I am so sooo drunk. I'm talking girls' night out falling over my own feet drunk. ..

Hi my name is Bella, I'm twenty-one and I'm an alcoholic...

Okay that's lies, I'm not an alcoholic. Never will be in fact I very rarely drink which is maybe why I'm so drunk.

Scrap that it was probably the 15 shots that was thrown down my neck through the persuasion of my brilliant friends. It's a Saturday night and one of my friends from my college days decided to have her birthday slap bang in the centre of the most popular clubbing spot in Washington. Angela's birthday was two days ago but as we all finished college a few months ago we are now officially adults, with the jobs included, we deferred our drinking to another night as maturity called. My college girls as I affectionately call them consist of Angela (the birthday girl), Tanya (the whore), Jessica (the lush) and Alice (the attention-seeking clinger). Now these nicknames may seem like harsh words coming from a friend but it's true and even they would admit to it.

Me? I'm the one who always has to please, hence the reason why my balance is going off. After a long year of exams, coursework and working on my thesis this is the time set aside for us girls to go out and blow off some steam. I figure we all deserve some kind of celebration for surviving six years of 'optional' education. It's under this illusion that when my friends say we need (I need more) drink I wholeheartedly agree with the frantic nodding of the head included. Jessica and I are the most on par with our drinking levels, we scout out the talent as we edge closer to the bar to be served.

"Shots Bellla?! She quickly screams in my ear above the loud music. Who am I to argue with a suggestion like that? I mean it has been a long day at work. Yes ladies and gents I work on a goddamn Saturday even after graduating with top class honours.

Jess grabbed my hand as we both spotted an opening in the wall of human bodies at the bar. We were quickly cocooned by bodies with the same idea. Our order was quickly placed with the highly skilled female bartender who never even blinked as we rattled out our extremely large drink list, which incorporated two 6 stick flavoured shots, a pitcher and multiple shots of tequila, all for just the two of us.

"Ladies?" we both turned round at the sudden voice in between both our ears. We both nodded to show our attention at his question so he continued "if you let me in and pass the bartender on to me I'll buy you a drink, how about it?" He looked pitifully like he needed a drink, as I turned to Jess I saw he nodding like a bobble head - I'm guessing she agreed with the compromise, very mature of her I sniggered in my head.

I decided it was time to speak up, you know, stranger danger and all that. "It's okay we don't need you to buy us any drinks, we will pass her on to you anyway. It's no problem". Jessica looked at me like I'd grown three heads as she mouthed 'what'? "Lush" I whispered back into her ear with a giggle. Yup I giggle when tipsy.

"Nope, not a chance ladies, a promise is a promise. You follow through and so will I" He replied with a wink. Ewww I sniggered again along with Jessica, he was at least 20 years our senior, it was easy to notice these men had very little shame.

"No we are okay honestly there you go." We both pointed to the guy after the bartender took our payment.

"Add on another few shots of what they are drinking to my bill please" The 'old man' told the girl as she scurried to try and keep up with the demand of the crowd. Once she returned and Jess and I had slammed down our tequila shots with a grimace he took out a ball of money wrapped by an elastic band. Our eyes widened as we realised he was probably a pimp or dealer in order to have this much cash in his pocket in this style. We giggled at our ability to play with fire wherever we go, and as Jess has a boyfriend it was clear she'd try to push all the men unto me in order to avoid them herself. It was under mutual agreement that we thanked the man and staggered our way out of the sea of bodies with our leftover 6 stick and pitcher.

We again reached our girls to receive hugs all round and lots of squealing. No I may be bordering on drunk but I do not squeal, so it was with great pleasure that I found us a place to sit in the crowed club. Again our ability to find crazy was astounding, as we looked to our left we found a group of 10 men/boys (not old even to be men but not young enough to be called boys). Surprisingly or unsurprisingly we found a few with some, what I called them, props. The tallest guy who was standing the furthest away from us stood proudly displaying his huge penis, the closest to us had a fantastic pair of glasses with a hairy nose attached and one in the middle was also running round showing his cock.

