This story is an experiment. It's gonna be a multi-chapter story of unconnected one shots – one chapter per episode. Not all episodes will be featured here since for some I already have further developed ideas for longer stories. And some episodes might not provide much for a really nice SMacked story. Each chapter will have the name of the corresponding episode so that you will always know the connection – and you won't be spoiled. If you haven't watched a certain episode, just skip the chapter and move on with the next one.

I will either use the episode as a starting point and develop from there, write an alternate ending or just pick some random moment and start off with it. That's how the story got its name: I'm writing what I think should have happened, could have happened – what I would have loved seeing to happen ;-)

Since the chapters won't be connected, there won't be a "TBC" at the end of the chapter, but there will be more chapters! Each starts off with another episode, not with the previous chapter. Rating and category might vary from chapter to chapter, I will change that in the summary every time I post.

And now – I hope you like it. We will start at the beginning and proceed in order of airing. Just try this one out with me, okay:-)

Characters' thoughts and song lyrics are in Italics. Thanks to my friend Mitch for proof-reading and encouraging me!

Disclaimer: All the original characters belong to their owners - except for Mac. Mac belongs to Stella.

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Chapter 1 – Blink

Rating: K+
Category: Hurt/Comfort, Romance

Features the song "A Man This Lonely" by Brooks & Dunn

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To say Stella was concerned would be an understatement. More than ever before their current case had oppressed Mac. First they had found a victim with a wedding ring, knowing that there was a husband out there somewhere and now the unidentified victim at Angels of Mercy that they didn't know if there was a husband, a family worrying for a missing loved one.

He was more reclusive and distant than he had been in a long time. He started to spend the nights in his office again, hadn't gotten any sleep in days and didn't always pay attention when somebody was talking to him. The only person that he seemed to talk to about other things than work was her. It was almost as if he had fallen back into that deep hole that he had been in after Claire had died. She knew that this case was personal. It would leave him wounded and recovery would not come easily.

Stella made a decision.

You never know if you don't try and you learn from your mistakes. Was she making a mistake? She didn't know. All she knew was that she had to do something. And it had to happen quickly.

A man this lonely
A man this blue
A man whose world's been torn in two
Needs somebody
With a heart that's true
A man this lonely needs a woman like you

At the end of a long day, Stella stopped by Mac's office. While approaching the door, she noticed that he wasn't in and most likely wasn't at the lab either. All lights were off. She wondered for a moment and instantly knew where to find him. She briefly shook her head with a sigh and returned to her own office to grab her purse.

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Twenty minutes later, Stella arrived at the Angels of Mercy hospital.

When she walked along the corridor, she could see him standing next to the victim's bed. His face was tensed, his lips pressed together, a sharp V formed between his eyebrows. She was shocked by the sad look in his eyes. The door wasn't completely closed, but he didn't notice her approaching. She could see from the outside that he was quietly talking to the unconscious woman in front of him.

Mac was talking very quietly, making it difficult for her to understand, but she could pick up some of his words. When she heard him telling the victim about his painful memory of Claire which still hurt so much that he could barely deal with it and about the beach ball that he had kept all those years because it still contained her breath, Stella felt a lump forming in her throat. She knew how hard it had been for him for a long time. But she had no idea how much he was still struggling with it.

Two arms this empty
Need someone to hold
A man this lost needs somewhere to go
When the nights go on forever
And the days do too
A man this lonely needs a woman like you

What she needed to tell him wouldn't run away. She wanted to give him the time that he needed and decided to get some coffee and wait until he was ready to come out on his own. On the way back from the cafeteria, her cell phone rang.

"Bonasera. … Really?? That's great, thanks!"

She quickly put her phone back in her pocket and headed back to the victim's room. Now she really had something to tell him. And she knew it would make things a little easier for him. At least it would provide a little peace of mind. She walked around the corner and stopped. He was gone. Damnit, he must have left while she was getting coffee…

But again, she was pretty sure where to find him in a moment like this.

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Stella parked her car one block away and walked around the block. She spotted him immediately when she turned around the corner. His forehead leaning against the fence that surrounded Ground Zero, his hands almost desperately grabbing the bars. He didn't move, he didn't hear her approaching.

Very carefully, so not to startle him, she approached him from the left side and softly put her right arm around his neck, her right hand resting on his right shoulder. Mac didn't look up or turn around to see who it was. He knew.

After a moment, his right hand let go of the fence and reached for hers, pulling it closer behind his back to his right side. Stella gave him a silent nod and they remained silent, standing side by side, looking straight into the big gap in the heart of New York City.

"Can we go home?" he whispered barely audible after a while.

"Yeah, we can," she nodded quietly. "I have my car here, I'll give you a ride. Come on…"

They walked in silence, each of them lost in thoughts that were occupying their minds.

After they started driving, Stella looked over to the passenger seat.

"Mac, we got an ID on our Jane Doe at Angels of Mercy," she said.

He looked up in surprise, for the first time in days something like hope in his eyes.

"How…?"

