's the most awesome job in the world! You're like a real life Indiana Jones!"
"I've never actually seen those movies" Castiel confessed. "For a nerd my knowledge of popular culture is extremely lacking."
"You're an archaeologist who has never seen Indiana Jones?" Dean said with disbelief. Castiel nodded sheepishly. "Well then, you're going to have to come and marathon them at my place tomorrow night."
"I would like that" Castiel smiled.
Dean usually got defensive when someone accused him of being a neat freak, but at that moment he was grateful for his germophobe ways so that he did not have to spend time hurrying around trying to get his apartment clean before Cas' arrival, and could instead spend more time getting himself to calm down because he really liked this guy.
When there was a knock at the door Dean took one last deep breath and opened it with a smile.
Castiel nervously smiled back at him and brandished a large pizza box in Dean's face.
"I didn't know what you liked so I just got one with everything. I-I hope that's okay."
"Sounds awesome" Dean assured him. "C'mon in."
Castiel followed Dean into the lounge.
"You're apartment is lovely" Castiel said.
"Well, it's actually more of a shoebox, but thanks" Dean said. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll grab some beers."
"Alright, thank you."
Dean returned to find Castiel sat on the sofa nervously running his hands up and down his thighs as he looked around the room.
"How much for the pizza?" He asked as he sat down next to Cas, but far enough away so as not to appear too suggestive.
"Oh, don't worry, it's on me" Castiel said. "I wanted to make a good impression since it's our first official date."
Dean's eyebrows shot up in surprise before he could fully process what Cas said.
"Oh god, this isn't a date, is it?" Castiel said quietly. "And now I've made this extremely awkward. I-I'm so sorry, I'll just go-"
"No, wait!" Dean exclaimed as he grabbed Castiel's arm before he could get up to leave. "It's okay, I...like you and I was hoping that you liked me too. This is a date, I-if you want to be?"
"Um, y-yeah I want it to be" Castiel said as he lowered himself back down.
"Awesome!" Dean exclaimed with a wide grin. "I-I mean, yeah, that's...good."
"No, it's awesome" Castiel said with a reassuring smile. "So, are we ready to get this Indiana Jones marathon started?"
"Sure are. I think you're gunna love it" Dean said.
"Or I'm going to irritate you by pointing out all of the inaccuracies" Castiel teased.
"Oh, well if that happens then I can just stuff a slice of pizza in your mouth" Dean said as he opened the box and rested it on his lap.
"That's not really a punishment, this is the most delicious pizza in the neighbourhood" Castiel promised as he took a slice. "And they make the best burgers too."
"Well I know that's a lie" Dean scoffed. "I make the best burgers in the neighbourhood."
"You like to cook?" Castiel asked through a mouthful of pizza.
Dean chuckled. "Yeah, you?"
Castiel shook his head. "My microwave is my best friend. Nuking taquitos is as good as it gets for me."
"Well, then It's my duty to make sure that you get a decent meal" Dean said. "Next date, I'm making you burgers."
"I can't wait" Castiel smiled.
"Me too" Dean replied with equal enthusiasm.
He picked up the remote and pressed play on the movie.
He subtly snaked his arm around the back of the sofa - the most cliché move in the history of dating, but Cas seemed to go for it as he shuffled closer until he was gently pushed against Dean's chest. Dean smiled to himself as he curled his arm around Castiel's shoulders.
He never thought he would find anything like this.
A week later and Dean was waiting for Castiel to arrive at his apartment again so that they could have burgers as promised.
They had been texting each other almost every day with any questions they had - including what their favourite smells where, and what their plans were for the zombie apocalypse.
Dean had not felt as elated in a while as he danced around the kitchen preparing the dinner.
When the doorbell rang he hurried over and opened it with the biggest grin.
"Hey, Cas!"
"Hello, Dean" Castiel chuckled. "I like your apron."
Dean looked down at the garish flowery garment and blushed profusely.
"I, uh...it brings out my eyes, don't you think?"
Castiel laughed. "Yes; they're very beautiful."
"Okay, get in here before I'm too embarrassed" Dean said. "Dinner is still going to be a couple of minutes so make yourself at home."
"Alright" Castiel said as he took of his trench coat - which Dean had tagged to be another kind of security blanket - and hung it by the door.
Dean went to the kitchenette and set about preparing the buns whilst Cas examined the photographs he had set up in a collage on the wall.
"Is that your son?" Castiel asked as he pointed to a picture of Dean and a young boy.
"Yeah" Dean said with a proud smile. "Well, not technically...I'm his step-dad, sorta... his mom and I were never married but I'm still close with him."
"He looks sweet" Castiel said with a genuine smile. Dean was relieved that he was not upset by the revelation. "What's his name?"
"Ben, he's eight" Dean said. "He's a good kid."
"It's so nice of you to still spend time with him" Castiel said. "I know how tough it is to not have a father around."
