Title: The Runaway Bride...or How Hoshi Learned To Stop Worrying
Author: Stexgirl2000
Disclaimers: Horror! I don't own any part of Enterprise or the whole Star Trek universe. It all belongs to Paramount. I'm just having fun with this and don't get a penny. This disclaimer stands for all the chapters for this story.
Rating: PG-13 for some language and sexual innuendo.
Category: Friendship, Humor, Romance.
Codes: S, All. ?/?/S
Spoilers: Nah. Not really. But it's set after the seven year mission.
Summary: Hoshi is getting married! Drunkenness ensues! Opinions are spouted! Chaos breaks out! Vacation hilarity ensues! (At least I hope so...)
Author's Note: This story is for Marag's birthday. She wanted a friendship story, fluffy, silly and happy. I tried to keep shippiness out of it, and for the most part, I did. Well, at least until the end. But I don't think Marag will mind the way I put in the shippiness. Anyway, here it is. Thanks to Taryn Eve for betaing this puppy and some great suggestions for a few of the one-liners.
Archive: LD has permission. So does Warp 5 and Lumi. Everyone else, ask me first.
Part One: Liquid Truth
Hoshi leaned over the side of table and fell onto the floor, squealing with laughter. The rest of the table looked at her in amazement, varying degrees of shock on their faces.
Turning to Phlox, T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "If I did not see it for myself, I would have said that it is impossible to fall out of a chair while sitting perfectly still."
Phlox, sipping a soda, a happy grin stretching across his face. "Yes, well, now you know it is possible. I am so glad I was able to make back to Earth in time! This whole event has proved to be fascinating!"
Sitting on the floor, Hoshi continued to laugh, tears streaming down her face. "I fell!"
Grinning from ear to ear, Jon reached down and easily hauled her up as Malcolm righted her chair with unsteady hands. Settling her back down, Jon chuckled as Hoshi continued laugh, tears streaming down her face. "Yep. You fell, Hoshi. Right outta of your chair."
"I wan' a drink!" exclaimed Hoshi as Travis moved her glass out her way.
Malcolm's eyes went wide as he staggered back to his seat, nearly missing it. Trip snorted as he handed over a beer. "Darlin', you don't wanna anudder drink."
Hoshi pouted. "It's my ba... my bach... my ba... my bachelorette party! 'An I wan' anoooother!" She started sliding her chair, prompting Liz and Jon to brace her from sliding anymore.
Liz shook her head as Alison Hess knocked back a shot of tequila and shrugged. "I think we sho' give her another drink. Hey, Hoshi, wan' some tequillialia? Er, a Bloody Mary?"
"Hair of the bloody dog tha' bit you? Eh?" said Malcolm a bit unsteadily. He frowned and looked at his beer. "I don' know if tha' really works."
"It doesn't," said Travis firmly, passing off Hoshi's glass to a waiter. "Besides, all of you, except for the Doc, T'Pol and I, are either three sheets to the wind or almost there."
Trip stood up and wobbled. "I'm nah three shits to the wind!" he declared firmly.
Jon pushed him back down as Hoshi grabbed Jon's drink and drained it in one gulp. "Yo, buddy, you are, Trip. Hey! Hoshi! Damn it, that was my scotch! I was nursing that! Shit!"
Liz and Alison laughed and Travis rolled his eyes. Trip signaled the waiter and Malcolm leaned over and said to Phlox, "D..ddd..dociticor, I thin' we're going to end up needling, neebleing, needing yer help soon."
Phlox patted Malcolm on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Malcolm, I know. I've known for about two hours now."
"Good." Malcolm pitched forward, and T'Pol's arm shot out, keeping him from crashing face down on the table.
As the humans broke out in gales of laughter, T'Pol shoved Malcolm backwards into his chair, restrained distaste on her features. "I do not understand this particular human custom of taking a bride or groom out before their wedding and causing them to become inebriated beyond rational limits. It is not logical by any stretch of the imagination"
As she finished, Malcolm batted away her hand and settled his head down on the table, using his arms as a pillow. Travis snorted, "Damn, he's plastered. You'd think he'd hold his liquor better. Shoot, I thought Trip would be the first to pass out."