The girls and I howled with laughter at the scene before our eyes. Should I mention that the cock was actually a blow up cock-erel and a blow up fake penis? Well they were and once our chuckles died down we bargained our way to playing with the cock and the penis. Jess of course was the first to be up in the guys face to claim their 'accessories' they were brandishing for the night. Twenty minutes of play time with the boys later and Jess's boyfriend Mike turns up and hugs us all. As much as I love Jess I can't stand to be around her when Mike is here, she goes from the IT girl to the needy girlfriend who abandons her friends. Mike also creeps me out it's not hard to see that he has some kind of crush on me with his beady glassy drunken eyes searching out my finer body assets.

AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER!

Jessica was hanging off Mike with her mouth almost wide open with a ton of drool slipping out, she was near enough asleep and I knew that I was about to be abandoned in favour of a warm bed and boy. As much as I loved Jessica she never drank to have fun but to get drunk and when that happens she was only able to stay away for half the night. Angela who never drinks alcohol had already decided to leave as her dad, reverent Weber, was taking her and Lauren home. Tanya had also made her exit about forty-five minutes ago with her catch for the night no matter how much we tried to prevent it.

Knowing I was about to be abandoned by my best friends when I wanted to stay out I went for the whiny two year old throwing a temper-tantrum act. "Jess..." I drawled out "You can't go home yet who is going to stay with me? Send your drunken ass of a boyfriend home on his own and stay with me. You weren't tired until he showed up telling you to go home. Come on! Tell him to fuck off and come part like its 1999 again. Woo Hoo!" I shouted in her ear.

"Bella you were barely 10 years old when it was 1999 you fool. Plus I'm tired, I need my beauty sleep. You plied me with too much drink and I need to sleep this off. I'm sorry but Mikey and I are heading home." She scowled at me whilst snuggling with her idiot boy, notice the emphasis on boy!

"Fine I'll text other friends to see if they'll join me." Now I don't know about you but I'm terrible for drunk dialling ex's and hurling abuse at old 'friends' when drunk so I avoid having my phone on hand at all costs. However in my drunken state I believed it would be a brilliant idea to text Edward. Ahh Edward...

I pulled out my phone writing 'you out tonight xxx' this got sent of course to Edward first then a few others just in case. I'm the kind of girl who always has a backup plan and Edward was always a sure thing for being out in on a Saturday night. His friends, Emmett and Jasper, always dragged him out whether he was up for it or not. His reply came no more than five minutes later.

"Yeah I'm out B. We're at the last super club." I mentally fist pumped as he was just around the corner from the club we had picked. Edward and I had known each other for nearing 6 years when I started working for a high chain supermarket in the same department he had been working. Without a doubt he was every girl's source of entertainment on the department with his gorgeous cooper penny hair and bright grass green eyes he wooed everyone within a 5 mile radius. Well everyone but me, I had never felt the same way as the department nuisance Siobhan who panted after him like a bitch in heat. Edward and I had always had a bond of sorts as we spent a lot of time together hanging around the department tills, laughing at the idiocy and sheer desperation of this female. For some reason Siobhan always hated me, we hadn't decided whether it was because I spent more time with Edward than she could ever wish to. It wasn't until 6 months later when Jasper let slip that Edward had been developing feelings stronger than friendship that it was because she had figured out that no one but me was getting his attention. Things became awkward between the two of us for a long time, not through any fault of Edwards because it was all me. I never knew where my feelings for him lay, I knew he was a nice guy and I also knew that I developed deep feelings for Edward but I could never tell where those feelings fell on the friend-boyfriend scale.