Stella smiled inwardly. She knew this was something good for him, something he needed to be able to rest again.

"I figured that only checking the national missing persons data base might not be sufficient, so I pulled a few strings and extended the search to international data bases. Half an hour ago Flack called and told me we got a hit. The girl's name is Anna Svenson, she's a student from Sweden who was traveling the US for a couple of weeks. Flack has already notified her parents, they will be here as soon as they can get a flight. This is good news, Mac. Right?"

He nodded pensively.

"Yes, that's good news. Anna Svenson…" he whispered. "It's good that we have a name for her. And it's good that the parents know. Not knowing is a lot worse than having certainty. Even though it is still hard…"

"It is," Stella confirmed, reaching for his left hand and softly squeezing it.

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"You… wanna come in for a bit?" Mac hesitantly asked when Stella killed the engine in front of his house.

"Sure," she smiled at him.

"She reminded me so much of Claire…, Stella," he started talking after they had entered the house.

Stella was seated on the couch in the living room while he poured drinks for them.

"I can't explain why now, but I had to think about her so much lately. I had abandoned most things that reminded me of her, clothes and such. I just couldn't stand seeing them every day, knowing she would never need them again… And then I cleaned out the closets some days ago – and I found this beach ball. Her breath is still in there, Stella, I can't … I just can't put it away. But the ball is shrinking, the air is escaping through the pores in the plastic, and there's nothing I can do to keep it," he looked at her helplessly.

Stella's heart wanted to burst, she wanted to lift him out of his sadness – and suddenly she knew how.

"Mac!" she exclaimed cheerfully, yet softly. "Remember that vacuum experiment we did at the lab recently? I believe we can try this with the ball… We can place it in the vacuum chamber – and then instead of getting trace of scent from the item, we would draw the air in it into a bottle that we can close hermetically. And save the breath forever."

Mac looked at her incredulously.

"That… Stella, you are amazing," he smiled for the first time in weeks. "That would really work. I… thanks…"

"You're welcome," she gave him a broad smile.

He sighed deeply as he sat down on the couch beside her and handed her a drink.

"You know, when I started on CSI, the first case I worked on… A very smart detective told me that there were always cases that got closer than they should and that it would be part of the job. But we would need to make sure that we wouldn't lose ourselves in it."

"That guy was really smart, wasn't he?" he replied quietly.

Stella gently brushed his cheek with her hand and nodded softly with a smile.

She was a sweetheart…

His heart had told him this for a long time, but he hadn't dared to listen. He had been too busy trying to keep his heart safe from her. Or from anyone else for that matter. But one thing was for sure – and he only realized this now:

His heart would never be safe from Stella.

"I'm sorry," he said carefully, his eyes wary. "I must have been a real pain, especially for you … It's just that sometimes I'm just feeling so miserable, desperate almost. And alone…"

"You have me," she whispered determinedly, eager to let him know that he would never be alone and that she was there for him – no matter what. "Just don't shut me out each time we get close to having a conversation about something more personal. This has been different between us, Mac…"

He wasn't sure how to respond. He knew she was right. He had to brace up and explain things to her.

The silence between them was filled with emotion, words unsaid and questions unanswered.

Why am I so nervous? After all the years I have known her, why be nervous now?

Stella leaned her head against his left shoulder and closed her eyes. It had been a long day, a long week, a tough case and a lot of emotional stress for all of them. She was mentally exhausted and physically tired.

His heart jumped a little from this gesture of trust and comfort. She was giving him the perfect opportunity, all he had to do was do use it. He carefully put his right hand on her left shoulder and pulled her around to face him. Then he laid his cheek against her forehead.

I'd lost hope
I was so far down
Here you come turning all that around
I'd come to think
Of love as a lie
All that's on my mind now
Is you by my side

"Within the last few weeks … actually maybe months… I realized something," he started with a trembling voice, his hand wrapped around hers, placing it over his heart so she could feel its beating. His other hand played absentmindedly with her curls.

Realized … what?

"Stella…" he inhaled deeply.

Uh-oh…

He cleared his throat before he went on.

"I've been through so much, have seen too much cruelty and pain to easily have confidence in other people. I don't easily open up to people – and I have a problem believing in happy endings after … everything."

He swallowed hard and inhaled another deep breath.

"But I do believe in you."

He pushed her back slightly so that he could look at her face and placed a shy kiss on her forehead.

"I … I think we need to … to figure out what we really are to each other. Don't you think?"

A man this lonely
A man this blue
A man whose world's been torn in two
Needs somebody
With a heart that's true
A man this lonely needs a woman like you
A man this lonely needs a woman like you

A small gasp of relief about finally having let it out escaped his throat as he slightly leaned back, nervously – almost anxiously awaiting her reaction.

Stella wanted to speak, but her voice didn't obey. Grey-emerald eyes met hers, looking right into her soul. She nodded barely visible.

You bet I do…

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Like it? Want more? Next one would be about "Creatures of the Night" and is planned to be a little M-rated one. If you want, that is. Let me know!

xxxlittlesheepxxx