The third part of one of my favorite stories! The family is just too cute! Cute overload! With a side of angst because I am the writer that I am!
Warnings: Tell me if you see any.
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Dumping the last load of laundry onto his bed Deeks sighed his mind working over time. He had taken Isabelle out shopping earlier because he had run out of laundry detergent. How that was possible he didn't know, but it seemed he was always out of it.
That was probably one of the most shocking things that happened when he became a father. He had gone from having to do laundry one or two loads a week to… Honestly, it felt as if he never stopped doing laundry. So much washing.
For the last few years it felt as if his life consisted of either doing laundry or shopping. It had been a little annoying at first considering just how much he hated both of them, but he had grown to deal with it. At least not complain about it until he was hoarse.
He never got very far whenever he did complain and it really didn't make him feel any better. Mostly because he didn't have the time. He was never one to sit on his ass and do nothing, but having to take care of a child was something totally different from what he was used to.
Speaking of children a smile came to his lips as Isabelle came bounding into his bedroom and dropped what looked like all the hangers in her closet. He was completely positive that if he went into her room all of the clothes that he had already put away would be on the floor.
He always loved the way her mind worked, even if he ended up having more work to do. There was just something about the way the world looked through innocent eyes that made him forget everything that he knew.
When he was working he spent a lot of his free time looking for ways to get back to seeing the world was mostly good. After years of seeing the worst of the worst though he had gotten a little jaded to everything.
It was his daughter that had brought the light that he had thought he lost forever back to him. He loved being able to see the good more than he could explain. He loved knowing that she lived in a world that bright.
He had tried to explain that to Kensi, but she had just stared at him like he was crazy. Maybe he was. Both Sam and Michelle had pointed out that a lot of people without kids wouldn't get what he was talking about.
Even after all this time it surprised him just how different life was with a child. It was like the world was completely new. As much as he had loved his world he loved the one she gave him even more. Most of the time.
He had seen scary things in his time. He had been through things that he would never be able to explain. It might be scary, but he had always brushed it off and moved on to the next scary thing like it was nothing.
Then he saw the scary things through his daughter's eyes. If he thought the world was terrifying before then he had no idea how to describe it when she described it. It was so much worse than he had ever seen before.
Every small thing felt like the end of the world to her. Mostly because she didn't understand that there were easy fixes. He could still remember how long it took to calm her down the first time she got a splinter.
He might not have been able to hear her, but the way her face went red as tears streamed down it was forever sketched into his mind. The cop in him wanted to do everything in his power to keep her from ever looking like that again.
It had been his job to make the world safe for her and for everyone else. He had taken pride in knowing that he was good at that one thing. He had been good at making sure that no one felt helpless and if they did he could make them feel safe again. He couldn't do that anymore.
At least not the same as he used to. He wasn't a cop anymore. He didn't carry a gun or have people trusting him to have their backs when they did something dangerous. He didn't have to look over his shoulders fearful that someone was coming after him.
He was a father though. He had a whole different set of fears and worries. It might not be the same as a cop and he might miss what he used to do, but he would never change what happened. He might not have the whole world to keep safe, but he did have her world to keep safe.
That was his job now. Keeping her safe. It was Callen's job to keep the rest of the world safe. It was strange to think, but it actually brought him some comfort knowing that his husband was out there fighting.
As much as he hated not having the man around he knew there was no one better to keep them safe. Callen and the rest of the team knew what they were doing and they wouldn't stop until they got the bad guy.
It was nice to know that they were being kept safe. At least it was for him. Isabelle was a whole other story. She hated when Papa left her. It never failed to put her into tears whenever he walked out the front door.
The first few nights consisted of her racing into his bedroom and burying herself in his chest bawling her eyes out. As best he could understand she had nightmares that he wasn't going to come home again.
Then there was the days. She'd be in the middle of drawing or playing a game and a car would drive by. She'd drop everything that she was doing and race to the front window trying to see her Papa walking up the driveway. That usually ended up in tears as well.
It was heartbreaking to watch the little girl fall apart like that. He tried his hardest to calm her down, but he rarely could. She loved her Papa with all of her heart and he was gone for so long sometimes.