"Yeah? Mine wasn't exactly competing for father of the year either" Dean confessed. "I couldn't let that happen to Ben."
"That's very noble of you" Castiel said. "And very endearing" he said with a suggestive smile.
"Well, I hope that these score me some more points" Dean said as he brought the two perfectly prepared burgers over to the table.
"They look and smell delicious" Castiel said as he took a seat.
"Okay, seriously, if you keep complimenting me then I might die."
"Well, then you should be more of a jerk" Castiel teased.
"If you talk to my little brother, you'll find out that I am" Dean retorted.
Castiel took a large bite of the burger - Dean was also happy he'd met someone who could match his appetite - and sunk down in his chair with a satisfied moan.
"That's amazing" he said.
"Are you trying to kill me?" Dean chuckled. "Thanks."
They spent the rest of the evening chatting more about their families and their interests until Castiel realised that the sun would be coming up in only a few hours.
"I better go get some sleep. I have work In the morning."
"Yeah, me too" Dean huffed; he had been having such a good time he had been dreading when reality would hit.
He walked Cas over to the door and helped him put his coat on.
"You should come to my house next time" Castiel said. "I can make nachos."
Dean laughed. "That sounds awesome."
"Alright...um, goodnight" Castiel said. Despite indicating he was about to leave he lingered for a moment, hands nervously grasped at his side and bobbed up on his toes.
"Can I..? Would it be okay if we..?"
Dean answered his question by guiding Castiel's face towards him and pressing his lips softly against the smaller man's. Castiel reciprocated the gesture and brought his hands to rest on Dean's hips.
They pulled apart after a few moments and looked at each other with equally boyish smiles.
"The burgers were good, but I have to say that was the best part of the evening" Castiel affirmed.
"I agree" Dean said.
"Maybe...just one more-"
Dean pulled him back inside the apartment and pushed their lips together.
Things that night had not progressed beyond making out and a little groping on Dean's couch, but he was happy to take it slow.
Dean was in awe when he turned up at Castiel's house. Even from the outside – with the carefully tended flower beds and bumblebee welcome mat – everything about it seemed warm and inviting.
Dean rang the doorbell and suddenly felt very nervous. He did not like the way he was dressed because he had been late from work and had not had the chance to change; he was pretty sure that he was still covered in spots of oil and grease.
When Castiel opened the door Dean's eyes widened with surprise. The other man was wearing a baggy red hoodie and sweatpants. His hair was ruffled all over the place and he had patches of flour dusted on his sleeves.
"Dean, oh my God" Castiel fretted. "Is it seven already? I'm so sorry, I didn't even realise. I'm such a mess-"
"That makes two of us then" Dean laughed as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist. "But you still look hot to me."
Castiel smiled and leaned in so that they could share a kiss.
"I really think that I should get changed though" the smaller man said as he abruptly pulled away.
"Alright" Dean said. "Do you mind if I take a shower? I'm aware I smell like a gas station."
"Sure" Castiel said. He bit his lip nervously and took hold of Dean's hand. "Seems that we'll both require to be naked for a little while then."
"I generally like to shower without my clothes on, yes" Dean said.
Castiel sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm not very good at seductive talk. Do you want to have sex?"
Dean did not reply for a moment as he was more than shocked, but then he could not stop himself from laughing. Castiel frowned.
"Sorry" Dean said. "I've just never been asked like that before. Are…Are you sure you want to? I don't want you to think that what happened at my place was me pushing you-"
"No, not at all!" Castiel quickly replied. "I-I mean…the other night was what made me realise I-I'd like to…I just haven't stopped thinking about it. About you."
Dean smiled endearingly. "Cas, I would like to have sex with you."
"Okay…good" Castiel said. "But now I'm afraid I've made things too awkward."
Dean was about to say something in response but then he sniffed the air. "What is that?"
"Oh, it's pecan pie" Castiel explained. "I remember you said it was your favourite. I'm no cook but I'm pretty good at baking, so I made one for you."
Dean nodded. "Yeah, that'll do it" he said a little breathlessly.
"Do wh-?" Castiel started to ask but then Dean had his lips pressed against his. "Got it" Castiel panted when they broke apart. "Bedroom is this way" he said as he started to drag Dean up the stairs.
"What if he doesn't like me?"
"Baby, he's going to love you" Dean assured Castiel as he walked up behind him and rubbed his shoulders reassuring.
They had been dating for three months now and Dean was about to introduce Ben to Castiel for the first time. It was Halloween, so Dean had suggested that Castiel went trick-or-treating with them. Castiel had been in the bathroom getting ready when he'd looked at himself in the mirror and started worrying. He knew that Ben meant everything to Dean and he was not sure he could handle the pressure.
"Maybe I should have got more candy" Castiel murmured.
"While I can't say bribery won't help, you just need to be you, okay?" Dean assured Castiel as he turned him to face him. "Ben gets on with everyone, and he said that you were awesome as soon as I told him what your job was."
