Chapter 1: Emotional Health

One chilly second Saturday in November 2017, I met my childhood friends Sarah, James, and Henri at their apartment in Oakland. One of my other friends, Carly Shay and her parents, Sam and Freddie, also joined us. "Hi, guys!" I greeted my friends. "Hi, Angel!" Sarah greeted back. "Does anybody want anything to drink?" James asked. "Just a glass of orange juice, please," I requested. "Boy is it cold outside today," Mr. Benson remarked. "I am not thrilled about this," Mrs. Shay admitted. "Neither am I," Carly agreed. "As much as I love autumn, it can turn into a very moody and, at times, disappointing season." "I felt moody and disappointed when my old girlfriend from high school, Phillis broke up with me," James told us. "I don't blame you, James," Henri agreed. "I would feel that way, too." "This leads to our topic of the day, guys," I told everyone. "Emotional health." "So far, we have been learning about physical, mental, and social health," Sarah told Carly. "Do you guys know what emotional health is?" I asked my friends. "The ability to identify and control emotions and behavior," Sarah replied. "The ability to show resilience in troubling situations," James added. "The ability to build strong and lasting relationships," Henri chimed in. "Good," I remarked. "Now, why is it important to be able to identify and control our emotions?" "In order to be healthy and not self-destruct things," Henri replied. "So you don't say things you don't mean," James answered. "In order to make a good impression on people," Sarah added. "To maintain friendships," Carly added. "You could hurt people both physically and mentally," Mrs. Shay answered. "Mr. Benson, do you think this is easy to do?" I asked. "No, because it is hard to identify and control them," Mr. Benson replied. "What gets in the way of us being able to realize how we are feeling?" I asked. "I would say feeling too many things at once." "Sometimes you are overwhelmed by a feeling," Henri pointed out. "Social expectations, like showing emotions as a sign of weakness or feeling embarrassed," James added. "Your relationship with the other person, like being upset with a parent and asking 'Should I feel this way?'" Sarah replied. "What gets us in the way of being able to control our emotions?" I asked Carly and her parents. "I would say the power of the feeling when you are overloaded and cannot switch gears." "Not being able to identify your feelings," Mr. Benson pointed out. "Highly stressful situations," Mrs. Shay added. "Impulsitivity," Carly replied. "How could I increase my emotional intelligence, guys?" I asked. "You could practice observing how you feel by taking time in your day to notice your feelings and trying to determine where those feelings came from," Sarah told me. "You could reflect on how you respond to your feelings, as this helps identify your strengths and weaknesses, both of which are important to understand," James added. "Write in a journal," Mrs. Shay added. "Take deep breaths," Carly added. "Talk to friends, family, and/or health care providers," Henri chimed in. "Practice mindfulness," Mr. Benson chimed in. "Nice, Mr. Benson," I agreed. "Mindfulness is the ability to know what is going on in your head without getting carried away by it. It can also help us increase our emotional intelligence by thinking more clearly. Any other ways?" "It can get us out of sticky situations," Mr. Benson replied. "It allows us to plan more and to take the best course of action," Mrs. Shay added. "It also helps us make better decisions," Carly added. Carly and her parents had an Emotions Exercise for us to do. I talked about how to turn nervousness into courage, by taking outings in the cold weather and showing bravery. "Now, let's talk about resilience," I told my friends. "Resilience is defined as the ability to bounce back from life's hardships. Do you know why it is important?" "When things can or do go wrong, but if you can weather them you can thrive," Sarah pointed out. "You can continue to live a happy and healthy life," James added. "You can learn how to be flexible in certain situations," Henri chimed in. "Tell me about a time that you have been resilient," I instructed Carly and her parents. "When I was 14 years old, around the holidays, I had a lot of things to do, but was unable to do them all, and I was okay with that," Carly told me. "That same time, I walked the dogs and a groundhog bit me, and I was able to calmly call for help," Mr. Benson told me. "On Thanksgiving Day, I was reading the wrong recipe for a pumpkin pie, so I problem solved by baking an apple pie instead," Mrs. Shay told me. "Good," I remarked. "Now, how can I increase my resilience?" "Try, fail, learn, and try again because it is okay to fail since failure teaches us," Sarah told me. "Think about things that helped cope in the past," James added. "Think about good things in your life," Carly told me. "Think of solutions to the issues at hand," Mrs. Shay added. "Know your strengths and be okay with not doing everything perfectly," I pointed out. "Practice mindfulness," Mr. Benson chimed in. "Talk to family, friends, and/or a health care provider," Henri chimed in. Carly and her parents also had a strengths exercise by making a collage of our strengths. Since Thanksgiving was coming up, I made a collage of my favorite comfort foods. "Lastly, how can I build strong relationships?" I asked. "Don't take relationships for granted," Sarah told me. "See how you can help a friend in trouble," James added. "Spend time with those important people," Henri pointed out. "Communicate often," Mr. Benson chimed in. "Support their dreams," Mrs. Shay added. "Make your friendship a priority," Carly pointed out. "Limit expectations," Henri chimed in. "Listen," Mrs. Shay added. "Let things go," Carly replied. "Good job, guys," I praised. "Now, we do not have to be so moody and disappointed. Especially with you and Phillis, James." "I still feel bad that she can't come home for Thanksgiving this year," James told me. "Do you guys want to join me, Emily, and Erin for a sample Thanksgiving dinner in Shadyside?" I asked. "That's okay, Angel," Carly told me. "Maybe some other time." Pretty soon, it was time for me to leave. "Thanks for a great day, guys!" I thanked my friends. "You're welcome, Angel," Sarah replied. "Bye, guys!" "Bye!"