Atonement part 1

Sharon Raydor did not break the rules for good reason. She abhorred the grey areas that opened up when the rules were not strictly enforced, and strictly followed. Or at least, that's how it had been for the majority of her life. The courthouse shooting seemed to have been a turning point for her, resetting her moral compass in a way that she found both liberating and deeply disconcerting. It was that, she figured, and not the night she'd spent with her ex, thanks to her fiance, because she had already abandoned her regard for the rules before... Everything with Brenda.

Now, she sat in the media room, and watched as Sanchez slammed a suspect's head down on the table. She could feel the weight of Andy's gaze, and the tang of Provenza's disapproval was like ash in her mouth, but she made no move to corral her detective. She understood Julio in a way, now. She had a rage bubbling just beneath the surface all the time. Julio expressed his by physical altercations with the worst of the worst - in her opinion, he was being positively gentle with the head of a child trafficking ring - but she was in the unfortunate habit of lashing out verbally these days. She bit the inside of her cheek, a trick she'd picked up from Brenda all those years ago, to keep from saying anything she might regret. She waited, and she watched, and when she was certain that Julio had regained his temper, when he was seated again, she spun slowly in her chair and glared at Andy and Provenza.

"It would be nice if you could have a little faith in your colleagues, instead of assuming they have no control."

"Sharon - it's just... You know how he can be." Andy said placatingly, his hand landing heavily on her shoulder.

She shrugged him off.

"People can change."

Brenda hadn't seen Sharon since she'd dropped her off at the house she lived in with Andy and Rusty, almost 6 weeks ago. It was what she had expected, what she pushed Sharon into, but it hurt. She had kissed Sharon goodbye, but the way Sharon kissed her back had felt more like a promise, and Brenda couldn't help the tendril of hope that bloomed like a vise around her heart. But she did the right thing, and she left Sharon at the doorstep of her life with Andy, and she walked away, again. She consoled herself with interrogating Rusty when she saw him, and she spent a lot of time texting Andy the things he should do to help Sharon. He never answered, so she didn't know if she was helping or not, but it made her feel like she was doing something, anyway. Which is why, when her phone buzzed in the middle of the day, she was surprised to see a reply from Andy. "Level 3, same as last time, but come now." Brenda looked at her desk blotter, and the three appointments she had lined up for the afternoon. She shoved her chair back and snatched her purse from the bottom drawer - and a Reese Cup for strength and luck, and she bolted from the office, tossing instructions to cancel the rest of the day over her shoulder at her gobsmacked assistant. She made it across town in a remarkable 10 minutes, made all the more remarkable that she wasn't stopped for speeding. She paused to swipe her ID, and while she waited for the swingarm to raise and grant her entry, she stuffed the second half of the Reese cup in her mouth, and felt the wave of calm sweep over her as she chewed. She pulled smoothly into the parking spot near the elevator, and stepped out of her car to wait.

Sharon knew what she was doing was wrong. It was a breach of trust on a number of levels, but she had to know. She had called Brenda's office, and inquired about making an appointment for the afternoon - the young woman who answered the phone explained that Brenda had meetings through the afternoon, and would not be able to make room in her schedule. Sharon had nodded, and hung up. She was crushed by the need to escape, but she had no where to go - Andy was everywhere, at work, at home - even here in her office, his sport jacket was draped carelessly across the chair. She took her glasses off and tapped the stem against her lower lip. She knew it was wrong. She should not stand up and walk over to that sloppily strewn jacket. She should not find the phone in the inside pocket. She absolutely should not unlock the screen and open the text message app. She should not search for Brenda's thread - closer to the top than she expected, since it had been 6 weeks and radio silence again, even though Sharon had asked her to wait with a kiss that said more than her words ever could. But then, as she scrolled, she realized - Brenda hadn't abandoned her again. Quite the opposite.

"Make sure she eats a little bit of a meal today. We hit the wine pretty good, she'll be feeling a little peaky if she doesn't eat."

"How is she sleeping?"

"I read an article that warm milk increases melatonin and helps with bad dreams, if she's still having them."

"Rusty says she's sad all the time. You have to be strong for her right now. Remind her of who she is."

"Andy Flynn! What is this about you forgot about a date night? She is the center of your world, how could you forget she was waiting for you? You have to go big to make this up to her. Leave it to me, you just show up when and where I say."

Sharon was startled when the words blurred on the screen, she hadn't realized she was crying.

"Okay, appetizers at the little French place she likes, the waiter is going to put tickets for Il Trovotore in the folio for the check. After the show, take her to the rooftop of the opera house - there will be a picnic waiting. The rest is up to you."

Sharon sobbed a laugh. Of course the most romantic night of her life was orchestrated by the woman who held her heart. She wiped her eyes, and quickly, before she lost her nerve, she typed a short missive before replacing the phone. Then she went to the parking garage, and tucked away inside the vestibule that held the elevator. If she stood just so, she could see out of the tiny glass and cement enclosure. She would know if Brenda would drop her work and come to her without having a reason. If she came, Sharon would be honest. But, it was better not to get her hopes up, because Brenda was not in the habit of putting anything in front of her job. Still, she waited.

Brenda paced a little bit, and glanced down at her watch. She was leaning towards feeling impatient, but then she remembered that Sharon needed her, or was in a bad enough way that Andy was willing to take the risk a second time. She pushed herself up on her trunk and crossed her legs. There was no reason to pace or be impatient. Sharon was absolutely worth waiting for.

Sharon watched through the glass. She almost went back to the office, when Brenda started to pace, but the look on Brenda's face held her in place. She frowned, as Brenda stood still as stone for a moment, then grinned and hoisted herself up on the trunk in a most unladylike fashion and sat there, as serene as Sharon had ever seen her.

That, more than anything else, propelled Sharon out of the vestibule, and over to the woman who waited for her.