There were even points in time when they were out in the city shopping and he'd see her looking around for Callen. It was sheer luck that they hadn't run into him yet. At least it was luck. Until today.
He had never ended a shopping trip as fast as he did when he saw Callen and Nell walk past the store. In his mind he knew that they were probably just walking past to go somewhere else, but he couldn't risk it.
If they did happen to be undercover or tailing someone and Isabelle saw her Papa everything would be at risk. Which would have meant that guns were going to be involved and someone was going to get hurt and… No.
That was the last thing that he was going to deal with if he could prevent it. So he paid for their things and they had gone home. It was a little paranoid, but it had to be done to keep them all safe from whatever happened to be going on.
It did bring up a very difficult situation. How was he supposed to explain to his child that she couldn't talk to her Papa if they saw him? It wasn't as if he could just tell her not to talk to him and hope that she wouldn't.
Deeks had been trying to think of a way to explain what Callen was doing when he was gone for months. That had been just to put her mind at ease though. This was to keep them safe from whatever case they were working.
He knew that she needed to know the basics, but he also knew that they were scary for people. Young or old. That was the last thing that he wanted to do. How was he supposed to child proof what being an undercover special agent meant?
It wasn't as if he could lie to her about it. Well, he could, but he wouldn't. Lying to her now just meant that he'd have to tell the truth later. She was a kid. She wasn't stupid and he wasn't going to treat her like she was.
Isabelle deserved to know what was going on with Callen and he was going to tell her. Not everything, but he was going to her what he had to. Maybe he should talk to Michelle about this. She had to have the conversation before.
He couldn't believe that this was the hardest thing he had to do. All he was doing was talking to his child. It wasn't as if the was being kidnapped and tortured again. It shouldn't be difficult. Before he could think more a hand tugged on his shirt causing him to look down.
"Daddy?" Isabelle sloppily signed.
"Yes, baby?" he replied out loud kneeling down to her height.
"Is Papa coming home today?"
His shoulders sagged when she said that. By now she should have been used to hearing that question. It was one that she asked him at least once a day. It never failed to make him feel as if he was failing her.
"I don't know," Deeks smiled sadly carding a hand through her hair, "I don't know."
"Why not?" she asked tears gathering in her eyes.
Sighing Deeks picked up his little girl and held her tightly as he sat on the bed. It wasn't the first time that he had had the conversation with her, but this time he knew that it was time for them to have a real talk instead of him placating her.
"Your Papa's work is..." he tried to start before shaking his head, "I mean..."
A small hand cupped the side of face redirecting him to look at her. It was a move that he had to do to her sometimes so he could read her lips. It was something that was so small, but it made his heart swell with pride even as it broke.
"Is Papa okay?" Isabelle asked fear clear in her eyes.
"Yes," he answered instantly hoping that he wasn't lying, "He's okay."
"But he's not coming home?"
"Not yet."
"Why?"
"It's complicated."
"Why?"
"Because… Sweetheart, can you tell me what a police officer's job is?"
"They protect the people from getting hurt by the bad people."
"Exactly right. But what if I told you there are different types of police officer's?"
"Like different types of dogs?"
"Similar to that. Your Papa is what we call an undercover special agent."
"What does that mean?"
"It means… I'm not making this easy, am I?"
"No."
A chuckle fell from his lips when she said that. She looked so serious in that moment. Probably more serious than he had ever seen her. It would have been rather adorable if he had been talking about pretty much anything else.
"Alright, let me try again," he offered with a smile, "The first thing you need to know is that your Papa loves you very much. Okay?"
"I love Papa too," she replied grinning happily, "I love you too, Daddy."
"I love you too, Sweetheart. With all of my heart. Okay, this is where it gets complicated. To do his job your Papa has to play pretend."
"Like how I do when I dress up as a cowboy?"
"Yes, like that. When he does this it's called being undercover. While he's undercover he isn't the person either of us knows. His clothes could change as will his hair and the way he talks. You with me so far?"
"Yeah. He really likes playing dress up."
"That he is. When he's doing this he's not your Papa. Okay?"
"He's not?"