Trip smiled widely and Hoshi reached across to poke Malcolm, who didn't flinch or move. Jon chuckled again. "Nope. I won the bet, Travis. Pay up!"
Before Travis could protest, T'Pol's other eyebrow went up. "No one has answered my question. What is the purpose of this?"
As she finished, Alison chortled, her face turning red as she laughed hysterically. "Wha is thisss nigh differint from all othersss!"
As the rest looked at Alison oddly, Liz sipped at her drink and Hoshi grabbed a drink off of a passing waiter's tray, downing it with a happy sigh.
Jon shrugged and took a drink from Trip's beer glass. Trip snatched the glass from him and slapped at his hand. "Damn it Cap'n, keep yer paws off my damn beer. I dunno, T'Pol, it just has somethin' to do with givin' the soon-be-married folk a bit o' fun. A cele...a cele...aw crap, a party!"
Malcolm blearily looked up from the table. "I misssss any...any...anythin'?"
"Nope," said Trip. Malcolm put his head back down. Grinning, Trip gave Malcolm's head a small pat. "Ain't he cute?" he said to T'Pol.
For her part, T'Pol raised an eyebrow and tried not to roll her eyes.
Alison knocked back another tequila shot and squirted lime into her mouth. "Ssssometimes is anna excuse to talk the bride outta makin' a missstakeee."
Hoshi was sliding down again and Liz motioned for Travis to help her as she nodded in agreement to what Hess was saying. "Yep. My sis...sis...sister wanted to get married at eighteen to this really slezzy, er, ah, sleazy guy. We all took her out and got her so plasssstertered, she couldn't make the wed...weddin' in time. An' she caughtted the guy makin' out with the wedding co..co..ha hell, coordinator. That, an' a hangover from hell, stopped the wedding."
"So, you are saying that Hoshi should not marry Hamilton?" asked T'Pol. She looked at Phlox, who shrugged in confusion.
Jon took a drink from his new glass of scotch. "Weeelllll...yeah."
Trip stood up abruptly, swaying slightly as he held up his beer. "Hell, yeah! He's a dull, borin', stick-in-the-mud! Don' ap-pre-ci-ate wha' he's a gettin'! Nope! Wan' her to be a dull...a dull... a dull, y'know, whatchamacallit..."
"'Fessor," supplied Liz. She hiccuped and took a large swallow from her drink. "He's a control freak too, ya know. I mean, he calleded her wehb we in da little girlsss room. Wanted to remime...remime...remind her it was late an' she shoould go home sooon. An' he pickited the dress she's wearin'."
Travis pulled from his wife's hands her drink and sighed. "Liz, honey, I think you'd better switch to coffee now."
Hoshi looked at Trip in surprise. "Ya' tink Hamilton is dull? Contrelling?"
As Trip nodded furiously, Jon leaned in and patted her hand. "Makes my speeches look good, Hoshi."
Hoshi flinched and swayed in her chair. "Lookit...I know he's nah the most..."
"Bloody paint drying is more fun," interrupted Malcolm, sitting up slowly and enunciating each word. "Bloody paint. Man has no perfunality."
"Personality," corrected Alison.
"That's wha' I bloody said," slurred Malcolm.
"He's a dork," declared Liz. She sagged against Travis who kissed her forehead.
"Hmm, interesting that all of you did not tell Hoshi your opinions when she first announced her engagement," said Phlox.
"Indeed," agreed T'Pol.
Jon frowned. "Hoshi's a big girl, an' can make up her own damn mind..."
Travis sighed. "Besides, T'Pol, if she's determined to marry him, there's not much we can say to change her mind."
"Hamilton don' like ussss," said Alison. "Don' like wha' we all have, bein' together on the Enerrprise." She knocked back yet another shot and Jon grinned at her. On wobbly legs he went over and gave her a firm, passionate kiss on the lips.
"Damn, you're cute when you're opinionated," he cooed. Alison scooted over in her chair and Jon plopped down. After a second, he then put her on his lap. The rest of the group, except for an unmoving Malcolm, blinked at them.
Hoshi stood up and pointed a finger at Jon. "Ya bastard! You tol' me there was nuttin' goin' on! Alison, you lyin'..." She swayed and sat down hard in her chair, elbows hitting the table, spilling her drink.
