Neko
By kira
Author's notes: I wish to thank my dear friend and beta, Jen, for going over this and polishing it 'til it shines.
Please note that the following contains CHARACTER DEATH!! Read with caution…
Neko is Japanese slang for "bottom/uke."
Taichi is Japanese slang for "top/seme."
Hanaminoutage is Japanese for a cherry blossom viewing party. (Hanami is cherry blossom viewing)
888
The phone rang, and setting down his script, Jakotsu leaned over to answer it. He spent several minutes quietly talking to the person on the other end of the line. Sighing softly, he hung up. "Ban honey…"
Bankotsu looked up from his work. Setting his pen down and clicking the tape recorder off, he shifted in his seat and looked over towards where his life-partner sat in the living room, reading his script. "Yeah…?"
"That was Manten."
Bankotsu felt his heart clench in fear. "Everything alright?"
Jakotsu shook his head.
"Damn it!"
"There's still time, Ban honey. If we hurry, we can make it." Getting up, Jakotsu left the room and headed towards their bedroom.
Bankotsu leaned his elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands as he drew a deep ragged breath. His best friend from high school and former bandmate was losing his battle with AIDS after nearly five long years. Even though they had gone their separate ways, the two old friends maintained a loose friendship, seeing each other more professionally than casually, it still hurt. Bankotsu always believed that they might have had a deeper relationship if a certain gender-bending model had not caught his eye. That and a sense of guilt over being too busy to spend time with the man, once he had dropped out of the public eye, made the thirty-five year old feel terrible, like he had deserted his friend in his time of need.
Jakotsu returned a few minutes later, freshly made up and he padded softly through the living room into the adjoining dinning room to put his arms around his life-partner. "Ban honey, I wish there was something, anything, I could do to change to change things, but I can't. All I can do is see to it you don't regret things by not going." He kissed Bankotsu's cheek. "There'll be time enough for tears when we get back." He kissed his life-partner's cheek again when he felt him stiffen under his touch. "Look, this poor man is living my nightmare. And while I don't know him as well as you do, I want to go see him one more time, just so he knows that I care. And I know you care too, which is why you're finding this so hard to do. Ban honey, if I could, I'd go for the two of us, but I think that'll hurt more than not going at all, no?"
Bankotsu shook his head wordlessly and Jakotsu kissed him one more time, before letting go and giving him room to get up. The younger man headed towards the bathroom. He went inside, locking the door behind him. There, he stared at his face in the mirror, before turning on the cold water and splashing it on his face. As he patted it dry, Bankotsu gave in to his feelings of loss and cried his heart out.
888
"Tell me again why the hell couldn't we have taken my car?" Bankotsu groused as they stood in the crowded bus. They were on their way to see Hiten.
"Because you're in no shape to drive for one thing, and you make me too nervous when I drive, so unless you want to walk clear across Tokyo…"
The thirty-five year tried not growl in frustration. "But did we have to take a bus full of school girls?"
Jakotsu giggled. "Too young for you, hunh?" he teased.
Bankotsu rolled his eyes.
"At least you're not worrying about him any more," the cross-dresser said softly.
"Actually, I am. I hope that album didn't take too much out of him. Granted they worked around his schedule, but still…"
"Ban honey, it'll be a great legacy for his fans."
"He's not dead yet!" the thirty five year old hissed.
"I know that!" his life-partner hissed back. "But he will be, Ban honey, no matter how much we wish otherwise…" Jakotsu sighed softly. "I'm sorry, I know you're hurting and if it wasn't guaranteed to get them all squealing, I'd…" He trailed off helplessly.
"It's okay, Sweetness. Besides, I think this is our stop."
The cross-dresser nodded. "So it is…"
"Yeah…" Bankotsu said as they pushed their way off the bus.
888
Jakotsu gave Bankotsu's hand a gentle squeeze as he rang the door bell. The younger man shot him a helpless look and the cross-dresser smiled in reply. A few minutes later, the door was opened a crack by a pretty young man.