"Really?" Castiel asked with a small smile.
"Yes" Dean said sincerely. "Now, I gotta go pick him up and you get into your costume."
"Don't you think you're taking this Indiana Jones thing a little too far?" Castiel said as he looked over at the brown leather jacket, fedora, and prop bull whip Dean had supplied him with.
"Not far enough" Dean affirmed. "I want you to keep that whip for later" He said lowly and then started to nibble a little at Castiel's neck.
Castiel closed his eyes and sighed contentedly but had to remind himself that they did not have time.
"Stop!" He exclaimed as he snapped out of the trance. "You're going to be late picking Ben up."
"Alright" Dean chuckled. He pecked Castiel on the cheek. "I'll be back in a half hour."
Once Dean left Castiel changed into his costume and filled a big bowl full of candy ready to present to Ben on his arrival.
A few other parents came with their children to knock on Castiel's door before Dean appeared with Ben.
"Trick-or-treat?!" Dean said with a child-like grin; he had changed into his Zorro costume.
"You both look wonderful" Castiel smiled. "Hi, Ben. I'm Cas. I didn't know Kiss had a fifth member!" He commented as he took in the young boy's rock star wig and face paint.
"You get my costume?" Ben said with surprise. "You're obviously cool then. My mom said people would just think I'm a weird vampire. I like your costume too. Indiana Jones rules!"
"Thank you" Castiel smiled. "I don't think I've ever been called cool before. You can have some of my special stock" he said as he grabbed separate bowl. "Sour candies. Think you can handle it?"
"I bet you make a face eating one before I do!" Ben said.
"I accept your challenge" Castiel said with determination.
Dean watched the whole interaction with a contented smile. He knew Cas had nothing to worry about.
They went around the whole of Cas' neighbourhood and ended up with quite a haul of treats.
"Dean!" Ben groaned as he slapped the man's hand away from trying to sneak into his bag. "I told you, you can have all the coconut ones. I don't like those ones."
"No one likes those ones" Dean pouted.
"Here, Cas. You can have some peanut cups."
"Why does he get the peanut ones?!"
"Because he didn't try to steal!"
"Thank you" Castiel chuckled as he took the treats from Ben.
They were walking back to Castiel's house when Ben yawned loudly. His eyes started to droop closed and his movements had grown sluggish. Dean looked at his watch and saw that it was nearing midnight. They had just reached the top of Castiel's street.
"Alright, solider" He said as he picked Ben up. "Let's get you home."
"Here, Cas" Ben said as he handed his candy over. "Promise you won't let Dean eat any?" He said as he stuck out his pinkie.
"Promise" Castiel said seriously as he linked his little finger with Ben's. "I'll guard it with my life."
"I knew you two would end up plotting against me" Dean said lowly.
By the time they reached Castiel's house Ben was sound asleep against Dean's shoulder.
"It would be a shame to disturb him" Castiel whispered. "Why don't you both stay here tonight? If you don't think Lisa would mind."
"That would be great, thanks" Dean said.
He carried Ben inside and followed Castiel up to the spare bedroom.
He watched as Castiel pulled back the covers and fluffed the pillows. Dean laid Ben down and took off his wig and shoes before standing back and watching Castiel tuck him in safely; it made Dean's heart swell with adoration.
They crept out of the room and Castiel closed the door softly behind them.
They made their way into the lounge and collapsed into each other's arms on the sofa.
"You may end up with face paint all over your sheets" Dean said.
"That doesn't matter" Castiel said. "I'm just happy Ben seems to like me. He's a lovely boy."
"I told you that you had nothing to worry about" Dean said. "I'm so happy that you get along" he said as he reached for the Ben's bag of candy which Castiel had placed on the coffee table.
"Hey, no" Castiel said sternly as he grabbed Dean's arm. "I promised Ben not to let you have any."
Dean could not even be mad. Instead he smiled at Castiel and said something which he had been finding the opportune moment to say for the past few weeks.
"I love you."
Castiel looked shocked for a moment before grinning from ear-to-ear.
"I love you too."
They kissed gently but with obvious passion and adoration.
Dean had not felt this happy in a long time.
And it all started to fall apart because of one stupid mistake.
It was six months into their relationship. Castiel had been asked to give a lecture at the local college about his latest exhibitions at the museum.
Dean went to Castiel's house in the morning to make sure that he was ready. He knew that Castiel would be having a hard time preparing to be the centre of attention in a room full of people he did not know; even people without social anxiety struggle in that situation.
He found Castiel in his bedroom fiddling with a bow tie which he had bought especially for the occasion; it was just so typically Cas and it only solidified Dean's belief that he was the most adorable person in the world.
"Let me help you with that, baby" Dean said. He saw just how much Castiel's fingers were trembling.
"Thank you" Castiel said with a deep shuddery breath. "Why did I say yes to this?"
"Because you're brave and you want to inspire people" Dean reminded him.
