This is my first-ever fanfic, unless you count the ones that I've written that don't go with any certain shows. Well, part of it, anyway. Things keep getting in my way. Like the fact that I've been multi-tasking for the past week. Any who. Well, here it is. Hope you like it. The story does go along the lines of Gundam Seed. Also, thanks to Gundam Seed Net for having a list of the characters so I could reference! I had no clue about how some of the names were spelled. Please note: The only person I own here is Kaya. I do not and never will own Gundam Seed or any of the other characters or gundams. Also, please let me know if I make any mistakes as far as the facts go, especially during any of the fights or flashbacks. Thanks! This is my first fanfic, so please rate it and review it. Oh, and you may not understand the title now, but it will all fall into place soon enough. That does remind me: I got a few reviews for this fanfic which gave certain suggestions:

Chibi Fyrefly- I do fully understand the fact that it is Ensign now; I didn't know that before. However, I'll leave it up to the people who review this story to decide whether I should leave it as Anson or change it. (That's another thing I ask of you, if you have an opinion and would like to share it go ahead!) Thanks for the review.

CrimsonEnchantress- Thanks for your review. I've submitted a review to your Cinderella story explaining what you pointed out, and hopefully I'll have the mistakes corrected before the weekend is over.

These suggestions are being put into practice as quickly as they can. Hopefully after I make the changes it will be easier to understand. Also, CrimsonEnchantress asked about descriptions, and upon another re-edit, descriptions will be added. For now, I'll give Kaya's(you'll find out who she is later in the story) description. I know things are easier to understand if you have some sort of visual. Oh, one more thing. There may be a few spoilers in this story, but if there are I haven't found them yet.

Character Bio:

Name: Kaya Misumi

Age: 16

Height: 5' 4"

Gundam Piloted: When Kaya does pilot the gundam in battle, it is usually the Strike, with Kira's close watch. That's how she ended up how she did in the first chapter in the first place. Other than that, she pilots the Sky Grasper.

Hair: black with silver streaks

Eyes: midnight blue

Uniform: Same as Fllay's and Miriallia's. The pink, white, and black one with knee socks and . . . I guess you could call them moccasins.

Other: Kaya wears a necklace around her neck with the Japanese sign for life suspended from the silver chain. As far as her attitude goes: she's a really nice girl, but Kaya is also very sensitive about death, as her father died when she was ten. So far, she's never experienced SEED-mode(or "berserker-mode," as some call it), but that will change.

Chapter One: Remember

History of current time in Gundam Seed fanfic: At the present time, Naturals and Coordinators are still in battle with each other as the war rages on with no end in sight. Emotions are running high between the crew on the Archangel of the Earth Alliance and the ones aboard the Laurasia Class of Zaft. During a fight between Zaft mobile suits Blitz, Buster, Duel, and Aegis and Earth Forces mobile suits Mobius Zero and Strike, a new addition to the Archangel- a coordinator known as Kaya Misumi- is piloting the Strike with Kira Yamato's close guidance. However, when all Zaft gundams but the Buster take the Strike on during an attempt to severely damage the Archangel(which is monitored and cancelled by Mwu la Fraga in the Mobius Zero), Kaya becomes overwhelmed by certain tasks which she cannot perform quickly enough and the confined space inside the Strike. Kira is forced to take over and both sides retreat, having sustained heavy damage. Now, as Kira tries to keep control of these sudden events, he becomes mixed up in emotions and begins to think about others' perspective on the war as well as his own . . .

Two of the closest friends in the whole world.

The memory came back to her now, but it was fading faster than the sunlight at dusk. The face she had thought never to be forgotten dying slowly, cast away from her by the problems she had experienced and witnessed, in others as well as herself.

No, she thought, no, you can't leave me. I need you . . . now more than ever . . . please don't leave me . . .

"Kira . . . " The word, inaudible to others in the room, escaped from her lips without her knowing it, she was so deep in her sleep and slipping deeper with every second.

He was laughing, a bright, comforting smile on his face . . . why couldn't she remember him? Kira Yamato had always been there for her, so kind and compassionate, serious when he needed to be, a joker when he didn't . . . if only she could see him again, look into his eyes.

"She's drenched in sweat, what should we do?"

"Shh, you'll wake her. For now, we can only try to keep her hydrated, and if we can bring her fever down, it should help tremendously."

"That accident came at a really bad time, I'm worried about her." Kira whispered.

"Don't worry, Kira. Kaya has a strong heart, she's a coordinator like you," the doctor reassured him. "You may come back and visit her in a few hours. In the meantime, you should get some rest. That was a hard battle you fought against Zaft. If anything arises, I'll let you know." Kira nodded and left the room silently.