Deeks watched as azure eyes went wide with fear. He knew that he probably hadn't said that in the best way, but he couldn't think of anything else without getting too technical. He really wished he'd talk to Michelle beforehand.
"No," he stated rubbing her back, "You see when he's undercover he has to be someone else. He has to pretend that he is that person. He has to pretend that he doesn't know us."
"Why?" she asked moving closer to his chest.
"Remember what a police officer does? And that there are different types of police officer?"
"Yeah."
"The type of police officer he is is the kind that pretend to be the bad guys."
"Why?"
"Because… You know how you shouldn't talk to strangers?"
"Yes."
"Do you remember why you don't talk to strangers?"
"To be safe."
"It's like that. The bad guys know they're bad. So they don't talk to people they don't trust."
"So, Papa pretends to be bad like them?"
"Right."
"But he's not bad. Right?"
"No, he's not bad."
"Then why does he act like he doesn't know us?"
"To keep us safe from the bad guys. He takes down some very scary people. If they knew that he had a family they would try to hurt us to get to him."
He watched as her mouth fell open in shock and the tears finally won out. Isabelle buried her head in his chest a moment later, but he could feel her body shaking as she sobbed. He hated himself for being the cause, but he didn't have a choice.
As badly as she was taking it he knew that it would be all the worse if she found out any other way. Hell, if she accidentally blew his cover and he got injured in front of her? There was no coming back from that.
Taking a deep breath he gently cupped the side of her face and pulled it away from his chest. With a smile he wiped away the tears and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He needed to tell her everything before she wanted to stop.
"Listen to me," he said staring into her eyes, "I know it sounds scary and I'm sorry that I have to tell you this, Sweetheart. I wish more than anything that I didn't have to, but you need to know these things."
"Why?" Isabelle questioned blinking up at him.
"To keep you safe. To keep him safe. Isabelle, when you see him out on the town… You have to pretend you don't know him."
"Wh-What?"
"I know. I know how it sounds and I hate this. I hate it so much. It's for the best though. It keeps him safe and it keeps us safe."
"I don't..."
"Please, listen. This is a scary situation and I'm not going to pretend it's not."
"He's my Papa."
"That will never change. I told you he loves you?"
"Yes?"
"That is what you need to remember. He does what he does out of love. He does it to keep us safe."
"But I have to pretend not know him!"
"You have to pretend. Tell me what pretend means."
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do. Tell me what it means."
"It mean not real."
"Exactly. It's not real. For one moment you have to pretend not to know him, but as soon as that's over you know what happens?"
"What?"
"He comes home. You hugs you and reads you stories and plays with you. That is real. That's what you need to remember."
"That's not pretend."
"No, that is never pretend."
Isabelle fell silent after that. They sat there for a moment letting his daughter take all the time she needed to try and digest the situation. He was going to need a moment himself when all of this was over with.
"…okay?" she tried to say looking up at him.
"I didn't catch that," Deeks smiled slightly, "Remember to let me see your lips when you talk."
"Sorry. Daddy."
"It's okay. Tough day. You asked if he was okay?"
"Yeah."
"You want to know something really cool?"
"What?"
"Your Papa is good at his job. One of the best. And even cooler than that he doesn't do any of this alone. He has a team that keeps him safe from everything. You know them."
"I do?"
"You do. Auntie Kensi and Uncle Sam are on his team. So are Auntie Nell and Uncle Eric and even Auntie Hetty."
"Wow."
"I know. It's a scary thing knowing what he does, but he's in good hands."
"They'll protect him?"
"They will. Not so scary knowing he's not alone right?"
"Right! But..."
"What?"
"Do I have to pretend not to know them too?"
"You do, but just remember that it's all fake and as soon as they can they'll be back here talking and playing with you. I know it's a lot to ask, but can you be brave and do this?"
"Yeah! I'm brave! Like Papa!"
"Just like Papa. You know what? I'm tired. You tired?"
"So tired."
"Why don't we grab your clothes from off the floor in your room and put them on the bed in here? We'll finish putting them away after a little nap. Sound good?"
"Yeah! Nap time. Do I like naps?"
"You do today. Come on, let's get sleeping."