It was two years ago that I finally took notice of Edward as more than the friend I claimed he was, it was Halloween night and we had arranged for me to head to his flat which he shared with jasper and Emmett along with my best friend Rosalie. Rosalie and I had meet when we both started college in first year, studying psychology, she meet both Emmett and Edward the first time I dragged her to meet them on one of our many nights out. It was only Halloween night that sparks began to fly with both myself and Edward and Emmett and Rosalie. We spent the night watching American Idol then the new 'hit' film paranormal activity, needless to say the film was appalling, the only scary part was the old phone they had upstairs that kept ringing as we said certain things about ghosts. Emmett and Rosalie sat on the large sofa whilst Edward and I snuggled on the smaller one with our feet up laughing at the so called scary film.

The next time we all spent time together was Halloween the next year, this year we were all aiming to get so drunk and I can confirm that we did in fact achieve this, our pre-club drinks helped to make this possible, but the drink also helped to create a highly sexual tension between us two couples. By the end of the night I was sitting on Edward's lap playing tongue wrestle with him and rubbing up again him like a common whore. I blame the alcohol since it was a common denominator every time we both couldn't keep our hands off each other. By this point I knew I wanted to try something more with Edward but he was too chicken to pluck up the courage when sober to try anything. It was under the devious plan of my best friend that Emmett and Edward were invited to the cinema along with us one night as a double date, although I'm not sure Edward saw it that way, I started to think that the attraction between the two of us was my imagination when I dropped him off in my car that night that he leaned over and kissed me. He left the car with a smirk on his face where my stomach plummeted. The kiss was awkward in my opinion and we couldn't gel well together, after watching multiple chick flicks I believed that everything had to be perfect the first kiss to make a brilliant relationship, so it was under this belief that I ignore him for a week. He didn't give up though and we went back to friends once more after the belief we didn't fit together set in with us both, we still had the sexual tension but we never played on it until tonight.

Once Jessica and Mike left I went in search of Edward. I was texting him to come outside but changed my mind since I didn't want to wait in the cold for him to come find me so I went to the bar and text him. Five chat-up lines later by a random guy and three drinks later (roughly 20 minutes) I was being touched by wondering hands, preparing to smack the attacker I turned round to find Edwards glassy smiling eyes in the vision. Oh boy was it a vision to have, after all this time not seeing him I appreciated the difference of almost a year apart. Being about to stay in contact through phone was completely different to looking at the boy who had turned man in a few short months, he had clearly made honest on his promise to gain more muscle as his biceps were bulging. The guy who was trying to make a move just one two minutes ago fled once he noticed the caveman look Edward was giving me, it screamed 'mine'. It was the look and primal male desired I had been looking for all those years ago, my mind decided that this was the point where everything was about to change. After buying more drinks at the bar we just stared at each other when we both realised we were leaning in and lusting after the others lips. As soon as we noticed this fact our lips collided with vigour and speed, not wanting to waste this opportunity we both opened for a greater discover, by this point my mind was a hazy fog, debating whether it was the desire or alcohol I decided it didn't matter and I was likely running high on both. The kiss was so powerful all I wanted to do was take him to the bathroom to ravage him away from public viewing.

We came to our senses after about 30 minutes of panting and heavy petting, once I realised we had broke apart I was being dragged to a different floor in the club. Edward abruptly stopped to resume our previous activity for a few minutes before shouting that we were going to find the people he was out with. Thinking it was either Emmett or Jasper, perhaps both, I nodded my assent and happily followed in my drunken sexual state, without a doubt if he had led me off a cliff I would have happily followed. Just took just a few more steps before we arrived at a gorgeous looking Amazonian blonde, now I'm friends with Rosalie so I shouldn't feel insecure by any female after spending so much time with her, but this girl was smiling at Edward and I knew Rosalie would never feel that way about my Edward. He introduced the female as Kate and hugged her whilst she started informing us of the location the other guys they were with (the bar).

We both followed her, once we reached a quiet place downstairs Edward's face began to give off an 'i'm an idiot' expression before he opened his mouth.

