"This was SUCH a great idea, Michael, it was so much fun! Oh, wait, except for the part where we got our CLOTHES STOLEN, YOU IDIOT!" yells Jackie after another one of Kelso's failed plans. This one happened to be skinny-dipping. As a result, we are all returning in Eric's car, completely naked. In theory I'd take advantage of my gift of sight in a situation like this, since both Donna and Jackie participated, and hello, two naked girls? Sitting next to each other in a car? Doesn't happen very often. In reality, I'm averting my eyes, because if I get an, um...you know...everyone would see, since I'm sans pants.

I hate to admit it- especially when it concerns a cheerleader- but I couldn't have said it better myself. I bite my lip to keep from laughing. Why is it that every time she calls him out on being an imbecile, I find it hilarious? It's not like I don't know that he is. Maybe it's because she's going out with him, which is . That must be it.

"I can't drive to my house with a car full of naked people. They hate you guys when you're dressed."

"Well, we can got to my house," I offer.

Jackie moves her hair over her shoulder. Suddenly I'm slapped with the smell of the cookies Mrs. Foreman bakes...or not the cookies, exactly but the brown liquid she mixes in...right, vanilla extract...and lake water...and the first bite of an apple...and I notice that her back is really white and really bare and that bother her shoulder and her neck are so small I could totally cover them with just the span of my hand...Shit. Because as I've noticed all this, something has been going, um...you know...higher. And I think Kelso could see what my eyes were on while that was happening.

"Yeah Edna's probably used to having naked guys around," he says. Perfect excuse to get manly anger out.

"She's not even home, you moron!" I punch him repeatedly on the shoulder.

***

We stop at my house since no one's ever here. I could be embarressed by the smeared windows and the door half off its hinges, but I'm so used to it I don't really care. As soon as I'm dressed, I bring two blankets out to the car. Well, throw them is more like it. I'm not taking any chances with looking this time. I book it out of the driveway as fast as I can.

***

Donna emerges from Mom's room wearing a huge floral shirt and pair of jeans. She smiles widely at Eric, and I feel the last vestige of attraction for her fade a little. I mean, there's no ignoring her Titian mane and her Aphrodite body, but...they're so perfect for each other, I feel like maybe I should back down.

Jackie barges out of Mom's room, wearing...a green blanket. What. The hell. Her little body is shivering slightly and her arms are wrapped tightly around her chest.

"Jackie, you couldn't find anything?" I ask, fist tightening over my can of looks at me, and for a second I think she's going to say thanks. For, you know. The blanket. Or the place to crash for a bit(Daddy Dearest of the Deep Pockets would not take too kindly to his princess arriving home with no clothes). I mean, it's not like she'd thank me for anything else. All I ever do is make fun of her.

"No offense, Steven, but your mom's clothes are whore-y."

Wow. She turns away from me.

"Michael, can you please take me home? I think I caught something."

"Oh, like an eel?" he asks, laughing at his own brilliance. God, could he be any more of an idiot? Take her home! Use her coldness as an excuse to give her the jacket (that's mine) you're wearing! Use it as an excuse to hold her.

"Not that, you idiot, I think I'm sick!"

They leave. Good riddance, man. Who knew skinny-dipping could put you in such a bad mood?