True measure of love

I kissed mother good bye excitedly. The smell of mother's morning tea soaked in cookies drifted away into the atmosphere as I escaped away vigorously .For once we could enjoy a pleasant meal splattered nicely on our small wooden table .It seemed like ages since cupboards reviled our poverty .Today I would meet him .Grane. The only person who gives me the reason and excitement to live.

Let me tell you how I met him .I can still remember the moment in my head as if it was a picture frozen in my mind, constantly drifting me away from my nightmares and reminding me of how fortunate I am to have him by my side each morning. Grane is the reason why I don't morn each day when I wake up and why we have food on the table. If only I could tell mother and my sisters about him ,if only I could walk around with him without fearing who could be watching us .I love him .He is different to any other person I have met ,smart ,brave and determined .Four years ago I would have spent my mornings silently with nothing to interest me or delight me ,never had I imagined of actually finding a friend someone who I could talk to and share my feelings to .

So it happened a few weeks ago I was walking around the park trading items for food which we could hardly eat let alone see, when Grane walked around next to me and dropped a bag of food supplies beside my worn-out shoes .Before I even had the time to whisper a thankyou he had run away into the dense and soaring trees. Wishing I had the time to speak to him I opened the parcel and that was when I was shocked .It felt as if I had just died and was finally rewarded .Chicken finally diced ,lamb ,fresh tea ,cookies and warm bread were neatly piled into the parcel . This person must have been rich I thought .No one in our neighbourhood ever traded this sought of banquet .If we were lucky we would only get a loaf of bread and mint leaves . My tummy growled as I strolled through the garden, flowers with vibrant colours laminated the place and butterflies sparkled every were .Even patches of spring began to pop up. As I arrived home with the bag all I could think of was what words would follow the gestures of mum, Elisa and Elizabeth as I would stumble through the door .No, I can't tell them I spoke to a boy or even had contact with me and I can't tell them a bag was surprisingly left untouched in the woods were people always loiter around. No way would I even think of lying .As mum opened the door I had still not thought about anything I could say to explain my luck today. ' Hello dear ' ,mum said blissfully ,those words only added to my worries and leaked me with dread .Mum quickly looked down excitedly at the bag ,it had been ages since we had eaten a decent meal .

"Did someone finally trade in something nice? "

"Yes, mum"

I said relived that she had melted all my fear away. I entered the room, the look on my sisters faces had brightened up in an instent .We sat down on our wooden table and ate away. It felt great getting the chance not to just smell a pleasant meal but to eat it too .Yet I couldn't help notice how bad I felt ,Lying to my mum that was like committing a crime . I also knew not thanking that boy would leave a churn of confusion and sadness inside me forever. The next morning all I could think of was him. Instead of food and death he was everything that I thought of .When I arrived in the woods I traded some more goods .Then I heard a strange sound, puzzled I walked toward the beautiful singing of which I thought was another …. Singing hymns and praying .Yet it was not that it was him the boy (Grane ) perched on a big rock .He griped a wooden guitar and sang songs of such wisdom and happiness that I sat beside him and listened to the melody coming out of his mouth . Since my father was killed by the …. slayers I had never spoken to another boy and this felt very different. "Hi ",Grane whispered afraid he could also get caught or even destroyed .Hi ,were you the boy who gave me the package full of food ?

'Yes 'he said and for the first time not only had I felt content but I felt like someone understood how I felt.

''So you must be lovan" I asked, suspecting a calm and expected answer.

'Well, I'm "listening to the words slowly come out of his mouth and then I realised I was in trouble.

'I am crolend "The words terrified me and at once I ran away.

Oh please no, don't run away he said grabbing my arms sadly, as if he desperately wanted something .Something I didn't know.

His eyes felt so alarmed and scared that I just stood there terrified.

"I can't stay here I could get killed'' I argued frantically

"Why do you want me to stay "I questioned puzzledly

"Because your different "he smiled .Different everyone always said I was different.

"Yeah everyone says I'm different "

"I mean in a good way 'he assured me

There I was standing next to a guy who I had only none for five minutes and he had already made out that I was different .He could have been good at judging a book by its cover or he probably was watching me for a long time .The thought, I loathed .Everyone always watched me .I was the centre of attention but in a bad way .I don't know why I probably will never know .I have always been hated made fun of .In many people's eyes I was an outsider always an outsider .No friends .No fun .My dad had just died ,the only meaning in my life had drenched all my hope ,dignity . There was nothing left in the world for me .There wasn't reason to live but standing their beside him I felt a sense of hope .The way he smiled his laugh .Oh was I dreaming .No I wasn't.