With a jolt, Malcolm looked up. Seeing Alison on Jon's lap, he grinned. "Knew it!" He put his head back down.
Trip whooped with laughter. "Me too! Jon, you dog you! An' you'd kissed 'er in fronna of God an' everybody. Pay up Trav, buddy!"
Travis shook his head as Liz giggled. "Damn, I am not catching a break tonight," he groaned.
T'Pol closed her eyes for moment, as if to calm herself in the face of the chaos her former crewmates were creating. Opening her eyes, she folded her hands into her lap. "My question about Hoshi's engagement to Hamilton has not been answered satisfactorily."
Jon took swig from Alison's tequila bottle and grimaced. "Ah hell. Screw it. Look, I don't like 'em. He'll stifle her. An' he hates dogs...don' like 'em when they hate dogs..."
"Me too!" said Alison emphatic shake of her head. She swayed a bit in Jon's lap.
"Man is drier than burned toast," announced Trip. He downed the last of his beer and slammed the mug on table. "An he squirts, naw, squeaks, eh, squinks, ah shit, squints funny at us!"
Malcolm's head popped up. "'Ere, 'ere! Man's a wan, a wan, a wanker." Slowly, he rose from his chair and staggered over to Hoshi. "Fuck. Hoshi, luv, don' marry t' git."
Liz reached out and patted Hoshi's arm. "Yeah! Wha' he said!"
Hoshi glared at her friends. "Trav? Wha' you think?" She woozily peered at him and Travis threw a despairing look at Phlox and T'Pol.
"Do not look at me," said Phlox, crossing his arms. "I only met the man yesterday." He looked at T'Pol.
T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "As if such a thing has stopped you from advancing your opinion before." She stopped and sighed. "As all of you are staring at me, it must mean that you seek my opinion on the subject."
"Yep," said Jon, wrapping his arms around Alison. "Fess up T'Pol."
Giving her friend an arch look, T'Pol pursed her lips and said in a halting tone, "I must admit, in all honesty, that Hoshi's choice for a mate has left me...confused. I do not see the logic in her reasoning for choosing him..."
Jon whooped, almost dumping Alison out of his lap as Trip and Liz cackled in unison. "There ya go! Vulcan logic! If T'Pol ain't sure..."
As T'Pol fixed Jon with a glare, Travis looked at Hoshi. "I don't like him, Hoshi," he said seriously. "I think he puts you down and discounts your opinions and views. At least when Liz and I have been around him. But it's your life and your choice."
"Damn ri' it is!" yelled Hoshi, banging her hand on the table.
Everyone in the Enterprise group and several people at the tables next to theirs stopped talking. Most of the people in the small bar stilled their conversations. At least a dozen or more pairs of eyes fixed on Hoshi. She stood up, a confused look plastered on her features. "Wha'? I say..."
Hoshi swayed, blinked twice, and as drunk as he was, Malcolm barely caught her in time as she pitched forward toward the table. "She's bleedin' drunk!" he declared. The rest of the people around them turned away and the conversations in the bar went back to their full roar.
Travis stood up, shaking his head. "I think the party is over. Doc, T'Pol, I'm going to need your help getting this crew back to the hotel..."
"Indeed," said T'Pol in her driest tone. She vacated her chair with a prim swish.
Phlox chuckled as he rose and steadied Malcolm. "Ah, a classic understatement! How wonderful! I have missed human behavior greatly."
As Liz teetered over to him, Travis rolled his eyes. "I bet you have, Doc."
Alison, Trip and Jon got up together, all swaying on unsteady legs. "Hey, do ya think' Hoshi willa get married in the morin'?" asked Trip as he threw an arm around Jon.
"Don' know, buddy, don' know," slurred Jon.
Alison looked at the litter of bottles and glasses on the table and grinned. "Sh, sh, sure as hell hope not!"
"Look, let's go," sighed Travis. He threw a wad of bills down on the table, making eye contact with their waiter as he did so. "I'll take Hoshi out to the transport..." Travis hoisted Hoshi up and with Phlox helping Malcolm and Liz, and T'Pol guiding Alison, Jon, and Trip, they made their way out of the bar.