You have no idea how hard, he thought, walking back to his room. I almost killed one of my best friends.

"Athrun . . . "

Fllay ran up to Kira, embracing him tightly. "Oh, Kira, thank goodness you're all right! Captain Murrue wouldn't tell me what happened . . . I saw you out there fighting. Defending us all . . .

Kira's expression revealed shock, but it soon faded. He lowered his eyes, wrapping his arms around her. "Oh, Fllay. I'm sorry," he said quietly. Fllay looked at him. "Kira, what are you sorry about? What happened?"

Kira sighed. "Fllay, I-" He stopped, unable to say what had happened to Kaya. Choking back tears, Kira pulled away.

"Kira. What is it? What's wrong?" Fllay asked, reaching out for him. Kira stepped gently away from her hand.

"I-I'm not in the mood right now, Fllay." He opened the door to his room and stepped inside, shutting it. Kira wanted to be alone. For now. Fllay pulled her hand back, staring at the door.

Sorry I couldn't protect you when I should have. Sorry that we all have to go through this. Sorry that we're still fighting this war when the only thing we're accomplishing is the committed murder of others. Athrun . . .

Kira fell back onto his bed, closing his eyes. He suddenly felt sick as flashes of other fights returned to him, haunting him. His battles before Kaya had come. It seemed like forever ago. "Go away," he whispered, but they would not.

Kira took a hard blast upwards, the thrusters on the Strike kicking in fast. The Aegis followed his every move, Athrun inside it.

"Face it! You're one of us, Kira!" Athrun yelled over the radio. Kira frowned. "No! I won't join Zaft!" he yelled back, turning and firing at the Aegis. It dodged smoothly and paused in midair. Athrun seemed to be considering something. There was nothing on the radio for a long time. Finally, Athrun spoke.

"Fine then. If you won't join Zaft, Kira . . . I'm left with no choice. I'm going to have to take you down. For good."

Fllay was crying into someone's shoulder, Kira couldn't tell who it was. He was standing there, along with some of his friends and others he also didn't see.

Fllay glared at him angrily. "You didn't try to stop them or protect us," she cried, tears forming as she looked into his eyes. "It's because you're a coordinator, too!"

Kira remembered the shock he'd felt when she said that, wondering how she had known. And it hurt.

Now, in the present, Kira sighed and turned over to face the wall, staring out the window into endless space.

Athrun . . . why did you join Zaft? The answer was probably simple. It was probably for the same reason Kira had joined the Earth Forces. Kira felt obligated to protect the people on the Archangel, as he had stated to Athrun in another previous battle . . .

"Kira! Why are you still fighting against me? Why are you protecting the Archangel?!" Athrun yelled.

Kira frowned. "I feel obligated to protect the people on that ship," he replied softly, activating his thrusters and attacking the Aegis. His voice grew louder as he spoke again, delivering a sharp blow to Athrun's mobile suit, "My friends are on that ship!"

A light knock on Kira's door made him open his eyes. "Come in." The door opened, and there stood Cagalli, amber eyes and all. She floated in as Kira sat up, turning to her.

"Hey, Kira. I saw your battle with Athrun and the others. I'm sorry about Kaya. I . . . I don't really know what to say about the whole thing," she said, sitting down beside him. Kira sighed.

"You don't have to say anything. It's okay," he lied, even though in his heart Kira knew it was far from okay. He was fighting his best friend-his childhood best friend-and it was keeping him from the ones he loved.

Cagalli smiled slightly, standing up and walking to the door, then pausing. "Well, I just had to make sure you were okay. You've been fighting for a while now with the Earth Forces, and it seems to make you . . . different." She sighed. "Watch out for yourself, okay? The Archangel can't afford to lose one of its best fighters," she said, then continued out. Kira stared after her.

She's right. I can't keep fooling myself into thinking it's okay. Because it isn't. It never will be, not until the war is over.

Kira turned away from the door, his head down as the tears came.

The little girl . . . she gave me that flower, and I . . . I couldn't . . .

"I'm scared," the little girl whispered, staring out the window. Fllay bent down and pulled the girl into a hug, looking up at Kira. The girl looked up as well.

"Don't be scared. Kira will save us. He'll protect us all." She smiled. The little girl laughed and gave him the small pink flower. "Really?" "Really."

Kira hit the wall with his fist angrily, his teeth clenched as angry tears slid down his face. "I couldn't . . . I didn't protect them like I said I would . . . I . . . "

"OPEN YOUR EYES, KIRA!!! You don't belong with the Earth Forces! You're only holding off the inevitable!" Athrun yelled.