"Can I help you?" he said, but before Bankotsu could say anything, the door was opened wider and they were greeted by Manten.
"Bankotsu-san! Am I ever glad to see you! Come in, you too, Jakotsu-san!" The two men stepped back, letting them enter the apartment.
"Manten-san?" Bankotsu said as he slipped out of his shoes.
"He's hanging in there… But where are my manners?"
"Where'd you leave them, Manten-san?" Jakotsu teased, breaking the tension.
Manten laughed. "Home."
"Well there you go. Perhaps a quick call to you wife…?" The cross-dresser smiled.
The balding rock star grinned. "As I was about to say, this is Suzuki Byakuya, and this is Kusao Bankotsu and Hibiya Jakotsu."
"Pleased to meet you," the pretty young man said. He shyly looked over at Jakotsu and said, "Hibiya-san, has anyone told you look just like Jaki-chan? You know, the famous onnagata?"
Jakotsu giggled. "Yeah… I get that all the time…" He leaned forward, and lowering his voice, he added, "That's because I am Jaki-chan."
"Really? Did you hear that, Manten-san?"
Manten shook his head as he stepped up out of the genkan with Bankotsu, the other two following behind. "Come, you can talk to him later, my brother is waiting."
"Forgive me, Manten-san."
"It's alright…" he replied as he led the two visitors through the apartment. He paused before a closed door, knocking lightly on it. Opening it, he stuck his head inside and said, "Hi-chan? You have a couple of visitors."
"Yeah…?"
"Yup. Feel up to seeing them?"
"Yeah…" Hiten's voice was faint and raspy.
Manten turned to the two men and said softly. "He's really weak, so don't stay too long because he tires so quickly. And just so you know, he completely lost his sight a few days ago."
"I…" Bankotsu started to say, when Jakotsu took him by the arm.
"Thank you, Manten-san," the cross-dresser said as he propelled his life-partner inside. "Hello, gorgeous!" he called out to Hiten.
"Ja…" he said breathlessly.
"I brought you something," Jakotsu said impishly as he pulled on his life-partner's arm.
Hiten made a small indecipherable sound.
"Hey, Hiten…" Bankotsu said softly. He moved towards the bed and once there, he lightly ran his fingertips on the back of his dying friend's hand, whose mouth twitched upwards in a brief smile. "It's been a long time, eh?"
Hiten took in a ragged breath.
"That's because I stole him right out from under you," Jakotsu said.
"Uh, it was the other way around, Sweetness."
"That's my Ban-honey for you, ever the tachi, eh?"
"We…ne…ko…"
"Yeah, we're a couple of pathetic old neko, but that's why love him," the cross-dresser replied.
"Yeah…"
"Are you two finished discussing me?"
Hiten barked out a laugh that sounded more like cough.
"You okay, Hi-chan?"
Hiten gave him a barely perceptible nod when the door to his room opened and Byakuya entered.
"Hi-chan?!" The young man rushed to his bedside. He looked around wildly as if fearing the worst.
Bankotsu pulled him aside. "He's fine; he was just laughing at something Hibiya-san said."
"That's right; we were laughing over what a pair of old fools we are, eh, Hiten-san?"
"Yes…"
"Oh…" The young man visibly relaxed. "I was…"
"What a devoted little neko you have, Hiten-san," Jakotsu said, guessing at the nature of their relationship.
"Yeah… 's cute…"
"Very," the cross-dresser agreed.
Byakuya blushed and when Bankotsu let go of him, he hurried to Hiten's side and knelt. Carefully laying his head on the bed, he looked like he wanted to crawl into it and snuggle up next to his older lover, but he restrained himself.
Bankotsu shot his life-partner a pained look.
Sighing softly, Jakotsu looked away and said, "So how long have you known each other?"
"Five, six years," Byakuya replied, "although. it feels like forever…"
The cross-dresser smiled. "I feel the same way about my Ban honey."
"Yeah?"
"Yup!" Jakotsu said and it was not long before the two of them were trading stories about the men they loved.