"Right" Castiel said. "Dean...will you come to the lecture? I think if I see you there and I feel like I'm just talking to you I'll be okay."
"Yeah, of course I will" Dean said with a soft smile. He booped a kiss on the end of Castiel's nose and stood back to take a look at him. "You're as cute as a button" he half teased.
"That wasn't exactly what I was going for, but thank you."
"Alright" Dean said. "I have to take Ben to baseball practise. I'll see you at..?"
"Three" Castiel said.
"I'll see you at three" Dean affirmed before giving Castiel a quick kiss. "You're gunna be awesome" he assured him once more.
"I will be now" Castiel smiled.
After Ben had finished practise Dean checked his watch and saw it was only one-thirty. It would not take him long to drop Ben off and get to the university so he asked if Ben wanted to go and get a milkshake; the boy had happily agreed.
They walked to a nearby dinner and enjoyed a couple of drinks together. Afterwards Dean checked his watch again, but he saw that the time was unchanged.
He frowned and tapped the glass but none of the hands were working.
"Oh no" Dean murmured. "What time is it?!" he asked Ben.
"It's almost three" the boy replied as he looked at the clock on the wall.
"Crap!" Dean exclaimed as he scrambled to pull some dollar bills out of his pocket. "Sorry, kiddo, we gotta go."
They raced out to the car and Dean drove to Lisa's house as quickly as possible.
Dean tried to apologise as Ben had to practically jump out of the car but the young boy simply told him to shut up and get to Cas.
When Dean looked at the clock on the dashboard he saw it was almost three-thirty.
He repeatedly cursed under his breath when he turned on to the main road and found it was backed up with traffic.
Dean felt tears begin to collect the corners of his eyes. He knew that he had let Cas down and now there was little he could do about it.
The clocked rolled up to four and Dean was still stuck.
His phone started ringing and his stomach clenched with guilt when he saw that it was Cas. He picked it up with a shaky hand and answered.
"Sweetheart-"
"Don't, Dean" Castiel whispered with a broken voice; it was obvious that he had been crying and that made tears finally spill from Dean's eyes too.
"Cas, please" Dean said just as quietly. "I'll come pick you up and we can-"
"No" Castiel sniffed. "Don't come here" he said sternly. "I-I don't want to see you right now."
He hung up.
Dean carelessly threw his phone onto the passenger seat and ran his hands down his face.
He did not know what to do.
Dean decided it was best to give Cas some time to cool off before he tried to make his apology. He picked up some honeysuckles - Cas' favourite flowers - as an extra display of regret.
When he arrived at the front door of Cas' house Dean took a deep breath to calm his nerves before knocking.
He heard Castiel move across the floorboards, and there was a pause which indicated he was debating whether or not to open it. When he heard the lock click Dean let his shoulders sag a little with relief.
"Yes?" Castiel said more bluntly then Dean had ever heard him before.
"I...I just wanted to say I'm sorry again and make sure you're okay" Dean said; he felt extremely meek all of a sudden. "I got you these" he said as he quickly thrust out the bunch of flowers.
Castiel looked at Dean cautiously before taking them and going back into the house. He left the door open so Dean assumed that he was allowed to follow.
Castiel put the flowers on the coffee table and sat on the sofa before blankly staring at the wall.
"How could you do that to me?" He asked without even looking at Dean. "You knew how scared I was."
"Cas, I'm sorry" Dean said as he ran a hand down his face. "My watch was broke and I just lost track of time being with Ben-"
"You knew how important this was to me!" Castiel yelled as stood up and turned to Dean. He was shaking violently and had tears streaming down his face.
"Sweetheart, you need to calm down" Dean said without thinking as he tried to move closer to Cas. "You're going to have a panic attack-"
"Why do you care?!" Castiel shouted. "Why don't you just go back to Lisa and Ben?!They're obviously more important to you!"
Dean froze. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You won't have missed it if you hadn't been doing them a favour!" Castiel accused. "I'm your partner now; not Lisa. Ben isn't even your real son!"
As soon as the words left him Castiel looked horrified and clapped his hands over his mouth.
Dean stared at him with shock before he was suddenly consumed with his own inexplicable rage.
"How dare you?" He seethed. "I love that kid more than anything! If Lisa had stopped me from seeing him then I would have died!"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry" Castiel quivered. He had to sit down because he felt like his legs were going to give out. "I really like Ben, I do. I didn't mean it, Dean. I was just angry-"
"No, you did mean it!" Dean bellowed and Castiel flinched violently. "How long you been keeping that one to yourself, huh? How long you have you wanted to call me out for that?"
"Dean-" Cas whimpered.
"For Christ sake, Cas, you're a grown man! You shouldn't need me to hold your hand! It's Pathetic."
And then Castiel really did burst into tears as he let out a loud sob.
A feeling like ice ran down Dean's spine as the gravity of what he had said hit him; God, he had made Cas' mental illness sound like it meant nothing. And then Castiel said something which really made Dean hate himself:
"You're right."
