A/N: A gift for Miss Harmony Winters, who asked for a Sven/Lance fic. I don't own them, just borrow them on occasion.
Nothing scares me. I've made a reputation out of that, of doing the wildest, most reckless things in and out of a cockpit. Nerves of steel, too. So, my hands shaking on Red's controls? Leftover adrenaline from the fight with that Iron Maiden bitch. Same with the knot my guts have tied themselves into. Not nerves at seeing HIM again, and sure as hell not fear of what he's gonna say to me. I don't get scared, and I'm never nervous. Yeah. Keep telling yourself that, McClain.
When I land on Pollux, he's standing there with his arm around that princess, Romelle. It's obvious they're a couple, and I have to swallow a lump in my throat. I thought he loved me; I damn sure still love him. I should've known, I guess; choice between a beautiful princess and me is no contest. I know how fucked up I am. . . Still, it hurts more than I imagined to see him with the woman he so clearly loves more than me. Fuck.
God, he's changed. I know the others don't think so, but not even Keith knows Sven as well as I do. He's . . . not quite sane anymore, and God help me, it's my fault.
I don't even remember what we fought about that morning; I do know it was some stupid shit I started, trying to be all badass. We were still pissed at each other when we escorted the Princess down to the village; guess that's why I was stupid enough to run after Haggar's damned cat. I should've been dead; hell, I thought I WAS dead, until Sven showed up with that sword, bailing me out as always. Then, to come back with Keith, to find him laying there in the dirt, with way too much damned blood under him. . . I thought I was watching him die, right there, and still couldn't say what I needed to. Not with Keith there watching. Yeah, I know, it sounds lame, even to me. That's the McClain ego for you.
I couldn't find the words when he was on Ebb, and then he was lost on Doom, where no words could reach him anyway. So, I lost him, Romelle found him and claimed him for her own. No more than I deserve, leaving him to face Haggar, never telling him that I was sorry, that I loved him and wanted to spend my life with him. Gotta fuck up everything, don't you, McClain? Guess the old man was right, after all.
Dinner's fast becoming a nightmare; Sven is doing all his talking to Romelle, coaxing her to eat and whispering things that I can't hear. Keith and Allura are doing their usual "pretend we don't have the hots for each other" dance, and all of a sudden I just can't take any more. I get up and leave the room; not like anybody's going to notice I'm gone.
I find my way out to the garden, and, safe from prying eyes, can finally let out the hurt that started building-hell, let's be honest; it started when I watched them carry Sven onto the medivac to Ebb. I thought I lost him then; now I know I've lost him for good. Damn.