Five, six years…? Shit! That's about when Hiten called me to let me know… Oh hell! I hope this guy isn't sick…Bankotsu rubbed tiredly between his eyes. He was startled out of his reverie by their laughter. He was surprised to see even Manten had joined in.
All the while, Hiten's breathing grew more and more labored. He looked pale and drawn; his AIDS ravage body thin, the skin stretched tightly over his bones, making him look like a shadow of his former self. He had slipped into unconsciousness and as the night wore on, he went longer and longer between each ragged breath he took.
"I love him so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him…" Byakuya said softly as Hiten took his last breath. It was just after midnight and for several long, tense minutes no one spoke. The silence was shattered by a heart wrenching sob. "Noooo…" Byakuya cried.
Jakotsu quietly slipped out of the room. He walked down the hall, to the apartment's main living area in search of the phone. Finding it, he dialed and waited for Suikotsu to pick up on the other end.
"Sui…?" He listened to his friend's sleepy reply. "I'm sorry I woke you, but Ban's friend, Hiten, just passed away… I'm here with Ban at his apartment and I think we could use a doctor… and something for Hiten's 'friend'… Yeah… the poor thing's taking it hard… Okay, let me get Ban so he can tell you how to get here. Hang on…" Setting the receiver down, Jakotsu went back to Hiten's room. "Manten-san…"
He looked up at the sound of his name.
"Come're."
The balding rock star did as he was bidden. "What?" he said softly.
"I hope you don't mind, but I called my friend, Hirata. He's a doctor and you'll…" Jakotsu paused to get a hold of his emotions. "You'll need someone for…"
"The death certificate. Thank you, Hibiya-san."
Jakotsu nodded. His eyes welled up with tears and he started to cry. "I'm so sorry…"
"It's okay…" The two men briefly embraced.
"I need to tell my friend how to get here."
"You want me to talk to him?"
"I woke him up, so it's better if Ban does…" The cross-dresser wiped away a tear that slid down his cheek.
"Understood. I'd better go see to 'Kuya-chan…"
Jakotsu nodded. He walked over to where his life-partner stood. "Ban honey, I called Sui. He's going to come and take care of things here, but he needs directions."
Bankotsu wrapped his arms around the cross-dresser, holding him close. "He still on the phone?"
"Yeah…"
The thirty five year old left the room and hurried to get the phone. After hanging up, instead of going back to Hiten's room, Bankotsu looked around the living room. He had been there a few times during their career together, the last time he had been, being the time they had slept together.
"Bankotsu-san?" Manten said, pulling him from his reverie.
"Hunh?"
"Hibiya-san's friend…?"
"Hirata will be here as soon as he can. He's on the other side of Tokyo like us."
They lapsed into an uneasy silence.
Manten finally broke it. "I don't blame you for what happened, Bankotsu-san."
"But…"
"You can't force something that's not there. Seriously, even my brother knew that. One can always hope things will change, but sometimes they don't." Manten smiled sadly. "You two were meant to be friends."
Bankotsu opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He heaved a long suffering sigh. "I don't know what to say…"
"What is there to say?" Manten quipped. "My brother searched for something he thought he wanted and by the time he realized it wasn't what he wanted, or needed, it was too late in one sense, and yet he lived a lifetime in two years. He only fell into a bad decline this past six months."
"I'm so sorry… Had I known…"
"You were on tour with Youkai. Hell, we know as well as you do, how much work goes into that, and that's before you even get on the plane, Bankotsu-san. My brother wouldn't have wanted to bother you with his troubles anyway."
"Damn it! He could have said something! You know as well as I do," Bankotsu countered, "that you can postpone things. We did it during Samurai's last tour when your wife had the baby."
"I know, and truthfully, I begged him to call you, or even let me call, but he wouldn't let me. He said your star was rising and his was setting… Think about it, you and Hibiya got…" he waved his hand as he looked for the right word.
"Married."
"Married," Manten chuckled as Bankotsu grinned ruefully. "And look what media circus that was."
