Magnus was lying on a small black couch in his apartment, staring at the gray ceiling with tired eyes. He was always tired now. Ever since two months ago when he had left Alec, his warm beacon of light that always seemed to lift him up when he felt terrible, his energy had been drained. He couldn't sleep, it was impossible without the soft arms of his Shadowhunter wrapped around him. The bed felt cold; colder than it ever had been. He spent most nights with his head on Alec's pillow, trying to make sense of what had happened. He didn't want to leave him, he never had, but what Alec did was unforgiveable . . . wasn't it?
He wanted to be mad at Alec, he wanted to hate him, and he knew that he should. But he couldn't bring himself to. There was no being mad at Alec, and there was certainly no hating him. He didn't know how to hate him. He had no idea how to stay angry with him or how to continue living without admitting that he had forgiven the younger boy. He just wanted him back, but he was terrified. What if Alec did something like this again? What if he tried to kill him? And worst of all, what if he didn't want to come back?
The thought of never being with Alec again made Magnus's heart constrict painfully in his chest. Alec could have found someone else. He could not want to be with Magnus at all, no matter what he said or did. Magnus shuddered. He couldn't bear the idea of Alec with someone that wasn't him. Was this how Alec felt when he thought of all of Magnus's previous lovers? It must have been, and the warlock felt a sudden rush of guilt when he realized what he had put Alec through. He had been so cold and closed whenever his past was brought up, when he should have been open and truthful. Alec had deserved to know, and Magnus being so secretive must have made it even worse for him.
His thoughts were harshly interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. He reached into his pocket and pulled it out, fully prepared to hit the reject button, but he stopped when he saw the screen. Isabelle. What could she possibly want? He stared at the phone in confusion for a moment before reluctantly hitting answer. He didn't want to talk to anyone, but if Isabelle was calling him it had to be something important, and it could very well involve Alec.
"Hello?" He answered, trying to keep his voice as cold as possible.
"M-Magnus!" Isabelle exclaimed. Her voice was hysterical, and Magnus could tell that she was sobbing violently. "Y-you have . . . you have to come . . ." Her voice was cut off as she cried.
"Isabelle," he said, his voice lighter now, "What is it? What's wrong?" He was worried, Isabelle never cried, especially not in front of anyone. If she was crying and letting him hear it, it had to be important. He knew that he had said time and time again that he was only helping the Lightwoods and the Shadowhunters because of Alec, but over time he had come to care for the others, even though he tried to not let it show.
"It's A-Alec . . . he's hurt . . ." She said, breathing heavily.
"What happened?" Magnus said quickly, instantly sitting up on the couch. His heart began to beat rapidly, as fast as a normal human heart, and he clutched to the cell phone like it was the only thing keeping him alive.
"I don't know, I just found him like this," Isabelle said, her sobs slowing as she tried to speak. "He's losing so much blood . . . I can't stop it," She added quietly, her voice shaking.
"Isabelle, where are you?" Magnus asked, trying to keep himself calm. He could get there fast enough. He could heal Alec. He had to.
"The end of Burlingham road. P-please come quickly . . . I can't lose him."
"I'm coming right now, do what you can while you wait," Magnus said, snapping his phone shut. Burlingham road wasn't far; he could run there faster than he could create a Portal. He burst out the door and began to sprint down the road, pushing past pedestrians and jumping between vehicles, angry drivers honking their horns at him. He couldn't bring himself to care about that. Alec was hurt – dying, by the sound of Isabelle's voice – and all he could think was that he needed to save him.
Magnus ran around the corner as fast as he could, his head spinning. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Alec. His body lay crumpled on the sidewalk, an unimaginable amount of blood surrounding him. The bright red stood out harshly against his pale white skin, making Magnus physically cringe at the sight. Isabelle knelt next to Alec gently running her fingers through his hair. Her entire body shook with silent sobs and there were tears steadily streaming down her face.
"Alec . . ." Magnus whispered, his heart lurching in his chest as he fell to his knees next to the Shadowhunter's broken body. He leant down and placed a hand over Alec's mouth, a small wave of relief washing over him when he felt the ghost of a breath come from his lips. "He's alive, Isabelle. Oh god, he's alive."
Isabelle nodded and gave Magnus a weak smile, standing up and pulling out her phone. "I'm g-going to call my parents. They h-have to kn-know." She stammered, taking a few steps back from Alec and Magnus and looking down at her brother sadly as she began to talk to Maryse.
Magnus placed Alec's head in his lap as she talked, pressing a soft kiss to his pale forehead. He peeled Alec's shirt off of his bloody stomach to get a better look at the wound, gasping when he saw the deep, bleeding gash across his torso. It was bad, far too bad for Magnus or anyone else for that matter to be able to fix. But that sure as hell wasn't going to stop him from trying.
"Everything is going to be okay, Alec, I promise," he whispered, running his hands lightly over the wound and attempting to use his magic to heal it. It wasn't working fast enough to stop the steady flow of blood and ultimately save the boy's life, but Magnus wouldn't stop until Alec stopped breathing. "I know I was an idiot and I never should have done what I did to you and I am so, so sorry. I need you, okay? I can't live like this anymore. I miss your scent in the apartment, I miss sleeping with you in my arms, and most of all I miss just being with you whenever I want to. So when this is all done and you're alright we're going to figure this out, and we're going to be together again. Because if I have to live another day without you there, I'm going to go insane. I love you, Alec. I love you so much. I always have and I always will. You're not going to die, Alexander. You're going to make it, I swear."
But he didn't make it.
And Magnus Bane was never the same again.