Author: Stexgirl2000
Disclaimers: Horror! I don't own any part of Enterprise or the whole Star Trek universe. It all belongs to Paramount. I'm just having fun with this and don't get a penny. This disclaimer stands for all the chapters for this story.
Rating: PG-13 for some language and sexual innuendo.
Category: Friendship, Humor, Romance.
Codes: S, All. ?/?/S
Spoilers: Nah. Not really. But it's set after the seven year mission.
Summary: Hoshi is getting married! Drunkenness ensues! Opinions are spouted! Chaos breaks out! Vacation hilarity ensues! (At least I hope so...)
Author's Note: This story is for Marag's birthday. She wanted a friendship story, fluffy, silly and happy. I tried to keep shippiness out of it, and for the most part, I did. Well, at least until the end. But I don't think Marag will mind the way I put in the shippiness. Anyway, here it is. Thanks to Taryn Eve for betaing this puppy and some great suggestions for a few of the one-liners.
Archive: LD has permission. So does Warp 5 and Lumi. Everyone else, ask me first.
Part One: Liquid Truth
Hoshi leaned over the side of table and fell onto the floor, squealing with laughter. The rest of the table looked at her in amazement, varying degrees of shock on their faces.
Turning to Phlox, T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "If I did not see it for myself, I would have said that it is impossible to fall out of a chair while sitting perfectly still."
Phlox, sipping a soda, a happy grin stretching across his face. "Yes, well, now you know it is possible. I am so glad I was able to make back to Earth in time! This whole event has proved to be fascinating!"
Sitting on the floor, Hoshi continued to laugh, tears streaming down her face. "I fell!"
Grinning from ear to ear, Jon reached down and easily hauled her up as Malcolm righted her chair with unsteady hands. Settling her back down, Jon chuckled as Hoshi continued laugh, tears streaming down her face. "Yep. You fell, Hoshi. Right outta of your chair."
"I wan' a drink!" exclaimed Hoshi as Travis moved her glass out her way.
Malcolm's eyes went wide as he staggered back to his seat, nearly missing it. Trip snorted as he handed over a beer. "Darlin', you don't wanna anudder drink."
Hoshi pouted. "It's my ba... my bach... my ba... my bachelorette party! 'An I wan' anoooother!" She started sliding her chair, prompting Liz and Jon to brace her from sliding anymore.
Liz shook her head as Alison Hess knocked back a shot of tequila and shrugged. "I think we sho' give her another drink. Hey, Hoshi, wan' some tequillialia? Er, a Bloody Mary?"
"Hair of the bloody dog tha' bit you? Eh?" said Malcolm a bit unsteadily. He frowned and looked at his beer. "I don' know if tha' really works."
"It doesn't," said Travis firmly, passing off Hoshi's glass to a waiter. "Besides, all of you, except for the Doc, T'Pol and I, are either three sheets to the wind or almost there."
Trip stood up and wobbled. "I'm nah three shits to the wind!" he declared firmly.
Jon pushed him back down as Hoshi grabbed Jon's drink and drained it in one gulp. "Yo, buddy, you are, Trip. Hey! Hoshi! Damn it, that was my scotch! I was nursing that! Shit!"
Liz and Alison laughed and Travis rolled his eyes. Trip signaled the waiter and Malcolm leaned over and said to Phlox, "D..ddd..dociticor, I thin' we're going to end up needling, neebleing, needing yer help soon."
Phlox patted Malcolm on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Malcolm, I know. I've known for about two hours now."
"Good." Malcolm pitched forward, and T'Pol's arm shot out, keeping him from crashing face down on the table.
As the humans broke out in gales of laughter, T'Pol shoved Malcolm backwards into his chair, restrained distaste on her features. "I do not understand this particular human custom of taking a bride or groom out before their wedding and causing them to become inebriated beyond rational limits. It is not logical by any stretch of the imagination"
As she finished, Malcolm batted away her hand and settled his head down on the table, using his arms as a pillow. Travis snorted, "Damn, he's plastered. You'd think he'd hold his liquor better. Shoot, I thought Trip would be the first to pass out."