"Bella I'm so sorry, this is Kate an old school friend. Kate, this is Bella." I think both of us females realised that he was reluctant to put a title to our relationship. It was with that awkwardness that Kate gave me a hug and whispered "it's good to finally meet you Bella".

"Yeah well I would say it was good to meet you Kate, but I have never heard of you before, sorry." I giggled but followed with "However you are gorgeous, seriously so fucking gorgeous." She chuckled and replied by telling Edward "I love her" squealing and giving me another hug. That was how we bonded.

To tell you anymore information apart from knowing we were kissing and touching each other would be a lie. The next thing I was aware of was getting out of the taxi and heading into Edwards flat, I myself was tripping up the stairs giggling quietly trying to stay quiet so we wouldn't wake up his flatmates. Edward led me into his bedroom keeping the light off where we resumed our kissing and touching in the dark street lit room.

Edward gave me one of his famous smiles before kissing me whilst walking me backwards, since I had already been in his room I knew what he was leading me to – the bed. Once my legs hit the edge of the bed he lowered me gently like a precious doll afraid I might break whilst keeping the miraculously keeping the passion and thrill of it all. Once we were both settled on the bed Edward rolled me over so that I was taking control of our over the clothes grinding. His hands were everywhere.

"God" I murmured as he hit an especially sensitive spot. Even through two layers I could feel him hard and wanting. He smiled and kissed me again dominating the situation by pushing my hips harder down on his lap.

"Bella" He said it like a prayer not a statement or question. I felt so proud that I had control over the gorgeous man where people like Siobhan spent years dreaming of this. My mind shook the thought of Siobhan away from my mind, why think of her whilst I was here experiencing this. Edward must have noticed my annoyance at myself as he found his tongue for other than kissing me.

"Bella, what's wrong, is this too much?" I shook my head.

"No... no.. never. Please don't stop. This is good, so, so good baby." He smiled and laughed a happy carefree laugh.

He started to peel my clothes off and didn't even wait for me to help take his off before all our clothes were gone and only underwear was visible on our bodies.

From this point everything started to speed up and the drunken haze started to seep in again. Before I knew it I was stripped of all clothes as was he and was lining himself up with me. He looked at me to make sure I was still okay with the situation. To be honest my brain wasn't functioning properly enough even if I wanted to say no, I knew I should say something but I just kept my mouth shut and looked back with what I'm sure was a blank look however it must have looked like acceptance to Edward as he started to tenderly push in.

It wasn't long before he reached my barrier that he stopped in shock as I winced. Noting this was going to be the painful part I tensed up, but he wouldn't let that go. Edward moved to hover over my lips to kiss me into relaxation whilst whispering sweet words into my ear only broken by him asking if I was okay. After a few minutes of his patience I decided I could handle this and nodded for him to continue, in benefit of losing my virginity drunk it wasn't as bad as I thought. Edward pushed further this time tearing a new part of me for his pleasure, it hurt too much this time and I pushed at his chest to prevent him from moving any further, he stilled right away and asked again if I was okay, I had grown tired of him asking me how I was. I tried to get over the pain by focusing on his pleasure, it was a given that I wouldn't reach completion tonight but that was no reason for him not to. It was under this thought that I began to pull him to me instead of pushing, after one long thrust and a flash of pain Edward paused again and repeatedly asked and murmured 'are you okay?'.

After a few minutes of thrusting we built up a rhythm we both found enjoyable. Now for a guy who is having sex with a virgin he is holding his own, my mind is racing with the information about guys lasting only a couple of seconds because it's like a vice grip and too painfully good, mentally I began to shout at myself for not focusing on the fact that this is the first time I'm having sex and that it was with Edward. I tried to focus but it was becoming clear to me that I was just far too drunk.