After the conversation I went home with the supply of food that I had gathered.

Never did I know that day would lead to four years of happiness but also invisibility and cunningness .The sort I had not been used to .Those days when I would come home thinking of the lies I would mutter to mum once she opened the door .They seemed prior, as if I had no choice but to open my mouth and wait for the bitterness and poison of my words. Life had become so different .Before my dad died six years in the wood when I was only twelve I had never spoken to a boy (well not that I could) .The restrictions and rules in life had kept me away from the company of a man other than, my father .The obligations were so strict that spending time with Grane was as threatening as killing a …. .You couldn't even have thought of that .If life was easy if we did not need to worry about, slaughters and ….. And punishments for no reason I would make each day spent in the woods, sweeter than friendship.

Grane is handsome, his hair brown, light brown, like no other light brown I had ever saw .With caramel highlights .His eyes crystal blue like the beach which I only saw in pictures and dreams. Tall, muscly, fit .That at first it was obvious how well fed and rich he was. His smooth white skin almost tanned made me willing to touch him. Only If I could.

Chapter two

People say I am down to earth and studious but really I am not. I've never really obeyed rules, well not any more. I hate rules, the idea of living in a world where people watch everything you do and every step you take, a world where penalties are heavy, frightens me. We should be allowed to do what we want and feel a sense of freedom rather than thousands of security cameras controlling your behaviour and manner. If there were freedom we would all act like ourselves and walk in the woods feeling peaceful and alone. If I got the chance to change this country I would .No one can control me in this world I control myself and my life.

Today is Saturday the 17th exactly a month ago we met and today I am meeting him again .Since we met we had formed our little hiding area away from neighbours and unpredicted sight . It is right under a patch of lilac flowers were the smell is sweet and a ripe vanilla scent .Its fenced in so no one can see us or capture us.

I feel like my life has changed .It gets tough but I know I can cope.

Hey, Grain'' I say peering from the purple blossoms trees and the bright scent of spring.

"Hey, Gracey watch this he says climbing up a tree .He spins around holding the branch like a pole and before he lands on the floor he does a 360 degrees flip.

I open my mouth startled.

"Talent highlighted all over you" I say smiling

"Well I enjoy it" Grain says

We talk none stop and then there is a silent pause until I realise that were talking bitterly about this country and if someone hears us it's not good news. As I pat him on the shoulder giving him a hint to slow down I find him looking at me and telling me to not be scared. Life is not much for not worrying .But why should Grain worry his family have enough money to serve them for a lifetime and his Dad is the ruler of the country .The one who is really an evil, liar who hunts religion and authority like a reckless manic who hasn't been privileged of life freedom and enjoyment .Coming to think of it Grain and his father do not come from the same family one single bit .How can Grain tolerate to watch his father's behaviour. Doesn't he wish for a better world?

"Grane, don't you want a better world one full of freedom and religion doesn't matter ''

"Yes off course I do, I wish everyone could say what they felt like saying without being afraid"

'Your father could really fix that '' I say wondering whether he has a good relationship with his father.

"Grace, my father would kill me if he found me hear with you, you actually think I could tell him to stop treating the county like this?''

"I….. I guess it's not easy but you should at least have the freedom to talk to your Dad"

"My dad is a solid brick .His emotions don't show and I can't even get a word past him"

"It doesn't matter no one can control your feelings who, you want to talk to our how you want to spend your life .You control your own life you have the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature, you have the power to choose what you want to do and do it well, never let go of what you have"

"Your full of such wisdom ,you know '' he says and I can't help but feel relieved that he is complementing me ,that is something I don't get often .

I lean close to him. His eyes into mine and I can't help feel like the very moment I've been waiting for is finally coming .His lips touch mine and he grabs my hair and holds my hand .The lingering kiss begins .Even though I am scared, this kiss makes me feel special and I never want to let go of the relationship I have between him and I.

Theirs a strange silence as our happiness is erupted with radical noise and before I know it the slaughters have come to finish us off. My worst nightmare.