"What am I supposed to do? Stand aside and let you destroy innocent lives? I can't let them just die like that! It isn't right!" Kira screamed back.

"Kira! You are a coordinator, you belong with us!"

"I'm not going to join Zaft! EVER!!"

Kira looked up. The flower was no longer there, as it used to be. It had been lost in an extreme battle a while ago.

He shrugged off the memories as his feeling of unease dicipated slightly. He floated out of his room into the hall and turned left, deciding to go down to the docking bay. On his way, he ran into Mwu la Fraga and stopped in the hall.

"Hey kid. You look a little distressed, everything all right?" he asked, stepping back to look Kira over. Kira did not turn away.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he responded.

"That was some battle you fought. Oh, the doctor told me to tell you . . . " Fraga stopped, then continued. "Kaya's awake."

Kira ran down the hallway, altering his original course. "Thanks!" he called to Fraga, who was left staring after him.

"That kid's definitely got a big heart."

Kira opened the door and stepped inside, colliding with the second in command. He stood up quickly and helped her up. "Lieutenant Badgiruel," he said quickly, saluting. She saluted him as well and dropped her hand by her side.

"Anson Yamato. Glad to see you can still walk." Kira stared at her for a second, then blinked.

"I'm sorry about what happened earlier, I-"

"Just don't let it happen again." She walked out of the room crossly. Kira stared after her, then sighed and lowered his eyes.

"Don't mind her, she isn't herself today," the doctor smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder. "She was just yelled at for not giving you orders to retreat earlier."

Kira looked up at him. "Yes, sir." He turned to the bed that Kaya rested on.

"Kira!" she cried, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm so glad, I . . . I thought I would never see you again."

Kira returned the hug and smiled. "I'm glad you're all right," he responded.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be? I can't just let you fight on your own, it wouldn't seem right." Kaya laughed.

At that moment, the door opened and Fllay walked in, perhaps by coincidence. She stopped immediately, her eyes intently focused on Kira and Kaya. They both released each other and turned to Fllay.

Fllay frowned, staring at Kira with a second of hate, then tore out of the room, her teeth clenched. Kira stood up and ran after her. "Fllay, wait, I-"

Kaya put her hands in her lap and watched, blinking her midnight blue eyes.

What's going on between those two? she thought, standing up and walking out of the room.

"Fllay, wait, please! Let me explain!" Kira cried, running after her. They entered the café, where Sai, Miriallia, Kazui, Cagalli, and Mwu la Fraga were seated eating. They looked up as soon as Kira and Fllay had run inside. Fllay stopped at a table and turned around, an angry look on her face.

"Explain what, that you've been cheating me?" she yelled angrily. Then she embraced him and began crying. "Kira . . . I love you, I can't believe you would do something like that! I worry about you when you're fighting, always! I. ." She broke down, sobbing into the shoulder of his uniform. Kira put his arms around her lightly but did not return the embrace.

"Fllay," he said softly, his purple eyes downcast, "Let's stop this. It isn't like that. It's never been that way. Not between us, and not with her. Kaya is a long-term friend, I've known her for a while now."

Fllay pulled away from him, glaring. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her voice shaking. "You don't love me?" Then before Kira could answer, she slapped him across the face and ran out of the room to her quarters, angry tears streaming down her face. Everyone watched Kira. Fraga whistled.

"Kira, what happened?" Sai asked, standing up as he focused his eyes on Kira with concern. His face was pulled into a light frown.

Kira lowered his gaze to the floor and sighed, not saying anything.

Fllay . . .

"You didn't try to stop them or protect us . . . It's because you're a coordinator, too!" Fllay's voice echoed in Kira's head again.

"Kira." Sai said, more firmly. Kira looked up. "Sai. I-"

"Don't." Sai walked out of the room stiffly. The door closed behind him, and Kira sat down slowly, putting his head in his hands.

I guess Sai still has feelings for Fllay.

Cagalli stood up and walked over to the table he was at, sitting down and watching him for a long time. "Kira," she said softly, studying his face. He did not respond. "Kira, what's going on?" Kira tightened his grip. Cagalli frowned. "Kira, answer me!" Still Kira did not respond.

"Cagalli, let him alone," Fraga said, taking the bite of pasta he'd had poised in the air and swallowing, "He's had a rough day." Cagalli leaned back in her chair and sipped a soda, continuing to study Kira's face.

All these emotions aren't going to help me fight, but . . . I can't help it. Fllay thought . . . she . . . Kaya and I are only friends, nothing more. I just wish Fllay would believe that . . .