"Tell me about it…"
"So why add to it by you heading off to see him, especially since he knew at that point it was just a matter of time…"
"I feel so awful, I knew but…"
"Bankotsu-san, you had an empire to build, my brother knew that and understood. There's no reason to feel guilty."
888
"Suzuki -san?" Jakotsu said softly to the grief-stricken young man. "I've called my friend, Hirata. He's a doctor and he'll be here soon."
"I met him at a record signing. It was at the Yamaha music store in Ginza… I was such a fan." Byakuya smiled. "We talked for a few minutes and he asked me to wait around, which I did, We met up when he was finished and it was so surreal… I wanted to model like you did," he said shyly. "But that never happened. We just started hanging together, you know, like friends do, but things got serious. And when they did, he told me he was sick, but I moved in anyway."
"You loved him very much…"
"Yeah… and he loved me too. He did everything humanly possible to keep me from getting sick too."
"Yeah?"
"But I still got sick. I never told him, though. The guilt would have killed him."
Jakotsu nodded. "I remember when he called my Ban honey to let him know. They slept together before we met."
"I know."
The cross-dresser continued, "We hadn't yet, but I didn't cared. I live with the shadow of it, through my previous relationship. My asshole boyfriend slept with anything that moved." Jakotsu laughed. "He either he was damned lucky, or he made sure to use a condom…" He shrugged. "He's finally found his soul mate; they seem to have settled down now and she doesn't worry about him straying anymore."
"She?"
"Yeah… my friend, Hirata's ex-wife. Neither one of us knew how long that had been going on, but at this point, I don't give a rat's ass." I have my Ban honey and that's all I need…
Byakuya nodded. He looked over at Hiten. "He looks so peaceful… like he's just sleeping and I keeping thinking he's going to wake up any minute now." He started to cry again. When Jakotsu moved to hold him, Byakuya backed away. "Don't. I don't want you getting sick. We may not have had sex, but somehow…" Somewhere in the day to day living we did or maybe near the end when I really took of care you…it happened… Maybe we both wanted it to, or maybe I did because it HURTS being here without you…
"I understand, thank you, Suzuki -san."
"No problem…" He looked back at Hiten and started to cry. I wish I was dead too! Or Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and this'll all be just a bad dream…
"You gonna be okay?"
Byakuya nodded.
"I'm going to go see if Ban knows when my friend'll get here."
"Okay…"
Jakotsu reluctantly left him alone, heading towards the living room. "Ban honey? Do you know when Sui's going to get here?"
"He should be here soon."
"Good. Manten-san, I don't think it would be a good idea for Byakuya-san to stay here alone… I'm worried about him."
"I know…" Manten said knowingly. "And I've already called home and let my wife know I'm staying."
The cross-dresser nodded.
"He tell you?"
"Yeah…" Jakotsu sighed.
"I'm sorry; but it's not my place to say, Bankotsu-san," Manten said sadly.
"Oh hell…" Bankotsu murmured when it hit him.
"Ban honey, he never said anything specific, and we really shouldn't be discussing him like he's not here."
"Who's not here?" Byakuya asked as he headed towards them.
"You."
"Oh… I'm sick too, Kusao-san, if you haven't already guessed. When he got too weak…" Byakuya choked back a sob. He stood there, trying hard not to cry and when he regained his composure, he went on, "I took care of him… and did all the things for him he couldn't do and it happened… How could I touch him with rubber gloves on? Bad enough he lost most of his dignity, but that… That I couldn't do. It's not fair!!" He started to cry.
While everyone tried to find a way to comfort Byakuya, Suikotsu finally arrived.
888
"I'm sorry for your loss," Suikotsu said.
"Thank you, Hirata-sensei. Is there anything you need?"
"May I please use your phone?"
"Of course." Manten showed him where the phone was.
After he hung up form the call, Suikotsu spoke quietly to the balding man.
"I'm going to stay here tonight with him. Tomorrow, I'll see if I can get him to come home with me. He tell you?"
