Just wanted to write something other than Doctor Who. Lyrics from "Calling All Skeletons" by Alkaline Trio.
Here it is again, yet it stings like the first time.
Every day I see him – in the corridors between classes, in the boy's bathroom, at Glee Club.
He's always surrounded by his popular friends; football jocks and cheerleaders. Always laughing, joking, enjoying himself.
I wonder if he knows.
Everyone had their suspicions even before I knew myself. I'm nothing like his usual friends. He will sit with me in Glee club and talk to me like a normal person. Talk to me like we're friends.
Does he know? Can he see it in my eyes?
How could he know that I long for him? Every bone in my body cries out for every centimetre of Finn Hudson.
And it hurts. It burns like an inextinguishable fire.
He could never love me. Not Finn. Why would he? He goes for girls of his social standing. Girls like Quinn Fabray. Hell, he'd chose that Rachel Berry over me.
And though I know it would never happen, I play scenarios in my head over and over. I kid myself, trick myself into believing that he would turn to me for comfort. And one thing would lead to another...
No. It would never happen. Why do I kid myself into believing such things? I am what I am. And he is what he is. And though I would move the heavens to be with him, he would never want me.
I tell myself that today is the last day. After today, I will get over this crush. After all, that's all it is. A crush. Nothing more than lust. Hormones racing through my body; sensations in my heart I misunderstand.
And then I see him tomorrow and I lose all willpower. My knees go weak and I want to shout and scream and tell him.
But I can't.
And so I'll stay silent. And after today, I will get over this crush. Again. Only to fall painfully and hopelessly back in love by tomorrow.
These feelings tend to leave me with a hole in my chest.