Best Friends
Why wouldn't he desire me? I'm beautiful. I'm smart and I'm available. We've been friends forever. It only makes sense that we'd end up together.
Well, It makes sense to me anyway but unfortunately that's not the way things were going to turn out. He wanted her. The wrong blond. What was it that he saw in her?
Sure, I guess she was strong. I won't begrudge her that but she's not…me.
He lay on the ground staring up at the clouds lost in his own world. I looked down at him with his messy hair and dark eyes and almost lost myself in him. At least I wanted to. I couldn't because that was the last thing he wanted. My eyes briefly clouded at the thought.
"It's nice outside." The inane comment slipped out causing him turn his head slowly towards me. He nodded briefly and I took that as an invitation to join him. I stretched out my body at his side and moved as close as I could without making it obvious that I wanted, needed to be beside him. "Any plans for today?" I asked curiously.
"No, just relaxing today."
We lapsed into a comfortable silence. I let my eyes slide closed and I just listened to him breathe. He made barely a sound and yet it was enough for peace to settled over me, because the only rest I got was when I was at his side.
"Get up lazy." That voice caused my eyes to snap open. I found myself staring into a pair of teal eyes that weren't the least bit friendly. I did the best I could to keep my anger in check--not for her sake, but for Shikamaru's.
"Temari, why don't you join us?" Temari's eyes flickered over to me then back to Shikamaru.
"No, you're taking me to get something to eat."
I heard Shikamaru mutter a troublesome woman but rose anyway. I realized then that Temari knew. She knew that I was in love with Shikamaru. We met eyes once more and I refused to be the first to look away. I had no intention of getting in between their relationship. I wanted Shikamaru to be happy and if he was happy with her then I was fine with that--mostly.
"You want to come Ino?" Shikamaru looked down at me and I couldn't help but meet those eyes of his.
"No, I think I'll stay here a while longer. You two have fun."
Shikamaru shrugged and Temari linked her arm through his. She glanced back at me and I smiled at her because truly what else could I do?
"I'm going to propose." He said one day as we were cloud watching. "I told Choji already. He's going to be my best man."
"That's wonderful Shikamaru." I put as much enthusiasm in my voice as I could muster. Still, he sensed something was off.
"Are you okay Ino?"
"I'm fine."
"You sure? You look a little pale."
"I'm good." I said quickly changing the subject. "So, how are you going to propose? This is a special moment for a girl. You have to make sure it's right." It was wrong of me to ask that question. Because truly I wanted to pretend for a moment...maybe two that it was me that had mangaed to snag his affection, that it was me that he was asking to spend a lifetime with. You can call it sick or maybe it even stalkerish. I simply call it 'taking what you can get'.
"Yeah, I know. Actually, I was hoping you could help me with that."
"Me?" I asked stunned.
"Yeah, you're a girl and all. Since women are the one thing I know the least about--"
I snorted. I knew it wasn't an arrogant comment. It just sounded that way. He was honestly serious and that was what made him utterly hopeless sometimes.
I love him so much.
"I was hoping you could help me."
I sighed really not wanting to get involved. It had 'bad idea' written all over it. "Shika, just be yourself. I'm sure she'll be happy no matter what you do."
He chuckled. "Are you serious? If I do this wrong she'll have my head. Help me Ino. I need you."
The pleading look he gave me tugged at my heart strings. Before I knew it, my mouth was open moving.
"I love you. I love you more than you could ever possibly know. The only time my heart has any peace is when I'm at your side. I guess that's why I don't want to spend a moment without you. You are my clouds and I could spend forever watching you."
Shikamaru's mouth opened and closed. He was obvioulsy surprised that I had any skill with words which annoyed me slightly. What he didn't know what I just said what I had always hoped he'd say to me.
"Ino, that was great. I never would have come up with anything like that!" He leaned over and placed a light kiss on my cheek. "I can take the rest from there."
He jumped up with more enthusiasm that I had ever seen in him and ran off missing the tears that started to slide down my cheeks, missing the heartache that he had left me in, missing my hand lightly resting on my cheek where his lips had touched.
I ran into Choji a few days later.
"Hey Choji!" I mustered up a smile for him but it slid off my face at his facial expression he wore as he headed towards me.
"Where have you been?" He demanded angrily.
"Why?" I asked puzzled as to why the normally gentle Choji would speak to me so harshly.
"What kind of friend are you anyway? He needs you and you've been avoiding him."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
I had holed myself up in my apartment because I didn't want anyone to see how miserable I was now that I knew that I was never going to have the chance with Shikamaru that I wanted. I hid because nothing gets to Ino Yamanaka. At least that what people thought and that's what I wanted them to believe.
"You mean, you don't know?" Choji asked truly puzzled.
"Know what?"
"She said no."
My brain registered the truth immediately. What was wrong with that woman? What reason could she have to possibly say no? Had it been her there was no way those words would have ever left her lips.
"Where is he?" I demanded.
"Where else?"
I took off running. The wind whipped through my hair and the whistled in my ear urging me to go faster, faster. Shikamaru needed me and I hadn't been there. I was too busy nursing my own wounds to even consider that things could possibly go wrong. It was something that wouldn't sit well with me for a long time.
A cigarette was dangling from his lips when I found him. He sat on the ground legs crossed, head tipped back slightly. The leaves rustled in the trees and broke free circling him briefly.
I watched him frozen in place. It was then that I realized maybe it wasn't a good thing to approach him right now, maybe he needed to be alone. It was something that I understood--the need for occasional solitude. I took a step backwards but that was when his head turned to me. He patted the ground at his side and slowly I moved forward to join him.
I settled myself on the ground at his side. A shifted awkwardly until he spoke.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.
"Tell you what?" I turned towards him puzzled.
"How you feel?"
"How I…" My heart suddenly began to pound so hard I was afraid it would burst free from my chest. He couldn't have been asking what I thought. He didn't know. He couldn't know.
"I guess it was foolish of me. At first she said yes, to my proposal. She was thrilled, happy. She never thought that I could be that romantic. I told her you helped me with the proposal."
"Shika--" It was an incredibly foolish thing to do. I had assumed he would take full credit but I should have known better. He was always one to give credit where credit was due.
"Then she said no. She couldn't marry me. When I asked her why, she said because she could never love me the way you do."
I bit my bottom lip knowing that he wanted me to keep silent.
"She told me that you were in love with me and had been for quite some time. She told me why she never wanted you around. She thought that one day I would wake up and see what was right under my nose the whole time. She said she didn't want to be married to me when that day came."
He lapsed off into silence and I took this opportunity to speak.
"I never wanted to get in between you two. I only wanted you to be happy."
"I know Ino. I don't blame you."
Yet on some level I think he did. He loved her after all, and she had left him because of me.
"I think you do. It's okay if you do Shika. I understand."
I rose then and dusted the grass off my backside.
"Don't go." I hesitated. I shouldn't stay no matter how much I wanted to. A better person would leave him in peace. "I don't want to be alone."
I wasn't a better person.
So, I stayed at his side and comforted him as best as I could because he had lost the woman he loved and his best friend was the cause.