"No, no sweetheart" Dean said quickly as he went to sit beside Castiel and pulled him into his arms without hesitation. He was relieved when Castiel did not try and pull away but instead buried his face in Dean's chest and clung to him like he never wanted to let go. "I'm so sorry. I know it's difficult for you to control. I-I didn't mean-. I'm so proud of you for still getting up there."
"No, I'm weak." Castiel sniffled. "I should be trying harder to get better."
"No, you just go at your own pace, sweetheart" Dean encouraged; he has to try and keep his own voice steady as he too fell victim to tears. "You made such a huge step today and I'm so proud. I'm so sorry I wasn't there and I'll never forgive myself-"
"Don't say that" Castiel said as he pulled back and wiped his eyes so he could look Dean in the face. "I-it was an accident. I know you would never do that intentionally. And I'm so sorry for what I said."
"It's alright, we both said stuff we didn't mean" Dean said.
Castiel nodded. "Will you...stay tonight?"
"Of course" Dean said and then softly kissed the top of Castiel's head.
They went upstairs and stripped down to their boxers before nestling in Castiel's bed together. Dean held Castiel close and whispered sweet nothings into his ear until the smaller man fell asleep.
It took Dean a while to follow suit as his mind just would not whirring with doubt. They had made up for now, but there was still more to discuss. This had been there first fight, but it has been pretty huge. Things had been said out of anger, but now they would always be there, nagging in the back of their minds.
And Dean was worried that now something about their perfect relationship had changed forever.
Following that night things were a little stilted for a few days, but after they talked about it some more both Dean and Castiel felt more at ease and they soon fell back into what felt like their regular rhythm.
A month passed without much thought.
One evening, Dean invited Castiel over for dinner. After coming out on the other side of their argument Dean felt like they were ready to take the next step in their relationship; he wanted to ask Castiel if they could live together.
Dean had made meatloaf and was just placing it in the oven when he heard the front door open - he had given Castiel a key a few weeks ago.
The smaller man came into the kitchen with a huge smile on his face.
"Dean, I have such wonderful news!"
"What is it, baby?"
"They've made some more discoveries at the pyramids at Giza and they've chosen me to be part of the excursion!"
"Sweetheart, that's amazing!" Dean grinned. He picked Castiel up in a tight hug and spun him around excitedly.
"I know! It's been so long since I've been part of a project this huge" Castiel explained as Dean put him down again. "Six months in Egypt-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa" Dean said as he pulled back and held onto Castiel's shoulders. "Six months?" He said incredulously. "Cas, that's half a year! Th-that's only a little less than how long we've been together."
"I know" Castiel frowned. "But, Dean, it's been my dream to work at such iconic sites like the pyramids-"
"When are you supposed to be leaving?" Dean cut in. Castiel snapped his mouth shut and looked at the wall. "Cas?"
"Next week" he replied quietly.
Dean's eyes widened. "Next week!" He exclaimed with shock. "And you didn't think to talk to me about this first?!"
"Why would I?" Castiel asked with genuine confusion.
Dean scoffed. "Are you being serious right now? You decide to just up and leave for half a friggin' year without even consulting me! We're supposed to be partners, Cas! We're supposed to talk things out! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Did you even think about me?"
"No!" Castiel yelled. "No, I didn't! Because like you said Dean, this is just a seven month relationship! Archaeology is my life's work."
There was a moment of silence where Castiel felt like all the air in his lungs was being sucked out of him as he watched Dean go from visible anger to silent brooding.
"Just seven months?" Dean repeated lowly. "So basically all this time has meant nothing to you?"
"No, that's not what I-" Castiel sighed as he ran a hand down his face. "I'm sorry, that came out harsher than I intended-"
"I wanted to ask if we could move in together, Cas" Dean said with tears springing to the corners of his eyes. "But instead you want to do the opposite and make sure we're as far apart as possible."
"Dean, you are being ridiculous" Castiel huffed. "You knew my job would involve traveling, and if you truly loved me then you'd be happy for me and say that we'll make it work-"
"I do love you, dumbass!" Dean exclaimed; there was nothing he could do to prevent the tears from rolling now. "How could you even question that? Why the hell do you think I'm so upset?! But clearly you don't love me enough to even spare a second thought."
"Why can't you understand?" Castiel said impatiently. "I can't deal with you like this. I'm leaving."
With that he stormed away and slammed the door behind him as he exited the apartment.
Dean sat down at the table and buried his head in his hands.
Yes. Things had definitely changed.
A few days passed and Dean did not hear from Castiel, or make an attempt to contact him. Instead he had hauled himself up in the Roadhouse bar, but he found that he did not even have the will to drink himself stupid.
"Why so blue?"
Dean turned to find a stunning girl with waist length red hair and piercing green eyes.
"Relationship troubles" Dean replied glumly.
"Well if it's revenge your looking for, I'd be happy to help" the woman said with a seductive smile as she ran her hand up and down Dean's thigh.