At that moment, Kaya entered the café and smiled. "Hi, everyone!"

"Ah, so the sleeping beauty finally awakes," Fraga said, returning the smile. "You were out for quite some time. Kira-" He stopped and returned to his meal.

Kaya looked at Fraga, then turned her gaze to Kira. "I heard the argument," she said quietly.

Kira looked up.

"I'm sorry, Kira. I didn't realize that you were . . . " she trailed off, sitting down. "Please forgive me."

Kira sighed. "We're not. We never were. Fllay just thought that we were. Don't be sorry," he said, standing up. "It wasn't your fault."

They were interrupted as an alarm went off and the Lieutenant's voice sounded over the loudspeaker. "All hands, level one battlestations! Anson Yamato and Mwu la Fraga, please report to the docking bay at once!" Everyone stood up and ran out of the room. Fraga and Kira exchanged glances and followed the others, taking a left instead of continuing on.

"Hey, good luck, kid," Fraga said, putting on his helmet and jumping into the cockpit of the Mobius Zero, moving into position.

Kira nodded, "Thank you." He placed the turquoise and white helmet over his own head and jumped into the cockpit of the Strike, also getting into position. Fraga launched.

"This is the Strike, ready for launch."

"Strike, you're clear for launch. Good luck." Mariallia's voice responded over the radio in a clear tone. Kira could tell she wasn't worried.

The Strike pushed forward and floated away from the Archangel into space. Kira activated the thrusters and examined the screen.

"Kira, we've detected three gundams headed your way. The Buster, Duel, and Aegis. They're about thirty degrees east of you," Sai's voice crackled over the radio.

Kira nodded and turned east, continuing to watch the screen in front of him. There were the three gundams of Zaft, just as Sai had said. Kira frowned.

Dearka, Yzak, and Athrun, he thought, watching them. They're probably going to try and take down the Archangel . . . I have to protect the ship.

Suddenly, all the Gundams moved in different directions. The Buster went to the right toward the Archangel, the Duel went left a little ways behind the Strike, and the Aegis- not surprisingly, Kira thought- headed straight for him. Kira manipulated the controls to the Strike quite well, pulling the beam saber and wielding it. Just before the Aegis reached the Strike, it turned up sharply, causing the Strike to back up.

Kira tightened his grip on the controls as a strong force hit the Strike from behind. Turning around, Kira saw that it was the Duel gundam. The Strike had been attacked with the Duel's beam saber. His eyes widened as Yzak laughed.

"I wish I could see the face of the Strike pilot right now," he laughed. "Yzak, stay focused," came Athrun's voice.

The Strike turned and attacked the Duel, causing something crucial to blow up. "Quickly Yzak, return to the ship!" Athrun yelled.

"No way! I'm not finished yet!" Yzak responded angrily, attacking the Strike. Strike managed to move out of its way.

"Hey, kid!" someone yelled. Kira looked up as a video message appeared on the screen. It was Fraga in the Mobius Zero gundam. "Hey, kid, you all right?" he asked.

Kira nodded. "Fine."

"Look out!" Fraga yelled. Kira turned just in time to see the Aegis pull the beam saber and slash it at the Strike. He held up the shield and was barely able to block the attack.

"You okay?" Fraga yelled as the Strike flew backwards. Kira opened his eyes.

"Stop worrying about me, get the one heading for the Archangel!" he yelled back. Fraga nodded and turned the gundam.

The Duel was headed for the Mobius Zero, and there was no time for warnings. Kira was busy enough with the other mobile suit, the Aegis. It was all he could do to keep the attacks off, let alone attack himself.

Finally, there was an open chance as the Mobius fired at the Duel, distracting Athrun. Kira took the chance and flew at the Aegis, striking it. Athrun cursed as the saber sliced across Aegis's saber, knocking it out of the mobile suit's hand.

On the Archangel, things were slightly calmer. Fllay, Cagalli, and Kaya were watching on the screen in the control room, or at least trying. Fllay kept glaring at the screen and Kaya seemed to have momentarily spaced out. Every so often, one of the second commanders would report something.

"Captain, mobile suits Duel and Buster are attacking the ship!" Sai cried once. Fllay, Cagalli, and Kaya snapped back to attention as the Lieutenant spoke up.

"Ready missiles," she ordered. "Missiles ready," came Kazui's voice. "FIRE!" the Lieutenant yelled, and the command was put into practice. Seven missiles were sent into space toward the mobile suits.

The Duel backed up, but the Buster was hit with two missiles. Three more missiles headed toward the Strike and Aegis.

