Warning for excessive swearing. I counted maybe seventeen in the first 140+ words. Technically, I shouldn't count Goody's contact name for Lambchops, but the point still stands. Also, take into account that it's like two in the morning and we all know how conversations like this go at two in the morning.

[Saturday, 02:12] [bitch] HEY FUCKER GET YOUR ASS UP

[02:12] [bitch] I FOUND OUT WHO LIKES YOU

[02:13] [bitch] WAKE UP STUPID

[02:15] [sissy] lamb its 2 in the fucking morning

[02:15] [sissy] WAIT WHAT

[02:15] [bitch] THAT'S RIGHT BITCH YOU BETTER BE THANKFUL I'M TELLING YOU THIS

[02:16] [sissy] WHAT THE FUCK HOWD YOU FIND OUT

[02:16] [sissy] I SENT FUCKING CARMEN JAMES BOND DIAZ ON A SPY MISSION AND SHE DIDNT FIND OUT

[02:17] [bitch] it's cos I'm fucking amazing moron

[02:17] [bitch] wait I got a text from her

[02:18] [sissy] holy fuck

[02:18] [bitch] she said I can't tell you lol u

[02:18] [sissy] BITCH CANT YOU GIVE ME THE FIRST LETTER OF HER NAME OR SOMETHIGN

[02:18] [sissy] SOMETHING

[02:19] [bitch] DONT FUCKING YELL AT ME KING IM OLDER THAN YOU

[02:19] [bitch] PROBABLY

[02:19] [bitch] also its g

[02:20] [sissy] wtf

[02:20] [sissy] i cant be in love w myself

[02:22] [sissy] lamb

[02:23] [sissy] lamb where u at

[02:27] [sissy] if u fell asleep when u woke me up at fucking 2 am im goin to eat my bed

[02:30] [bitch] I'd say I'm sorry but I'd be lying when I say that I wasnt totally and absolutely done with ur shit right now king

[02:30] [bitch] HOW WOULD I GET A TEXT FROM YOU SAYING NOT TO TELL YOU

[02:31] [sissy] …. oh

[02:31] [sissy] WAIT THEN WHO IS IT

[02:31] [sissy] OHMY GDO

[02:32] [sissy] DONT TELL ME ITS

[02:32] [sissy] MS BELL?

[02:33] [sissy] LAMB

[02:33] [sissy] LAMB WHAT THE FUCK

[02:34] [sissy] DOESNT MS BELL HAVE A BOYFRIEND

[02:35] [bitch] this is approaching the level of stupidity I never knew existed

[02:35] [sissy] well if its not her then who d fuck is it

[02:35] [bitch] ITS ME GENIUS

[02:36] [bitch] DID YOU SOMEHOW FORGET MY FIRST NAME WHEN YOU SAY IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME

[02:37] [sissy] WHAT

[02:37] [sissy] HWAT THE FCUK

[02:37] [sissy] WHAT

[02:37] [sissy] WHAT

[02:38] [bitch] ….. not

[02:38] [bitch] APRIL FOOLS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER HAHAHAHA SUCK IT KING

[02:38] [sissy] oh my god

[02:38] [sissy] oh my FUCKING god i cannot beleive this shit

[02:39] [sissy] you woke me up to fuck w me

[02:39] [sissy] swear to god i was hoping it was gonna be some hot girl and then its this shit

[02:39] [sissy] IF YOURE STILL MAD ABOUT LAST YEARS APRIL FOOLS THEN CAN YOU STOP BRINGING IT UP

[02:40] [sissy] lamb pls

[02:43] [sissy] dont u dare tell me youre sleeping now

[02:43] [sissy] wait

[02:44] [sissy] its april 2

[02:44] [sissy] it's the morning of april 2

[02:45] [sissy] lamb was that a confession

[02:45] [sissy] holy shit you like me back

[02:46] [sissy] I DO NOT LIKE YOU BACK SHIT NO

[02:47] [sissy] lamb come on wake up

[02:47] [sissy] ok maybe i might like you back but

[02:48] [sissy] FUCKIN SHIT

[02:49] [sissy] GRACE MOTHERFUCKING LAMB WAKE UP

[02:50] [bitch] SWEAR TO GOD KING IF YOU CALL ME GRACE ONE MORE TIME IDGAF IF IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING I'LL GO RIGHT UP TO YOUR HOUSE AND BEAT YOUR ASS SO HARD YOU'LL NEVER HAVE BABIES AGAIN

[02:51] [bitch] ALSO I HAPPEN TO BE SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING DATE IS

[02:51] [sissy] holy shit youre awake

[02:52] [sissy] ….. but u want my babies don't u ;))))

[02:52] [bitch] this is enough bullshit for one night

Then Lambchops runs down Goody's door and punches his face - good end!

Slacker, 4/9/16