Suikotsu nodded. "Yeah."
"Hiten, and I guess myself, are the only family he's got. He probably would have died on the streets or gotten mixed up with a gang if my brother hadn't decided to bring home a 'stray kitten.'"
"Understood. Seriously, as long he's not swapping body fluids or sharing needles with your family, you'll be fine. From what he said he's only HIV positive and it could be years before he developed full blown AIDS. Then again, he could get very sick from a simple cold and die from a secondary infection like pneumonia, just like someone with a healthy immune system could…"
"I know… As awful as it sounds, I was hoping my brother would have been spared all this…"
Suikotsu nodded. "It's not easy for family members when a loved one is dealing with a terminal illness."
"Tell me about it…"
888
The ride back to their apartment was a somber one. No one spoke and thankfully the roads were relatively empty at that time of night. Suikotsu pulled up in front of their apartment building.
Before he got out of the car, Jakotsu said, "Thank you, Sui, for everything."
"You're welcome. You going to be okay, Ban?"
"Yeah… I just want to go to sleep." And pretend this is all some terrible nightmare…
"Thank you again, Sui…"
They got out of the car and watched him drive off into the night, before they headed inside.
888
As he stepped up out of the genkan, Bankotsu started to cry. Jakotsu hurried up out of it. He wrapped his arms around his life-partner and held him close.
"Sssh… It's okay, Ban honey… he's at peace now…" the cross-dresser said softly.
"I know… I just can't help thinking…"
"That could have been us, but it isn't."
"I know…but I slept with him, damn it!!"
Jakotsu nodded as he pulled away and stepped back. Still holding his life-partner by the shoulders he said, "And got lucky, Ban honey. There's no two ways around it. And it's not going to change the fact that your friend got sick and died. Please, he wouldn't want you tearing yourself up over it. He made his choice in life, just like you did, just like we all did!"
"You have no idea what I'm going through!" Bankotsu hissed.
"The hell I don't! Remember that shithead I used to go out with? You know the one; he's part of your pet project, married to my best friend's ex-wife? Hmm?! Well, I lived that nightmare just about every night we were together! He'd go off god knows where with god knows what, come home and want to fuck without a condom! We'd have vicious fights over that, but you know what?! There were times I simply gave in because it was easier… Part of the reason I didn't want to sleep with you right away was I was afraid of destroying our relationship, by getting you sick! So we got lucky and survived that roll of the dice. Unfortunately, Hiten didn't and neither did Suzuki-san…. That poor kid… but you know what? They'll be together sooner now, rather than later, as harsh as that sounds, but that's life, Ban honey, and there's not a damned thing we can change about it!"
Bankotsu glared at him.
His life-partner glared back at him. "And what about you? If you were that concerned about being sick, why did you never insist on using a condom? Was it because you didn't care that much about me?" The cross-dresser's eyes welled up with tears. "Look, we're both emotionally exhausted and the last thing I really want to do is fight with you…" He heaved a heavy sigh. "Let's just go to bed and talk and about in the morning…"
"No… I cared a lot about you then, and I still do, Sweetness. I'm sorry." Bankotsu rubbed tiredly between his eyes.
Jakotsu nodded.
"Once I found out we were okay… I didn't give it much thought beyond Hiten trying to screw with me over you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah… I found happiness, and I think he resented it, but…"
"And you drifted apart and he didn't want you to regret it when it hit the news…. It will hit the news and I suppose we'll, or rather you will be, hounded by the reporters again, but we can deal with it, together."
"Yeah…"
They held each other.
"So let's go to sleep, Ban honey. I'll call work in morning and arrange for some time off…"
"Okay…"
They slowly headed towards their bedroom. After changing in their pajamas and getting into bed, they turned the lights off. With heavy hearts, they cuddled up together as they drifted off to sleep.
888
Hiten's funeral was a tightly kept secret and only attended by family, with announcement about his illness only then made public. The announcement was a bit of a shock to his fans as well as those in the business, as Hiten hoarded his privacy where his personal life was concerned. So by the time a memorial service was planned, his death was announced. The service took place at his family's home several days later and was attended by family and friends as well as some of the big names in the business.
