Disclaimer: As ever I do not own Criminal Minds

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Penelope frowned again, she knew she shouldn't be feeling like this, it was Derek Morgan, the biggest player she knew, he grabbed women, ate them for dinner and spat them out again. She felt the jealousy rage in her, bouncing off every cell of her being, irritating her, scouring her, torturing her for what she would never have. She would have forgotten about it if she still had Kevin to turn over to, to cuddle in the night, when her mind wouldn't switch off and leave her what little sanity she had left. Except Kevin left, he had a better offer, another job offer that this time he felt was of higher importance to take than the one before, and he didn't tell her until the job was his, so she couldn't interfere and make the job just- well, disappear.

She paced again, she couldn't let this one emotion overrule her and ruin what tatters of a friendship she had left with Derek. She needed to cling onto that, cling onto him, or what little right she had left to cling onto him.

She went into the bathroom, she turned the shower on, placing it on cold, she stripped and her hand brushed over the scar on her side; that had been the beginning of the end really. Her mind paced back to waking up in the hospital, she knew that they would never be able to recover from that. He had put his thoughts out there loud and clear and she had momentarily hated him, her mind then flashed to her laying on the stairs outside the very apartment she was in, how she had lain there praying that Derek would just miraculously turn up and take her hand and take her away from it all, but he didn't because she hadn't trusted her gut and in turn she had gotten hurt just to spite him.

Then came Kevin, admittedly a train wreck of its own, yet she had held onto him, in hope that he was her other half. The one that makes her whole but he wasn't and even if she had tried to make him fit, she'd have been living a lie.

She snapped back into reality looked at the scar she wore permanently, a permanent memory that would forever lead to Derek Morgan. There was no getting away from it, he was on her, he was in her. She got in the shower, did the following rituals of washing and then climbing out pulled a towel protectively around her.

She dressed for bed, ignoring the multiple voicemails begging to be played and climbed into bed. Tomorrow she'd have to show her resolve, laugh on cue, smile when necessary, joke when the tension grew and be Penelope Garcia, everyone's pick me up. The last thought to cross her mind was that no one was here pick me up, she had to do that all on her own.

She literally threw the alarm the next morning, she rolled out of bed, her head still whizzing with thoughts of Derek waking up in bed with the luscious long legged Andrea. As she was making breakfast her head moved to what would occur tonight, after a daylong of the loved up Agent Morgan, she had to sit and watch as he and his new girl played, and teased, and lapped up their new found love. She knew she'd be asked about Kevin, they didn't need to know that he had given her the boot because a job was just so much better than a woman that he professed love for.

All the good men are taken; either that or they're murderers and the other ones just use and abuse in their own styles. Why couldn't she just be one of those women that took the good guys before everyone else she wondered? Her thoughts continued as she grabbed her keys, her purse, her coffee and then she made a plan. If tonight turned sickening, she could play on a sudden onset illness. That way she could just disappear back to her sanctuary, lock the door, curl up and die for the night watching junk on the television and be done with another day. Plus tonight was Friday, she didn't need to technically leave until Monday morning, so she would busy herself and push the green eyed monster as far from her thoughts as possible.

Except walking into work, it raised its ugly head again. There was Andrea, with Derek and Emily having a joke, having fun, she turned on her heels and rushed to her office, praying he hadn't seen her and after a few minutes, she regained her composure, gained her rhythmic breathing and got on. Him not turning up at her door meant he did not notice her, that proved she was of less importance in someone else's life. Usually he watched her in the morning, usually he'd go to her office, usually didn't happen anymore. She wasn't a forethought to him anymore, and she supposed she deserved that, she did go off with Kevin, but what was she suppose to do? He'd never love her unequivocally, like she did him.

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A/N: So I am unsure if to keep this strictly as a Oneshot or continue.... SO let me know what you think and I'll see if my muse will come home for cookies and work its butt off!!

Hope you liked!