Voldemort was running down a deserted Diagon Alley with Ministry of Magic Aurors in hot pursuit. He swung around a corner, trying to find a place to hide. He ducked into the nearest shop, opening it with magic. He sagged with relief as the Aurors hurried past the shop. Voldy leaned against some boxes. POOF! A heavy purple cloud of smoke engulfed Voldy, hiding him from view. He coughed. "What the?" But then he didn't care. He was floating on clouds. Voldy had smashed into the display of Patented Daydream Charms. He was flying through the air, holding Professor McGonagall's hand, Nagini wrapped around his neck like a giant, grotesque, boa. Ha-ha. Boa. Boa Constrictor. Ha! POOF! The daydream was over. Voldy shook himself. Wow. That was… wow. Voldy turned to apparate, but hit a tower of little pink cauldrons, which dumped gooey, pink slime all over him. "Ick!" He cried. Now large purple boils were erupting on him everywhere the slime touched. "Aah!" There went his good looks. He tried again to apparate, but this time tripped on the hem of his robes and hit his head on a small, bright green cage full of what looked like colored pom-poms with eyes. The cage burst open and the puffs scurried all over Voldy, squeaking. "Eeek! They're so cuuute! Help!" But the Pygmy Puffs were having fun. One crawled into Voldy's ear. "Nooo!" BANG! The Puffs vanished.

Voldy looked down. "Oooh! Candy!" he cried, picking up what looked like a small, purple sweet. He popped it in his mouth. Instantly he gagged and spit it out, resisting the urge to hurl. He shook his head and reached for a silver platter of Custard Creams. His favorite. He took a big bite…..CHIRP! A large, yellow canary now stood in Voldy's place. He shuddered and molted, leaving Voldy looking just as he had, only standing in a pile of feathers. Voldemort walked to the back of the shop, looking for a bathroom. He found one and went inside to look at himself in the mirror. Normal. Very handsome….good. He made to leave, but noticed a box of what looked like Almond Joy resting on top of the latrine. Almond Joy. His other favorite! He took a really big bite and…nothing happened. It was actually (or so it seemed) an Almond Joy. Cool! Voldy munched away, helping himself to another. And another. And another. That's when he saw the sign over the box.

Are You Worried about you-know-who?

You should be worried about you-no-poo!

The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!

"What an insult!" Voldy snarled, ripping down the sign. Then it happened. "Oh no." Voldy ran for the toilet

Two hours later, Voldy staggered out of the bathroom, holding a rubber chicken in one hand, his real wand in the other. Having successfully concurred You-No-Poo, Voldy was feeling over-confident. He headed for the back room of the shop. He picked up a tiny black thing with six legs. It bit him. "Ouch!" he dropped it. And It exploded. Voldy screamed like a girl. That was all it took. Voldy feared Aurors much less than he feared Decoy Detonators, Puking Pastilles, Canary Creams, Pygmy Puffs, You-No-Poo and Patented Daydream Charms. Out the door went Voldy, screaming bloody murder.

Somewhere, a hundred miles away, Fred and George Weasly were howling with laughter. "Wonderful!" cried George, wiping tears from his eyes. "Brilliant!"

His twin rolled on the floor. "Thank god we installed that security camera like Hermione said. Think of all the laughs we would have missed!"