Dean was not sure that he wanted her to stop.
It was Castiel's doorstep Dean found himself stood on later that night rather than the woman's. As soon as she'd made the offer to go back to her apartment Dean had quickly shut the prospect down. The thought of cheating on Cas repulsed him; he should not have even allowed her to touch him.
He had left the bar and kept walking until he almost subconsciously found himself outside of Castiel's house.
He knocked and saw the light flick on from the landing; he has no idea it was so late.
Castiel opened the door with his eyes only half open and his hair ruffled all over the place; god he was cute.
"Dean, what are you doing here? It's the middle of the night" Castiel complained.
"I couldn't sleep without telling you something" Dean confessed.
Castiel let him inside.
They went into the lounge and Castiel sat on the sofa. Dean tentatively sat on the opposite end. He rested his elbows on his knees and wrung his hands together nervously.
"I was just at a bar and a woman hit on me" he confessed without prompting; he thought it best to get it over with quickly. "There was a split second when she touched me and I thought about doing something just to hurt you. I didn't. I instantly regretted even thinking about it."
"Dean...it's okay."
Dean looked over at Castiel with wide eyes. The other man did not even look angry; if anything he looked understanding.
Dean frowned. "No, it's not."
"If you say nothing happened then I believe you. There is no need to dwell on it" Castiel tried to assure him; his words appeared genuine and that made Dean somewhat frustrated. Did he not even care? "I understand that I hurt you by making such a huge decision without talking to you about it first."
"No, Cas, I shouldn't have gotten mad like I did" Dean said. "I'd be pretty damn selfish if I made you choose between me and a job you love. And afraid because I know I would not be the one you chose. "So..." He had told himself that he would not pause and he would say the next part with as much conviction as possible, but he choked nonetheless. "I support you going to Egypt. I just reacted like I did because I'm gunna miss you so damn much."
Castiel smiled softly and moved across the sofa to pull the other man into a gentle embrace. He did not mention when he felt his shoulder begin to grow damp as Dean buried his face there and the taller man was grateful for it.
"C'mon, let's go to bed" Castiel encouraged.
"No, not tonight" Dean said as he pulled away. "I don't deserve that."
"Dean-"
"Seriously, Cas. It's fine" Dean said. "I'll call you tomorrow and we can make plans" he promised. "We're going to make the most of this next week."
The time we have left together, Dean thought sombrely.
The clock really had started to tick.
A week passed way too quickly for Dean's liking. There had been many times when he had been stuck in a dry spell at work that he prayed for such an occurrence, but now the one time that he had got his wish his love was leaving him.
Dean had wanted to fill the days with picnics in the forest and walks on the beach, but Castiel said that he would much prefer lounging about in bed just holding each other, eating takeout food and watching TV. He did not want it to feel like they were just doing things they would not normally do because it would feel even more like the end.
And then as if in a blink of an eye they were stood in the airport terminal and Castiel's flight had been called.
Dean turned to Castiel with tearful eyes, and he could see the same sorrow reflected in Cas' bright blue ones.
"Don't say it" Castiel pleaded. "Just say you love me."
"I love you" Dean said as he cupped Castiel's cheek in his palm and soothed his thumb across the smaller man's cheek. "We'll make it work."
"I love you too" Castiel replied. He tried his best to smile but found that he could not, so he attempted to hide the fact by pressing his lips fiercely against Dean's.
Dean savoured the passionate yet tender kiss and just hoped that he would always remember the feeling of warmth and joy that it gave him.
They eventually broke apart.
"Go, or else you'll miss the gate" Dean lightly urged.
Castiel nodded but did not leave before flinging his arms around Dean's waist for one last embrace. He did not say another word though, and after a few moments he simply turned and walked away.
There was a painful pang in Dean's heart that feared he walking away for good.
Castiel video-called Dean as soon as he arrived at the site to tell him he had gotten there safe. It had been 10 o'clock in the morning over there, so Dean had to stay up until 3am. Cas was so excited to show Dean around, and Dean was glad to see that he was so happy, but he knew that only being able to see Castiel's smile on a screen was going to make the next six months even more torturous.
After that, Castiel did not try to call again for another two weeks.
Dean had tried a couple of days later but Cas had not responded. He brushed it off because Cas was still probably busy settling in so he waited another few more day, but there was still no reply.
Not wanting to seem pushy Dean decided to wait until Castiel contacted him, but as each call-less day passed-by Dean started to feel more and more anxious.
When Castiel did eventually call it was one o'clock in the morning for Dean. The screen on his phone was blaring and chirruping away, yet after days of waiting Dean found that there was a part of him that did not want to answer; a part of him that wanted Castiel to feel the same pain that he did.
But he wanted to know that Castiel missed him as much. He wanted to know that Castiel was finding it just as hard being apart.