As tears shed to the extreme .Grain holds my hand and runs away. Trouble is so close that there is no point running but we have too. Finally we reach to a resting area near a lake and we breathe the fresh air. Making sure no one can see us .I return home safely after that but all I know is that mum will be speculating why I am so late and there'll only be more lies to be told and lessons to be taught .

I come home and mum looks like she has just been beaten up .I smile as I notice how close she is too tears .Before I can speak she asks me what I was doing and like usual I say I was trading .

"You were not trading ,the slaughters saw you kissing the president's son they dropped by saying if you're out with him again the whole family is dead , understand" Mum says in a furious voice that I hadn't heard since dad died when all she wanted was to be alone .

I cover my face as a never ending amount of tears crawling down my crimson face. It is the first time I have felt mortified.

"I am sorry, I won't meet him again" I say guilty for causing my family disgrace.

I head to my room as I stare at the looks on my sisters face .They needed nothing to say their faces expressed everything, sadness disappointment, anger and confusion.

Sitting in my bed I pray that I haven't caused my family damage .They don't understand Grane is my only hope ,he is what brings me joy and makes me feel like I have a life . Why am I such distress? I think as I close my eyes and wonder what tomorrow will turn out like.

Chapter three

Grane laughs as he looks at me .It's not a normal laugh instead a wicked laugh that I can't bear to grasp. It melts my heart like butter and leaves me confused.

"This is all been a joke .I don't love you I only wanted to get you in to danger ,see how far you could fall " he says .

I shout at him in pain as the arrow stabs me right in my heart.

"Now I have broken your heart mentally and physically" He jokes, mischievously.

I tumble to the ground as blood poops out of my skin and trickles down my knees.

The scene is disturbed by my awakening .The dream is mesmerising and keeps me haunted. What if this is a sign that he doesn't love me?

As I brush my teeth and wash my pale face I think about the world I was in for all these years. I was in a dream .Why was I so carried away .The only people who honestly love me are my family and all I have done is illustrate how immoral and selfish I am.

"Mum I know I have been selfish but the only way I got our tummies full is by spending time with Grane" I say pleading for forgiveness.

I gaze into mums weary face .She sips her cup of tea and thinks of the canniest answer that can shut me up.

"Would you rather die or have food on the table?" Mum says a little calmer.

I turn around .Even though I could reply; responding to all her statements would only cause a bigger problem.

While walking to school thoughts dance in my mind .The clouds fill with gas and the snow removes the beauty of spring .It is an unusual day where there is no heat and no sunshine. There is a sense that something is going to go wrong. School is going to be over soon, I realise, three months and then I will be able to get a job and live my own life .No one to put me down. Yet something tells me I might not live tell then.

Usually school days form into trouble and chaos today the days are strangly easy .No disusters or teasing .

Although when I get home the atmosphere turns into a mountain of danger. The door has been thrashed open and the smell of fire is fresh and powerful. The only thing I could hear was my heart beat rapidly creating clatter. I rushed into the room and there was the bombshell, easily noticeable, Mums sits on the floor while her arms are tied to the chair beside her. Two men sit beside mum, holding a notebook in one arm and a wooden whip in the other .At first it isn't clear who the men are but as I slowly walk closer I realise that it's Grane's father Rezam and Sedlot his associate . It's clear now that all these years I was setup, Grane must have told his dad about me. My heart floods with sadness and I flush my tears away and quietly walk into my room without letting any of the slaughters eyes off mum .Once I'm in the room I distract them by generating racket . They stumble out of mums sight and I quickly move into the toilet I send the slaughters on a bear hunt by generating more noise After that I tip toe quickly into the dining room and quickly untie mum's arms .The rope has been tangled a thousand times and there is no time to untie it so I grab a knife from the kitchen but … it's too late Rezam and Sedlot cross their arms and stare at me and my very canny ideas .At that moment I wish I was dead. There are so many things that could happen to me right now .My mind is bursting with the worst possible thoughts and I am taken back to the time when an old man was taken to the penance centre and lashed with a belt tell he had engraved pink marks on his back .After that he had a rope chocking his neck and at the same time to make it worse, the slaughters throw shot put balls at him .I closed my eyes for the rest but the memory will never be wiped away .I will always have grief and sadness for him .His family must of cried for ages and now my family will cry over me .