Well, here's a quick little 3-o'clock-in-the-morning moment of depression. Enjoy! (This has absolutely nothing to do with me only just realising I've moved house and I'll not see my best friend again for a long time. Nope, nothing at all.)

Disclaimer: Not mine, never has been, never will be. Oh, and the title's from a Fairport Convention song.

Who Knows Where The Time Goes?

"Moony, I..."

He's not really sure why he didn't say it.

Perhaps it was the way Remus's hair was falling into his eyes. Perhaps it was the look Lily had given him just before she left their flat with James, Harry, and all the baby paraphernalia imaginable in tow. Perhaps it was because he was slightly drunk on chocolate sauce and sex. Or perhaps it was something to do with the fact that they were fast becoming nothing more than lucky survivors.

"I... Remus, I..."

But those three words never come out.


"I've done my waiting."

He means so much more than he says. This isn't about killing Peter. This isn't about clearing his own name. This isn't even about telling Harry what he deserves to know. This is Sirius realising that, thirteen years later, after thirteen wasted years, he's still not strong enough to say it.


"Well, she's a good kid- I'm pleased for you, man."

He knows Remus has found someone else. He's slightly flattered that it's a relation, a beloved relation, of his. But it hurts- shit, it hurts- to know that he's going to lose him all over again. And he can't have him back this time. No more ecstatic tumbles in the broom cupboard for Moony and Padfoot. Because Remus was strong; strong enough to build a proper life, with a wife, and a family, and maybe even, one day, (if one day ever comes) a dog. And Sirius loves him all the more for it.


He did try. He tried to tell Remus. He tried so many times. But, hell, Sirius isn't really sure why he tries do anything these days. All he knows is that it felt good being with Remus, and it felt a bloody sight better than being alone. He loved James, and Lily, and Harry. He loves Remus more than any of them. And, for a stupid, endless moment, he thought if he never said it, it might not be true. Because if one thing's for sure, the things Sirius loves have a way of being lost.

FIN

I don't even know where this came from- but I'd sure like to hear if it made sense. Review?