My Immortal

By: LittleStrawbaby

Rating: R

Pairing: Lee/Laura

A/N: This deals with the death of a character. I just want to warn y'all ahead of time that while there is no violence, there are certain themes that might bother some. There are no spoilers in this one. This is the final installment and a follow up to "Collateral Damage."

"I love you," she gasps, her eyes staring into mine.

I clutch her hand to my chest desperately, and cannot stop the tears that flow down my grimy cheeks as her life's blood seeps from the gaping wound in her chest with every beat of her heart. I do not care about the gasps of shock from those around us, the muffled curse from my father, the startled bark of laughter from Starbuck.

"I love you too," I whisper, leaning forward to kiss her.

As her last breath dies upon my lips, I slowly sit up, looking down onto her beautiful face, into her lifeless eyes. A howl of rage and grief erupts from me at the injustice of it all. Hands grip my arms and wrench me away from her and I damn near break my neck in my attempts to not lose sight of her.

"You can't help her now," my father says harshly.

It's been three months and she's still everywhere I turn—her scent, her voice; sometimes I see her, feel her lying beside me, touching my face. I keep playing her death and the funeral over in my mind, the latter more painful than watching her die. I'm cloaked in grief and despair, I find myself wondering the meaning of it all, my mind circling around all of the losses I've suffered.

I want to join them, those I loved who are lost to me now. I find I can't even think her name, but my soul longs to join her and I wonder if I have the courage to become intimate with the business end of my service weapon.

His grief hits me with the force of 50g's. I want to hold him, to comfort him, to promise him there is a purpose to this, but I cannot, not in this form. I stayed behind because I cannot let go, I cannot trust that he will be all right without me. I found myself unable to face the promise of eternity without my Captain, my beloved, by my side. And he isn't healing, he isn't letting go, he isn't moving on as he was meant to.

When he senses my presence, he goes pale and retreats into privacy. He speaks to me, his expression pleading for some sort of response, a confirmation that he isn't going insane, that I am lingering. I am unable to grant his request; I can only wander into his dreams, where I try to convince him to reach out to someone, anyone, but even in that state he's stubborn and resistant to my pleas.

And as I watch him finger his gun, moving it against his temple, then into his mouth, panicked rage overtakes me—it is not his time, not yet. I reach out to knock the gun from his hands, aware that without tangible form it is useless, but something must be done. We are both equally shocked when the gun flies from his hand and hits the floor.

"Laura?" he asks tremulously. "You're here, I know you are. No one else could've…"

I move closer, love and fear warring for dominance, and I touch his face.

"Gods, it's you. You are here!"

I'm not sure if he can hear me speak. I'm new to this, after all, I had no idea that I could physically interfere or make him feel my touch. I find it deeply comforting that he truly knows I'm here now, that I'm not being brushed off as a figment of his imagination, a desperate desire of his heart.

"I'm here, Captain Apollo," I say, watching him for any signs that he hears me. "I love you."

"Say something! I know you're here!"

My heart plummets. He cannot hear me, but he can sense me, feel my touch. Even now, everything is against us. We can only have half of everything, just as it was in life. With great sadness, I watch as he deflates, trying to convince himself that what just happened was a freak accident, a trick of the mind.

For the first time, I wonder if we made a mistake, if we crossed a line and the ensuing events were the consequences of our decisions. But I cannot give up on him, I must watch over him until he's ready to move on.

The End