Trip smiled widely and Hoshi reached across to poke Malcolm, who didn't flinch or move. Jon chuckled again. "Nope. I won the bet, Travis. Pay up!"
Before Travis could protest, T'Pol's other eyebrow went up. "No one has answered my question. What is the purpose of this?"
As she finished, Alison chortled, her face turning red as she laughed hysterically. "Wha is thisss nigh differint from all othersss!"
As the rest looked at Alison oddly, Liz sipped at her drink and Hoshi grabbed a drink off of a passing waiter's tray, downing it with a happy sigh.
Jon shrugged and took a drink from Trip's beer glass. Trip snatched the glass from him and slapped at his hand. "Damn it Cap'n, keep yer paws off my damn beer. I dunno, T'Pol, it just has somethin' to do with givin' the soon-be-married folk a bit o' fun. A cele...a cele...aw crap, a party!"
Malcolm blearily looked up from the table. "I misssss any...any...anythin'?"
"Nope," said Trip. Malcolm put his head back down. Grinning, Trip gave Malcolm's head a small pat. "Ain't he cute?" he said to T'Pol.
For her part, T'Pol raised an eyebrow and tried not to roll her eyes.
Alison knocked back another tequila shot and squirted lime into her mouth. "Ssssometimes is anna excuse to talk the bride outta makin' a missstakeee."
Hoshi was sliding down again and Liz motioned for Travis to help her as she nodded in agreement to what Hess was saying. "Yep. My sis...sis...sister wanted to get married at eighteen to this really slezzy, er, ah, sleazy guy. We all took her out and got her so plasssstertered, she couldn't make the wed...weddin' in time. An' she caughtted the guy makin' out with the wedding co..co..ha hell, coordinator. That, an' a hangover from hell, stopped the wedding."
"So, you are saying that Hoshi should not marry Hamilton?" asked T'Pol. She looked at Phlox, who shrugged in confusion.
Jon took a drink from his new glass of scotch. "Weeelllll...yeah."
Trip stood up abruptly, swaying slightly as he held up his beer. "Hell, yeah! He's a dull, borin', stick-in-the-mud! Don' ap-pre-ci-ate wha' he's a gettin'! Nope! Wan' her to be a dull...a dull... a dull, y'know, whatchamacallit..."
"'Fessor," supplied Liz. She hiccuped and took a large swallow from her drink. "He's a control freak too, ya know. I mean, he calleded her wehb we in da little girlsss room. Wanted to remime...remime...remind her it was late an' she shoould go home sooon. An' he pickited the dress she's wearin'."
Travis pulled from his wife's hands her drink and sighed. "Liz, honey, I think you'd better switch to coffee now."
Hoshi looked at Trip in surprise. "Ya' tink Hamilton is dull? Contrelling?"
As Trip nodded furiously, Jon leaned in and patted her hand. "Makes my speeches look good, Hoshi."
Hoshi flinched and swayed in her chair. "Lookit...I know he's nah the most..."
"Bloody paint drying is more fun," interrupted Malcolm, sitting up slowly and enunciating each word. "Bloody paint. Man has no perfunality."
"Personality," corrected Alison.
"That's wha' I bloody said," slurred Malcolm.
"He's a dork," declared Liz. She sagged against Travis who kissed her forehead.
"Hmm, interesting that all of you did not tell Hoshi your opinions when she first announced her engagement," said Phlox.
"Indeed," agreed T'Pol.
Jon frowned. "Hoshi's a big girl, an' can make up her own damn mind..."
Travis sighed. "Besides, T'Pol, if she's determined to marry him, there's not much we can say to change her mind."
"Hamilton don' like ussss," said Alison. "Don' like wha' we all have, bein' together on the Enerrprise." She knocked back yet another shot and Jon grinned at her. On wobbly legs he went over and gave her a firm, passionate kiss on the lips.
"Damn, you're cute when you're opinionated," he cooed. Alison scooted over in her chair and Jon plopped down. After a second, he then put her on his lap. The rest of the group, except for an unmoving Malcolm, blinked at them.
Hoshi stood up and pointed a finger at Jon. "Ya bastard! You tol' me there was nuttin' goin' on! Alison, you lyin'..." She swayed and sat down hard in her chair, elbows hitting the table, spilling her drink.