Castiel's lack of response when Dean had told him about the girl in the bar had started to make Dean wonder if Cas was losing his investment in the relationship, and Dean knew that he only had himself to blame. He should have supported Cas when he told him about Egypt, but the gap which had slowly been growing between them had started way before then; when Dean had basically called Castiel pathetic because of his anxiety. He wondered if that was part of the reason why Castiel had said yes to leaving so suddenly, and why he had not given Dean a second thought.
But did Cas even realise how much that truly hurt Dean? To be told by the man he loved that he did not even come into the equation when making huge life decisions. Did he understand how much it hurt when he had scolded Dean for spending time with Ben? For seeing him as his own son? Dean had not realised how much he had carried the pain of that particular outburst.
Both he and Castiel had made errors which they believed that they had moved on from, but it seemed that there has been much more to discuss and neither of them particularly had the communication skills to deal with them.
But then Dean thought about hearing Castiel's voice, seeing his broad smile, and for that brief moment all that other stuff did not matter as he finally reached for the phone, but he realised that it had gone silent.
Castiel had already given up.
Six months passed painfully slowly. Castiel and Dean did talk but as time went on the conversation became more and more stilted and awkward until eventually, in the final month, there were no calls at all.
However, they had agreed that Dean would pick Castiel up from the airport on the day of his return.
There was a huge part of Dean screaming at him to just walk away as he waited in the terminal because he knew what was to come; he knew that as soon as he saw Castiel he was going to break down.
When the tannoy announced that Castiel's flight had arrived Dean's whole body started to shake. He watched the gate without blinking and willed himself not to cry.
It took Dean a moment to register when Castiel was actually walking towards him; mostly because Dean was too busy panicking to notice, but also because there seemed to be something different about Cas' appearance.
There were a few brief moments where they stared at each other, not sure what to say.
Eventually, Castiel let out a sound reminiscent of a sob and flung his arms around Dean's neck, burying his face into the taller man's shoulder. Dean held Castiel close as he finally allowed himself to cry too.
But they both knew that their tears did not come from a place of happiness.
Present Day...
They had decided to break up there and then.
Dean and Castiel had both painfully realised that neither of them had truly forgiven the other, no matter how desperately they wanted to, and that they did not have the communication skills to discuss matters without making things worse. So, they had agreed to leave whilst it still made them feel heartbroken rather than allowing things to progress to pure hatred.
In those three years Dean had endeavoured in flings and one-night stands with various men and women, but he had not connected with any of them like he had with Cas, and there was no one who he had wanted to introduce to Ben; the poor boy had been very upset about Dean and Cas' break up.
So, Dean had thrown himself into his work, fixing up car after car. All he had for company now on days that he could not spend with Ben was his trusty Impala; but now even she was testing him.
And yet, Dean realised; perhaps she was still looking out for him. Why else would she choose this day, on this street, outside this restaurant, at this exact moment to have an engine failure? It was if she had known Cas was coming; the last source of happiness Dean had in his life.
Dean got back in the driver's seat and turned the keys again. The engine roared into life, and although she was ready to go Dean found that he could not bring himself to press down on the gas pedal. And yet, even though he could not drive away, Dean was not sure that he could not go into the restaurant either.
For almost two hours Dean sat in his car, hands on the steering wheel, but the problem was he was not sure if he was supposed to be convincing himself to stay or go.
He had spent so many nights thinking about Cas and where they could be right now if they had just been able to talk. He would give anything just to see Castiel's smile again; to see his soft blue eyes and feel warmth, love, and safety which they provided.
Dean was bombarded with memories of the precious time which he and Cas had spent together; the good far outweighed the bad. The more Dean thought about the past the more he pined to know what the future could hold, and the only way he could ever know was to act in the present.
He could not let this chance pass him by.
Dean got out of the impala and gave the hood a pat in thanks before slowly making his way over to the restaurant.
He pushed the door open and stepped inside.
At first Dean did not spot Castiel and his heart started to beat even faster in fear that Cas had left without him realising, but then he spotted the hunkered over form – much like Castiel had first looked sat on the bar stool when Dean had first laid eyes on him – in the corner, trembling slightly and nervously ripping a napkin into tiny squares.
The table was set for two, but Castiel's cutlery was the only ones out of place, and he had two empty glasses in front of him. There was a basket of bread which was untouched, and Dean noticed a waiter lingering by who kept shooting Castiel pitiful looks.
The scene made it obvious; Castiel was supposed to be on a date and he had been stood up. The fact did not fill Dean with sadness, but rather an inexplicable rage. How dare some asshole stand up someone as wonderful as Castiel? The stupid son-of-a-bitch had no clue what he had walked away from….and maybe Dean was that stupid son-of-a-bitch.
The waiter put a sympathetic hand on Castiel's shoulder. Castiel looked up at him with shining eyes.
"I'm sorry, Sir, but if you're not going to order we're going to have to give the table to someone else."
Castiel gave a small nod and looked like he was going to cry.
That was when Dean intervened.