People came and went, making time to spend a few minutes before Hiten's shrine, before leaving. While Bankotsu sat with Hiten's parents, talking quietly to them, Jakotsu walked over to the shrine. He looked at Hiten's picture and smiled; it was obviously taken long before he showed any signs of illness. And there was a spray of cherry blossoms along with a small plate of tangerines that Hiten loved. Jakotsu's smile turned sad; Bankotsu had talked about getting together with Hiten for hanami and making a little party out of it but he became too ill and had passed away before the buds opened. A bowl of burning incense and another smaller bowl of loose powdered incense sat on the small alter.
Taking a pinch of sweet smelling powder between his fingers, the cross-dresser sprinkled it into the larger bowl, making the incense glow brightly. Bringing his hands together, he closed his eyes as he bowed his head. Hey, Hiten-san… I hope you can see how well loved and missed you are… My Ban honey took your passing hard, but not as hard as your little neko-chan… your brother is worried about him, Hiten-san… He's sick too, and Manten-san feels he's given up on life since you've been gone… I will do my best to help look after him, it's hard as I spend half my life in Kyoto, and I know my Ban honey will watch over him too…Anyway, I want to say "good-bye" and I'm sorry I never got to know you as well as I'd like to have… He opened his eyes and clapped his hands twice, before stepping away from the shrine.
"Hibiya-san?"
"Suzuki-san!"
"Yes! Thank you for coming," Byakuya said softly.
"You're welcome. How you doing?"
"Truthfully, not so good, Hibiya-san. I miss him so much. And the nights... they're the worst! I hate sleeping by myself!" The younger man's eyes welled up with tears.
Jakotsu reached out and patted his shoulder. "I wish there was something I could say or do to heal your pain, Suzuki-san…"
Byakuya wiped his tears away. "It's okay, Hibiya-san… I just need to get through each day as it comes."
"It's all anyone can do," Jakotsu replied.
"Yeah…"
888
Instead of heading off to work, Bankotsu went to the cemetery. He brought with him a spray of cherry blossoms, and a couple of the tangerines Hiten loved, and a sweet bun for Byakuya. He gently laid them before the headstone. Reaching out, he gently ran his hand along the two names carved there. Your beloved lil neko couldn't live without you… I'm glad you're able to be together here, my friend… Thankfully, there was no scandal attached when your family buried him here with you…Everyone misses you… I miss you… I regret we never stayed as close as we used to be, but life has a way of pulling people apart as it pushes them together with someone else… Speaking of which, Jakotsu sends his love to you both… He said to tell you the cherry blossoms this year are too beautiful and you would have loved them… He also said that next year, he's going to push to get the week off, so that we can have a hanaminoutage… Don't laugh! You know he's silly enough to do it too… Bankotsu shook his head at the thought of himself and his life-partner, sitting there before the grave stone, having a cherry blossom viewing party, when the nearest cherry trees lined the street outside the cemetery.
The wind picked up slightly, scattering a few of petals that fell from the blossom spray and Bankotsu shivered as the sky darkened. It felt like rain and a few minutes later, several fat drops splattered on the ground as the heavens rumbled. I take it you're trying to tell me to leave…Before I go, I just want to let you know, I'll be back; Jakotsu wants to come say, "hello," this weekend… He deeply regrets not being able to make your funeral, Suzuki-san, but he couldn't get time off from work, Emiko was due to have her baby and since he's playing Emiko, there was no way they'd let him go. In fact, I didn't see him at all that weekend… I had to go to Kyoto and even there, I barely saw him… At least he did well with the part…
The rain started to fall much heavier and reluctantly Bankotsu turned up the collar on his jacket. Goodbye, my friends… He clapped his hands together twice after he said a short prayer for their souls to rest easy. Shivering, he hurried through the cemetery as the early spring storm picked up intensity…