With a jolt, Malcolm looked up. Seeing Alison on Jon's lap, he grinned. "Knew it!" He put his head back down.
Trip whooped with laughter. "Me too! Jon, you dog you! An' you'd kissed 'er in fronna of God an' everybody. Pay up Trav, buddy!"
Travis shook his head as Liz giggled. "Damn, I am not catching a break tonight," he groaned.
T'Pol closed her eyes for moment, as if to calm herself in the face of the chaos her former crewmates were creating. Opening her eyes, she folded her hands into her lap. "My question about Hoshi's engagement to Hamilton has not been answered satisfactorily."
Jon took swig from Alison's tequila bottle and grimaced. "Ah hell. Screw it. Look, I don't like 'em. He'll stifle her. An' he hates dogs...don' like 'em when they hate dogs..."
"Me too!" said Alison emphatic shake of her head. She swayed a bit in Jon's lap.
"Man is drier than burned toast," announced Trip. He downed the last of his beer and slammed the mug on table. "An he squirts, naw, squeaks, eh, squinks, ah shit, squints funny at us!"
Malcolm's head popped up. "'Ere, 'ere! Man's a wan, a wan, a wanker." Slowly, he rose from his chair and staggered over to Hoshi. "Fuck. Hoshi, luv, don' marry t' git."
Liz reached out and patted Hoshi's arm. "Yeah! Wha' he said!"
Hoshi glared at her friends. "Trav? Wha' you think?" She woozily peered at him and Travis threw a despairing look at Phlox and T'Pol.
"Do not look at me," said Phlox, crossing his arms. "I only met the man yesterday." He looked at T'Pol.
T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "As if such a thing has stopped you from advancing your opinion before." She stopped and sighed. "As all of you are staring at me, it must mean that you seek my opinion on the subject."
"Yep," said Jon, wrapping his arms around Alison. "Fess up T'Pol."
Giving her friend an arch look, T'Pol pursed her lips and said in a halting tone, "I must admit, in all honesty, that Hoshi's choice for a mate has left me...confused. I do not see the logic in her reasoning for choosing him..."
Jon whooped, almost dumping Alison out of his lap as Trip and Liz cackled in unison. "There ya go! Vulcan logic! If T'Pol ain't sure..."
As T'Pol fixed Jon with a glare, Travis looked at Hoshi. "I don't like him, Hoshi," he said seriously. "I think he puts you down and discounts your opinions and views. At least when Liz and I have been around him. But it's your life and your choice."
"Damn ri' it is!" yelled Hoshi, banging her hand on the table.
Everyone in the Enterprise group and several people at the tables next to theirs stopped talking. Most of the people in the small bar stilled their conversations. At least a dozen or more pairs of eyes fixed on Hoshi. She stood up, a confused look plastered on her features. "Wha'? I say..."
Hoshi swayed, blinked twice, and as drunk as he was, Malcolm barely caught her in time as she pitched forward toward the table. "She's bleedin' drunk!" he declared. The rest of the people around them turned away and the conversations in the bar went back to their full roar.
Travis stood up, shaking his head. "I think the party is over. Doc, T'Pol, I'm going to need your help getting this crew back to the hotel..."
"Indeed," said T'Pol in her driest tone. She vacated her chair with a prim swish.
Phlox chuckled as he rose and steadied Malcolm. "Ah, a classic understatement! How wonderful! I have missed human behavior greatly."
As Liz teetered over to him, Travis rolled his eyes. "I bet you have, Doc."
Alison, Trip and Jon got up together, all swaying on unsteady legs. "Hey, do ya think' Hoshi willa get married in the morin'?" asked Trip as he threw an arm around Jon.
"Don' know, buddy, don' know," slurred Jon.
Alison looked at the litter of bottles and glasses on the table and grinned. "Sh, sh, sure as hell hope not!"
"Look, let's go," sighed Travis. He threw a wad of bills down on the table, making eye contact with their waiter as he did so. "I'll take Hoshi out to the transport..." Travis hoisted Hoshi up and with Phlox helping Malcolm and Liz, and T'Pol guiding Alison, Jon, and Trip, they made their way out of the bar.