"Hey, sorry I'm so late!" he called over. Castiel's eyes widened when he saw Dean and his whole body went rigid. "I should have called. That was a real dick move."
The waiter mumbled something under his breath and looked at Dean disapprovingly before walking away.
Dean sat down and he and Castiel just stared at each other for a few moments as they tried to process seeing each other face-to-face again.
"Well, three years is pretty late" Castiel finally quipped.
Dean gave a huff of amusement and his lip curled into a lopsided smile. "Sorry, I saw you come in here and I just couldn't stop myself."
"It's okay" Castiel said. "I'm glad you didn't. Hello, Dean."
Dean closed his eyes momentarily and allowed the sentiment to wash over him; it was so beautifully familiar.
"How's it going, Cas?"
"Well, tonight has been terrible" Castiel sighed. "But I don't know what I expected; I met him briefly online. Although…I can't say that the past three years have been much better as a whole."
"Yeah? Me either" Dean confessed.
Another silence bridged between them, but it was surprisingly not as awkward as they expected.
"There's no point in pretending we're just old friends" Castiel stated.
"I know, but I thought if I started out by saying that barely a day has gone by where I haven't thought about you that would be creepy" Dean half-joked.
"Forget creepy, that's cheesy" Castiel jibed. "And clearly stolen from one of those romantic comedies you hate to love."
"Ah, ya got me" Dean shrugged. "But…I have missed you."
"I've missed you too" Castiel said with a small smile.
"Full disclosure, I stress ate a whole pizza before coming in here" Dean confessed; it made Castiel laugh and it was like music to Dean's ears. "So...you maybe wanna…go to a bar and get a drink?"
"Yeah" Castiel said. "And I think I know which bar."
"Wow, it is exactly the same as it was three years ago" Dean commented as they entered the bar where they had first met.
"Yeah, I haven't been back since" Castiel said. "Too painful."
Dean nodded in understanding.
They ordered some beers and took a booth in the corner. They spent hours talking about what they had been up to over the past few years. Dean told Castiel about how Ben was growing and that he was starting middle school. Castiel was pleased to know he was doing well as he missed the sweet child. Dean confessed that not much else had changed; he still worked at the garage and loved fixing up the classic cars, and he tried to casually mention that he had not met anyone else romantically; the way Castiel's lips had twitched upwards at that brought him hope.
Castiel informed Dean about the digs he had been on all over the world, but after three years on the move he was ready to stay put for a while.
"I feel like it's time that I start a family" Castiel explained. "I've been on a few crappy dates but…but I always found myself comparing them to you because…because you were the best boyfriend I ever had and…and none of them could live up to you."
Dean started to blush profusely.
"Cas…I could be way off here, but…I would like it if we could go on a date some time?"
Castiel twisted his beer bottle around on the table and seemed hesitant.
"I do still love you, Dean" he admitted. "And I think I've always known that, but…what if we just make the same mistakes? I don't think I…" his voice broke. "I don't think that I could bear to lose you again."
Dean took Castiel's hand. "We know where we went wrong now and we have grown since then. We've just been talking like nothing ever happened. I'm not saying that we have to pick up where we left off…I'm saying we could try starting again. Get to know each other again. Learn how to talk to each other."
Castiel offered Dean a small smile. "Do you want me to go and sit on that stool so that you can rescue me again?" he asked jokily.
"No" Dean chuckled. "Let's try taking a different route." He picked up his beer and tried to appear overly seductive. "So, you come here often?"
Castiel laughed. "No, please don't."
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
"No!"
"If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together-"
"Please stop!" Castiel said, still giggling. "I'll have dinner with you tomorrow if you stop right now."
"Alright" Dean relented. "We've just gotta take things slow."
"Not too, slow" Castiel said as he squeezed Dean's hand. "I've missed….baking you pies."
Dean laughed. "Yeah, I've missed that too."
Three Years Later….
Dean woke up with the gentle breeze blowing through the balcony window. The only sounds were the waves washing up to the soft white sand and the light rustling of leaves. The setting may have been a paradise, but it was not Dean's favourite part of the scene.
That part was Castiel, sleeping naked beside him underneath a white sheet which clung to his body like a Greek God. Dean was on his honeymoon with his husband, and if that meant staying cuddled up in bed all day with the man he loved and letting the rest of the world pass by, then so be it.
He spooned himself behind Castiel and the smaller man made a noise of content as he held Dean's hands which were rested on his stomach.
Dean pressed delicate kisses along Castiel's neck.
"We made it" he said quietly.
"We did" Castiel smiled. "It took us a while but…I don't think that was a bad thing."
"I know but…I can't believe that I ever let you go" Dean said.
"I know; those three years apart where hell, but think of it this way; we needed to make those mistakes so that we would learn and eventually we could have this" Castiel replied.
"Okay" Dean said. "But there is one thing that I know for sure" he said as he squeezed Castiel tight. "I am never going to let you go again."