"Yamato, get out of there!" the Lieutenant yelled. Kira retreated quickly as the missiles exploded.

"Nice work, kid," Fraga said.

"Dearka, Yzak, come on. We have to retreat," Athrun's voice echoed over the radio. All three Gundams retreated quickly, and the Mobius and Strike returned to the Archangel.

In the docking bay, Kira climbed out of the cockpit of the Strike and floated down close to the floor. Mwu la Fraga was waiting for him. "Great job out there." Kira returned a smile and floated away, up to the door and into the hall, where he found Cagalli, Kaya, and Fllay waiting for him.

"Hi," he said, surprised. Kaya went to pull him into another hug, but stepped back at a hard stare from Fllay. Cagalli smiled, "You did it!"

"Yeah," Kira responded, smiling at Kaya to let her know it was okay. He turned to Fllay, who looked away from him in disgust. "Fllay." he said softly, staring at her.

"What do you want?" she asked in an annoyed voice, crossing her arms. "Going to try and say you're sorry? Well, forget it. Congratulations on your victory." Fllay turned and floated down the hall to her quarters.

Kira sighed and lowered his eyes. Cagalli touched his shoulder.

"Hey, you hungry? That was some battle." Kira looked up, but didn't seem to be seeing what it looked like he was seeing.

"Hey kid, you all right? That was some battle you fought."

Kira blinked, recalling Fraga's earlier words. "Yeah . . . I am." He went to the café with Cagalli and Kaya on either side of him.

As they entered, Kira saw that Sai, Mirallia and Kazui were already there. They smiled at him as he entered.

"You did a good job, Kira," Mirallia said. The others nodded as Cagalli and Kaya sat down at the table with their meals. Kira got some food and a soda and sat down as well, "Thank you."

Nobody said anything for a while. Then Kaya spoke up.

"What do you think they were trying to accomplish?" she asked, stabbing a piece of lettuce with her fork and raising it to her mouth. The others looked at her curiously. Nobody seemed to want to answer the question. Some of them turned to Kira as he spoke.

"They wanted to hit the Archangel enough to do some damage," he said slowly, watching the soda swirl around in the cup. "They know that if they can do that, they'll have the upper hand in this war." He lowered his eyes, thinking once more of Athrun. Then, he stood up, finishing his soda and throwing the trash away, and walked out of the room without a word. Everyone stared after Kira, but nobody tried to stop him.

Kira floated back down to the docking bay, where they were making repairs on the Gundams. Crossing his arms on the banister, Kira watched in silence.

There are so many things we know about this war . . . and so many things we don't.

Kira sighed and closed his eyes, thinking of the battle he could have lost his life in, the one fought against Zaft months ago.

Why can't the war just end? Why can't coordinators and naturals just get along? Why are we in this war in the first place . . . so many questions, and never enough answers . . .

"It isn't strange that I'd find you here."

Kira glanced to his right as another set of arms rested on the banister. They belonged to Cagalli, who smiled as she watched the repairmen. Kira turned his gaze back as well.

"Yeah," he said. Cagalli's eyes narrowed in thought, her short blond hair covering her face slightly.

"Kira," she said after a few minutes of silence between them, "What runs through your mind when you're out there?"

Kira glanced over again, "What?"

"Like, when you're out there fighting for your life and everyone else's. In empty space." The reflection of sparks from repairing of the Gundams danced across Cagalli's open eyes.

Kira once more turned his gaze away from her and he sighed.

"The fact that fighting doesn't change anything. It only leads to more anger, more pain . . . and death."

Cagalli looked over at him, her eyes widening slightly. "Death," she repeated slowly, watching him. "But if death creates less of a threat, then why don't we continue fighting?"

Kira straightened up and studied Cagalli's face, turning to her.

"So . . . you want to fight? Is that what you think we should do?" he asked her.

Cagalli stood straight and turned sharply to him, her eyes sharp. "No! I just want this war to end!" she cried at Kira, suddenly becoming defensive.

Kira shook his head. "But as long as Coordinators and Naturals keep fighting, the war will continue. Unless both sides agree to their problem with each other, the battle will still go on."

He walked past Cagalli and into the hall, away from the docking bay.

Cagalli frowned, sighed and turned back to the banister, her thoughts drawing her full attention.

But if one side refuses to stop fighting, then will there ever be an end to this war?

Kira floated slowly down the hall, doors passing him as he went. He slowed at Fllay's door, intending to knock, but resisted and kept on, keeping his eyes focused on the floor in front of him. His thoughts were all too common: Athrun, the war, and his argument with Fllay.