Soooooo, hey guys~ This idea just totally whammed me in the face one day, and i thought it was good, so i wrote it! :D I kinda am not the proudest of this chapter, but i literally already wrote it three times, and i like this version the best, so I'm gonna use it! Whoo~ I promise it'll get better and make more sense later on! Like, the writing will get better next chapter, i swear.
Hope was nearly lost, and the pain of it all was starting to sink in. He knew it was a very common stereotype to blame ones self for this sort of thing, but in his case, it really was his fault. All of the fault was his. All of it. And there wasn't a god dammed thing he could do about it. Now, all of his friends were cursed, along with himself branded...as monsters. The cruel twist of fate that had brought them to what they were today, was his fault. The curse that had left him and his friends warped and twisted.
God, his past self was such an arrogant fool, so righteous and egotistical. He was such a moron, completely indulged with himself, and he disregarded everyone else. How he had even retained friends was beyond him. And then that...that trickster showed up at his doorstep. An old woman, desperately pleading for him to let her inside, but he didn't. Not because she was old and disgusting, though she certainly was, it was because she looked...off. Like she would start going off and stabbing people in the god damn eye any second. But no, he couldn't reject her 'nicely,' he had to go and do it in the rudest way possible. God, did he really even expect anything else from himself, though?
Ironically enough, it had been someone that he should have been avoiding. Unluckily for everyone, she had found him.
Her disgusting exterior had melted away into a sort of deadly beauty that seemed to come naturally to her. She had been tall, elegant, cloaked in shadows, and the only thing he could see was her glittering black eyes, and the dress that looked like the nighttime sky had been transformed into. And she had taken everything away from him-from them.
The painful transformation into what he had become had been burned into his mind. His skull felt like it was exploding, and his hands cracked and elongated. All his joints had popped, and sounded like gunfire, and he felt a horrible burning sensation in his skin. Ripping and peeling sensations were littered all over his body, and there were just never ending tides of pain that lapped at his consciousness.
Death would have been a blessing to the horrible pain he had been put through.
There was only one good thing about this situation, and that was that everyone was brought even closer to each other than before.
He gazed stoically out one of the many windows in his castle, wondering when.
When would he finally give up.
When would he realize that no one was ever going to save him.
When would he notice that things were only getting worse.
When would he see that hope is something worthless?
It sucks you dry, occupying your every thought. It's worse than giving up, because when you give up, you don't feel. When you can't feel pain or sorrow or happiness it's easier on the mind. Hope is everything bad, everything terrible. It's good for nothing but endless agony, and it does nothing but fester deep in your chest. It feels great, but when that sudden realization comes crashing down-that no one can ever help you-it's like dying. And then you keep dying, because your hope keeps getting renewed, it's an endless cycle of pain.
But the pain is what keeps him sane. He'd rather feel than not, he'd rather cry everyday than to never feel anything ever again. He was a leader, the one person that everyone depended on. He needed to be strong for them, if not for himself. Losing hope was easy, cowardly. It took a real man to do what he has; to keep hope in the darkest of places, to return from the depths of his self-loathing to help everyone.
To be happy.
Happiness, the cruelest of emotions.
It seems so easy to be happy, it does, but when everything precious has been taken from you, when you realize that you have nothing left...to be happy then is heroic. It comes to you, finally, and you feel it's wings lifting you up, but that only makes it worse when you fall down again.
A single tear leaks out of the corner of his eye, blood red, for reasons unbeknownst to him. Suddenly a speck of movement draws his eye to the gates. Someone was coming in.
Someone was coming.
He stood up violently, knocking over his chair in the process, the inner musings of his mind instantly forgotten. Dinner was being made, and no doubt that whoever it was, was hungry. He ran for the stairs, going as fast as he could, skidding across the marble flooring as he ran. He burst into the main dining hall and everyone looked at him.
"Someone's at the main gate," he breathed.
Everything became silent, and no one moved. A single, sturdy knock resounded through the door. Then, without warning, the door was being opened.
"Hello? Anyone here?" The voice itself sounded rather cool and collected, almost monotonous in its own way. Everyone hid because no one wanted him to leave. Every person, except one.
A man with pale hair and skin walked through the entryway. His eyes landed on the beast, and he screamed. Sudden anger filled the beast, he wanted nothing more than to break the stupid boy. Tears of rage filled his eyes, and his sharp teeth were making little cuts in his lip. His claws were digging into his palms, almost hard enough to draw blood. He slowly walked the human back into the wall, lifting one fist into the air. The boy had gone silent, and fear was making him smaller.
"If you're going to kill me, at least make it quick." The words were meant to sound strong, but they sounded hollow. He didn't want to die today.
"Karkat, don't."
He felt the hand of Terezi on his shoulder. His fist dropped, limp, at his side. He angrily wiped at the mess on his face. "Take him to the dungeons or some shit."
"What about a room?"
"That works too." He turned to look at the cowering boy. "Get your sorry ass out of my sight."
Thankfully he could follow orders, and he left with Terezi. Karkat himself followed, and went to his room again.
He had no idea what he had been expecting from the human. He had forgotten the shock his appearance cause, he himself having already being desensitized.
It didn't matter. And that's what he keeps forgetting.
No matter how much he wants it, no matter how hard he can try, nobody with a reaction like that will ever fall in love with him. It was just another stupid mistake. But perhaps one day, someone will find him, and react with something besides fear and disgust.
Whoop. You made it through the shit-fest! Good for you! Seriously, good for you. That was kind of terrible, especially near the end...
In case you did like it, i have a tumblr that keeps track my writing and how im doing! It's : homestuckmonsterfanfic . tumblr . com
so original, I know. Anyways, i just put it there, and i don't really expect anyone to follow it this early in the story, but if you do, that's great! :D
~Sammi :D