Now previous stories I've heard about first time sex have ranged from the orgasmic to the painful. Whilst Edward is thrusting away above me I mentally place myself on the scale of hymen tearing experiences; 1 being extremely painful and traumatising and 10 being finding orgasm. I figure it's nice but not orgasmic and not exactly comfortable but not excruciating pain either, I conclude this experience is a 5. My mind breaks through the alcohol fog to realise I've been lying like a dead log for the past twenty minutes whilst Edward is grunting and moaning my name. I battle whether I will regret this in the morning but decide to g with the flow, it's done now no 'take backsies' here. I decide that the best course of action is to make Edward believe that he's the best lover ever and that I'm reaching the desired place at a faster speed than Edward so that he stops staring at my naked body. My stomach burns with the need to throw up for my dishonesty to Edward but knowing that he'd be pleased to know he pleased me I tighten my pelvic muscles whilst grunting and moaning like the world's worst porn star. Edward grunt's whispers my name in a half silent scream before going still above me.

It takes him a few seconds to catch his breath before he shifts his weight from on top of me to beside me without crushing me. He moves out the room never saying a word, I hurriedly notice the atmosphere has changed even in my drunken state so I take this opportunity to swiftly gather my under garments to put them back on before he returns. When he does enter the room he's carrying a glass of water which he places at his side of the bed – such 'a gentleman' my inner voice screams sarcastically.

The tension in the room is nearly suffocating so I make my escape to the bathroom for a few minutes peace, head rest but to also use the toilet. It's only when I'm cleaning up that I see the blood, I try not to think about it and what has just happened as I pull my female boxers back up my legs and flush the toilet. Knowing I only have a few more minutes of my 'human moment', before it becomes obvious I regret the experience, I quickly wash my hands and scold myself in the mirror before scurrying back to the room and Edward.

As I enter I notice he has crawled up to the top of the bed and laid his head on the pillows, leaving his arm out for what I take as my cuddle space. I decide to do what any sane/insane now non-virgin slut would do with her one-night stand and crawl up to the space and snuggle. Our quiet time brings me back to why this happened and why I felt so strongly towards Edward to begin with. He begins to fall asleep as I kiss the area of arm that is under my arm. He doesn't ask me to stay but doesn't rush me out either but I have already decided I need to leave. I need to get back before Rosalie sends out a search party with my name on it.

I pause in my kissing to look up at his face which looks so sleepy but serene. I decide that I need to tell him I'm leaving so that it doesn't look like a fuck and run.

"Edward I need to go okay?" He nods sleepily in my direction. Thinking he would probably protest if I told him I decide to say it again with more strength. However he isn't fouled, my actions completely go against my words as the sleep begins to settle in for me too and I snuggled back into his warmth. After several lazy kisses and too many fail attempts to leave I finally roll over and get dressed at the side of the bed. With one last kiss I walk out his door, once outside I phone for a taxi.

"Hi, Can I have a taxi for as soon as possible please?" I ask the operator and after saying where I need picked up from, I am told that my taxi won't be long at all. I decide to sit on the stone wall as I wait, only a few minutes later, as I'm texting Edward to inform him why I had to leave and to text me when he wakes up to go golfing with his dad, the taxi pulls up at the curb. I hesitantly step into the cab as I look up to Edward's window. Either the world is out to get me or I have bad karma because I got the chattiest cab driver I have ever had the displeasure of meeting asking me how my night was. I debate whether to give him a rundown of my night but figure it's probably safer to save the breakdown for friends tomorrow when we rediscover events of the previous night.

Once I arrive home with the beginnings of a migraine from the excessive over thinking and the taxi drivers chat I decide again to text Edward.

"Hey, I'm sorry I had to leave for Rosalie, text me when you get up tomorrow, k?" It read.

As soon as I hit send I collapsed asleep on my bed.

I woke up at 3 o'clock in the afternoon to find no text messages, feeling my heart sink I hide my phone to stop myself texting again whilst chanting in my head.

"You're a strong independent woman let him come to you" repeats over and over in my brain like a mental record.